I got crazy drunk with work people last night and let's say we know a lot more about each other than ever!
Totally flameful.... I snooped through my boyfriends phone last week. I had a "good reason" but man I feel shitty for it.
My ex bf texted me last week too and I felt so smug that my life is now so wonderful and he's still in that place. He put me through hell so I'm gonna gloat!
Another flameful... I'm going to Europe and I'm not 100% sure how faithful I'll be. I'm trying so hard to be on my best behaviour but this is gonna be so hard.
So you are snooping in his phone and worried about being faithful? These both seem like some pretty red flags
Ditto btay. Was this "good reason" something you couldn't talk to BF about directly? If you're snooping on his phone and concerned you may go atray while traveling, maybe this relationship isn't the right one for you right now?
Thanks liuFormerlyRRcuddlyevil. I know that part of the reason I'm refreshing to him is because I'm so far from the women he's dated. He's made comments that he loves my camo hat that I run in, that it's so nice to walk next to a woman who isn't complaining about her 4" heels and he has introduced me to his good friend and neighbor and invited me to social events as his date. It's totally my issue to get over. But I imagine a social situation in which someone asks where I "summer" and I shrink into the floor in tears because I don't "summer" anywhere. I can barely remember what each side of a boat is called, let alone belong to a yacht club!
This made me LOL, because I didn't even know there were names for each side of a boat! Clearly high society here.
From what you've posted it seems like this guy is really into you! Try to relax and enjoy it, he seems to like you for you, and you have nothing to prove to anyone. Just be your awesome, down to earth self! I believe that being kind and having class trump money and summer houses any day.
Thanks liuFormerlyRRcuddlyevil. I know that part of the reason I'm refreshing to him is because I'm so far from the women he's dated. He's made comments that he loves my camo hat that I run in, that it's so nice to walk next to a woman who isn't complaining about her 4" heels and he has introduced me to his good friend and neighbor and invited me to social events as his date. It's totally my issue to get over. But I imagine a social situation in which someone asks where I "summer" and I shrink into the floor in tears because I don't "summer" anywhere. I can barely remember what each side of a boat is called, let alone belong to a yacht club!
This made me LOL, because I didn't even know there were names for each side of a boat! Clearly high society here.
From what you've posted it seems like this guy is really into you! Try to relax and enjoy it, he seems to like you for you, and you have nothing to prove to anyone. Just be your awesome, down to earth self! I believe that being kind and having class trump money and summer houses any day.
But he hasn't returned my texts from last night yet! Ahh! I need to chill the fuck out. And yes, port is the left side, starboard is the right
Post by dreamcrisp1 on Apr 18, 2014 10:02:06 GMT -5
Totally know it was flameful which is why I posted it here.
I think I'm only worried because I've never done it. Iver never traveled while in a relationship. I don't think anything will happen but it's something on my mind. I tend to worry for no reason though. Anxiety issues and all. Also, this is my first "real and grown up life" relationship so it's different to me. After 2 abusive relationships, it's a new world in a sense to be in a normal relationship.
As for the snooping, it was terribly shitty of me and I'll never do it again nor have I ever done it before. His ex msged him last week and wants him back and I just wanted to read the message. I probably could have asked and we have talked about it but... I didn't want to exhaust him with it.
Otherwise, our relationship is good and normal. I just can be a crazy bitch. And it's flameful and I know it!
This made me LOL, because I didn't even know there were names for each side of a boat! Clearly high society here.
From what you've posted it seems like this guy is really into you! Try to relax and enjoy it, he seems to like you for you, and you have nothing to prove to anyone. Just be your awesome, down to earth self! I believe that being kind and having class trump money and summer houses any day.
But he hasn't returned my texts from last night yet! Ahh! I need to chill the fuck out. And yes, port is the left side, starboard is the right
I always remember left/right side of ship because port has the same number of letters as left. I'd blend riiiiggghhhtttt in at a yacht club.
