If it was a $9 bottle why on earth didn't you bring extra? Even if someone else was assigned wine, you had to have known people might want a glass of yours. If you need a full bottle for yourself why not spend an extra $20 and bring enough to share?
Because why on earth would I bring a bottle for DH and two bottles for me?! That's crazy. I brought what we wanted to drink, for ourselves. That's like saying I should have brought a case of beer or some vodka, because what if someone wanted those things?
I seriously question the parenting you received and the parenting you give. You seriously don't get that if you bring something to a party you have to bring enough to share? Do you remember in elementary school, if it was your birthday, you brought cupcakes for the class? Same idea.
I can't believe a grown woman needs this explained to her. On thanksgiving for fucks sake. Don't bring something to a party you aren't willing to share. Very simple.
Oh, and since the obvious is lost on you, you should have brought enough of your wine, and enough of your husbands wine, to share with everyone. Or not brought anything. That's the only way to do it in a group situation. I am fussy and spoiled myself. I will admit to brining special things to group gatherings because I like nice things. But never, ever, ever would I consider showing up at a party with something for me I wasn't willing to share. I am utterly flabbergasted a grown woman thinks that is OK. On thanksgiving of all days!
I am only going to comment on the other guests - but I think they were horribly rude to expect to drink without bringing something themselves. If I expect to drink at a dinner or party, I would bring enough to cover my share of alcohol and not expect to mooch off of someone else. Alcohol is expensive.
It's lame more drinkers didn't bring wine. But maybe they too were disappointed(and probably irritated) the wine person didn't bring more to drink. Maybe the wine person held off because they knew there were people with alcohol problems in attendance and didn't want them to go crazy. Also, it's not really fair to assign one person wine since it can definitely add up.
Lol at hoarding a $9 bottle of wine. You should have assumed you were probably going to have to share.
It sounds like a miserable holiday regardless of the wine situation. Why the heck would you go?
Something similar happened to me last night. I bought a bunch of beer and 10 bottles of wine, some white and some red, for a group of 8 people. A friend brought a bottle of white Zinfandel over which she called "her wine". She left the wine out and when people started arriving they all requested the white zin. I had no clue so many of my friends had such shit taste in wine. Anyway it would have been super awkward for me to tell my guests that the wine they wanted was off limits so they need to drink something else. My friend who brought the wine was pissed though since she specifically brought it for herself knowing she didn't like anything else. I see your position 100%. You brought a ton of expensive shit for everyone and something small for yourself knowing you are particular about it. My sister has food allergies and often does the same thing and if she shared she'd be without food. I don't blame you for how you felt but I can relate to the others who wanted something that they assumed would be provided. The real person who is to blame is the one who was supposed to being the booze and provided a ridiculously small amount for the group. I do side eye the family for blaming you and not her.
People really bring enough wine for the whole party? I have never had anyone arrive at my home with enough wine for everyone. Usually each couple brings a bottle if they are drinkers and then the host usually has some there already.
The more I think about it the more ridiculous this seems. You were not the host of this party but you got crap for not providing enough wine for everyone? no.
This is where I am. In my family, there is an understanding that there is "community alcohol", whether the host or someone else provides it. If you know you like a specific type of beer or wine, you bring it for youself. You don't expect the host to cater to your specific taste. If you don't want to bring your own, then you get what you get. If that means there isn't enough, then too bad so sad for you. I don't know if this is how it works in Jen's DH's family, but I would not be constantly providing extra alcohol for an additional 15 people either. They can take care of themselves. If I were the hostess, however, I would ensure there was enough for everyone in case the person in charge of wine didn't buy enough.
People really bring enough wine for the whole party? I have never had anyone arrive at my home with enough wine for everyone. Usually each couple brings a bottle if they are drinkers and then the host usually has some there already.
In this situation, it's not about bringing enough for everyone, it's about sharing the wine you brought.
You realize that right now someone from your family is on a different message board describing "the alcoholic" in the family who always insists on drinking the entire bottle herself without sharing.
Post by yourmother on Nov 29, 2013 14:28:43 GMT -5
I don't see the relevance in the mentioning if the two alcoholics being at the party. Why did you add that into your story? I'm more appalled by your judging than by your rudeness.
And this is coming from someone who neeeeeds wine at inlaw gatherings.
Post by schitzengiggles on Nov 29, 2013 14:28:58 GMT -5
If I am doing my count right, we had between 15-20 adults at the gathering I went to yesterday. There were at least a few who don't drink. 13 bottles of wine were consumed.
You realize that right now someone from your family is on a different message board describing "the alcoholic" in the family who always insists on drinking the entire bottle herself without sharing.
I just want to add that I think it's dumb that someone would assign 1 person to bring alcohol. All of the drinkers should each bring something so there is enough to go around. People will also bring what they like.
So next year your H needs to man up and agree you aren't spending Thanksgiving with these people. It sounds like this kind of crap goes on every year, you don't enjoy the day so maybe it's time to go to alternating years, 1 year you go there and the next you don't.
The good thing that came of this discussion, thanks for the wine suggestion. It sounds like something I'd like and I'm planning on stopping by World Market this weekend anyway.
I do think someone should have thrown the wine bringer for not having brought more, like 2 reds/2 whites. I hate red, all reds. I only like a few whites. In truth I'd rather just have a big - HUGE - glass of Coke.
Maybe they're appalled by all of the drunks? And I'm wondering what the hosts provided - just the linens and plates?
