So my question, and again I swear it's not meant to be snarky, but if he's socially inept, how can you be sure he won't end up in the same situation again since he's unable to recognize danger zones?
Stop being logical. It's not fair!!
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lol...I'm just naturally curious!!
Honestly, I'm curious about how people survive infidelity, sincerely. I tried to work through it but I don't know if I could have ever really truly trusted him. I think I would have always had triggers.
Post by wrathofkuus on Jul 24, 2014 0:12:54 GMT -5
We're not offering her advice, @buckybells. We're offering the OP advice, and telling this one that her advice to the OP to stay mum because the other woman is an evil venus flytrap ensnaring innocent men is stupid, because it is.
Post by lyssbobiss, Command, B613 on Jul 24, 2014 8:53:18 GMT -5
My judgment of the poster who stayed with the cheating FI was more that she was clearly angry with the woman. And you can be hurt, but the whole "she lured him with her feminine wiles" was crap. A decent guy, no matter what's thrown in his face, will make the right decision, not accidentally fall into a vagina because it's there. It's not up to a woman to preserve a man's sexuality. Blaming the other woman is easier, because she didn't make a promise to you, but ultimately, it's the guy's fault.
"This prick is asking for someone here to bring him to task Somebody give me some dirt on this vacuous mass so we can at last unmask him I'll pull the trigger on it, someone load the gun and cock it While we were all watching, he got Washington in his pocket."
My judgment of the poster who stayed with the cheating FI was more that she was clearly angry with the woman. And you can be hurt, but the whole "she lured him with her feminine wiles" was crap. A decent guy, no matter what's thrown in his face, will make the right decision, not accidentally fall into a vagina because it's there. It's not up to a woman to preserve a man's sexuality. Blaming the other woman is easier, because she didn't make a promise to you, but ultimately, it's the guy's fault.
Post by twinkletoes76 on Jul 27, 2014 10:07:08 GMT -5
I am seeing him later today, so I will have an update tonight.
I have written a message to his fiancée that I plan to send shortly before I see him. That way he can't talk me out of telling her, and she will already know (theoretically) by the time the two of them talk so he won't have a lot of time to come up with excuses or more lies.
While I know that perhaps I shouldn't have waited a week to confront him, my grandma died last week so taking care of family stuff was my priority.
I am seeing him later today, so I will have an update tonight.
I have written a message to his fiancée that I plan to send shortly before I see him. That way he can't talk me out of telling her, and she will already know (theoretically) by the time the two of them talk so he won't have a lot of time to come up with excuses or more lies.
While I know that perhaps I shouldn't have waited a week to confront him, my grandma died last week so taking care of family stuff was my priority.
I'm so sorry about your loss. Thanks for coming back to update us about your plans.
"This prick is asking for someone here to bring him to task Somebody give me some dirt on this vacuous mass so we can at last unmask him I'll pull the trigger on it, someone load the gun and cock it While we were all watching, he got Washington in his pocket."
I am seeing him later today, so I will have an update tonight.
I have written a message to his fiancée that I plan to send shortly before I see him. That way he can't talk me out of telling her, and she will already know (theoretically) by the time the two of them talk so he won't have a lot of time to come up with excuses or more lies.
While I know that perhaps I shouldn't have waited a week to confront him, my grandma died last week so taking care of family stuff was my priority.
Sorry about your grandma Thanks for updating. I think this sounds like a great plan. Hope it goes well!
twinkletoes76, I'm very sorry for your loss. I'm interested in the update tonight. Just a thought---if you message her right before you see him, don't you think she'll call him right away? Then you may not get the chance to see him because he's arguing with her on the phone? I suggest to send it immediately as he's meeting you...like when he's 5 minutes away.
I'm not lying. I'm disappointed that people mocked me here. I expected a bit more class here though. I told my story to tell what the other person thinks and it was essentially thrown back in my face.
My SO was guilty of being stupid. He was guilty of thinking with his dick and not his head. He was guilty in overindulging (which is something he very rarely does). He was guilty of betraying me. I've forgiven him for his stupidity and what he did to put me at risk. And quite frankly, I really don't care what happens with the other woman. She admitted flat out to me that she was on a campaign to get him into bed, and she used every trick in the book. She thought that once that she had gotten him into bed, that I'd dump him when I found out...because she couldn't wait to call and tell me. It pissed her off to no end that I didn't act for a long time, and when I did it wasn't the way she expected.
Most of the time my SO misses social cues that slaps others in the face. He can't believe another person finds him attractive, as he does not have much self esteem. So when things happen, he's usually clueless until he's found himself in the middle of a situation. I've observed this myself.
But that doesn't ameliorate the fact he screwed up. And it doesn't ameliorate the fact that despite posting some fairly personal things, people here trampled on my feelings and mocked me. If I had the ability, I'd go back in and delete those posts where people quoted me, as I really regret being so honest here.
Lesson learned.
The truth is classless? You are managing to make your SO sound like a victim and the OW sound like she has supernatural powers. 'He can't believe someone finds him attractive', 'clueless until he's in the middle of a situation'. Sounds like serious denial.
He must have been really surprised to come out of his trance only to find his dick had managed to find its way into another woman!
So very sorry about your loss. Having to deal with that on top of all of this has to be difficult.
You have handled this with a good head, and I think you are right by telling her, she has a right to know that she is being cheated on and make the decision whether or not to marry the douche.
Good luck with your convo, and I agree with sending the message when he opens the door, as when she is getting it, he is going to be talking to you and you know damn well that phone will ring, and I would dare him to answer it. Karma may be kicking his ass as you are kicking him to the curb.