I don't think this is as big of a deal as everyone is making it out to be. The op brought her own wine because these people don't drink and there is never any alcohol. All of a sudden because she brought alcohol these people decide they want to drink?
Would I have shared in this situation? Yes probably (and then complained about it to H on the car ride home) but I don't think this offense is as awful as a lot of people are making it out to be.
ETA: Perhaps you should suggest to the host that it explicitly be BYOB. That would be the best solution to this problem.
My SIL's mother (I'll call her Suzy) invited my family to her house for a Mothers Day lunch. Myself, DH, my toddler, my baby and my parents. Suzy sends a group email asking that we each bring a side to share and to bring our own alcohol. This is not how my family chooses to handle entertaining, but I thought no big deal, I will make some cole slaw and call it a day. So we all drive an hour and a half away to Suzy's house. Come to find out, Suzy had asked my parents to bring barbecue and buns, I brought cole slaw, SIL's brother brought fruit salad and my SIL brought dessert. The ONLY thing that Suzy the hostess provided was paper plates and napkins! And she couldn't be bothered to buy new paper products since we used Christmas plates and napkins in May!
And money was not an issue. Suzy lives in a beautiful mountain home and delighted in showing us her new Lexus.
I don't think this is as big of a deal as everyone is making it out to be. The op brought her own wine because these people don't drink and there is never any alcohol. All of a sudden because she brought alcohol these people decide they want to drink?
Would I have shared in this situation? Yes probably (and then complained about it to H on the car ride home) but I don't think this offense is as awful as a lot of people are making it out to be.
ETA: Perhaps you should suggest to the host that it explicitly be BYOB. That would be the best solution to this problem.
It's not awful.
It's more like ballsy.
1. OP refused to share her wine. 2. On thanksgiving. 3. Self-identified as picky about wines. 4. Wine was a sweet Riesling. 5. From CostPlus. 6. That cost $9.
There's other stuff about calling people alcoholics and the like, but all I really need is points 1-6.
To be honest, I'm impressed at OP's gumption. I shared a bottle of wine that was from a limited production of 6 barrels because I didn't want to be rude. I should have just grabbed the bottle and headed to the front porch.
And I'm also just pissed because I didn't have wine at my Thanksgiving dinner. I forgot that when my grandmother says, "I have the wine covered" she really means that she has two bottles of recorked wine in the fridge that she opened 6 weeks ago.
I should have just brought my own goddamned wine like OP.
I'm flabbergasted that only one person was assigned wine. We don't assign it. The host almost always has and most of us bring more. I never walk into someone's house without 2-3 bottles of what I like on the regular (knowing my sisters like it as well and will have to share- they never bring anything). I assume that whatever I'm bringing, I'm sharing so I bring extra. Even if the host "has" wine.
I won't pile on bc other people have said my thoughts on the matter.
I wish someone had been at your thanksgiving, running around oprah style yelling "you're being an asshole! And you're being an asshole! And you're being an asshole!"
Party foul all around indeed. I'm sorry you had an awkward day, and I hope today is better
And ps I know you an amazing person and a great mom. I think everyone is taking this overboard.
I agree.
I mean, I don't know Jen personally, but she generally seems like a cool person and good mom.
Perhaps it was her general distaste for these people that caused her to react this way?
Thank you, and yes, I don't like these random extended relatives, so I'm sure that played into it. But the "well those are my crackers" is what threw me for a loop. Bitch, I didn't eat any of your crackers, and I brought the main meat entree and a dessert. You can take the $4 Ritz and shove them.
I mean, I don't know Jen personally, but she generally seems like a cool person and good mom.
Perhaps it was her general distaste for these people that caused her to react this way?
Thank you, and yes, I don't like these random extended relatives, so I'm sure that played into it. But the "well those are my crackers" is what threw me for a loop. Bitch, I didn't eat any of your crackers, and I brought the main meat entree and a dessert. You can take the $4 Ritz and shove them.
So next year your H needs to man up and agree you aren't spending Thanksgiving with these people. It sounds like this kind of crap goes on every year, you don't enjoy the day so maybe it's time to go to alternating years, 1 year you go there and the next you don't.
The good thing that came of this discussion, thanks for the wine suggestion. It sounds like something I'd like and I'm planning on stopping by World Market this weekend anyway.
I do think someone should have thrown the wine bringer for not having brought more, like 2 reds/2 whites. I hate red, all reds. I only like a few whites. In truth I'd rather just have a big - HUGE - glass of Coke.
Maybe they're appalled by all of the drunks? And I'm wondering what the hosts provided - just the linens and plates?
My SIL is an excellent cook, and she made a wonderful turkey, delicious scalloped potatoes, mashed, lots of veggies, and a pumpkin pie.
Post by MadamePresident on Nov 29, 2013 16:50:22 GMT -5
You seem pretty upset by this. Its just wine. I guess I don't understand why a special drink is so important to you that you would rather act rude to your family than share.
So do you have a problem with your own wine consumption that you have to drink to get you through, drink your entire bottle, and throw fits about sharing? Your relative might have "screamed" about wine but you come off as having your own problem with alcohol.
You seem pretty upset by this. Its just wine. I guess I don't understand why a special drink is so important to you that you would rather act rude to your family than share.
I don't consider this random person, her husband, and her son "my family". It's simple, they are awful people, I don't respect them. I see them once every 5 years and that is plenty for me. DH agrees with me.
