s/o Parents not paying for college

[agnes]

Let's hear your stories.

My parents always told me they would pay for college and that I had to go.  First semester, they paid.  Second semester, "Woops, no money! You still have to go!"

H actually wound up paying for 2 more semesters before I took a "break." lol I still haven't gone back 10 years later.

[orangeblossom]

My parents would have paid for some, but probably not all.
I ended up getting a full ride, so it was a moot point.

My scholarship did not pay for books. I worked every summer, and I always knewy parents would give me some money before I went back to school, but never ho icj, so I had to save like I'd be paying for all of the expenses.

I did get a new car at the end of my sophomore year, that I would not have gotten if they'd paid for school.

[magdala]

When I was looking at schools, Mom and Dad told me that they had saved $x dollars for my college tuition and that I should try to get scholarships for the rest. $x was a nice sum of money but would not have paid all of tuition, room, board, fees, books and etc. I was lucky in that one of the schools that interested me gave me a scholarship for my tuition. With Mom & Dad's blessing, I used the $x dollars to pay for room, board, fees and books.

[dexteroni]

My parents paid for my tuition, books, and room and board (and rent and grocery money when I moved from the dorm to an apartment), and a very small amount of incidental money, but anything other than that was on me. I had a part time job from sophomore to senior year that took care of the rest, which was minor - mostly going out and a bit of shopping.

One of my friends ended up getting a full ride scholarship all four years, and her parents gave her the tuition money as her graduation gift. I was like omg. If my parents had made me that offer, I would have probably tried harder to get scholarships. lol.

[msmerymac]

My parents divorced when my brother was 20. Despite my parents supposedly being very pro-education and always telling us we had to go to college and that we had money for it (I had inherited money that paid for over half, then I had a scholarship/stipends, and my parents probably paid about $20k total - I also worked for my "fun money."), my dad somehow got the idea in his head that he wasn't responsible for anything for his kids after the age of 18. And how convenient! We were both over 18! (This has caused some rifts between him and other family members as well.) I was done with undergrad, but my brother was still working on his degree. He ended up needing to take out quite a bit in student loans, even with my mom helping as much as she could.

You could say that my brother doesn't have a great relationship with our father. My father, if asked, would absolutely have no idea why that is, or even that my brother really struggles with it.

As an aside, my brother and I have often discussed our dad's new-found lack of interest in giving money to his children (my brother is getting married and obviously wouldn't ASK for money - and I told him point-blank that dad gave me $500 for a wedding gift and I was kind of blown away that I got that much from him). Fine, it's his choice. But my mom recently told me that HER mother GAVE them the down payment on their first house. I did always wonder how they bought a house so soon after my dad was unemployed for a year when I was a baby...

[Deleted]

My parents paid for 4 years, but it was never a blank check. I had scholarships and what they had saved covered the rest. Unfortunately for me (financially), I dropped out after 3.5 years and that was the end of their support. I went back a year later and paid for the last 4 semesters myself. Thankfully that only added up to about 11k in loans.

I was on my own for grad school, but I never would have expected otherwise since my parents had always said they'd help pay for college and we all assumed that meant undergrad. Grad school wasn't even on the radar growing up, as I was the first in my extended family to even go.

[Deleted]

There was never any mention from parents that they would pay for my tuition and I had no expectation of such. I was allowed to continue living at home as long as I wanted, while in school, but that was it.

[dragonfly08]

My parents paid for my undergrad education to the best of their ability. I helped by transferring to an equally good but far less expensive university closer to home (lower travel costs) after my sophomore year, taking student loans as needed, and working summers for money to cover books and fees.

I covered my MS and PhD myself. Mom and Dad helped out by letting me live rent-free in their house during most of my PhD program in return for which I ran errands, helped with cooking and cleaning, etc.

[ssmjlm]

DH's story still boggles me (well it really shouldn't given how crappy my IL's are).

They said "we will pay for 4 years of college up to X." So DH goes to college out of state, but still in budget. Two years in IL's are all, "umm, we don't really have that much money anymore, can you get residency and then go back?" So then DH has to stop going to school, start working full time, get residency, and then a year a half later, he re-enrolls and the IL's pay.

