Post by jeaniebueller on Dec 1, 2014 10:29:25 GMT -5
Is the President of the United States coming to this dinner? Because.....no. Your husband needs to take a stand even if it means your MIL throwing a hissy fit. Why is this dinner a thing?
It wouldn't bother me in your scenario because it sounds like your MIL is nuts, but if your H went along with it just because he doesn't want to upset her...well, my H would find out very quickly that having an upset wife is WAY worse.
I'd give my H enough rope to hang himself with. I would do like you and hope he makes the right decision once the time comes.
IF the invitation was simply "we're hosting a big family dinner for an OOT guest and want you to know you're invited. We understand if you cannot make it, but we are happy to feed you if you are up to it," I wouldn't be so upset. It's not like it's just a regular dinner on a random Friday night. BUT, if she meant H leave you and both kids alone, I'd be pissed!
Ultimately I think YOU should be able to make that decision on that day.
FWIW, I would have been fine with my H leaving for an hour the day that I came home with DS2, as long as he took DS1 with him. (and ONLY if it was completely my decision, not him doing something to appease MIL.) Set me up with water, snacks, diapers, wipes, a place to lay baby, and I'd be fine for an hour. I actually appreciated the quiet!
I know so many people are "It's a DH problem, HE needs to deal with his mother, talk to her, put her in her place" YADA YADA YADA. I know this!
But right now? You are having a baby, imminently. Your DH knows how a newborn is AND your MIL is peeing on her territory and acting all Passive-Aggressive and "ohhhh... it's such a SHAME you cannot attend! Tee hee! New GF is coming to dinner... sorry you won't be there!!!"
No. SHUT IT DOWN, and NOW. Have DH call her on speaker phone and lay in to her, yourself, but as a team - use a lot of WE statements. "MIL, as we have thought about your dinner invitation over the past weekend, and we realized you were being very exclusionary toward me, MY NEWBORN CHILD, my 4 year old, and trying to drive a wedge between my husband and I by SEPARATING US while I'm very newly post-partem. I'm surely misunderstanding something here, correct? Why would you think this is remotely an acceptable dinner invitation and purposeful exclusion of me and my newborn/4 yr old and our needs? This is very inappropriate behavior, especially coming from someone who has given birth (2+?) times. DH and I think we need to take a break from you. See you sometime in 2015." MIL needs to learn that bad behavior has consequences. I really would not begin to let her 'explain' this situation. There is no explantation! She's being P-A and needs a call-out.
O.P. DH' never learned to "Leave and Cleave" from his mother. Forget 'apron strings'... MIL is still attached at the placenta. JEBUS.
O.P.: No one should ever treat a post-partem woman like an afterthought, most especially her husband!!! He needs to choose and choose correctly, and do it TODAY.