I think I would try to work through it. I know it would be incredibly difficult but H and I bring out the best in each other and I couldn't imagine him not being in my life. We don't have kids so the second part is really hard for me to answer so I'm going to cop out and ignore that part
Post by amberlyrose on Mar 6, 2014 13:19:45 GMT -5
I'd like to think I'd try, but I'm not sure if I could do it long term. I think it also depends on the dynamic that it created, too. Would he treat me more as a girly friend with hair advice or would our relationship stay pretty much the same?
Also, I think I'd get jealous because he has nicer legs than me. lol!
Post by thebuddhagouda on Mar 6, 2014 13:20:05 GMT -5
And if we're being completely honest, my first feeling would probably that he had betrayed my trust.
Obviously, it's not that simple and I would absolutely get over myself and support him, but I know myself and that first heavy gut feeling is not going to be "how can I help him?" but more "how could he do this to me?".
I would want to amicably co-parent and be friends, but I couldn't be married to someone that different from the person I married originally.
Post by underwaterrhymes on Mar 6, 2014 13:30:49 GMT -5
I think so, yes.
One of the greatest, most beautiful relationships I know of outside my own marriage is that of a friend of ours, A, and her husband, Z. When A and Z first started dating, Z was a woman. During the course of their relationship, he transitioned from female to male.
I admire A and I would hope that if one day my husband came to me and said he felt more at home living his life as a woman that I would stay in the relationship. Obviously there would be counseling involved, I'm sure, but I'd like to think the love I feel for him wouldn't change.
I have all the books I could need, and what more could I need than books? I shall only engage in commerce if books are the coin. -- Catherynne M. Valente
I don't know. I love him so much and want him to be happy. But this would obviously be very, very difficult. I don't really think I know how I would react to ANYTHING until and unless I am in that situation.
For me, no. It wouldn't work. If it were otherwise blissful, maybe I'd try. But it wouldn't work.
If he started this when we were 80? Maybe.
I know someone that this happened to. When they were in their 70's he decided that he wanted to wear womens shoes, it makes him happy. She said it wasn't worth giving up their marriage. He wears high heels all the time, and A LOT of stinky old lady perfume. Sometimes he will put on a camisole under his shirt, like with a lacy bottom. They seem happy.
ETA - to answer the OP, it would be a dealbreaker for me.
No, but if he was willing I would be able to maintain a very close friendship with him.
It wouldn't be a divorce because of contention, dislike or hatred, KWIM? I could see us doing holidays together, etc. Just not romantic partners anymore.
Post by gretchenindisguise on Mar 6, 2014 13:39:08 GMT -5
Maybe. It would depend. I think that a sexual relationship is important in a relationship, so it may depend on how that all works out.
I know someone who was in a lesbain relationship, one partner transitioned to male, and they remain married. So I've seen it work and won't discount it right off the bat.
The singer for the band Against Me! is now a woman and started transisition maybe like 2 years ago? Her wife did an interview and said this: "In my mind, I married a person with whom I fell deeply in love. Laura's coming out has made me realize, in regard to my own sexuality and ideas about gender, that it's all more fluid than how society presents it. I'd always thought I was just straight. But now I know that really the right girl hadn't come along yet"
So I would go into it with an open mind, but I wouldn't stay if I was unhappy.
I'm a big believer that sexuality is fluid, so I would certainly try to stay with him. My (female) BFF and I joke how we are going to be the golden girls when we get older, so I don't see how this would be any different - lol