I mean WTF, if you make a plege to your child you will pay, then pay. Don't decide 1/2 way through you can't really afford it anymore.

[anna7602]

I took out a bunch of student loans. My parents contributed about $3K per year, roughly the amount of my high school tuition. When I moved off-campus senior year and could no longer use financial aid for my housing, I paid my rent with a combination of money I earned through various jobs and cash advances from my credit card.

The cash advance thing wasn't the brightest idea in the world, but I accepted a job offer in March of my senior year to start full-time in July, so I figured I wouldn't be living off cash advances forever. I also used credit cards to go on spring break, buy books, eat out, etc.

[lasagnasshole]

My parents' divorce decree said they'd split my college expenses.

LOL.

My mom made sure I didn't have to take out more than Stafford loans for undergrad, including taking out loans for herself.

I would've had to take my dad to court to get him to pay so instead I asked for random things like money for clothes. I actually appealed a financial aid award by informing the financial aid office I didn't want to sue my dad, and they awarded me a grant covering 75% of what they originally said my dad should pay.

Dad clearly felt outdone when Mom bought me a car, so he have me a gas card and let me use it until I got my first paycheck, 8 months after law school graduation.

I guess it all worked out, but I've never quite forgotten that my dad bought 15 acres of land while I was in college.

[CallingAllAngels]

My dad died suddenly a month before I graduated from high school.

My mom was such a mess during my college years. I knew better than to ask for money.

[anna7602]

Mar 4, 2014 14:27:51 GMT -5 dexteroni said:

One of my friends ended up getting a full ride scholarship all four years, and her parents gave her the tuition money as her graduation gift. I was like omg. If my parents had made me that offer, I would have probably tried harder to get scholarships. lol.

Our HS guidance counselor was big on encouraging all of us to go for as many scholarships as possible. My school loved to make an announcement at graduation that went something like, "and this year's graduates earned $550,000 in scholarships..."

Even with a scholarship my first year of college, however, there was no way I could pay the room & board and other associated fees without loans.

[pinkdutchtulips]

i paid for my first 2 years on my own while attending a JC and living at home. once i had the units to transfer, i did and graduated from UCI borrowing about $25-30K to cover the 3 years there.

my parents didn't have the resources to pay for college for any of us (4 total). only my brother and baby sister attended 4 year schools straight out of hs (both state schools). my younger sister and i did the JC to state school thing. yes, going the JC then transfer route does save some money but not as much as some people think. true i came out w/ ZERO debt from my JC days but that was bc ALL of my money was used to pay for things like tution, books and bus passes. i still had to borrow quite a bit to actually graduate from a flagship state school.

[pantsparty]

My parents didn't pay for school. I attended a community college my first year, then transferred to a university, then got a great sales job while I was there and subsequently promoted and moved, and have not completed my degree.

I really don't think my parents thought post-high school education was necessary. My dad worked for the same company since he was 19.

My mom was a SAHM and my dad was a blue-collar worker. As I said in my previous post, they have a comfortable retirement and I'm glad their money went that way, instead of paying for college.

[Deleted]

I have 2 friends who have similar stories as yours agnes.

I also had a friend whose parents divorced when she was like 4, and never revisited the college portion of their agreement as the years went on. They each agreed to cover $3k of my friend's expenses, because college was much less expensive when the agreement was made and they could not fathom it costing more than $6k/year. Her dad was remarried, and her mom offered to pay about $2k more per year, so long as her dad would match it. Her stepmom wouldn't let him match it, so her mom wouldn't give her any more money.

My parents paid, but they had stipulations - $X per year or less, within 2 hours driving distance from home. They offered me far more to live at home and go to community college for 2 years then transfer.

[Velvetshady]

My parents told both me and my brother that they would paid 100% for a 4-year college or trade school program. But if we didn't go or flunked out, we were on our own from then on. We were also told we were on our own the day after graduation, so it would be good to graduate in an area were getting a job and supporting ourselves was possible. My last year and a half of school, I had a part time job that I could turn into a full time one and support myself if I didn't find a "real" job before graduation ( I did). My brother had grad school grants set up before undergrad graduation and a teaching position set up before he received his PhD.

