Post by laurenpetro on Jul 22, 2014 12:09:57 GMT -5
all the planning in the world doesn't help. shit happens. surprise extra babies happen.
i don't feel bad for someone who obsesses this much about it, though. i'm not of the "just calm down and it'll happen" camp but seriously, don't have a baby registry if you're not pregnant.
I read this article this morning and I guess I felt bad for them. Yes it's silly to baby proof prior to even getting KU. (maybe it's for their niece and the journalist just took creative liberty)
This woman has a disease and her insurance covers NOTHING.
While they certainly aren't the most sympathetic couple, it's complete and utter BS.
I think its ones of those things that you will never know how much it sucks until you have kids and if they can't, they will always have this idealized dream that will be bittersweet b.c they cant have it. no amount of parents telling them it sucks will be believed, ever.
Oh I do get it, it sucks to be struggling and have someone be like "you can have mine, haha!!". Like oh fuck you! Google infertility bingo for other things. But as far as getting treatment goes, they are in the best position financially. Is it fair that they'll need to sacrifice a little bit when other people just look at each other and get pregnant? Maybe not but is it fair that some people get cancer? Have to bury their own kids? Lose a job over something out of their control? No, but that's life and the "unfairness" of their situation I'd say is way more balanced by being affluent than a poor infertile couple barely making it and having to just hope for a miracle.
I definitely do judge the fact that they've bought baby shit instead of using that money towards IVF.
I do not judge them for being upset that IVF costs a lot of money. I understand why it does but it is a darn shame that IVF is out of reach for many families willing to go that route for a child or children. We make decent money but it would take a long time for us to come up with $15,000 for IVF.
But don't worry, I do judge them for other reasons so I'm not here to be a Debbie Downer lol.
A woman in one of my fb groups auctioned off her entire fabric stash to fund her IVF treatments. So I guess maybe that's why this couple is making me twitchy with their nicely appointed home and two oversized vehicles. asdfjkl, she drives an SUV, yo!
I definitely do judge the fact that they've bought baby shit instead of using that money towards IVF.
I do not judge them for being upset that IVF costs a lot of money. I understand why it does but it is a darn shame that IVF is out of reach for many families willing to go that route for a child or children. We make decent money but it would take a long time for us to come up with $15,000 for IVF.
But don't worry, I do judge them for other reasons so I'm not here to be a Debbie Downer lol.
A woman in one of my fb groups auctioned off her entire fabric stash to fund her IVF treatments. So I guess maybe that's why this couple is making me twitchy with their nicely appointed home and two oversized vehicles. asdfjkl, she drives an SUV, yo!
Lots of people in my infertility and infant loss support group were transplants to MA because infertility coverage is mandatory whether you have private insurance or the state healthcare. A couple that makes the kind of money they do could surely work at trying to move, find jobs that offer coverage, etc. Does it suck? Yes. But they still have it way better with more options than a couple living in their state working say, retail jobs.
I get that these people are not that sympathetic, but I don't think it is crazy that the economy has resulted in some people putting off having kids. I know that with DH being unemployed for a while and now me being unemployed we are putting off kids longer than we would have otherwise. I imagine that having to save for IVF would result in people waiting even longer.
I don't think that anyone is arguing that a slow economy has put some people in a rough employment spot where having kids now isn't a good idea and that saving for IVF is hard. These people are not a good example of that. Maybe we should be making fun of the author (refuse to call them a reporter) as much as the couple.
A woman in one of my fb groups auctioned off her entire fabric stash to fund her IVF treatments. So I guess maybe that's why this couple is making me twitchy with their nicely appointed home and two oversized vehicles. asdfjkl, she drives an SUV, yo!
Right???
And she is a historic sewist of the historically accurate variety so we're talking yardage of natural fibers and shit. I'm not sure I'd give up my fabric for my children though so maybe I sympathize with these people and their Rooms to Go furnished cookie cutter house after all.
I just have to post again because I am still in disbelief that they've set up baby gates FOR NO REASON.
They do mention that they're close to her niece, so it could be they've baby-proofed for when they watch her and the article writer is just highlighting it to make it seem like they're all prepared except for that darn economy.
FWIW, I do think the shitty economy, the high price of IF treatments, the lack of IF coverage in most insurance policies etc are all valid topics. But I also think that on a microscale, in one's own home, this couple has the means to control some things but are choosing to fixate on those they cannot control.
I do feel bad for them (for anyone who wants to have a child but can't for whatever reason). And for some people, yes, the economy is a factor, if their budgets are extremely tight and they both have to work but they don't have the money for daycare each month.
