If you reallllly want to wish her, be weird and call him and get her number. If she is glad to hear from you, great. If not, be prepared to be iced out forever.
ETA - OP is also FB friends with this person. It's not like this person is a total stranger. I think it's weird that people think this is SOOOO creepy! Back in the days of the phone book I'd call every last Jane Smith to find the one I was looking for. Of course this was in middle school - lol.
This is what I was going to say, pre-internet you'd look in the phone book and maybe call their mom or sibling if they were not listed. I vote a little odd but not serial killer level creepy.
Eh, just because some olds haven't kept up with social media doesn't mean they don't want people to contact them.
I would shoot a short email if the FB read receipt wasn't shown.
I don't think it's creepy at all to reach out to someone that knows me and someone whose info is very intentionally public - but what I would do is give them my info to pass on to sibling instead of putting them on the spot for the info.
ETA - OP is also FB friends with this person. It's not like this person is a total stranger. I think it's weird that people think this is SOOOO creepy! Back in the days of the phone book I'd call every last Jane Smith to find the one I was looking for. Of course this was in middle school - lol.
I know lots of olds who don't use FB, including me. For example, I just checked and I can't tell if he's read it. How do I do that...?
Also, to your ETA, I reconnected with an old friend pre-FB when she called my mom (who was listed in the phone book) and asked for my number.
See, I really just wanted to send a card - I already wrote it! That way she gets a nice card on or near her birthday with a nice message and my phone number. But the address I have for her is no good anymore. And it's important (to me, anyway) because it's a big birthday and I'm facing the same one later this year and I would love it if she called me out of the blue.
Post by sofamonkey on Mar 30, 2015 23:26:48 GMT -5
OK, so it has been many years since you have talked to her or about her to people that know her. Before you email this guy (because I agree that would be better so you don't put him on the spot), perhaps look in the local obituaries to see if she has passed away. Yes, that seems morbid, but it is a quick way to not look like a thoughtless ass. I presume you don't want that. lol
I'm going to assume her friend had actual contact info for OP outside of FB since she never had an account that she could have used to maintain contact?
indont think turning 40 is a good reason to start contacting her siblings at their job for something that clearly fizzled from both sides for years.
Phone numbers change and people move.
I have an old friend from high school and middle school - and I am friends with her sister on FB. I could totally see myself messaging this girl and saying "Hey! I miss Ali! Can you let her know I'm thinking of her and to shoot me an email!" and leave my contact info.
If the work contact info is what is making people freak out, I could understand that more - but even so, as a real estate agent, I don't think this is a totally out of line email to send.
I did have her number and we'd catch up once or twice a year, but I lost all my contacts in the nacho incident. We moved and I'm not sure I ever gave her my new address. She sold her house a few months ago. It's not really that weird that we haven't spoken in two years. Some friends are just like that, you know?
Post by shananagins on Mar 30, 2015 23:32:34 GMT -5
I don't think it's weird. If someone my brother and I both knew in high school emailed me asking for his address I would give it to them and not think twice.
I can see where calling someone at work may put them on the spot but how is an email to an address that is publicly posted online more intrusive than a FB message?
If the message says "Read" or has a checkmark next to it, he's read it.
I swear I'm not dense, but I don't see either of those. I also don't see that next to messages from other people who I know read the message. I'm on an iPad, is that different?
I have an old best friend like this and the only way we get back in touch with each other every few years is through her brother. We have both moved a lot in the last 10 years. I have messaged her brother and she has had him message me (she doesn't use Facebook).
In this situation, I would maybe write one email. I would not call. I know it is well intentioned but I would only do that for a desperate situation.
I don't think it's weird. If someone my brother and I both knew in high school emailed me asking for his address I would give it to them and not think twice.
I can see where calling someone at work may put them on the spot but how is an email to an address that is publicly posted online more intrusive than a FB message?
I can email him if ML thinks that less stalkerish, but he and I were friends, too. True, it was twenty years ago, but he's not going to be like "who the fuck are you?" He definitely knows who I am! Plus, I'm not socially inept (I don't think). I do know how to talk to people on the phone. I'd be brief and friendly and polite and he'd either offer her info or pass mine along.
If the message says "Read" or has a checkmark next to it, he's read it.
I swear I'm not dense, but I don't see either of those. I also don't see that next to messages from other people who I know read the message. I'm on an iPad, is that different?
Tap on the message you sent and it will tell you. If nothing comes up, he hasn't seen it yet.
I swear I'm not dense, but I don't see either of those. I also don't see that next to messages from other people who I know read the message. I'm on an iPad, is that different?
Tap on the message you sent and it will tell you. If nothing comes up, he hasn't seen it yet.
Haha. Yeah, now I see. No, there's no check mark, so I guess he hasn't read it.
The FB message was fine, but calling him at work would be a little weird. And it's also a little weird that you asked "is it weird?" and are now arguing against the responses. And that you're so hell bent on commemorating this person's 40th birthday, to the extent that you've even written out the card. Two years have gone by and all of a sudden you need her info RIGHT NOW RIGHT NOW. Calm down. If he gets back to you, get in touch with her then, and wish her a belated birthday.
If he has an email address on his FB or his work website, IMO it's ok to email him that way. But that's the extent of acceptable contact. Don't call him.
But since you're probably going to do it anyway, I hope they're not both weirded out!
I see nothing wrong with being weird. Worst case, he thinks you are a little stalkerish (but more than likely he'll think it's nice to hear from you and catch up). Best case, you get to talk to your friend. I say go for it.
I can email him if ML thinks that less stalkerish, but he and I were friends, too. Â True, it was twenty years ago, but he's not going to be like "who the fuck are you?" Â He definitely knows who I am!Â
No, but you would be calling him at work, in the middle of his work day, to ask about info that can be collected in a far less urgent manner. That's what pushes it into weird territory for me. Emailing is fine because it gives him the option of reading it and replying when he can, and checking with his sister first to ask her how she wants to handle it.
I have lost touch with several friends throughout the years. It's the downside of military relationships. I have had to stalk to find old friends and have been stalked to be located. There are just some people that years can go by without talking to them, but I still consider them close friends. It's sounds like this is the case for you and I don't find this weird in the slightest. ::shrugs::
Matter of fact, I still remember my high school BFF's birthday year after year and the week leading up to it, I google the shit out of her name to see if I could find her. It actually bums me out that I have no idea where she is. It's been almost 15yrs.
Matter of fact, I still remember my high school BFF's birthday year after year and the week leading up to it, I google the shit out of her name to see if I could find her. It actually bums me out that I have no idea where she is. It's been almost 15yrs.
We all get busy and lose track of time, but I do try to remember my friends' birthdays. I have several old, old friends that I only speak to twice a year - her birthday and mine (when she calls me!). I think it's nice.
I think you should email the brother and leave your info for your friend. Something to the effect of "can you have your sister contact me, would love to catch up" and leave your info.
This is one of those threads where when I read the responses, I swear I must be taking crazy pills.
OP, not weird at all. Unless you like, slept with her husband and are now trying to reconnect. But if you naturally just drifted apart, email her brother and ask her her contact info. I'm sure she will be thrilled to hear from you.
Yeah, I'm a little baffled at the "weird as fuck" responses. I do agree - perhaps email instead of call. But beyond that? I feel like FB has skewed our perceptions.