Post by RoxMonster on Jul 28, 2014 11:46:08 GMT -5
Well, choosing to have a child is a pretty fucking permanent decision too. It's not like you can birth a child, then 14 years later decide, "Never mind. I changed my mind because I am older now and was only 23 when I made the decision to birth this kid. I take it back."
Yet, somehow, no one ever seems to question someone choosing to get pregnant when they are 23, 24, 25. THIS is the kind of mindset that I think is absolute bullshit. It disappoints me that there are people on here spewing the same kind of crap I have to hear from my relatives and others in society.
And yes, I understand why docs don't want to to do it; it pisses me off and I don't agree with it, but I know they are covering their asses. But I frankly think it's pretty dickish to tell someone who KNOWS she doesn't want to have children and on top of that, would probably have a very complicated pregnancy: "Oh you're young. You might change your mind." How condescending. I would NEVER say that to someone who chose to have a child at 23 and can you imagine the uproar if I did? Equally permanent decision. Same age.
Sorry, but this is a hot button issue for me, and it's apparent the mindset is one we aren't free of yet.
A lot can change between 23 and say 40. Shit, I had no desire to have children at 23. But at 23 you don't realize that things can change. There are other less permanent options.
A lot can change between 40 and menopause, so maybe no woman ever should be granted a permanent birth control option.
And this is ridiculous. I get it, you're young and you feel like you know it all. But there's so much personal growth that happens in your 20s.
The fact that anyone at 23 would claim that they know their own LYFE and are absolutely 100% sure that they are ready to make a permanent and life-altering decision is evidence that she is...well, 23.
What age would you deem someone able to be certain about anything?
Well, your brain isn't even fully developed until you're 25. And the kids/no kids decision is a huge one. There's really no going back once you make that decision.
At 23, most people are finishing college, starting their careers. Kids can seem very distant. I just wouldn't make any irreversible decisions at that age.
Do you say this to people who are 23 years old and get pregnant/are trying to reproduce?
I knew at 23 that I didn't want kids. I think what it comes down to is everyone needs to make their own life choices. Are some of those choices going to be mistakes? Sure. But you can't live your life making 'But what if' and never doing anything.
I have a fiance. Therefore, yes, I will have a stepson.
While I realize people can change their minds about kids, I have no desire to birth children. I don't want to go through pregnancy, labor, small infants, toddlers, or anything else ever.
I love the child whose life I am apart of, but do I want another? Absolutely not.
ETA:
Andplusalso... having kids would be such a huge fucking ordeal medically for me. so, I'd rather get my tubes tied and then if I do want a child in the long run, I'll adopt. Just because I might want a baby later, doesn't mean I have to birth one.
The fact that anyone at 23 would claim that they know their own LYFE and are absolutely 100% sure that they are ready to make a permanent and life-altering decision is evidence that she is...well, 23.
Isn't choosing to have children equally permanent and life-altering? Do you give this lecture to everyone who chooses to birth babies at this age? I frankly find this comment very condescending and offensive.
Well, your brain isn't even fully developed until you're 25. And the kids/no kids decision is a huge one. There's really no going back once you make that decision.
At 23, most people are finishing college, starting their careers. Kids can seem very distant. I just wouldn't make any irreversible decisions at that age.
Do you say this to people who are 23 years old and get pregnant/are trying to reproduce?
Two different issues obviously. I personally feel like 23 is young for kids, but whatever. The thing is she doesn't HAVE to make an irreversible decision at 23.
What age would you deem someone able to be certain about anything?
Well, your brain isn't even fully developed until you're 25. And the kids/no kids decision is a huge one. There's really no going back once you make that decision.
At 23, most people are finishing college, starting their careers. Kids can seem very distant. I just wouldn't make any irreversible decisions at that age.
Do you say this to people who are 23 years old and get pregnant/are trying to reproduce?
Two different issues obviously. I personally feel like 23 is young for kids, but whatever. The thing is she doesn't HAVE to make an irreversible decision at 23.
It's really not two different issues. Getting pregnant and having a child is also pretty irreversible.
ETA: Meaning when the baby is born. I am pro-choice and obviously pregnancies can be terminated. Once you have a living, breathing baby, sorry. That is a pretty permanent decision.
