When we were doing our premarital counselling the counselor said something very useful that I was guilty of doing up to that point: when you're fighting and you're angry you don't say what you really mean, you say what can hurt the other the most. So, it's important to cool off before you speak and to even leave the room if it is necessary, to avoid saying things that you might regret later.
Everything is ok in the end. If it's not ok, it's not the end.
Life usually doesn't work out the way you plan or expect it to, but everything that happens along the way has some purpose, whether it is to teach you something you need to learn, or leads you to something else you will find valuable, or some other outcome you need to achieve.
Post by Velvetshady on Feb 26, 2014 16:27:23 GMT -5
Don't marry someone because you can't imagine living your life without them. Marry someone because you can imagine life without them and you know you'd rather face it with them by your side than without them.
Not mine, but one I love: Don't get any tattoos you wouldn't feel comfortable explaining to your grandkid.
-see the world thru the eyes of a child -just because someone is "family" doesn't mean you have to put up with their BS. Sometimes you need to mourn the relationship you wish you had. -it can be said that there might not be a right time to have a child, but there often is a better time (i.e not when you're drowning in debt or 18 and "in love") -sometimes what you need is a tequilla night -don't get married until you're ready -the best one I've ever heard-don't try to outsmart your common sense
Post by krisandgrace on Feb 26, 2014 17:51:20 GMT -5
All of my good ones have been said do I will share what DH says, he traveled a lot in the military. Never pass up an opertunity to sleep, eat or go to the bathroom.
He also always says when we are watching movies and someone is shooting in self defense, go for the chest or leg and always shoot again even after they are down. I'm not sure that is very relevant in real life.
I reserve the right to change my mind with age, but I will say having the support of a serious partner (in every way -- emotionally, physically, financially) has helped me be a better, more present clinician and stronger student/researcher. Research also generally supports the idea that married people are happier.
Obviously each situation is different, but research also shows the younger you are when you get married, the more likely you are to divorce. I believe that your likelihood of divorcing drops dramatically if you are over 25 when you get married for the first time; it drops even more if you are over 30.
The situation obviously depends a lot on the individual, but I don't disagree with the underlying point daisypaloma made. I know I changed a lot in my 20s and it took me a while to find the right person.
I think the reason people point to 30 as an age now (as I have heard many people echo these sentiments) is mainly because we as a society are much more focused on our individual wants and needs and professional growth than they were in previous generations, and that means many people grow and develop and change a lot in the decade or so following graduation from high school.
All that being said, marriage can certainly work for two people at any age and stage of their life if they are the right match.
that 50% drop is when you compared marriages at 25 compared to 18.
When educational background (college or above) is factored in, those who married between 15-22 years of age had a 70% chance of being married 10 years later, those in the 23-28 group had a 79% chance, and those married in the 29-34 age group had an 80% chance of being married ten years later.
All of my good ones have been said do I will share what DH says, he traveled a lot in the military. Never pass up an opertunity to sleep, eat or go to the bathroom.
He also always says when we are watching movies and someone is shooting in self defense, go for the chest or leg and always shoot again even after they are down. I'm not sure that is very relevant in real life.
I taught my French coworker this and she always remembers it when we go out together. I never ever pass up the opportunity to go to the bathroom, you never know when you will be caught short.
I read a book a few years ago that I wasn't altogether fond of but there was one line that really stuck out to me:
"Remember that there are two things in this life that are never worth crying about: what can be cured and what cannot be cured."
It stock with me and I think of it often when something is bothering me I remind myself If it is something that can be changed, then change it. If not deal with it the best you can and move in.
I reserve the right to change my mind with age, but I will say having the support of a serious partner (in every way -- emotionally, physically, financially) has helped me be a better, more present clinician and stronger student/researcher. Research also generally supports the idea that married people are happier.
Obviously each situation is different, but research also shows the younger you are when you get married, the more likely you are to divorce. I believe that your likelihood of divorcing drops dramatically if you are over 25 when you get married for the first time; it drops even more if you are over 30.
The situation obviously depends a lot on the individual, but I don't disagree with the underlying point daisypaloma made. I know I changed a lot in my 20s and it took me a while to find the right person.
I think the reason people point to 30 as an age now (as I have heard many people echo these sentiments) is mainly because we as a society are much more focused on our individual wants and needs and professional growth than they were in previous generations, and that means many people grow and develop and change a lot in the decade or so following graduation from high school.
All that being said, marriage can certainly work for two people at any age and stage of their life if they are the right match.
I can't eloquently put my point as well as @sfgal530 , but yes, I also reserve the fact that each situation is different.
In my situation, I married my HS sweetheart. We grew apart and all that. I can't say for most people (as proven otherwise by your situation), but most people's priorities tend to shift\split when they focus on too many things (marriage, career development, etc.). I would suggest concentrating on personal growth first, as well as to "play the field", as they say
My dad used to tell us that people may not always believe what you say, but they will always believe what you do.
Similarly, in my college journalism classes when we were taught how To handle "off the record" stuff, I frequently heard the phrase "You're only as good as your word."
Ask yourself what you would do if you were not afraid.
Love this! I worked with high school kids a few years ago and I used a variation of this: When I asked them something, they would always say, "I don't know." My response was "What if you did know?" More often than not, I got a really cool answer.
Post by crashgizmo on Feb 26, 2014 21:31:20 GMT -5
My dad taught me to always make myself indispensable at every job I had. I know it doesn't always work, but it works for me.
I tell people that if you plan to move states/countries during your marriage, make sure you and your spouse truly enjoy spending time with each other. Often you are each other's only friends in a new place, and it can make the difference on your experiences.
Another one from my dad- "Always ring the bell". Back in the day you rang the bell when you started your work day. He told me that in his 20's he was a big partier, and used to wake up hung over often, but he always went to work. In my college days, I often muttered "ring the bell" as I dragged myself to class.
My mantra is - if it was easy, everyone would do it. I feel like it can apply to pretty much any situation. But reminding myself of that has been incredibly helpful for me at work when dealing with stressful situations and also with my health and fitness goals. Like if I'm out running and feeling slow, I tell myself that and it really motivates me.
Also, make yourself a priority. You can't expect others to. Take time to be selfish. You can't take care of others if you don't take care of yourself.
Paper-rock-scissors can solve a lot of things, like who changes the poopy diaper.
If my husband and I disagree about something, we each tend to make a case about it, and ultimately decide what to do based on who knows more and cares more about the issue. Sometimes it takes some hashing it out to figure out which of us that is, but in nine years together, I think we've only gotten it "wrong" once.
Advice from the pastor who married us: "Marriage isn't a debit and credit system." However, we joke about this each time we're buttering the other up for a favor.
Character is what you're doing when no one is watching.
My grandpa and mom's advice: Work to live, don't live to work.
I find I need to remind myself of that frequently. I work in a competitive and aggressive environment and I am constantly checking with myself that I'm doing just that. I want to make as much as I can, of course, but within reason.
"Just because it's not how you imagined it, it doesn't mean it can't work." I wrote that one down a while ago and I'm not sure where it came from. I think a coworker.