Well, I saw the nurse wipe my ass, lol. Nobody said anything but I am 100% sure I shit all over the place. I would be horrified by this 10 years ago but it's really not that big of a deal to me remembering it now. It happens!
I have no idea if I defecated during labor. None. Either time.
SO MUCH OTHER grossness is exiting your body, why focus on that? I mean, even after you have the blessed event of the actual birth of your child (yay), then the remainder of the umbilical cord (surprisingly thick and weird) and the placenta (a giant slab of fleshy stuff) come out.
Giving birth is a never-ending cavalcade of freaky shit. Literal shit is definitely the least freaky of all of the various substances.
When I finally worked up the nerve (over a year later) to ask DH if I pooped the table, he was all "Dude, there was so much going on down there, at all times. I, I don't think so? I wanna say no?" Lol.
As for penis, my first one was the smallest, but the oral was amazing. The biggest one I saw completely freaked me out, and I refused to get near the thing. He just whipped it out, too--I guess he thought that was enough of a seduction. To defuse the situation, I used my best kindergarten teacher voice and said "Oh look, it's a peepee!" All extra brightly. I still don't know what possessed me.
Post by sparkythelawyer on Sept 6, 2014 23:42:45 GMT -5
I think Tacom's advice was spot on. I think taking a 30 day course of antibiotics should better be done for a much better reason than someone on the internet thinks its a good idea.
I dodged sleeping with a guy because he not only had an itty bitty willy, but he was also a virgin and I just could not put forth the effort to train a new rider :-)
spellingbea that is hilarious. How did he react to that? I cannot stop laughing
He kept it out! He still thought he had a shot, until I explained to him that his giant shlong was not germane to the conversation, and if he ever had a shot he lost it as soon as I saw it, cause that thing was scaring the hell out of my vagina.
I'm gonna drop this here: when I finally do get around to having a baby, I plan to ask for an enema while in labor. I asked my coworkers in L&D about this and they looked at me like I was crazy. I said, "I don't want to poop on the table!" It would make my husband puke.
I didn't sleep with a guy once because it was so small. I am so unsmooth I was like Billy Crystal in When Harry Met Sally, all "um, so I have an early squash game and should really hit the road."
I did this once too
Years ago I was dating a guy with a pretty small penis. Small enough, in fact, that when he started hinting about "the next step", I started worrying about how shallow it would be to break up with someone rather than live with their teeny weenie forever. He just wasn't good at the sex, in general.
Literally I was jacking him off with my thumb and two fingers.
(Clearly you wouldn't even have to open your mouth that wide for a blow job since it was so small)
See, that's the kind of thing that nightmares are made of!
The tiny guy I was talking about in my prior post was like this. You know how you use your hand during a blowjob to control how deep he goes? I didn't even have to do that when I gave him a bj. I couldn't figure out what to do with my hands.
(Clearly you wouldn't even have to open your mouth that wide for a blow job since it was so small)
See, that's the kind of thing that nightmares are made of!
The tiny guy I was talking about in my prior post was like this. You know how you use your hand during a blowjob to control how deep he goes? I didn't even have to do that when I gave him a bj. I couldn't figure out what to do with my hands.
The tiny guy I was talking about in my prior post was like this. You know how you use your hand during a blowjob to control how deep he goes? I didn't even have to do that when I gave him a bj. I couldn't figure out what to do with my hands.
Play with his balls?
This was quite a few years ago, I don't remember if I knew that trick yet.
Fortunately, the smallest peen I've ever fucked was really fucking awesome at everything.
This past weekend I got so thoroughly fucked I was walking funny for two days. He had six years of making up to do. I was only sad because I was too sore to screw him again before he left.
(Clearly you wouldn't even have to open your mouth that wide for a blow job since it was so small)
See, that's the kind of thing that nightmares are made of!
The tiny guy I was talking about in my prior post was like this. You know how you use your hand during a blowjob to control how deep he goes? I didn't even have to do that when I gave him a bj. I couldn't figure out what to do with my hands.