In the end, they did end up giving my brother some financial help when he was in graduate school and they covered me to 4 1/2 years vs 4 years (because I double majored). I totally expected to have to pay them back for the last semester, as that was our agreement, but they forgave it when I graduated because my brother had needed some help a few times and the $ given was equal. Neither of us have received any financial help from them since then.

DH grew up poor, with divorced parents that could barely pay normal bills every month. And both his mom and dad had serious medical issues when he graduated HS. He worked full time for a couple of years and was able to live with his grandmother for free, while he saved up for college. He made it through college by working a 20-30 hour a week job, being an RA (free room), and taking out a few small student loans. He was the first on his dad's side to graduate college and the first in a few generations on his mom's side.

[WinterWine]

Growing up my Mom always said that they had a college fund for me and that they had always saved all gifts when i was a baby for college. When the time came for me to actually go to college, it turns out she had spent essentially all of it on shopping for herself. My mom gave me $600 total for college and somehow considers that "paying for my college in full", clearly she is a bit confused about how much college actually costs...

I paid for my undergrad myself by working 35 hours a week as a nanny. I also took out about $20k in loans to make it during that time. I do best when I am busy and am a good saver so I did fine, but financial support from my parents would have been nice.

My Dad stepped up for grad school and paid for my MBA and living expenses. (Funny enough when he visited for my undergrad graduation and saw where I was living, he was horrified that I didn't ask for money earlier- My apt was next door to the rent by the hour hooker motel). I so appreciative of that. I still worked but saved the money for retirement and a down payment on our house. H and I want to pay for public college in full for our kids.

[rootbeerfloat]

Mar 4, 2014 14:40:06 GMT -5 @songforyou said:

My story is boring (college and even grad school were non-negotiable in our house, tuition reimbursement at the university my mother taught at covered most of undergrad and I mostly took loans for grad schools), but I have a story to top all the stories.

My friend's mother made her get a job at 14, to "start saving for college". She wasn't allowed to spend any of the money, seriously, every check was given to her mother, who put it in savings, with the understanding that all of her earnings would go to pay for college and she would need to work and probably take loans. There was no expectation that her mother would contribute. Senior year, she applies to a few schools and gets accepted to the state university, which is where she wanted to go. Everything is rolling along. When the deposit is due, she tells her mother and her mother informs her that she nearly emptied her account, took the money and went on a cruise a couple months before. My friend, of course, knew about the trip, but not that her mother spent her money to go. It was about 10 years later before my friend finally went to college. Can you imagine?? Pretty sure she could have beat her senseless and called it a crime of passion.

That's a parent who deserves to be sued!

[hocus2]

My parents paid a portion of my tuition each year. They were not in a position to pay more. They offered assistance when I went to graduate school.

[agnes]

Mar 4, 2014 14:38:57 GMT -5 @mrsspunky said:

I have 2 friends who have similar stories as yours agnes.

I also had a friend whose parents divorced when she was like 4, and never revisited the college portion of their agreement as the years went on. They each agreed to cover $3k of my friend's expenses, because college was much less expensive when the agreement was made and they could not fathom it costing more than $6k/year. Her dad was remarried, and her mom offered to pay about $2k more per year, so long as her dad would match it. Her stepmom wouldn't let him match it, so her mom wouldn't give her any more money.

My parents paid, but they had stipulations - $X per year or less, within 2 hours driving distance from home. They offered me far more to live at home and go to community college for 2 years then transfer.

I'm of the thought that parents shouldn't have to pay for college.  BUT I also don't like when you're led to believe that something will happen and last minute, you're told NOPE. 

[lime]

My parents paid in state tuition for my undergrad.

I was able to pay for grad school tuition with my RA/TA and a small scholarship. This gave me a small amount of money each month (~600$) and they generously gave me some additional funds so I wouldn't have to take loans out to eat/live.

[lishie]

My parents insisted that we go to college. Growing up, my sister and I seriously didn't realize there was an option not to go to college until we were in junior high school and a friend's older sister wasn't going on to college.