I want to participate more on this board! I'm trying to think of a flameful, but I don't think I have a good one. I suppose I feel like I've been a bit annoying to the people around me during this separation/divorce thing. I feel like I've over-shared with some people and under-shared with others... I kind of feel like I'm in an awkward teenage phase again, where I'm not sure what's socially acceptable. I know it'll get better in time, but I feel like I've been really awkward lately.
This made me LOL, because I didn't even know there were names for each side of a boat! Clearly high society here.
From what you've posted it seems like this guy is really into you! Try to relax and enjoy it, he seems to like you for you, and you have nothing to prove to anyone. Just be your awesome, down to earth self! I believe that being kind and having class trump money and summer houses any day.
But he hasn't returned my texts from last night yet! Ahh! I need to chill the fuck out. And yes, port is the left side, starboard is the right
I have enough trouble with left and right, these new words may just make my head explode.
This made me LOL, because I didn't even know there were names for each side of a boat! Clearly high society here.
From what you've posted it seems like this guy is really into you! Try to relax and enjoy it, he seems to like you for you, and you have nothing to prove to anyone. Just be your awesome, down to earth self! I believe that being kind and having class trump money and summer houses any day.
But he hasn't returned my texts from last night yet! Ahh! I need to chill the fuck out. And yes, port is the left side, starboard is the right
Haha thanks for the boat lesson! He will text. He's into you. :Y:
I got crazy drunk with work people last night and let's say we know a lot more about each other than ever!
Totally flameful.... I snooped through my boyfriends phone last week. I had a "good reason" but man I feel shitty for it.
My ex bf texted me last week too and I felt so smug that my life is now so wonderful and he's still in that place. He put me through hell so I'm gonna gloat!
Another flameful... I'm going to Europe and I'm not 100% sure how faithful I'll be. I'm trying so hard to be on my best behaviour but this is gonna be so hard.
This whole thing is pretty flameful. Why did you look through your BF's phone? Why are you unsure you can be faithful? Why are you in a relationship where you feel the need to look through his phone and wonder about your own ability to be faithful? It sounds like you need to be single and work on your OWN issues...
Post by jojoandleo on Apr 18, 2014 10:24:22 GMT -5
Oh-I will admit I looked through H's phone when we FIRST started dating. I went back to my therapist because I didn't want my issues from XFI to make me not trust my now H. Best thing I did. I probably shouldn't have been dating while still working through those issues. I haven't checked his phone since. Sometimes I still struggle with trust, but I TALK to MH. It's a novel concept to us crazy bitches, but one I am getting better at!
Post by jojoandleo on Apr 18, 2014 10:27:44 GMT -5
I think most people are willing to leave what's between Liu and Glitzy between to the two of them. No one is jumping up and down flaming Liu. I think MOST here wants what is best for her, it's just different people have a different idea on how to make that happen. Some think coddling, some think tough love. Some ignore it.
I think most people here are good people. Except kevin arnold. I hate that bitch AND her big boobs! (ORRRR, I am just uber jealous of her body...)
Thank you guys. I'm trying to make positive changes in my life for us. The men thing is non-existent. I like boys, I'm a flirt. Having a few drinks and hanging out with a sweet guy last night was fun for me. I didn't take him home, try to put my hands down his pants, or anything sexual or inappropriate. It was sweet and innocent. I have had sex once since leaving J and it was a mistake. I'm pretty good on the being on my own thing and I'm trying to do what's right for me right now. My brain is jumbled enough with school, work, shuttling S to and from J's, who gets her what weekend, and trying to get my apartment organized. I'm exhausted. I don't have time to date guys. Was it nice to kiss someone and hold their hand? Absolutely. Do I want to do that all the time? Nope.
It's all good. Really.
And the thing about spearmintleaf, she means well. She's been a pretty solid source of advice to me and offered her shoulder when I was going through some rough shit. She's a good person, and personally I like her.
