Hugs to all. BTDT and got the divorce decree to prove it. I was married 6 years (together with him for 8 years) and have been divorced a little over a year. I'm 3 months away from turning 39 and I know what you are going through with the wanting a family. I have always wanted a family and I feel my ex took that opportunity away from me with his philandering and other issues. I still have hope that I'll have bio kids of my own but my heart is open to all variations of what a "family" looks like including step kids, adopting or even fostering.
It is VERY hard to unwind/untangle your life from someone you love/loved and you will grieve for the "what could have beens" with your spouse. It will be a rollercoaster and you will doubt yourself. Try to be gentle with yourself and take it one day at a time.
You will come out of this stronger and you will not be alone. You deserve better.
I wish you peace and if you or brooke77 (or anyone in a similar boat) wants to reach out, please do. Hop in my boat and I'll paddle for a bit if you need.
I'm so sorry. I know how scary it is and I had all those same thoughts, it's really hard, but the ladies of GBCN are awesome and will help see you through it.
I know so many happy women with children who didn't meet their husbands until their mid-thirties. Women who put career first and relationships last. Women who dated a lot, but hadn't found mr right. Women who committed to relationships that weren't right. Some women who were widowed. Many went through pain to get where they are now.
Oooooh I want to give you a big hug and hair pats! And, of course, a big drink.
No, you don't have to be alone and honestly, I don't care that you put it on FB because at least your side was 'heard' first. It's a sucky situation all around and I am sorry you have to deal with it.
Also, family is what you make it. Keep your chin up!
If I could say this verbatim that is exactly what i want to say!
I am so sorry, TrickyBob. All the PP have said what I would want to say. What an absolute pig. You will get through this, and I wish you nothing but happiness - you deserve it.
My XH cheated on me and I gave him another chance. Then about 2.5 years later he did it again. That time I ended our marriage and had a lot of similar fears to what you describe. Less than a year later, I met my perfect match and we've been together almost 2 years and I'm happier than I ever thought possible. I'm SO GLAD I didn't stick with my loser cheating XH and instead got the opportunity to find someone who treats me well, is worthy of my trust, and is just overall the most fun, best person I know.
I have faith you'll get there too. I know it sucks and is terrifying at first, but it gets so much better. Good luck and good for you for putting an end to this BS.
I'm sorry you're going through this. You should come post over on SO where most of us have been through divorces and can offer advice and insight about all the stuff you're going through.
Post by mrsukyankee on Aug 28, 2015 13:43:53 GMT -5
I'm so sorry. It's scary to be older than you imagine and single (since I got married at 38, I do know that feeling). But being single and happy is so amazing. I know that feeling too. And so will you. And then, you can make a choice as to how you want to live going forward.
Post by karmasabiotch on Aug 28, 2015 13:58:19 GMT -5
I'm so sorry. Being alone is probably the best gift you can give yourself even though it doesn't seem like it. You will become stronger, more independent, and will go into the future knowing who you are as an individual which will make you shine even brighter when you meet a man who will treat you the right way.
Post by W.T.Faulkner on Aug 28, 2015 14:12:42 GMT -5
I'm so sorry, Tricky. You deserve so much more than this assbasket.
P.S. You're a few months younger than I am, I think -- we are SO YOUNG! Don't worry about ending up alone....you have sooooooooo much time to find somebody who treats you well.
Dude...I feel you. I met XH at 19, married at 23, divorced at 29. What a fucking decade! I am happier now than I have been the past 5 years, and that is pretty notable when you look at the shit I have been dealing with. I missed out on my 20's, and it is weird to enter the dating pool when I feel like I already lived a whole life more than those I am dating (if that makes sense)...but I am so glad I am here. I do have minor freak outs about starting a family...but it helps that most people my age in my area or just starting to look for their first marriage, so that really shouldn't be a concern.
You will get here. It might not feel like it, but you will. I remember thinking that it wouldn't happen for me, but it did. You will look back and be happy you left.