But I don't have a lot of sympathy for people who think having a family requires all this "stuff" and all these extras and can't see how those "required" extras are actually hindering their greater goal of IVF.
this comes up a lot though in discussions abou COL in various areas. "I don't know how people have kids in X city if they make less than 150k/200k" or whatever the magic number is. and the answer is people have kids but then they just dont buy as much stuff, or their overall spending looks very different than someone who makes more money. I feel like a lot of times people just dont understand how people live with less money than whatever it is they make.
And she is a historic sewist of the historically accurate variety so we're talking yardage of natural fibers and shit. I'm not sure I'd give up my fabric for my children though so maybe I sympathize with these people and their Rooms to Go furnished cookie cutter house after all.
If I'm selling off my stash I'm funding someone's organ transplant.
I have several variations on our "the house is on fire! RUN FOR YOUR LIVES!!!" plan. One of those variations has me grabbing 3-4 balls of my most precious yarn and running away. I eve know which balls I'm taking.* Stash is life, yo.
*Most of them involve getting my family and cats out, but if I can grab yarn on my way out, I will.
I feel for them because IF is hard and I have a good friend that went into debt to do IVF. However the endless talk about knowing what their baby will look like is just ridiculous. There are so many other ways to be a parent - foster a kid, adopt (I know it's not cheap), sell your house and live bare bones for a year. Stop whining and do something!!!
I'm sitting next to you. DH and I lived like college students and lived very minimally to save up for Donor Egg IVF.
I also found a clinic that had 0% financing for a year with their payment plan to make it work financially for us. Granted traveling for traditional IVF is tricky so that may not be an option but there are other health care loan options as well. But there are absolutely ways to make it work if they would make some sacrifices and consider different options.
Lots of people in my infertility and infant loss support group were transplants to MA because infertility coverage is mandatory whether you have private insurance or the state healthcare. A couple that makes the kind of money they do could surely work at trying to move, find jobs that offer coverage, etc. Does it suck? Yes. But they still have it way better with more options than a couple living in their state working say, retail jobs.
I think this is simplistic. Yes, they could move to a far-away state for IVF coverage but that's so much easier said than done for many reasons, and it may not be ideal if they get pregnant and welcome a baby because they would lose their support network that they have locally. I know I'd be very hesitant to move from this area no matter how badly I would want children because we have family here and it has been invaluable to have family not far from us now that we have a child.
I just have to post again because I am still in disbelief that they've set up baby gates FOR NO REASON.
They do mention that they're close to her niece, so it could be they've baby-proofed for when they watch her and the article writer is just highlighting it to make it seem like they're all prepared except for that darn economy.
I just have to post again because I am still in disbelief that they've set up baby gates FOR NO REASON.
They do mention that they're close to her niece, so it could be they've baby-proofed for when they watch her and the article writer is just highlighting it to make it seem like they're all prepared except for that darn economy.
But her niece is nearly five years old! Five year olds do not need baby gates!
I have all the sympathy in the world for people who do not have the $$ to pay for IVF, or the money to have a child. I strongly dislike how the cost may prohibit people from having children. And in some ways I do respect this couple for recognizing that they may not be in the best financial situation to have a kid right now - except that it does seem that perhaps they spend $$ on things like onesies and baby gates that could be in an IVF fund.
But I'm not going to judge their vehicles or their home - the house may have been quite cheap where they live, and the vehicles could be older (unless I missed that). I think we ALL know that you can drive a Mercedes and be poor - circumstances change so quickly sometimes.
ETA: I went to grade school and middle school with her. She was a year ahead of me, but we have a lot of mutual friends. I don't really "know" her now.
I also have sympathy on the "superstition" if they did set the stuff up for neice and are anxious about taking it down now. We are torn on setting up a nursery in the new house. We set it up in our current for pictures for the profile book. I haven't decided if I just want to reuse that picture for our updated one or reset it for a new picture. I hate walking past a staged nursey multiple times a day. But the only reason we have it is because we already had the stuff for DS. We did not set one up until I was pretty far along with him. Even then the mess of an empty room bugged me, but not quite the same. But they have probably spent a minimum of thousands which would definitely help towards the IVF goal.
I have all the sympathy in the world for people who do not have the $$ to pay for IVF, or the money to have a child. I strongly dislike how the cost may prohibit people from having children. And in some ways I do respect this couple for recognizing that they may not be in the best financial situation to have a kid right now - except that it does seem that perhaps they spend $$ on things like onesies and baby gates that could be in an IVF fund.
But I'm not going to judge their vehicles or their home - the house may have been quite cheap where they live, and the vehicles could be older (unless I missed that). I think we ALL know that you can drive a Mercedes and be poor - circumstances change so quickly sometimes.
