My ideal number was .4 children. Unfortunatly I couldn't find a second set of parents to take on the other 60 percent of parenting share , so we got 1.0.
Post by turtlegirl on Sept 26, 2014 9:45:36 GMT -5
We are TTC #3 right now and 3 is my ideal number. DH wants 4, so he's probably not going to get his.
The only reason we are able to have 3 kids so close together is because we have free childcare via my mom. If we had to pay for daycare I would be a SAHM and we would be living a much different lifestyle. I don't make enough money for 2u2 in daycare.
My mom used to run an in home daycare at our house when I was younger and genuinely loves kids and caring for them. She always tells me how much she loves getting to "stay home" with her grandkids since she didn't get to be a SAHM when my sister and I were toddlers.
2 is my ideal, but DH told me that his heart wants 3, though he logically knows 2 is better. We could afford having 3, but would have to make lifestyle changes we don't need to make with 2.
Our ideal is 3. We are progressively moving towards being done with 2, although things like this make me think I'll regret that decision in the long run...
Ideally we wanted 4 but as time goes on I think we are going to stop at 3 because of our age and finances. If I was 2 years younger then I would definitely think 4 would be more attainable.
Post by redpenmama on Sept 26, 2014 10:03:50 GMT -5
I want 4 but will probably have 3 due to finances and my H. I am hoping that I feel done after the third (or at least over the pregnancy/baby stage) because H will be a hard sell on a fourth.
Post by brady2012 on Sept 26, 2014 10:06:42 GMT -5
We had our ideal which was two. I came from a family of two and both my parents had smallish families (2 and 3). So it never was on my radar to have more kids.
I am in a HCOL area so the families are smaller and the majority of households have both parents working outside the home. I only have one friend with 3 kids. I would say cost and maternal age due to pursuing a career would be the reasons in this area people don't have as many as they'd like to.
I may have fewer than my ideal. I would have wanted 5 in a perfect world where money was no object. But in reality 3 is the most we can have and still maintain our lifestyle and be able to accomplish other goals and provide for them as we want.
But, honestly, even with unlimited money we may not have had more kids due to age too. We waited to start having children until we both finished grad school and were settled in our careers. And having 3 kids so close together is very difficult and may have caused us to reconsider too.
I am pregnant with #1 at 33. I have no idea what my ideal number is. I love having babies and want 4, I'm out of luck with my age/fertility (which doesn't appear to be awesome)
I'm a different person at 33 than at 24 and at 24 I didn't really want any kids.
Yeah, I probably don't have enough childbearing years left to have a 3rd without them all being in daycare at once. Which we can't afford right now. But we'll see... maybe I can squeak one in a little older than ideal...
Post by simpsongal on Sept 26, 2014 10:17:28 GMT -5
I think DH and I both want 3, but we keep saying we'll have 2 and see how we feel. I thinkwe'd firmly say 3 if not for the exorbitant cost and time committment of having children.
My ideal is 4 and I am currently going through a mini-crisis as I come to grips that we will (likely) never get there. Partially finances. Partially because DH's ideal is 2.
I mean, I think we could swing it financially. Maybe colleges would only be half funded instead of fully. Traveling would be a lot harder with 4 instead of 2, and that's a big priority for me too. I agree with the THIS IS HARD sentiment above.
Post by humpforfree on Sept 26, 2014 10:20:34 GMT -5
I want 4+ and H always imagined 2. So we are decided on 3 right now but he is open-ish to more. I also want to foster/adopt, so add that in and we will see where we settle out. It's all very up in the air. This is a big deal for a planner like me. Lol.
Post by jessnpaul on Sept 26, 2014 10:22:58 GMT -5
I had my heart set on two, but I may have to be okay with one and done due to stupid secondary infertility because of my age. We're still trying for #2 but I'm trying to get used to the idea that B may be it, and I feel terrible about it
This is my own fault for waiting to have kids though. But I wasn't ready before. We got married late (I was 34, DH was almost 33) and wanted to enjoy a few years child-free. I have *no* regrets about that because we really enjoyed that time! I just wish I could have met DH a few years earlier than I did and gotten the party started at a younger age so I wouldn't be where I am now!
Post by thebreakfastclub on Sept 26, 2014 10:28:13 GMT -5
I never really had an ideal, but we are OAD. The vasectomy is scheduled for 11/11.
If I wasn't 38 and could space kids further apart, maybe there would be a second.
But the reality is I don't think I like doing the work of raising children enough to attend to the needs of more than one at a time. And I consider my boy extremely low maintenance.
Though if I could get guarantee twin boys I'd go for 6. Lol. I'm 39 so I probably can't squeak out 2 more of my own even if I wanted to. I have no desire for an odd number (I know it's weird, it's just my thing) but my DH has mentioned having another a few times. Funny since he was a 3 max person once upon a time...lol. Likely no more though unless we adopt in 3+yrs because we're burnt out on no sleep.
Post by badtzmaru22 on Sept 26, 2014 10:34:54 GMT -5
I've been all over the place with my ideal number. DH has always wanted two, which we have. I'm pretty sure we are done, especially due to finances, but I got a mirena instead of DH getting the snip, so we have five more years to win the lottery or something and have another kid.
If I had met my DH sooner (though I'm happy I didn't) and I had money for nanny and cleaners, four would be my ideal. In reality, with the gap between kids I like, my age and me wanting to get back to work, two is ideal and two is what I have. Part of me really wants a third though.
My ideal number was .4 children. Unfortunatly I couldn't find a second set of parents to take on the other 60 percent of parenting share , so we got 1.0.
Lol, this reminds me. Have you ever seen the movie Friends with Kids? You know the part when they're talking about how (amicably) divorced couples with shared custody have it made? This is so true. It makes me wonder why you never hear about two couples who are really close friends sharing custody of one kid, similar to how divorced people do. You have your kid 3-4 days and then he goes off to his other parents' house, who you love and trust implicitly, and you have your alone time with your H who you don't want to divorce. Win/win.
I could not get past the first five minutes of this movie.
Post by shekels1222 on Sept 26, 2014 11:32:04 GMT -5
I'd like 3. Dh wants 2. I'm pregnant with our second. And have a feeling we're done after this one. I can live with that decision but ask me again when this one is 2-3 yrs old and I'm itching for a baby again.
Post by pinkdutchtulips on Sept 26, 2014 11:34:46 GMT -5
I wanted 2 but due to the following - late start, age, finances and lack of family support nearby - we had to stop at 1.
my mom had FOUR and her ability to do so was bc my dad's job PAID for our housing so she could be a sahm ... lord only knows if they had to pay rent/mortgage then they would have probably stopped at 2.
Post by cincodemayo on Sept 26, 2014 11:40:09 GMT -5
Ideal? I want 3 or 4.
Reality- 2. If I pressed really really hard and we gave up some traveling and fun stuff (which would be impossible for us) I could MAYBE get DH on board for a 3rd. But after hypo 2 comes along I may change my mind anyways. I'm terribly disorganized and the logistics would kill us, lol.
I go back and forth, but am really hoping I will be content with two. Three feels a little right cause we are both from families of three, but then again, I always felt like my parents were too overextended to even pay attention to me growing up.