Post by gretchenindisguise on Sept 3, 2015 23:46:58 GMT -5
I would have loved laundry being done and dinner being cooked. Especially after I returned to work. People brought us dinner when he was first born, but we actually do pretty well those first few weeks. It's when I return to work that everything turns to a shitshow, and with our crappy ML - it was at 6 weeks with both of them.
I didn't want to use earplugs and ignore my baby. During one nap my mom took the baby outside for a long walk so I wouldn't hear him cry and get up. I felt so much better after that nap.
lol I promise I know my sister and she won't (and I didn't) consider it "ignoring her baby." She will consider it as the people who love her and her baby the most in the world taking care of her baby to give her a break to recharge so she can be the best mom to her baby when she wakes up.
I have already offered to take him out of the house (walk, car ride, whatever) for a few hours too so she knows that's on the table too.
ETA: I say this with the clarity of having a 2.5yo. I don't know how my sister is feeling 5 days pp so you're right.
Ha! I almost put "ignoring the baby" in quotes myself. Looking back on this six months later, I wish I'd put in the earplugs and just slept more. But postpartum hormones made me so sad to be separated from him, much less know he was crying. Hopefully your sister will stay more rational and take you up on the offer of getting sleep
Also, I desperately wanted someone to vacuum my car. It never happened, but I thought about it a lot.
Hormones are weird.
I completely forgot about this. My dad took my car and had it cleaned and detailed. It was overdue to be done, and made me happy when taking the baby to go out places.
Post by karinothing on Sept 4, 2015 0:11:05 GMT -5
Someone to clean and do a good job without asking me questions. I was never one that could give someone the baby while I slept. I was to anxious and wanted them near me
Food. Besides meals, some easy to grab and eat one handed snacks.
Obviously taking the night shift is great. Another thing my mom did after my first was born was stay with DS at our house for 2-3 hours and kicked DH and I out when I wad like 2 weeks pp. We just went and grabbed some food I think. But it was so refreshing to be out of the house with just DH and talk about something other than the baby.
She's so lucky to have you guys around.
I feel like the only reason I'm doing so well right now at 8 days pp is because my family is helping out so much with the older kids. Since its my third kid I felt like I've got the newborn care thing down and I'm glad I can just focus on that while others handle stuff with the big kids.
But when I wad a hormonal mess after my first kid my mom was the best at taking care of me (laundry, food, etc) so I could just focus on the baby.
Food and sleep. You may just ask her, too, if something is nagging at her. I was obsessing over the cleanliness of my toilets and guest bathroom generally but not physically up for cleaning them.
Be really careful about offering too much advice. It's hard to walk the line, but for some things she will want to learn her own lessons. I almost bit off my MIL's head in the middle of the night when she gave me BFing advice that she had already mentioned but I tried to politely decline.
When my mom came she cooked for me, literally waited on me (like brought me water and snacks), woke up at 5 am and took Ds so i could sleep. She did laundry and generally was just an extra set of hands (DH was oot and she was a total life saver). She was helpful but not overbearing and she didn't try to take over. She followed my lead.
Basically she took care of me so I could take care of the baby
This. Also my mom. The only thing on this list my mom didn't do was stay at my house overnight and take over so we could sleep. But we're lucky that DS has been a decent night sleeper from the beginning.
I really appreciated when my mom picked up my house. I was overwhelmed by the clutter so I told her where stuff went and she cleaned it all up. She just put away stuff that she knew where it went.
My friends came over and boiled new bottles and pacis for me.
Your sister probably doesn't have as many bottles as she needs or a good drying system for them--if you brought more and boiled and set it up, that would be nice. Also, I didn't have enough dish towels. I sit them out on the counter of stuff drying and obviously want to change them frequently, so more towels might be nice. Also a couple of good bottle brushes. I like the Dr Browns because they have the sponge on it.
People just making Target runs for me was helpful.
Make sure her fridge is stocked with her favorite cold drinks. I always think that's nice and it cheers me up.
The crazy is so bad at that point. Just give her hugs and tell her it will pass in another week or two. Is she feeling good about the FF? The hardest for me was not being able to nurse and I needed to talk and cry about that a lot.
I wish we would have had people bring food and helped clean.
What about a baby breeza? I love being able to hit a button and make a bottle w/o mixing anything. Plus it is already warm, which my baby was picky about. You do have to clean a few parts daily, but much easier than mixing pitchers of formula!
My hormones were crazy after DD, and I would get so anxious when other people would try to do the things that I thought I should be doing. Not so much with DS - I was all "yeah, sure, you go ahead and do everything while I sleep" with him - but with DD, my hormone crash was way harder. I couldn't give up the night shift because hormones. I preferred to give up a few hours in the mornings so I could sleep because for some reason, I felt like I was failing DD if I didn't do it all myself during the night, but not if the sun was out. Logic was not my strong point during the hormone crash.
