It was vey important for DH that we live together, I didn't necessarily want to but I agreed because I wanted to marry him. We ended up officially living together 2 years before we married. Only a handful of family members knew. If I were to do it again, I wouldn't live together it at.
Post by Velvetshady on Jul 28, 2014 21:40:11 GMT -5
I moved in with him after we were engaged and had a wedding date set (~6 months prior to the wedding). And I really only moved when I did because I had a very slow patch a work and we were worried I'd be slammed at work as the wedding date got closer. And we still wish I had kept the apartment I was renting (DH would probably still stay there a couple times a week for the much better commute).
But, that said, before that, DH stayed at my apartment a few nights a week, I stayed at his house over most weekends. So, while not "living together" we mostly split where we stayed starting from around the third week we were dating.
In prior relationships, I'd never officially lived with someone, but had been to the point that we split time between homes together more nights than we stayed alone with several exes. I don't think I would ever have been comfortable not having my own place without being engaged/married and I know I would never have considered purchasing a home with someone without marriage. And that is really an independence thing and a wanting the legal protections that come with marriage thing not a romantic or values thing for me.
Yes. We did live together before we got married. My H was the only guy I ever lived with before marriage. Not like that was many because my ex-H was the third guy I'd ever dated. LOL
My H and I pretty much knew that this relationship was it. My favorite quote from him was what he said to his BFF "Barring that she isn't crazy, she's the one." LOL Little did he know...j/k We got engaged like a month after he moved in.
We lived together for about five months before we got married. We were engaged. However, I was spending Friday through Monday at his place three months after we got together.
Post by StrawberryBlondie on Jul 28, 2014 21:42:29 GMT -5
Yes, but not till after we were engaged. I am not exactly opposed to living together before engagement, but we got engaged 6 months into dating so living together before that would've seemed a little soon.
Post by penguingrrl on Jul 28, 2014 21:43:14 GMT -5
Yes, we moved in together shortly after graduating college and got engaged a few months after that. At that point we knew we were planning to get engaged (we had been together for over 5 years at that point) and it made the most sense financially to have one set of household expenses rather than two. My ILs weren't thrilled as they are observant Catholics but respected that we were adults and making our own decisions. My mother was happy and felt it was a very smart move.
We were virtually living together within a few weeks and made it official about 4 months in. We got engaged a little over a year later.
We had each lived with other people in the past. I think we learned a lot from those relationships and I know that was a big part of the reason I felt confident that I wanted to marry him early on. I knew what I wanted and what didn't work for me from past experience.
When we met he didn't want to marry anyone ever. Luckily he came around pretty quickly. He knew it was important to me and that having a future together depended on it. It was something we discussed a lot in the beginning but was not fully resolved when we moved in together.
I couldn't imagine marrying someone I hadn't lived with, or even getting engaged. For me at least, living together changed so much more than marriage has. I don't judge it though and I know some situations require it.
Post by kittycatlove on Jul 28, 2014 21:45:24 GMT -5
We did. And he moved into my place after only dating for 2 months! I was also 37 when we met. We also bought our house before we were engaged as well. So far it seems to be working out, married 6 years next month and together almost 8 years.
I'm the biggest hussy here I guess. I didn't even want to get married for the longest time. It was the "m word" but I was happy living together.
If seems like millennials are buying houses together before marriage so I definitely think there is a generational thing happening.
Well, I'm probably up there. We lived together in two separate chunks due to school before we got married, the first of which was several years before marriage.
We first moved in together the month I started university, which was also the month I turned 18. I technically had my own room (there were five of us in the house), but it went unused except for the desk.
Post by wanderlustfoodie on Jul 28, 2014 21:53:06 GMT -5
Almost everyone I know lived together before an engagement.
We moved in together seven years after we started dating and two years before we got engaged.
Moving in together was the most difficult adjustment of our relationship. Two stubborn only children set in their ways, studying for the bar together, buying all new furniture with totally divergent aesthetic preferences, and squeezing into a one-bedroom. Marriage is easy compared to those first few cohabitation months!!
He moved in 6 months before we were engaged. We combined finances pretty quickly after that, at my behest. We both knew it was for the long haul, so I never worried about it. I knew him moving in with me was pretty much better than a ring, because his Catholic parents about died. The first time they visited (the second time I met them), the first question out of my now MILs moth was, "so what do your parents think of the living situation?" And yes, she continues to be just as much fun.
LTBM is quite a bit less common among the college-educated, which I think most of us on this board are. When college-educated couples do LTBM, they often do it quite differently, too. It's often relatively brief, they're engaged beforehand (or get engaged relatively shortly moving in together,) and it doesn't usually last very long before they get married or (sometimes) break up. In contrast, it's more common, lasts longer, and is less likely to lead to marriage the less education a couple has.
