Whaa??? I don't think anyone is all honkey dorey with the idea of forgetting your child for 40 minutes, or asking what's the big deal. But I do think most people can understand that this sort of thing can happen, and can see themselves in that same situation. It doesn't make you a horrible parent to forget your child, it does make you a human being who is capable of making a mistake. And it's certainly not something that should cause someone to be publicly shamed and crucified on social media over.
I do think it's a big deal, and I think the response should probably be to make sure that she has all the help she can get at home, because she is probably overwhelmed. But I certainly don't think it's appropriate to attack her on the interwebz for a mistake like that.
I agree that hopefully her friends/family are making sure she's not overwhelmed, but I don't even think you have to be omg overwhelmed at your breaking point for this to happen. I just say this as a good reminder because this could presumably happen to anyone. The mind is a mysterious thing and sometimes plays tricks on us unfortunately.
I think you're absolutely right that this doesn't have to be a breaking point sort of situation, and I certainly didn't mean to imply that it would be caused only by a parent who is in need of help. I do think in cases like this it's prudent to at least check in with the family and make sure that they do have the support they need. They may not need any help and it could just be a one off, but I think on occasion it can be a situation where a little more sleep and little less stress would go a long way to helping avoid the situation. Basically a job for community outreach, not a job for the justice system.
Post by mrsdewinter on Sept 1, 2015 15:50:40 GMT -5
I can totally see how this might happen. After my third was born, I would sometimes forget I had three. Once my H and I were at Target and we almost left #3 in a cart and kept walking through the store.
I don't agree with charging her for what appears to be an innocent mistake. Maybe have a social worker check in, help her devise a system to prevent this in the future, etc.
I almost left my 2 year old at home once. DH and DS went out and DD was sleeping. I got in the car to run errands before I remembered. It can happen to anyone.
The closest I have ever come to this was forgetting to strap my (then only child) into her car seat.
I've done this as well. Except mine turned around and leaned over the front seat all proud of himself, like "Look what I can do!"
Another time (I think when he was 4 months old), I drove away, and completely forgot to shut the rear door of the car.
Oh my gosh! Heart attack! My niece used to unstrap herself and announce it by climbing into the front seat every time my sister was going 70 on the interstate.
Post by penguingrrl on Sept 1, 2015 15:58:09 GMT -5
My aunt and uncle once left my cousin at a rest stop on the NY Thruway and it took a while to figure it out. She was kid #4 and they had a few cousins along as welll. Everyone piled into the car and she was always a really quiet kid, so in all the chaos nobody noticed for a little while. They're loving and wonderful parents and made an honest mistake. They are still horrified by it 30 years later.
I had four kids by the time I was 28 (er, 25). Military family meant the kids had rules that had to be followed so I could keep track of them but even with the "how do you get them to stay together?" from awestruck friends doesn't stop the fact that more often than not my brain was fried and there's a good chance that I would have put my kids and groceries in the car and walked home. I feel for her and can definitely see how something like this could have happened. Poor gal.
Post by lattelady5 on Sept 1, 2015 15:59:04 GMT -5
Lurker from dwp and CPST. Can this title pretty pleased be changed? It is so important to make the distinction between forgetting your child and forgetting your child is at X location .
I forgot my son was in the high chair the other day when I went upstairs to pee and got distracted playing on my phone. I did not "forget" my son.
Until the distinction is made people will continue to blame parents who make a mistake anyone is capable of making.
I'm really, really disturbed by what seems like...delight? people take in crucifying strangers via social media for their fuckups. I keep meaning to pick up Jon Ronson's book about it.
But this behavior is nothing new*; people used to get tarred and feathered or put in the stocks to shame them for what was deemed unacceptable behavior. Sometimes they were even literally run out of town (on a rail). I think internet/social media shaming is the modern day version. Unfortunately, the scope of the internet can make it difficult to start fresh somewhere else.
*not saying it's okay, just that it's been a part of humanity since we formed social groups
I am all for completely innocent mistake until proven otherwise in these cases and wish people wouldn't take an immediate witch hunt approach.
Just last night, I was about to suggest to H that we go see a movie. As I opened my mouth to say it, I remembered the 5-month-old baby napping in the other room. It was crazy how I had completely forgotten for a second (I am really, REALLY tired this week). I would think she would have noticed the missing baby when she strapped the other one in, but I know how easy it is to be distracted and I can see how something like this could happen, even with a very loving, wonderful parent.
Lurker from dwp and CPST. Can this title pretty pleased be changed? It is so important to make the distinction between forgetting your child and forgetting your child is at X location .
I forgot my son was in the high chair the other day when I went upstairs to pee and got distracted playing on my phone. I did not "forget" my son.
Until the distinction is made people will continue to blame parents who make a mistake anyone is capable of making.
I.....don't think anyone would think that the OP meant that Cherish actually completely forgot her son.
I guess I don't think this is anything to get up in arms about.
Lurker from dwp and CPST. Can this title pretty pleased be changed? It is so important to make the distinction between forgetting your child and forgetting your child is at X location .
I forgot my son was in the high chair the other day when I went upstairs to pee and got distracted playing on my phone. I did not "forget" my son.
Until the distinction is made people will continue to blame parents who make a mistake anyone is capable of making.
I only have two and I'm regularly doing headcounts when we're out and calling the children by the cats names.
My sister by another mister.
I "graduated" to only having two this second time around. I'm regularly being corrected by the girls because I call GD1 by DD1's name and GD2 by DD2's name way too often. Maybe it's my brain's way of telling myself that I'm really only 35.