Whomp whomp I know I've been a downer lately. But I'm really struggling with my seeming inability to get any interest from guys. I don't really need something super serious, but I'd like to date someone for more than a week (and those are few and far between as it is). I'm coming up on 4 years this summer and I feel like a loser:( And I know I'm being a broken record, so thanks for hanging in there and listening.
Thanks for defending me liu. I don't mind, I figured this is what would happen. I will say mp surprised me with the low blow, but I suppose I deserve it, since I pointed out that people on this board can be cruel.
I just want to state for the record that I think the constant Liu bashing and pile-ons are cruel and are absolutely disgusting. She is obviously doing the best she can. Anyone who feels the need to lash out at her should take a hard look in the mirror and ask themselves why they get pleasure out of kicking someone when they're down.
You have no idea what kind of a mother she is. Great people can be terrible parents and highly flawed people can do just fine at it. What a fucking disgusting accusation to make. My stomach actually hurts from reading that vitriol.
I'm done with SO. This place is just terrible. I can't tolerate the unkind behavior. You ladies are fucking bullies.
I didn't read the latest if there were parenting criticisms.
On the whole, Liu posts with the understanding that people will respond.
She also makes many of her problems and doesn't listen to reason. Really ever.
You should take a break if you are so worked up about this place.
I actually think it's very transitional here and easy to get sick of.
Post by camelblossom on Apr 18, 2014 11:32:59 GMT -5
I had a couple dates with a guy that I'm not much into at all. I had planned to stop seeing him until he bought tickets to a show he knows I am dying to see. I'll stop seeing him after tonight.
Totally know it was flameful which is why I posted it here.
I think I'm only worried because I've never done it. Iver never traveled while in a relationship. I don't think anything will happen but it's something on my mind. I tend to worry for no reason though. Anxiety issues and all. Also, this is my first "real and grown up life" relationship so it's different to me. After 2 abusive relationships, it's a new world in a sense to be in a normal relationship.
As for the snooping, it was terribly shitty of me and I'll never do it again nor have I ever done it before. His ex msged him last week and wants him back and I just wanted to read the message. I probably could have asked and we have talked about it but... I didn't want to exhaust him with it.
Otherwise, our relationship is good and normal. I just can be a crazy bitch. And it's flameful and I know it!
Dude.
When you drive to another county is it cheating? Another zip code?
Taking a trip is just being someplace else. Surely you can do this without it in and of itself being some cheating temptation or confusion?
You have a choice to cheat or not. Your vagina will not go into zombie mode attacking every peen it sees. You are in control. So stop acting like you're not.
You have a choice to cheat or not. Your vagina will not go into zombie mode attacking every peen it sees. You are in control. So stop acting like you're not.
If you really desperately wanted her to get better, you wouldn't have such a strong negative reaction to her recieving support and help on this board, and you wouldn't imply that we shouldn't bother helping her.
You really, truly need to ask yourself why you would lash out at someone who is just trying to make their way through the world. Maybe you should learn to give advice freely because you want to help, with no strings attached, and accept that when people make poor decisions it's because they have a lot to learn, not because they are bad people who aren't worth much.
Here's the thing: this isn't someone who is down her luck who is struggling to bring things back up again and "trying to make her way through the world." This is someone who has a cyclical pattern of self-destruction and a lack of self-awareness that enables her to make choices that have ever-lasting impacts without heed for what it will do to others. This is someone who will never be able to make a healthy life for herself until she takes the actual steps to deal with her mental illness. This isn't about support. This is about getting actual help. Liu needs to realize this isn't about "making a good life for herself," but about battling each and every second the thoughts that lead her down unwanted paths. Therapy should be done multiple times a week amongst other interventions.
