What would you have appreciated the MOST as a new mom?

[mlt]

With my first son my parents came and stayed and handled all the night wake ups. I was nursing but they changed him and brought him to me and as soon as I was done feeding him they took him away and got him back down. They also handled all meals and cleaned my house and did the laundry.

[dcn]

When my mom came she cooked for me, literally waited on me (like brought me water and snacks), woke up at 5 am and took Ds so i could sleep. She did laundry and generally was just an extra set of hands (DH was oot and she was a total life saver). She was helpful but not overbearing and she didn't try to take over. She followed my lead.

Basically she took care of me so I could take care of the baby

[jennistarr1]

Laundry. Dinner. Bag of groceries with easy to eat stuff, biscotti, squeeze applesauce, string cheese, almonds, apples, iced coffees

[jennistarr1]

Oh also photograph any gifts she got and write a list of who sent what. Offer to upload photos from her camera or phone

[kate1482]

When my DH went back to work (he travels full time) my MIL came at 7pm and spent the night letting me sleep from 4am to 10am then my mom would come around 10am with breakfast and they would switch shifts. This was amazing and so helpful, I didn't feel like they we taking over but just that I had enough sleep to actually take care of dd. my mom made sure I had groceries and meals during the day and my mil made sure I got 4 hours of sleep in a row. It was amazing.

Eta- flameful for sure but my mom wrote all my thank you notes and mailed them out for me. I was so overwhelmed. These were all for gifts received after dd was born. (Promise I wrote all mine from the showers and previous gifts)

[lilac05]

I'm sure you'll get lots of great practical advice from others.

The one little thing that my sister did for me PP was buy me two new tops. She knew I wasn't feeling good about my body, and she bought two tops that would flatter my new body shape. It was very thoughtful, and it was nice to have two new tops. They were flowy tops & I actually still wear them. I just sent her a text this week telling her that I think about how much I appreciated her thoughtfulness every time I wear them.

[jinkies]

Sept 3, 2015 22:04:48 GMT -5 dcn said:

Basically she took care of me so I could take care of the baby

This is what I would have appreciated most. Everyone was so focused on wanting to be with my baby, bUT I was still learning myself and needed space to learn how to parent. I wish they had helped by cleaning, or doing laundry, or making sure that I ate.

[sparrow]

I didn't want to use earplugs and ignore my baby. During one nap my mom took the baby outside for a long walk so I wouldn't hear him cry and get up. I felt so much better after that nap.

[Jalapeñomel]

Food. Lots of food.

[Ashley&Scott]

Food. I wish people would have brought food.

[lindsaymg]

The sleep thing sounds amazing.

The Laundry. This may not be as big of a deal since this is her first, but I would have LOVED someone to fold/hang up laundry those first few weeks. DS was in camp at the time and we were going through his clothes like crazy. Nobody took a hint.

Vacuum/dust/laundry/dishes

Clean all the bottles! EFF go through tons of them, if they have a smaller stash maybe add to it so of they get behind on dishes they still have a good stock.

Throw in the oven meals were amazing, my friends brought them
(Nobody made them, they picked up from Central Market cause ain't nobody got time for that).

For me since DD was my second, entertaining my son. It is so boring for the first born those first few weeks! Everyone is on edge and people keep telling you to be quiet. DS loved getting out of the house with other people.

[curbsideprophet]

Sleep, all I wanted was to sleep.

[barefootcontessa]

make food for the freezer so she knows she has it later on when all the help leaves.

[catsarecute]

Provide meals. Have every meal ready for her to eat when she is hungry. And naps! If she is EFF, see if she can get away to nap for a while. I'm glad she has such supportive family! You guys rock!

[sapphireblue]

Lurker here....I have a six week old. The best thing people have done for me is bring me food.

A dear family friend roasted a chicken and brought it with stuffing and vegetables, which was good for several meals. My mother brought her famous pasta sauce and a box of pasta. Also she brought cold cuts and bread and lettuce and a tomato for quick sandwiches.

It was the most helpful of anything, for me.

[Deleted]

@this, you're a great sister. I planned to do this for my sister, but, uh, we're due 11 days apart, so...

Nonetheless. Someone to keep my house clean, which is a big part of keeping my mental health balance. (Ridiculous, I know). But someone to just DO things, not ASK me what/ how to do something.

[cincodemayo]

It doesn't sound like your sister will be like this, but regardless of how helpful people wanted to be, I felt so guilty if the baby was crying or not being held. It actually bugged me when people wanted to help me by telling me to go sleep or to "not worry about things."