And no, I don't have an alcohol problem. I like to drink socially. I'm very rarely drunk or buzzed. I don't drink alone. It's never made me late for work, or caused a problem in my relationships, etc. I have a very healthy relationship with alcohol. And yes I prefer sweet Riesling
Haha, please note, I don't care if I was rude not to share. We spent more money on food than anyone else did, by far. We brought a huge spiral ham and a cheesecake, and happily shared with everyone. It's not my responsibility to provide white wine to everyone who wants it. One bottle of wine has ~5 glasses in it. So if I would have shared woth the 5 others that wanted it, there would have been none left for me.
Well pin a rose on your nose!
Have you ever been to a party before? If you bring anything, expect other people to want some. That's why you always took cheap beer to those college parties!
And it's effing THANKSGIVING. Learn to share and not be so rude and petty. You'll be lucky to be invited back next year.
You seem pretty upset by this. Its just wine. I guess I don't understand why a special drink is so important to you that you would rather act rude to your family than share.
I don't consider this random person, her husband, and her son "my family". It's simple, they are awful people, I don't respect them. I see them once every 5 years and that is plenty for me. DH agrees with me.
At face value, I understand why people are kind of "WTF" about this, but what you said here.... I get where you're coming from.
Plus, there were a lot of etiquette faux pas along the way by a couple different people. So this doesn't all lie on your shoulders anyhow.
Post by mollybrown on Nov 29, 2013 17:13:59 GMT -5
You know Jen, petty or not, I would have felt the same as you. I would likely have complained all the way home to my H about the wine bringer that didn't bring any white, the host that apparently had no wine on hand, and all of the thirsty mooches who were picky about what they wanted to drink.
However, I would have shared...after I poured myself a drinking glass full to the brim of Riesling. I agree that you shouldn't bring anything to a potluck that you aren't willing to share, even if that means you share it grudgingly.
I do feel like lots of posters are being pretty harsh on you. Who cares if the wine is Riesling, or cost $9? It wasn't easily replaced at that moment, and it wasn't your responsibility to supply it in the first place. I think you had every right to be annoyed, and hopefully you can use some of the suggestions given to not end up in this predicament going forward.
Post by RoxMonster on Nov 29, 2013 17:16:16 GMT -5
I agree that OP should have just shared her wine, but I am pretty surprised at the number of people saying she herself has alcohol problems because she likes to drink wine to get through time spent with horrible relatives.
Sometimes you need something pleasant to get through an otherwise awful day. It makes it a little bit brighter and might be just enough to help you bite your tongue so you can make it through the day unscathed. I get it. I've been there. The day comes and goes and I don't even pick up another bottle of alcohol for weeks. Preferring to drink when I have to deal with people I don't like one day out of the year does not make me an alcoholic, nor does it make the OP one.
Now, I agree, she would have been better served to just share her wine. But I think it's kind of crazy to be implying she's an alcoholic because she wanted to drink the wine she brought and the wine she likes on one particular day that she had to deal with crazy relatives.
Jen, I read your OP to my husband, and he is team you. and, as I said in my earlier post, I wouldn't have fought this battle, but I think the pile-on has been rather ridiculous.
Guys, I ask this in all sincerity: What's wrong with Riesling? Do I look tacky when I drink it? I'm not very educated on this stuff.
From my experience, Riesling is a sweet wine that often falls into the category of what beginners drink (along w/white zin). More discriminating/sophisticated wine drinkers tend toward drier, more complex wines (cabernet, chardonnay, less popular varietals). And are willing to spend way more than $9 for a bottle.
The real tactical error thejen626 made when selecting this particular wine is the alcohol content. At 8%, that's practically half of most American wines. For best inlaw annoyance management, picking something in the 15% range would have been a more efficient method. And then she could have shared half for the same overall effect. Win win!
Guys, I ask this in all sincerity: What's wrong with Riesling? Do I look tacky when I drink it? I'm not very educated on this stuff.
I don't like it because it's so sweet, but I am not a fan of super sweet drinks. I do think of them as a little less sophisticated but it's not something I judge. Drink what makes you happy.
It's that kindie thing- if you can't bring enough to share, leave it home.
It was stupid to assign one person a "vague" assignment like "wine"; the host should have asked several people to bring a white and a red along with some inexpensive side dish or dessert.
That said, you could have enjoyed your special wine with your DH when you got home and offended no one.
Guys, I ask this in all sincerity: What's wrong with Riesling? Do I look tacky when I drink it? I'm not very educated on this stuff.
From my experience, Riesling is a sweet wine that often falls into the category of what beginners drink (along w/white zin). More discriminating/sophisticated wine drinkers tend toward drier, more complex wines (cabernet, chardonnay, less popular varietals). And are willing to spend way more than $9 for a bottle.
I'm willing to spend more than $9/bottle, it just happens to be a happy coincidence that I can find this wine for this price. I first tried it at a work event years ago, my boss picked it and he's a total wine snob.
And no, it's not the equivalent of a white zin. At all. Like I said, this wine got 89 points the last few years. It's a really excellent sweet Riesling.
As a related anecdote, we host a Superbowl party every year and my fancy root beer is off limits, even if I'm drinking it in front of you. But we have plenty of non-fancy sodas, and people can raid my liquor.