Why do I feel authorized to say this? Because I've sat in fucking bipolar support groups for those of us whose lives were mangled by hurt from dealing with bipolar loved ones who didn't get help. NAMI is the National Alliance on Mental Health and they set up bipolar/manic-depressive support groups because it is hard to love a someone with Liu's type of bipolar disorder. I've seen firsthand and felt firsthand the effects of what can happen to someone whose illness goes unchecked and I've sat in a room filled with people whose stories were equally as horrifying as mine. We love them, but they hurt us. They don't mean to, but won't get help because they think it's manageable on their own (with the type I'm talking about at least). I've cried with them, held them, and let them hold me. I did hear success stories from people who managed their bipolar disorder and heard them speak. The common theme among the successful is getting extreme intervention.
Read through my old posts. I have been supportive of Liu up until her last exodus where she spewed some pretty hateful words at members here, which is the 3rd or 4th exodus to my memory. Liu's "insight" into herself is the exact type of "retrospection" that she repeatedly tells us after she's "seen the light." Give it time...she'll lash out again because that what her disorder does. Mania is real and sadly it will severely hurt others if not adequately dealt with.
I never, ever, ever, EVER said that Liu is a bad person or wasn't worth much; I don't know where in the fuck you got that. She needs help, and not the kind that an internet forum can give her. The best we should be doing is directing her to therapy.
In short, she needs help and you enabling her to thinking it's less than what it is can have damaging consequences for her.
Post by hungrycaterpillar on Apr 18, 2014 11:53:04 GMT -5
I'm not sure if this is really flameful, but these are my thoughts:
I mentioned to my mother that I was thinking of going out with my girlfriends tonight and joked that maybe I would meet some cute guys to flirt with. I won't actually be doing these things and said these things moreso in jest. She immediately said I think it's too soon for you to think about things like that. It's not proper behavior until you are divorced.
These are my thoughts. I didn't do anything wrong. I don't feel that I need to work on or change myself at all. I also don't want to be in a relationship for... a long time. I don't feel like I need anyone else but myself and to be honest, I felt this way when I was married. David and I were partners. We were okay to stand alone and do our own things when we wanted. Apparently him much moreso than me.
I did nothing wrong. He cheated. If I want to go out and flirt with a guy or two at this point, I feel there's nothing wrong with it. I am hurt that she wants to tell me what the "proper" thing to do is at this point. I will get over it and I probably won't say anything to her over it, but I don't feel like she gets to tell me what I should be doing at this point and I'm irritated with her for it.
You have a choice to cheat or not. Your vagina will not go into zombie mode attacking every peen it sees. You are in control. So stop acting like you're not.
Post by hungrycaterpillar on Apr 18, 2014 12:01:18 GMT -5
Awww. Thanks guys. I'm honestly not even ready for flirting either. I never did much of it before I was married and I imagine I'd be terrible at it. I just wish my mother didn't take EVERYTHING so seriously. I guess it is a step that I'm ready to joke about things though, right?
You have a choice to cheat or not. Your vagina will not go into zombie mode attacking every peen it sees. You are in control. So stop acting like you're not.
I am LOLing at the idea that I am cruel. Like, seriously.
I may be snarky as fuck in my head, but it rarely comes out through the keyboard.
Codependency is a hot button issue for me, clearly. With an ex that was super codependent, it makes me hyper aware of it. And to me, it's disgusting. Just like that supposed pile on was disgusting to you.
I'm not codependent. I lived alone or with roommates, single and dating but with no serious boyfriend, in several large cities from ages 18-25 pursuing various degrees. I'm an established professional who makes good money. I do not rely on men or friends to meet my emotional needs. I've literally never needed a man for anything. I am extremely independent and I take care of myself, almost to a fault. I always have, and I always will.
If codependency is disgusting to you, then it's sad that you have such a harsh reaction toward someone who feels lost in life and unable to deal by themselves. And to imply that my life choices are disgusting is again, not very nice.
Thanks for defending me liu. I don't mind, I figured this is what would happen. I will say mp surprised me with the low blow, but I suppose I deserve it, since I pointed out that people on this board can be cruel.
Calling this board full of "fucking bullies" is also a low blow, no?