My parents didn't have a lot of money and didn't have much college savings for us. My mom went back to work when I started college and my younger sister was in high school. Between some of her paycheck, loans, scholarships and grants I went through undergrad. I still owe a bit of money, but luckily the loan payments aren't crushing.

DH's mom paid for his college education, so he's loan free.

[Velar Fricative]

My family didn't have much income so I knew they couldn't pay for college. While I qualified for a lot of need-based and some merit-based aid, I still had to take out student loans which I'm still paying, yay! But I could have gotten a full ride had I attended certain other schools I got into so I only have myself to blame for that.

I did live at home all four years with the exception of a semester of study abroad, so that definitely helped keep expenses down. I had a work-study job on campus every year to pay for books, supplies, my train pass, spending money, etc.

[msmerymac]

Mar 4, 2014 14:38:30 GMT -5 susquehanna said:

I used to be on a message board where one of the posters thought that it was a given that grandparents help contribute to their grandchildren's educations. I thought that this was hilarious. This idea was not at all realistic in my family. One of my grandmothers was a widow, and both sides of my family had over 10 grandchildren each.

My grandmother did. Because she died. At age 54. I was 3 and about $75k went into a trust fund to be used for my education (there were educational stipulations attached to the account, but they were less strict than a 529 - for example, you could argue that pretty much any trip was "educational.") I was her only grandchild when she made her will.

But yeah, barring tragedy, that seems pretty entitled. "Oh, so mom and dad? I've got a lot of other shit to do, so it's no prob for you to save tens/hundreds of thousands of dollars for my kids while you're also trying to retire, right?"

[cosmowife]

Grandfather bought a savings plan trust when we were kids based on 4 years' tuition - ended up being worth around $20k when I went. My parents paid the other $20k. So, $40k total for 4 years of school, all living expenses included. I find this laughable since I spend more than $20k on just one year of daycare.


Edited to clarify that I am not laughing at the amount my parents paid.  Laughing because the same amount of money won't even make a dent in what we are going to need to pay for our kids.   

[pinkdutchtulips]

Mar 4, 2014 14:38:30 GMT -5 susquehanna said:

I used to be on a message board where one of the posters thought that it was a given that grandparents help contribute to their grandchildren's educations. I thought that this was hilarious. This idea was not at all realistic in my family. One of my grandmothers was a widow, and both sides of my family had over 10 grandchildren each.

my cousin had his private elm/hs paid for my his paternal grandmother along w/ his college tution (state school but he could have gone ANYWHERE and she still would have paid).

[starlily]

My parents paid tuition for a private college, bought a car for me, paid for gas & insurance, and funded most of my books & some activities (I started working pt sophomore year). I lived at home rent and expense free. My dad also gave me access to his savings account in case if emergency.

There was no specific discussion, but I knew that my ass better stay in school, get good enough grades, and that I always needed to let them know where I was going, who with, & when I'd be back whenever I left the house unless I wanted the the gravy train to end. I also needed to choose a major that had a defined career path & finish in four years (easily doable based on size of school). I did all of the above and parents footed the bill.

I took out student loans for law school, at my insistence, because I knew they were at retirement age by that point. They still paid for my gas & insurance though. After law school, I moved back home rent & expense free, with the understanding that I'd pay 2x my minimum student loan payment instead. I was also expected to follow the basic house rule of "don't act a fool."

My parents were very, very generous. Their expectations were very reasonable to me in light of all they sacrificed in order to provide for me when they really didn't have to. I'm eternally grateful for their support.

[Deleted]

My parents paid for part, I paid for part, received scholarships and I had loans. My dad is crazy (short version) and refused to fill out the FAFSA. Big schools wouldn't even consider giving me scholarships because of that. It made life complicated.

It was worse for my sister. She went for a semester to a private college, dropped out for a boy. Later decided to go back, but parents said no way they'd pay, but still refused to fill out the FAFSA and she was young enough she wasn't considered on her own.

[littlemermaid]

My parents told me from the beginning they wouldn't pay for my college(we were not well-off) so I started working at 15 years old to pay for it. Took zero loans paid for it all in cash.  But they did let me live at home rent free and they covered my car insurance and health insurance until I finished college.