Nmm: Wine Issue at IL's

[thejen626]

I am a drinker. I keep a full wine rack and a fully stocked liquor cabinet in my house. Holidays = drinking for me. I made a special trip to the store on Wednesday to get my favorite bottle as a treat for myself, while dealing with the IL's. I'm very picky with what I like to drink, and I don't like most wines that other people bring, so I just prefer to bring my own.

DH's family doesn't really drink. For holidays they don't provide wine or spirits (which is a foreign concept to me, but I digress). There are a few recovering alcoholics in the group.

Everyone was asked to bring something. One person was assigned "bring wine". We had 17 adults and 4 kids.

We were asked to bring a spiral ham. We also brought a cheesecake, a bottle of white for me, and a bottle of red for DH.

The person shows up who was supposed to bring wine. She brought 2 bottles of red. There were 17 adults, two of whom don't drink.

All of the sudden, everybody is holding a wine glass and saying they want wine. Five people request white. There is ONE bottle of white, which I brought for me. My DH says "oh that white needs to go back in the fridge, it's not chilled yet, here let me pour you all some red wine" and one of the alcoholics practically screams "my son and my husband both want white! They don't like red! Open up that white!" I grab the white and put it back in the fridge. MIL says to the alcoholic "oh that's Jen's wine" and the alcoholic says "oh, are we going to play that game? Well, those are MY CRACKERS."

At this point I'm ready to scream and give her an eye gouge, so I calmly walk outside and sit on the front porch to calm down. I'm out there for 2 minutes with DD, when the front door opens and the alcoholic comes out, sits next to me and my kid, and lights a cigarette. Are you fucking kidding me?!

Anyway, the rest of the dinner was uneventful, my wine was delicious, and nobody else drank my wine. But after dinner, SIL gave me a little chastising about how "you should have shared your wine" blah blah blah. I don't care, frankly. If I would have shared with everybody, I would have had 1 glass. I don't feel that it's my respinsibility to have to run to the store and pick up another bottle, because the rest of these people didn't plan ahead. If anything, they can go to the store and buy a bottle if they want it that bad.

So, my two questions. If you are assigned to being wine for 15 drinking adults, how much wine do you bring?! Certainly more than two bottles?!

And if you want wine at dinner, but you know that your hosts don't drink and don't provide alcohol, do you get to be picky about what you get to drink?!

[madringal]

I don't drink, but I cannot imagine I would only bring two bottles of wine for 17 people. But I also don't think I wouldn't share what I did bring.

[delawarejen]

I think you were rude not to share. The person who only brought 2 bottles for 15 drinking adults should either not be assigned that next year, or should not be the only one assigned to bring wine. One adult shouldn't be responsible for alcohol for 15, it's way too expensive.

[Deleted]

You are being petty.

[emilyinchile]

I would bring a lot more than 2 bottles of wine, exact quantity would depend on the group.

But I would also never bring something to a group dinner that I wasn't willing to share. Sorry, I'm side eyeing you for that one. If you are super picky, then you should bring enough of the wines you like to cover whatever you'll want to drink plus enough to share. It may not be "fair" since you weren't assigned wine, but it's just how social events work.

[sweetnsour]

More than one person should have been assigned to bring wine. I would have poured a big glass and then shared with everyone else but I don't think you were obligated to share.

[lasagnasshole]

I would bring more wine than that for 15 people (not 17 if you know 2 people don't drink). I think you know that nobody here is going to say that was enough wine.

But I also wouldn't show up to a family gathering with something I refused to share and then act like a four-year-old when asked to share. That's equally weird to me.

Party foul to everyone involved.

[nessness]

I cannot fathom bringing something (food/drink) to a holiday dinner and refusing to share it. Obviously there should have been more wine at the dinner, but you were definitely rude.

[ladygrey]

It was pretty rude to bring your own wine and not share.

[thejen626]

Haha, please note, I don't care if I was rude not to share. We spent more money on food than anyone else did, by far. We brought a huge spiral ham and a cheesecake, and happily shared with everyone. It's not my responsibility to provide white wine to everyone who wants it. One bottle of wine has ~5 glasses in it. So if I would have shared woth the 5 others that wanted it, there would have been none left for me.

[IrishBelle]

This would never happen in my family lol. Not only does the host provide wine and other booze but everyone usually brings some as well.

Even if you did share, it still wouldn't have been enough wine for 15 people. Next time, more people need to be assigned to wine.

[thejen626]

Nov 29, 2013 12:59:03 GMT -5 IrishBelle said:

This would never happen in my family lol. Not only does the host provide wine and other booze but everyone usually brings some as well.

Even if you did share, it still wouldn't have been enough wine for 15 people. Next time, more people need to be assigned to wine.

See this is how my family is as well. It's so strange to me that no one brings alcohol if they want to drink.