A couple that can make $125k in a year is not poor. And if you can make that kind of money, you should able to set some aside in savings if you are so so incredibly desperate to have a baby.
These people are just the exact wrong people to feature if you're trying to sympathetically highlight those who can't have children because of the economy.
I think this is simplistic. Yes, they could move to a far-away state for IVF coverage but that's so much easier said than done for many reasons, and it may not be ideal if they get pregnant and welcome a baby because they would lose their support network that they have locally. I know I'd be very hesitant to move from this area no matter how badly I would want children because we have family here and it has been invaluable to have family not far from us now that we have a child.
I would be willing to move for a job that provided health insurance options. However, I'm not sure I'd be willing to leave my LCOL for a high one even if it came with more insurance benefits as at that point, it's a financial trade off. Sure, I'm getting my IVF paid for or rather some of the IVF expenses paid off. But that $550 rent for a one bedroom apartment with decent amenities is now $1000/mo or more in a dangerous part of town. That's not any more affordable than your cheap rent and OOP IVF.
ETA: I went to grade school and middle school with her. She was a year ahead of me, but we have a lot of mutual friends. I don't really "know" her now.
I adore how often this happens. It's one of my favorite things about this place.
They do mention that they're close to her niece, so it could be they've baby-proofed for when they watch her and the article writer is just highlighting it to make it seem like they're all prepared except for that darn economy.
But her niece is nearly five years old! Five year olds do not need baby gates!
Lots of people in my infertility and infant loss support group were transplants to MA because infertility coverage is mandatory whether you have private insurance or the state healthcare. A couple that makes the kind of money they do could surely work at trying to move, find jobs that offer coverage, etc. Does it suck? Yes. But they still have it way better with more options than a couple living in their state working say, retail jobs.
But then they probably wouldn't see her niece most weekends.
I suppose they could move to IL, which is still in the St Louis metro area, but I also wonder if his union/job availability comes into play with that. Are most of his jobs west of St. Louis? Would he need to join another union at a lower pay grade or seniority if they moved? And that's assuming IL covers IF treatments.
I have all the sympathy in the world for people who do not have the $$ to pay for IVF, or the money to have a child. I strongly dislike how the cost may prohibit people from having children. And in some ways I do respect this couple for recognizing that they may not be in the best financial situation to have a kid right now - except that it does seem that perhaps they spend $$ on things like onesies and baby gates that could be in an IVF fund.
But I'm not going to judge their vehicles or their home - the house may have been quite cheap where they live, and the vehicles could be older (unless I missed that). I think we ALL know that you can drive a Mercedes and be poor - circumstances change so quickly sometimes.
A couple that can make $125k in a year is not poor. And if you can make that kind of money, you should able to set some aside in savings if you are so so incredibly desperate to have a baby.
These people are just the exact wrong people to feature if you're trying to sympathetically highlight those who can't have children because of the economy.
OH i missed the income figure.
yeah, that's not poor. Unless they used that $$ THAT year to pay off student loans, or put a down payment on a house, etc. etc. I mean, if you make $125K one year but then $30K HHI each year subsequently, you might very well be poor. If you're consistently making $125K a year, you're not poor in that area from my understanding.
I definitely do judge the fact that they've bought baby shit instead of using that money towards IVF.
I do not judge them for being upset that IVF costs a lot of money. I understand why it does but it is a darn shame that IVF is out of reach for many families willing to go that route for a child or children. We make decent money but it would take a long time for us to come up with $15,000 for IVF.
But don't worry, I do judge them for other reasons so I'm not here to be a Debbie Downer lol.
You mean, bought baby shit while they were in the middle of IUI treatments?
Have you dealt with IF? It's a nightmare. I bought baby shit during my numerous failed cycles. I wanted to be optimistic it would work, because the alternative was soul crushing.
Really, the overwhelming opinion here is that IF isn't sympathetic. Didn't you dream about what your children with your DH would look like? You just didn't have an article written about you so that everyone could judge you on the internet.
yeah, that's not poor. Unless they used that $$ THAT year to pay off student loans, or put a down payment on a house, etc. etc. I mean, if you make $125K one year but then $30K HHI each year subsequently, you might very well be poor. If you're consistently making $125K a year, you're not poor in that area from my understanding.
I wish the article was more clear about how often they've been unemployed, how much he's made when work is slow, etc. Because if the potential to make $125k is when both are gainfully and high volume employed but that's been rare these last few years, then I think that's worth noting. If you have the potential to make $125k but have in fact averaged about $50 each year then this is a different conversation.
I'm also curious to know if all that furniture is paid for outright or if they are making payments on it. Because when I look at this article, I see a couple with a number of options. This article did not do anything to address that assumption, kwim?