My point is hormones are crazy and I loved visitors but hated having other people try to tell me what to do or give me suggestions on why the baby was crying. Just sit on my couch and let's talk about other things!

[redpenmama]

My daughter NEVER slept at night as a newborn, so my mom took the first night shift of fussiness for me for the first two weeks. I'd nurse her at like 10 p.m. and then hand her off and go to sleep, and my mom would stay up with her until about 1 or 2, whenever she needed to eat again. Sometimes she'd get her to sleep; sometimes, she'd just hold her. So, I started every night with a chunk of sleep (usually the only sleep I got) before powering through until dawn when the screaming would stop. If it weren't for those few hours of sleep, I honestly wouldn't have been able to function at all. So, I think getting her some sleep is seriously the best gift you can give her at this point.

[heygrey]

I can't imagine that anything you do would be wrong. You and your parents sound like the absolute ideal as a sister and mom/dad.

Does she have a newborn photographer lined up? I didn't and I said I didn't care, but looking back I wished I would have splurged a little. Even if you didn't do a photographer, take a ton of pictures and print a few of the best.

Do anything you can to help with thank you notes. If she'll let you write them (even with her dictating) do that. Otherwise make a detailed list of person, gift, address so she can write them later.

Has her milk come in? Is there something you can do/buy to alleviate that pain as she waits for it to try up?

Does she need more newborn size clothes? I said I'd be fine if he wore bigger clothes, but he wore newborn for 5 weeks and I ended up buying more onsies and pants because I wanted his clothes to fit.

Food to offer guests, easy snack stuff, but buy double so she knows she has a stash to fall back on

[Ashley&Scott]

I know I already said food, I mostly meant actual meals. But I just remembered my MIL brought me like 5 dozen of my all time favorite cookies.she baked them just for me. I was so happy & snacked on them for weeks. (They're called crunky good cookies)

So if your sis has a favorite meal or treat make that.

[heygrey]

Also, I desperately wanted someone to vacuum my car. It never happened, but I thought about it a lot.

Hormones are weird.

[cilantro]

I have been amazed at my friends who have brought me food this time and thought that was so thoughtful. One friend brought me a tray of chicken parm from a restaurant that lasted a week! But really, what matters the most to me, are just affirmations and reminders that holy shit I just gave birth and that is huge and incredible and important. Showing up, being there to gawk at and acknowledge the life I created...that's support to me.

[mandapanda18]

Hold the baby so she can sleep, feed her, and then leave her alone! My MIL was super helpful but always in my fucking face and wanting to talk and ask me how I was, I was over it! It isn't a break if you are constantly bothering her.

[niq]

Someone to watch my kid for two hours while I try to adult?

[july]

Food is good. Cleaning is good.

But the best thing was sleep. I BF but one night H fed her bottles and did everything. I woke up once to pump. The sleep was amazing and I had wished that we had started to do it earlier.

Also, in the first couple of weeks, I felt like my life changed so dramatically. I loved getting out of the house and having time to myself. One week pp, I pumped and left a bottle with my ILs and husband so I could get dressed up and go to a baby shower for a friend. Having adult time was great.

[kershnic]

Man, I wish all of you were my local friends and family.

Food for sure, for me especially prepping freezer meals for later when I was alone.

Take pictures. Of her with the baby, the three of them, just the baby. And video!

Um, wow, i can hardly even remember the few weeks post-NICU.... Sleep deprivation destroys memory....

[speckledfrog]

Clean everything that needs to be cleaned and do all the baby laundry you can.
Cook, cook, cook. Get a couple meals in the freezer. Grocery shop.
Let her nap as often as possible.

This is what my mom and MIL did for me when I had the boys and it was a godsend. And my MIL got the absolute brunt of my PP hormones and never said a word, just kept right on cleaning and letting me nap. Like a saint.

[heygrey]

Does she have one of those formula pitchers?

[jewel]

Oh my gosh, I would have just died for someone to have been this thoughtful and available!

I think the perfect day would have been - Family says that they will come over with meals, coffee, treats. They come over with take-out from some place I love, fresh coffee, and a couple of Costco boxes of snacks. Send me upstairs ALONE to shower and sleep, with ear plugs, white noise, and black out curtains. While I sleep, they clean, take care of the baby, and maybe prep some food. When I emerge, they tell me that the baby is the most perfectly content baby they have ever met and that he never cried once (obviously lie, if you have to).

Basically, a "re-set" day would have been the best gift ever. Sleep, eat, shower. Get chores back under control. Prep food, or do anything that makes things a bit easier for the next few weeks.

[starlily]

Food. Light housecleaning.