[thejen626]

Nov 29, 2013 13:00:13 GMT -5 @booby said:

Nov 29, 2013 12:57:53 GMT -5 thejen626 said:

Haha, please note, I don't care if I was rude not to share. We spent more money on food than anyone else did, by far. We brought a huge spiral ham and a cheesecake, and happily shared with everyone. It's not my responsibility to provide white wine to everyone who wants it. One bottle of wine has ~5 glasses in it. So if I would have shared woth the 5 others that wanted it, there would have been none left for me.

lol, you are the gift that keeps on giving.  you don't get it at all.  there are like, 12 people all saying the same thing and you are sitting over there looking like a fool. 

I know it was rude of me. I don't care. Like I said, there's nothing that I can do now to change that. DH's family is rude in many ways, this was by far the least-rude thing that happened all evening.

And I already told them last night, after the obnoxious alcoholic and her family left, that next year I'm going to bring a big bottle of Barefoot Chardonnay from Costco and anybody who wants white can drink that.

[emptygee]

Oh my. You sound delightful. Honestly, I'm surprised more people didn't bring their own wine. I'd certainly need my own bottle, knowing I'd have to spend the day with YOU.

[steph96]

I would have poured myself a huge glass and then let the other 5 people split the rest.

Next time I think this event should be BYOB.


As far as the smoking goes, don't sit on the front porch and expect people to not come out and smoke right there. Is it inconsiderate of them? Yes. Will it still happen? Yes.

[Deleted]

You're being childish. And your describing someone as only an "alcoholic" rubs me the wrong way.

I can't imagine refusing to share.

[thejen626]

Nov 29, 2013 13:09:53 GMT -5 steph96 said:

I would have poured myself a huge glass and then let the other 5 people split the rest.

Next time I think this event should be BYOB.


As far as the smoking goes, don't sit on the front porch and expect people to not come out and smoke right there. Is it inconsiderate of them? Yes. Will it still happen? Yes.

All day long they were smoking on the back deck. Nobody ever goes out the front.

And, because the hosts don't drink, all they have for wine glasses are similar to champagne flutes. There's no way I could have poured a big glass for myself, unless I poured it into a large water glass or a coffee mug.

[thejen626]

Nov 29, 2013 13:10:48 GMT -5 blissanity said:

You're being childish. And your describing someone as only an "alcoholic" rubs me the wrong way.

I can't imagine refusing to share.

It's not meant to be offensive. She's step-MIL's brother's wife. She has been to rehab 5-6 times, and she's usually slurring at every holiday. She literally fell down in the kitchen 2 years ago, because she was so drunk. So in my mind, she's "the alcoholic".

[lasagnasshole]

I'm not sure what you're wanting out of this post. What are you wanting us to say?

Yes, everyone has agreed that 2 bottles of wine is not enough for 15 people. Party foul on wine-bringer. Sure, maybe the wine situation has not been handled the best, and people who want to drink should also contribue some wine. Party foul on non-wine-bringing drinkers.

But to bring a bottle for yourself and throw a temper tantrum rather than share? MAJOR party foul to you. There are about a million ways you could have handled the situation, and you chose the second worst, above only smashing all the wine bottles and yelling, "JEN OUT!" as you stormed out the door.

[Deleted]

Two very enthusiastic thumbs up. Fine holiday fun.

[lasagnasshole]

Is anybody else dying to know what this white wine is that is so special it couldn't be shared on a day that is all about being thankful for what we have? It better be fermented from unicorn piss.

[thejen626]

Nov 29, 2013 13:20:09 GMT -5 lasagnasshole said:

I'm not sure what you're wanting out of this post. What are you wanting us to say?

Yes, everyone has agreed that 2 bottles of wine is not enough for 15 people. Party foul on wine-bringer. Sure, maybe the wine situation has not been handled the best, and people who want to drink should also contribue some wine. Party foul on non-wine-bringing drinkers.

But to bring a bottle for yourself and throw a temper tantrum rather than share? MAJOR party foul to you. There are about a million ways you could have handled the situation, and you chose the second worst, above only smashing all the wine bottles and yelling, "JEN OUT!" as you stormed out the door.

I didn't throw a tantrum at all. I didn't say anything when it was actually happening. I was standing there, someone pulled the white out of the fridge and gave it to DH to open. He said "oh this isn't cold enough yet, it needs to go back in the fridge, but I'll pour red for everyone!" Then I put the bottle in the fridge, and that's when MIL and the other relative had their conversation, and the other relative started screaming about her crackers. I rolled my eyes and walked outside, calmly

[dr.girlfriend]

I thought we all learned in kindergarten that you shouldn't bring anything unless you have enough to share with the class? You were rude, and even your description of the situation is rude. If you're a wine snob, offer to bring the wine next time for everyone, drink what's offered, or go without drinking for one evening. You're definitely being talked about as the bitch who brought her own wine and didn't share.

I do agree that 2 bottles of wine for 15 drinkers is not enough, but they should have assigned wine to more than one person. And I'm not sure how the math works out, since you said DH's family doesn't drink and there are a few recovering alcoholics in the group. Unless you meant DH's parents were both recovering alcoholics and were the two nondrinkers, that seems like at least four or so people who wouldn't be drinking.