Cohabitation is actually a topic I know a lot about if anyone happens to have random questions.
This interests me. Is there a cultural divide? Anecdotes but...None of my black friend peers ever seem to have an expectation that couples will live together before marriage unless they are counting down to the wedding. It isn't a "step" on the path to marriage. I remember a non-black friend asking after learning me and my beau at the time had been together for two years if we were moving in together and I said uh, no. And she thought it was crazy that we would be together that long and not live together. I thought it was odd that she thought we should be living together.
Is there an age divide? I'm a Gen X-er.
Regional? I'm a Southerner.
I can't exactly explain it, but I didn't feel like it was a "step" in our relationship. We knew we were going to get married, even though we weren't engaged. I know that sounds crazy. But moving in together was never a "let's try this out and see how it goes," thing for either one of us.
This interests me. Is there a cultural divide? Anecdotes but...None of my black friend peers ever seem to have an expectation that couples will live together before marriage unless they are counting down to the wedding. It isn't a "step" on the path to marriage. I remember a non-black friend asking after learning me and my beau at the time had been together for two years if we were moving in together and I said uh, no. And she thought it was crazy that we would be together that long and not live together. I thought it was odd that she thought we should be living together.
Is there an age divide? I'm a Gen X-er.
Regional? I'm a Southerner.
I can't exactly explain it, but I didn't feel like it was a "step" in our relationship. We knew we were going to get married, even though we weren't engaged. I know that sounds crazy. But moving in together was never a "let's try this out and see how it goes," thing for either one of us.
Likewise. We ended up getting engaged shortly thereafter, but that was years before I thought we would. Nonetheless, our decision to move in together just felt like being financially pragmatic since we both knew where it was going from about week six.
And he moved into my place and we split all expenses exactly down the middle. I'd been carrying the apartment costs all on my own for the year before so I felt RICH.
No one in his family cared, both of my parents tried to pretend like it wasn't actually happening. Analogy time: if us living together was my prosthetic leg that had fallen off in the middle of dinner, my parents were politely stepping over it on their way to and from the door and complimenting my shoes.
We knew it was for the long haul, but we were not engaged. We were 21 and had been dating 3 years (jesus). We were engaged 6 mos later and married in another year.
Not only did I live with h before we were married (the ring came maybe a month later), I also had another boyfriend I lived with a couple years that I had no intention of marrying.
Yes. Moved in 4 months into the relationship, didn't getting officially engaged until 5 years later, then married two years later. We discussed waiting 5 years since his parents divorced multiple partners, and I didn't want to get married right after high school.
We officially moved in together a year and a half before we got engaged.
Prior to that...let's see...after being together about a year, we were sleeping at one house or the other, so we might as well have been living together. Very rarely did we spend a night apart. Then I moved and we did long distance for about a year (so we spent every weekend together at one of our houses). Then we moved in together officially.
Yes. For 10 years. The first 4.5 half before being engaged. I don't see the engagement or the wedding as the big thing. The commitment itself is the big thing and for us that was long before any rings.
This interests me. Is there a cultural divide? Anecdotes but...None of my black friend peers ever seem to have an expectation that couples will live together before marriage unless they are counting down to the wedding. It isn't a "step" on the path to marriage. I remember a non-black friend asking after learning me and my beau at the time had been together for two years if we were moving in together and I said uh, no. And she thought it was crazy that we would be together that long and not live together. I thought it was odd that she thought we should be living together.
Is there an age divide? I'm a Gen X-er.
Regional? I'm a Southerner.
I can't exactly explain it, but I didn't feel like it was a "step" in our relationship. We knew we were going to get married, even though we weren't engaged. I know that sounds crazy. But moving in together was never a "let's try this out and see how it goes," thing for either one of us.
I get this. This was DH and I as well. At 19 and 22 we were too young to be even discussing engagement and marriage, but we both knew that's where the relationship was going.
I get this. This was DH and I as well. At 19 and 22 we were too young to be even discussing engagement and marriage, but we both knew that's where the relationship was going.
This will probably sound bitchy (because hi, have you met me?) but I swear 100% I do not mean it that way because you do you. NOT JUDGING!
I just cannot fathom moving in with a boyfriend at 19. Or 22. As it is, I feel like I missed some stuff having a boyfriend or husband for most of my 20s (started dating H at 21). I would have suffocated living with him that young, even if I'd known from 13 that we would get married.
But I'm glad it's worked out for you. Like I said, you do you.