Well, choosing to have a child is a pretty fucking permanent decision too. It's not like you can birth a child, then 14 years later decide, "Never mind. I changed my mind because I am older now and was only 23 when I made the decision to birth this kid. I take it back."
Yet, somehow, no one ever seems to question someone choosing to get pregnant when they are 23, 24, 25. THIS is the kind of mindset that I think is absolute bullshit. It disappoints me that there are people on here spewing the same kind of crap I have to hear from my relatives and others in society.
And yes, I understand why docs don't want to to do it; it pisses me off and I don't agree with it, but I know they are covering their asses. But I frankly think it's pretty dickish to tell someone who KNOWS she doesn't want to have children and on top of that, would probably have a very complicated pregnancy: "Oh you're young. You might change your mind." How condescending. I would NEVER say that to someone who chose to have a child at 23 and can you imagine the uproar if I did? Equally permanent decision. Same age.
Sorry, but this is a hot button issue for me, and it's apparent the mindset is one we aren't free of yet.
There has been actual research done on this topic. And there is a big correlation between a younger age of getting this procedure done and a big feeling of regret. So, if you're a doctor and you have young women coming in and citing regret on a continual basis, it is only appropriate that it's brought up.
Hell, if you had asked me at 23 I would have been 1000% certain that I didn't want kids. Like a pp said, there is so much personal growth in your 20's.
I don't see this as a "doctor imposing their belief systems" on anyone.
Post by RoxMonster on Jul 28, 2014 11:52:53 GMT -5
LOL. I am so glad there are people on this board who know exactly when others are and are not ready to decide to have and not have kids. I was worried for a second that everyone would have to be responsible for their own actions and their own lives. Glad to see that isn't the case.
Post by RoxMonster on Jul 28, 2014 11:59:48 GMT -5
wysiwyg You don't need to defend your decision to anyone here. You may have a hard time getting your doc to OK it, but I would set up an appointment to talk to him/her about your options. At my last yearly with my GYN, I mentioned I was not interested in having children and wanted some information on my permanent BC options. She talked to me about my options, as well as the option for H (V). She gave me pamphlets to read and think about. Thank God I don't have a judgmental doc.
I think it is necessary and warranted for a doc to go through risks, repercussions (if that is the right word) and obviously the permanence of any procedure. If your doc is judgmental or won't even discuss options with you, I would honestly try to switch to a doc who will have an open and frank discussion with this about you. You are owed that, regardless of your age.
Post by RoxMonster on Jul 28, 2014 12:02:15 GMT -5
Uh oh. I made the decision to marry my H when I was 24. Noooooo. I shall have to tell him when he gets home from work that our marriage is doomed and we will obviously end up divorced.
with all of the other (age-appropriate) options available, it seems funny that tying your tubes is the preferrable option. i think that's why a lot of people in this thread are :/
if it were the oNLY option, it would be much easier for you to justify this.
anyway, just my thoughts. i'm not invested in your tubes!
Uh oh. I made the decision to marry my H when I was 24. Noooooo. I shall have to tell him when he gets home from work that our marriage is doomed and we will obviously end up divorced.
Dude, why are you so defensive? If you're secure with yourself and your choices then you shouldn't get offended by stranger's opinions.
Uh oh. I made the decision to marry my H when I was 24. Noooooo. I shall have to tell him when he gets home from work that our marriage is doomed and we will obviously end up divorced.
Uh oh. I made the decision to marry my H when I was 24. Noooooo. I shall have to tell him when he gets home from work that our marriage is doomed and we will obviously end up divorced.
Dude, why are you so defensive? If you're secure with yourself and your choices then you shouldn't get offended by stranger's opinions.
LOL OK. Yup. I'm just defensive and there is absolutely no merit in anything I've pointed out in this thread.
Uh oh. I made the decision to marry my H when I was 24. Noooooo. I shall have to tell him when he gets home from work that our marriage is doomed and we will obviously end up divorced.
Marriage doesn't have to be permanent.
It was a TIC comment in response to the absolutely absurd statement that no one can be trusted to make good choices before age 25.