[otowngirl]

Nov 29, 2013 13:24:20 GMT -5 lasagnasshole said:

Is anybody else dying to know what this white wine is that is so special it couldn't be shared on a day that is all about being thankful for what we have? It better be fermented from unicorn piss.

Yup.

[kadams767]

Sorry, but you sound petty and ridiculous. Yes, someone probably should have brought more than 2 bottles of wine, but to refuse to share your bottle is pretty childish. It's not the end of the world if you only get one glass of the wine, at one dinner. You could have gone home and drank to your heart's content afterward if it was a big deal to you have more.

[kadams767]

Nov 29, 2013 13:25:24 GMT -5 thejen626 said:

Nov 29, 2013 13:20:09 GMT -5 lasagnasshole said:

I'm not sure what you're wanting out of this post. What are you wanting us to say?

Yes, everyone has agreed that 2 bottles of wine is not enough for 15 people. Party foul on wine-bringer. Sure, maybe the wine situation has not been handled the best, and people who want to drink should also contribue some wine. Party foul on non-wine-bringing drinkers.

But to bring a bottle for yourself and throw a temper tantrum rather than share? MAJOR party foul to you. There are about a million ways you could have handled the situation, and you chose the second worst, above only smashing all the wine bottles and yelling, "JEN OUT!" as you stormed out the door.

I didn't throw a tantrum at all. I didn't say anything when it was actually happening. I was standing there, someone pulled the white out of the fridge and gave it to DH to open. He said "oh this isn't cold enough yet, it needs to go back in the fridge, but I'll pour red for everyone!" Then I put the bottle in the fridge, and that's when MIL and the other relative had their conversation, and the other relative started screaming about her crackers. I rolled my eyes and walked outside, calmly

LOL.  You're a grown adult.  This, and you subsequently drinking the bottle by yourself, is the equivalent of a tantrum.  Trust that everyone at that dinner, and probably everyone in this thread, thinks you threw a tantrum. 

[thejen626]

Nov 29, 2013 13:26:10 GMT -5 jenny1980 said:

Okay, Jen, what kind of wine was it?

Also, why did no one offer to run out for some additional booze if everyone was suddenly into drinking? I would have shoved my husband out the door, budget be damned.

I was trying to keep my post short so didn't include one detail, that DH's family lives 20 minutes away from anything, in the middle of nowhere. When we were driving up, I realized that I forgot to pack a bottle for DD. So we got there, dropped off the kids, and drove all the way into town to find a Walgreens and buy a baby bottle. I specifically asked MIL if she needed anything else from the store. So we were gone for almost an hour already. We walked in the door and everyone was getting wine within 2 minutes. I don't feel like I should have had to drive back into town again, when it's not my fault they didn't have what they wanted to drink. They are all capable adults and could have driven into town if needed.

And the wine wasn't a expensive bottle, it's just my favorite kind. It's Pacific Rim sweet Riesling, it's $9 a bottle at World Market. The last several years it's scored 89 points, and it's by far my favorite wine. Most people don't like it because its so sweet. I don't like most Chardonnay, Pinot Gris, etc.

[gt7301b]

More than one person should have been assigned to bring wine, but I am confused as to how this actually happened. Whenever I host anything at my house we end up with a ton more alcohol than we started with, folks show up with a dish and a bottle of wine/ case of beer.

I'm with jenny1980, someone should have just gone and bought more wine.

[thejen626]

Nov 29, 2013 13:27:41 GMT -5 kadams767 said:

Sorry, but you sound petty and ridiculous. Yes, someone probably should have brought more than 2 bottles of wine, but to refuse to share your bottle is pretty childish. It's not the end of the world if you only get one glass of the wine, at one dinner. You could have gone home and drank to your heart's content afterward if it was a big deal to you have more.

We were there from 2pm-8pm, and these aren't the kind of people I can hang around if I'm sober. They are awful people and I prefer to be able to drink if I'm forced to be around them. Racial jokes, holocaust jokes, sexist shit, etc. The wine helps me bite my tongue and not go off on them for being such awful assholes. Hence, why I don't care if they (or you guys) think I'm being rude by not sharing my wine. You guys don't know the whole story and I don't feel like airing all of their white trash dirty laundry.

[MixedBerryJam]

Nov 29, 2013 12:57:53 GMT -5 thejen626 said:

Haha, please note, I don't care if I was rude not to share. We spent more money on food than anyone else did, by far. We brought a huge spiral ham and a cheesecake, and happily shared with everyone. It's not my responsibility to provide white wine to everyone who wants it. One bottle of wine has ~5 glasses in it. So if I would have shared woth the 5 others that wanted it, there would have been none left for me.

I can't get behind you with the "the alcoholic did this" and "the alcoholic did that." Does "the alcoholic" have a name? I don't even care about your wine issue by the end of your post because your judginess totally skeeves me right the hell out.