The more I think about it the more ridiculous this seems. You were not the host of this party but you got crap for not providing enough wine for everyone? no.
This is where I am. In my family, there is an understanding that there is "community alcohol", whether the host or someone else provides it. If you know you like a specific type of beer or wine, you bring it for youself. You don't expect the host to cater to your specific taste. If you don't want to bring your own, then you get what you get. If that means there isn't enough, then too bad so sad for you. I don't know if this is how it works in Jen's DH's family, but I would not be constantly providing extra alcohol for an additional 15 people either. They can take care of themselves. If I were the hostess, however, I would ensure there was enough for everyone in case the person in charge of wine didn't buy enough.
WTF is the point of asking people to bring something if the hostess is supposed to make sure there is enough just in case?
I hosted yesterday and asked my mom to bring dessert. I sure as hell didn't make 2 extra pies myself in case she isn't bring enough.
For me, it isn't so much that she didn't bring enough wine for everyone. But that she couldn't share. Pour yourself a BIG glass and let the vultures have the leftovers. AND then say, "sorry, I thought X was bringing wine so I only brought enough for me, but here's what's left."
And then her clearly judgey attitude just really ruined the whole thing.
Post by jennistarr1 on Nov 29, 2013 14:44:32 GMT -5
Here's what I would have done, I would have poured "some" for those two people. Then put it away. Then gone and filled myself up like a goblet of it...taking most of it...put it away again. Hopefully out of sight out of mine.
I don't see the relevance in the mentioning if the two alcoholics being at the party. Why did you add that into your story? I'm more appalled by your judging than by your rudeness.
And this is coming from someone who neeeeeds wine at inlaw gatherings.
I think she mentioned it in the op to head off any questions re: why the family typically doesn't provide alcohol for their events. And because they don't usually have alcohol at their events she brought her own to consume.
I don't understand what's wrong with calling an alcoholic an alcoholic. It's not like she's labeling someone who drinks too much an alcoholic, she's referring to someone who was actually diagnosed and is recovering from the disease.
Post by whiskeyandwine on Nov 29, 2013 14:50:36 GMT -5
LOL that the woman who starts a post by talking about how much she LOOOOOVES booze, has a house fully stocked like an at-home bar, and to whom the holidays means drinking is commenting on the drinking habits of, well, anybody.
Is anybody else dying to know what this white wine is that is so special it couldn't be shared on a day that is all about being thankful for what we have? It better be fermented from unicorn piss.
lol - that was my first thought.
Chateau Montelena?
White burgundy from Montrachet?
If I were bringing a highly valued bottle of wine that I planned to drink all by myself, you best believe I'd also bring a bottle of swill for the plebians. That's on you.
And the wine wasn't a expensive bottle, it's just my favorite kind. It's Pacific Rim sweet Riesling, it's $9 a bottle at World Market. The last several years it's scored 89 points, and it's by far my favorite wine. Most people don't like it because its so sweet. I don't like most Chardonnay, Pinot Gris, etc.
I don't understand what's wrong with calling an alcoholic an alcoholic. It's not like she's labeling someone who drinks too much an alcoholic, she's referring to someone who was actually diagnosed and is recovering from the disease.
I agree 100%
It is weird to call people "the [adjectivey noun]." Like, would you call your aunt and her wife "the lesbians"? Would you call your cousin with Down syndrome "the retard"?
"My aunt (who is an alcoholic, btw) reached for a glass" is perfectly fine. "The alcoholic reached for a glass" is an insensitive way to put it.
I'm actually kind of appalled that the hostess assigned ALL the wine to others to bring (one person or not) and also assigned the ham to someone too. Hams aint' cheap. When we throw a party, we get the big stuff and even if we ask someone to bring wine, we always have some on hand.
So.... the rudeness started at the very start.
And NO WAY would I expect ONE person to bring all the wine for 15 people. That's ridiculous.
Post by themoneytree on Nov 29, 2013 15:08:07 GMT -5
This thread is cracking me up. I know just how you feel - I feel just the same about dessert. It should be ALL MINE. However, the world isn't fair and sometimes you have to share.
I am especially LOL'ing at knowing it's rude and not caring.
I feel bad for the people who were assigned to bring the wine. Talk about an unfair expectation to have one person bringing all the booze.
Next time you should bring a sign to stick on your wine that says HANDS OFF. ALL MINE!!!!
I'd bring 5 bottles, depending on the crowd. I don't understand the second question. I guess you're fishing for me to say everyone else should have just had the red.
IMO the ball was dropped by multiple people here. The host should have either asked more people to bring wine, given them a heads up on how much was expected, or picked up a couple of bottles while getting groceries. The people bringing wine should have planned better. You should have either shared or brought more wine. The host should have sent someone out for more wine. Etc
I had this happen at Christmas one year. I brought 2 bottles to the ILs' dry Christmas. It was like a swarm of locusts when I opened them. I doubt I got any, but it made everyone 's night. Mission accomplished
I'm thinking maybe the wine person brought two bottles of wine since they didn't want a drunken Tday.
Yep. My Mom puts out a couple bottles for approx 10 adults. We don't drink much anyway. But when my ex was around she admitted that she did it on purpose.
I just don't get the concept that we need alcohol to get through a holiday.
I'm thinking maybe the wine person brought two bottles of wine since they didn't want a drunken Tday.
Yep. My Mom puts out a couple bottles for approx 10 adults. We don't drink much anyway. But when my ex was around she admitted that she did it on purpose.
I just don't get the concept that we need alcohol to get through a holiday.