Beyond that, I liked when my friends showed up with lunch and cleaned up afterwards. My sister went grocery shopping for us when she came to visit. MIL sent me out to Target to pick up something instead of going herself, and then she texted me while I was there to say that DD was sleeping, so I should take my time. (She later - like years later - admitted that was a lie because she knew I needed a break from the crying. She was right; I desperately needed that break.)
Friends brought us a whole pile of fresh fruit all washed and cut up, ready to eat. It was great for midnight snacks during feedings. We'd prepared freezer meals and stocked up on non perishables but it was harder to go out and get fresh produce so we really appreciated it.
Ditto FRESH food. We had prepped meals, but salads and fruit were a lot harder. I was a c/s and my husband went back to work within a week. I couldn't do the store and he was too busy to get there often.
If $ is no issue you could also hire her a pp doula to come over a few times after you guys leave and continue helping her in any way she found useful.
Breakfast and healthy snack items. Much appreciated in a sea of breakfast casseroles. Her favorite drinks. Start the coffee pot.
I also wanted to get out. I loved the people that wanted to do lunch and light shopping. Being on the couch all day was hard on my nerves so I know I'm the dissenter but I liked people who would snugglev the baby so i could quick errands do a bit of laundry in my own etc. I really like things my way on certain house things and i felt human again to take care of v them.
You've gotten great feedback so far so I'll just add that I one million percent needed someone to take charge and do things. But I wanted to feel like I was in control, if that makes sense.
My mom was awesome and cooked, cleaned, let me sleep, etc. but the way she did it was the best. When I was nursing, so she'd be like "I'm just going to pop upstairs and run the vacuum while he's awake" or "I dropped some eyeshadow on the guest bath sink - I'm going to go wipe the bathroom down real quick".
I know it seems really minor, but it kept me from feeling like I was this useless lump that was incapable of doing these things (I was in no shape to be doing them anyways, but pp hormones). In short, she waited on me hand and foot without making me feel incapable or invalid. Which I think is so important because your sister will be on her own at some point and needs to feel like she can handle it.
Tell her she's doing a good job. Tell her funny stories about when she was a baby.
Yes!! This helped me so much. When I had a meltdown that I had ruined our life in having a baby, she told me that she said the same thing to my dad when I was a newborn. We're super close so this was hilarious and helped give me some perspective.
She also gushed over G which was helpful to me. I heard about what a great baby he was constantly. And since I had no previous experience with babies, I believed her, and acted like it was true (self-fulfilling prophecies and all).
Also seeing her just be so unabashedly in love with this little baby made me melt and reinforced how quickly her time with me and my sister must have gone by for her. She really showed me how to enjoy each moment and focus on the positive in stressful situations.
My mom did everything. She cooked and cleaned and just let me sleep. She only stayed 2 days but just having things picked up helped so much. She loaded my fridge with snacks.
And in the middle of the night when I was at the end of my rope she made me tea and sat with me and told me I was doing great.
My mom came and visited me a ton in the beginning and cooked and cleaned each time. It was amazing.
If she's not having newborn pics, I would try to do a little photo session yourself (and maybe even if so). My sister is an amateur/casual photographer and brought some backdrops to use for my girls when they were newborns. I probably wouldn't have done that myself, we had fun with it, and got some cute pictures.
If the father is in the scene, support him too. I brought BIL coffee and took care of their dog some, and he and I rotated shifts, etc., when my nephew was born.
Okay, so my mom and I will take Saturday night if she's comfortable with that (I'm 99% sure she is). If not, we'll take the next day while she naps. Or we'll offer to take him on a walk/out of the house for a few hours.
I'll have my dad go get her car cleaned and vacuumed.
They work at the same school and all of their CWs are bringing dinner for a few weeks, but tomorrow my mom and I will bring fresh fruit ready to eat, easy to eat snacks, lots of cold drinks (teas, flavored waters, etc), and wine. lol
We'll clean and do as much laundry as we can while we're there without making her feel like we're doing it because she's failing (my mom is excellent at this tactic so I'll let her head this one).
She has all of my Dr. Browns bottles so she should have plenty if he's okay taking those, but I'll make sure there are enough and they're all washed.
She'll only be six days post-c/s so I'm not sure if she's ready to go out yet? But I'll offer. Even if we just stay in the car and go through a Starbucks drive thru.
I'll organize any thank you notes (list of who got what, address them, post it on the thank you note with who the gift is from and what it was) so all she has to do is write them.
I'll make lots of conversation about non-baby stuff.
I'm mostly typing this out so I have a plan. Mom and I will review it tomorrow night before we go over on Saturday. GO TEAM! Break! (I don't know the terms here - I was in band... lol)
ETA: I also made a list of Netflix suggestions for her ML. Stuff that she doesn't really have to pay attention to.
This plan almost made me teary. You are so wonderful.