The one that came to my head first is random, but I always tell brides that they should pick one aspect of the wedding where they give their vendor full reign to do whatever they think would be awesome. We did this with our cake--just said no fondant, gave her a copy of the invitation for colors, and let her at it. It turned out amazing, and it was so fun to have a surprise for us at the wedding.
We did this with our florist! We talked about colors but that was it. Our floral arrangements were amazing.
I did that with my florist too, sort of. I had an idea that I wanted for my bouquet, but I didn't give a rats ass about my bridesmaid bouquets, so I gave her a budget and told her the color of the dresses and the bouquets were lovely.
I am not an influential person, but a cautionary tale, maybe?
I always tell people to not get married\make a lifetime commitment with one person until they are in their 30's.
I reserve the right to change my mind with age, but I will say having the support of a serious partner (in every way -- emotionally, physically, financially) has helped me be a better, more present clinician and stronger student/researcher. Research also generally supports the idea that married people are happier.
Never try to use the sewing machine after 10 pm is advice my mother once gave me that I have found to be true over and over again. Not going to change your whole life, but whenever I find myself cursing at the machine I realize it's always after 10 and I just turn it off.
Some of the best advice I ever got came from my dad when I got married. He said that you always need to working to build your spouse up. Every day when you go out into the world there are so many people ready to tear you down, and it's important that when you regroup at the end of the day you have someone there to help build you back up.
Such good advice!!! A corollary is not to cut fabric after 10 PM either - I did that last night and after painstakingly matching stripes, cut the pattern vertically instead of horizontally. grr!
Post by barefootcontessa on Feb 26, 2014 14:53:05 GMT -5
My heart is heavy these days ... we lost a good friend this week to cancer. She is my second friend with young children to die in the last five years. My advice is to live with intention. Don't let the busyness of life take over.
My heart is heavy these days ... we lost a good friend this week to cancer. She is my second friend with young children to die in the last five years. My advice is to live with intention. Don't let the busyness of life take over.
I'm so, so sorry. I think this is wonderful advice.
The sewing machine and the breath mint are hilarious.
Mine:
Assume the best intent in people. It just makes life so much easier.
From a friend: "your feelings are your feelings and they aren't wrong or bad". I don't especially like feelings--mine or other people's and I need to have more patience with them.
My mom's advice on solving a problem is always to make a pros and cons list. My boss's is to get some fresh air/take a walk.
And from my own hard earned lesson--never, never, never lend money. Give as much as you afford to, but never lend it.
I've mentioned this before, but in college I did a study on regret, and (for a variety of reasons) people vastly regret the things they DIDN'T do, not the things they did. This has really helped me make some big leaps in my life, and I've never regretted any of them. "Anything worth doing is scary as hell" is another mantra of mine. :-)
Ah yes! How could I forget this!
Someone told me years ago that you regret what you don't do more than what you do do. It was in the context of the agony that was my love life. Starting that day, I stopped being too afraid to call the guy first or approach someone at a party. I realized really quickly that I got over a guy being all weird on a phone and pretending to forget that he gave you his number in about 10 minutes, and that was a much better way to live life than my previous existence, whereby I spent countless hours waiting for someone to call, and the weeks and months wondering "what if I had done something." I am serious when I say that my life improved virtually overnight as a result of that advice.
Money - start saving right away, and behold the power of compound interest. My H and I had a professor (of computer science, not economics or anything) that used to show his classes the graphs on why you should start saving for retirement in your twenties.
Hobbies - don't let something you love, turn into something you hate. I used to do martial arts and a series of incidents happened that caused me to stop doing it because I was so angry at the situation. My outlet for stress disappeared, and I lost something very important to me that I can't get back. I saw a friend heading down that situation when she was getting frustrated with a part time gig as a yoga teacher. She thankfully was able to quit that job and is still happily practicing yoga, but if she hadn't quit teaching she would have likely ruined her love for yoga.
Forgot one:
Interacting with people - Never argue with an idiot; people watching might not be able to tell the difference.
Post by lasagnasshole on Feb 26, 2014 15:23:59 GMT -5
When we got married, one of my older cousin's wrote in our card: "Always remember whose need is the greatest."
The last few years have been quite the rollercoaster, and remembering this has helped me a lot. We have each been in the position of needing more from the other person than we were able to give in return. It's an ebb and flow, and this has helped me to go with the flow more.
This is not really advice but just something I follow. I see so many people dedicated to work, working long hours and not spending a lot of time with their family and neglecting their own needs/health just for $$. My thoughts on work are that it just pays the bills. As long as I am happy with what I do, I don't put more into it than I need to. My immediate family and myself take precidence over work no matter what. If there is tons of snow/ice on the roads, I will not travel to work and risk getting hurt. If I am sick, I stay home to recover. If my dog is sick, he will get to the vet as soon as they have an apt, if H or a family member needs me for an emergency, I call out. These things don't happen often luckily, but work does NOT come before me or the people I love. I do not think about work as soon as I walk out that door at 4PM and return at 7:30AM and my life is pretty stress free because of it.
Drop dead weight like it's hot. Whether that dead weight is a toxic friendship, an intolerable family member, a nasty client, or just shoes that hurt your feet. Life is too short to suffer with dead weight. Get it out of your life, you'll feel much better.
My dad always says 'Major in the majors, don't major in the minors.' Another way of saying don't sweat the small stuff. But that phrase always pops in my head when the stress starts.
My mom's advice was 'Don't pick the person you can live with, pick the person you can't live without.' She's pretty pyscho in many ways, but it's worked so far.
I've also read the book "Throw Away 50 Things" and it recommends that if something (whether it's an object or a relationship)causes pain/anxiety/negative memories, time to get rid of it.
I have done exactly one of those in my entire life. I woke up the next morning wearing only socks.
It was also probably 2 years before I could have mushrooms on pizza again.
::shudder::
Well, one of my professors said that all you need at the end of a good night are socks and a smile (<--more sage wisdom)
My feelings toward whiskey/vodka mirror most people's feelings toward tequila.
I probably could be more general and say shots. I have no problem with good tequila. In fact, I'd rank good tequila as my second favorite liquor, after bourbon.
But if I'm out drinking, and someone buys a round of shots, that is almost assuredly where the night will take a turn.
Never try to use the sewing machine after 10 pm is advice my mother once gave me that I have found to be true over and over again. Not going to change your whole life, but whenever I find myself cursing at the machine I realize it's always after 10 and I just turn it off.
Some of the best advice I ever got came from my dad when I got married. He said that you always need to working to build your spouse up. Every day when you go out into the world there are so many people ready to tear you down, and it's important that when you regroup at the end of the day you have someone there to help build you back up.
The bolded part is what I needed today. My work is just tearing me down and DH definitely is the one who is building me up. I need to do that to him. Thanks!