Lurker from dwp and CPST. Can this title pretty pleased be changed? It is so important to make the distinction between forgetting your child and forgetting your child is at X location .
I forgot my son was in the high chair the other day when I went upstairs to pee and got distracted playing on my phone. I did not "forget" my son.
Until the distinction is made people will continue to blame parents who make a mistake anyone is capable of making.
I.....don't think anyone would think that the OP meant that Cherish actually completely forgot her son.
I guess I don't think this is anything to get up in arms about.
This is an important distinction to make because there are a large number of people who are "OMG how could anyone ever forget their child."
Eta: while that may not be the assumptions on this board, it is unfortunately the assumption of many people.
I am primarily speaking of children left in vehicles, however, it applies here. This mother didn't forget her child. In her mind, the baby was safely riding in his carseat. It was a mistake. Just like parents who forget to drop a kid off at daycare or whatever.
If we split the twins up and I only have one of them, I have to continuously tell myself "I only have one kid right now......I only have one kid right now...."
I.....don't think anyone would think that the OP meant that Cherish actually completely forgot her son.
I guess I don't think this is anything to get up in arms about.
This is an important distinction to make because there are a large number of people who are "OMG how could anyone ever forget their child."
I am primarily speaking of children left in vehicles, however, it applies here. This mother didn't forget her child. In her mind, the baby was safely riding in his carseat. It was a mistake. Just like parents who forget to drop a kid off at daycare or whatever.
.....did you read the responses? I didn't see any of that here.
Post by AllieHound on Sept 1, 2015 16:26:52 GMT -5
This is one reason I'm very happy to be giving birth in December. I'll hopefully be through most of the toddler + newborn haze before it gets warm enough to be fatal should I happen to succumb to sleep-deprived forgetfulness.
Even with just one, H and I have odd work schedules, and DS started preschool this week. We've done a call to eachother at drop off and pick up today and will probably continue to do so for awhile, just to make sure.
This is an important distinction to make because there are a large number of people who are "OMG how could anyone ever forget their child."
I am primarily speaking of children left in vehicles, however, it applies here. This mother didn't forget her child. In her mind, the baby was safely riding in his carseat. It was a mistake. Just like parents who forget to drop a kid off at daycare or whatever.
.....did you read the responses? I didn't see any of that here.
Not OK. What's the difference between this and leaving the child in a hot car? Her child could have been in just as much danger as being left in a hot car. She didn't realize it for 40 minutes, if she realized it even before she got out the parking lot, I think it would be different, but 40 minutes is a long time. I don't understand why she's getting a pass when so many other moms/dads don't.
Well for starters, she left him in his car seat in a shopping cart in an air conditioned store. Second, it's nothing like leaving a baby in a hot car because of the part where I just said she left him in an air conditioned store.
I.....don't think anyone would think that the OP meant that Cherish actually completely forgot her son.
I guess I don't think this is anything to get up in arms about.
This is an important distinction to make because there are a large number of people who are "OMG how could anyone ever forget their child."
Eta: while that may not be the assumptions on this board, it is unfortunately the assumption of many people.
I am primarily speaking of children left in vehicles, however, it applies here. This mother didn't forget her child. In her mind, the baby was safely riding in his carseat. It was a mistake. Just like parents who forget to drop a kid off at daycare or whatever.
Most of us said this. Changing the title won't clarify anything, everyone gets what happened.
I.....don't think anyone would think that the OP meant that Cherish actually completely forgot her son.
I guess I don't think this is anything to get up in arms about.
This is an important distinction to make because there are a large number of people who are "OMG how could anyone ever forget their child."
Eta: while that may not be the assumptions on this board, it is unfortunately the assumption of many people.
I am primarily speaking of children left in vehicles, however, it applies here. This mother didn't forget her child. In her mind, the baby was safely riding in his carseat. It was a mistake. Just like parents who forget to drop a kid off at daycare or whatever.
This is a distinction without a difference. When I "forget my phone" I think it's in my purse the whole time too right up until I realize it isn't. Saying I "forgot my phone" vs. "forgot my phone at home" changes that not one whit.
This is an important distinction to make because there are a large number of people who are "OMG how could anyone ever forget their child."
Eta: while that may not be the assumptions on this board, it is unfortunately the assumption of many people.
I am primarily speaking of children left in vehicles, however, it applies here. This mother didn't forget her child. In her mind, the baby was safely riding in his carseat. It was a mistake. Just like parents who forget to drop a kid off at daycare or whatever.
This is a distinction without a difference. When I "forget my phone" I think it's in my purse the whole time too right up until I realize it isn't. Saying I "forgot my phone" vs. "forgot my phone at home" changes that not one whit.
But people might mistakenly think you forgot you even owned a cell phone in the first place!
Not OK. What's the difference between this and leaving the child in a hot car? Her child could have been in just as much danger as being left in a hot car. She didn't realize it for 40 minutes, if she realized it even before she got out the parking lot, I think it would be different, but 40 minutes is a long time. I don't understand why she's getting a pass when so many other moms/dads don't.
What makes you think we'd be getting the pitchforks out for someone who left a child in a hot car?
Leaving an infant unsupervised for 40 minutes in a shopping cart IS dangerous. He could have been kidnapped or injured. No one is countering that fact.
Yep. And the mom is in Phoenix and it's summer. So, chances are the temp was 100+. So yes, probably dangerous. But I (and many others) still don't think these cases are automatically worthy of prosecution.