I don't think I pooped giving birth because it happened so fast, I bore down maybe twice. My OB was basically holding DS's head to keep him from shooting out.
In terms of things that have gone into me, rather that out, the most disturbing penis was super long but thin - really thin. It was a one night stand and we have many mutual friends. Whenever I see a pic of him on Facebook, it is pretty much all I can think about, and not in a good way.
Post by sherbanator on Sept 7, 2014 2:37:30 GMT -5
The smallest guy that I was ever with was the best sex and foreplay I have ever had. He wasn't tiny, probably just a little bit below average. Stbxh is the second biggest but was definitely the worst. I'm so turned on around him it feels like it made up for the pain, though. Life! I need to move on.
“Life is not orderly. No matter how we try to make it so, right in the middle of it lose a leg, fall in love, drop a jar of applesauce.” - Natalie Goldberg
If you poop during birth, can you not smell it? Or is it masked by other smells lol?
Cuz my shit stiiiiinks.
I think, for most people, your body clears everything (or most of it) out before you go into labor or in early labor. So what is coming out is a small amount.
I, personally, didn't smell anything, but I'm not 100% sure that it happened.
“Life is not orderly. No matter how we try to make it so, right in the middle of it lose a leg, fall in love, drop a jar of applesauce.” - Natalie Goldberg
I'm gonna drop this here: when I finally do get around to having a baby, I plan to ask for an enema while in labor. I asked my coworkers in L&D about this and they looked at me like I was crazy. I said, "I don't want to poop on the table!" It would make my husband puke.
Poop was the least gross thing that came out of me while giving birth. Well, aside from the baby anyway.
Post by rupertpenny on Sept 7, 2014 7:17:55 GMT -5
I'm not 100% sure I pooped (more like 70% sure) but no, it did not stink. And I don't think most people are taking a huge dump, it's just that a little bit gets squeezed out. I mean I was pushing so hard I think anything that could escape any part if my body got squeezed out.
Maybe this is flameful, but I never worried about pooping during labor. I figured it was probably going to happen and if my H couldn't handle it then maybe he should think twice about impregnating me again.
New guy texted me how excited he us for football. I made a joke that I hope he's that excited to see me someday. He sent me the jack Johnson song "you and your heart"
I don't know what that means.
Johnson told MTV News in regards to the inspiration of You and Your Heart. "...... And at some point, some of the books I was reading started leading me in a certain direction, kind of like this broken king character. That area you get in sometimes, where you stop trusting your heart and you start thinking too much about logic and this and that. So it's basically about that separation that can happen between the self and the heart and trying to trust your heart again.".
If you poop during birth, can you not smell it? Or is it masked by other smells lol?
Cuz my shit stiiiiinks.
I've smelled it. But obviously I'm not the one giving birth and I'm literally right there and not up at the head. The poop and fart smells definitely aren't masked by anything else.
I know we talk about everything here but I am really side-eyeing the pooping during birth people. Have we no boundaries?
Why are you side-eyeing it? It's been discussed a million times across several different gbcn boards, including this one. You've been around long enough to know that there are no boundaries. Poop talk seems like a pretty common topic around here to me!
I'm not 100% sure I pooped (more like 70% sure) but no, it did not stink. And I don't think most people are taking a huge dump, it's just that a little bit gets squeezed out. I mean I was pushing so hard I think anything that could escape any part if my body got squeezed out.
Maybe this is flameful, but I never worried about pooping during labor. I figured it was probably going to happen and if my H couldn't handle it then maybe he should think twice about impregnating me again.
Birth has so many smells that I can totally imagine poop not being something you smell. LOL at the people that think birth doesn't smell.
I'm not sure how many births you've participated in, but I've never noticed a smell unless the woman farts or poops. I've only done 2 rotations in ob though so far, so not a ton of experience. But my nose is pretty sensitive to hospital smells and giving birth (minus pooping and farting) smells like roses compared to many other things.