This is my goal in my life too. To be to DD what my mom is to me. And not just now as a baby/toddler/child/teen, but as a grown adult with children of her own. I'll still be her parent then.
My mom always said in the early days, "That's your baby and we'll all take care of her, but you're my baby. How you feel about her is how I feel about you, but multiplied by 30 years."
(motherhood has made me such a sap lol)
OMG you two. Thank God I am working from home today.
yeah bitches stop it...I can't handle crying at my desk any more
Post by christy082 on Sept 4, 2015 10:47:09 GMT -5
You are awesome. This is so nice of you. I think everything is covered but just in case it wasn't mentioned. Don't leave dirty dishes for her to do. My MIL came with her husband and mother and made us all dinner but my husband and I were left with cleaning up the kitchen and dishes. It was annoying.
My mom always said in the early days, "That's your baby and we'll all take care of her, but you're my baby. How you feel about her is how I feel about you, but multiplied by 30 years."
My mom just said this to me when I was having a really tough day. We work together and I was crying like a baby in my office.
Specific laundry: change and launder her sheets. I was so yucky and hot/sweaty that my sheets were dirty and I didn't feel up to the walking around/lifting the corner of the mattress. My mom came over and changed my sheets and getting back in bed was HEAVEN.
Also, I really need to get out of the house regularly to avoid going insane, but getting out with the baby alone can be overwhelming at first. My mom was great about taking me out for low key outings once I felt up to it.
Ooh I forgot about that one! My sister wasn't feeling that one so much when C was still tiny because she was a March baby and the weather blows in Ohio until the end of April, but AJ was a July baby so I had no issues going out. My mom works for a school district and had almost a month of summer vacation left after AJ was born, so she'd call me and say "hey, wanna go to Target? Or walk around the mall?". And then come pick me up (she had a carseat base in her car) so I didn't even have to drive. It was awesome.
Basically she took care of me so I could take care of the baby
This is what I would have appreciated most. Everyone was so focused on wanting to be with my baby, bUT I was still learning myself and needed space to learn how to parent. I wish they had helped by cleaning, or doing laundry, or making sure that I ate.
This x1000
I'm not saying you'll do this...But after my kids were born, so many people came to "help". But what that really meant was that they wanted to come and hold the baby. They would show up at 1:30 in the afternoon and say "I'll hold the baby, so you can go take a nap". Their intentions were good, but what I needed was someone to do my laundry, fix us dinner, run to the store, make sure I ate something. Even in the midst of newborn exhaustion, I couldn't just go take a nap in the middle of the day. So I would end up doing the chores while someone was holding the baby. Not super helpful.
I will say that taking some night shifts on an EFF baby will probably be super appreciated.
This is what I would have appreciated most. Everyone was so focused on wanting to be with my baby, bUT I was still learning myself and needed space to learn how to parent. I wish they had helped by cleaning, or doing laundry, or making sure that I ate.
This x1000
I'm not saying you'll do this...But after my kids were born, so many people came to "help". But what that really meant was that they wanted to come and hold the baby. They would show up at 1:30 in the afternoon and say "I'll hold the baby, so you can go take a nap". Their intentions were good, but what I needed was someone to do my laundry, fix us dinner, run to the store, make sure I ate something. Even in the midst of newborn exhaustion, I couldn't just go take a nap in the middle of the day. So I would end up doing the chores while someone was holding the baby. Not super helpful.
I will say that taking some night shifts on an EFF baby will probably be super appreciated.
You know, I actually liked that arrangement--DS liked to only sleep in people, so I'd have people come hold the baby while he napped 2-5 and I was happy to get up and do chores. And DH was home, so he would go nap.
Different strokes and all that:). What I did like was when people called a day ahead and asked when they should come over and came at exactly that time.
Post by sparkythelawyer on Sept 4, 2015 13:13:58 GMT -5
Tell her that she can complain to you about anything, any time, and that it is ok. Tell her that the first six weeks of a new baby are HAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRD. They are cute little lumps and delightful. But they are hard. And stressful and mentally taxing. And that she can call you, any time of day, to complain about how much this sucks, and you will be there to listen.
Someone from these boards did that for me and it was a godsend.
Oh, and the food and cleaning to.
WHEN YOU ARE CLEANING: Clean the fridge. And then do it again in a few weeks. Because that place gets overlooked when you exist to take something out quick and shove it in your face.
Post by humpforfree on Sept 4, 2015 13:47:43 GMT -5
Can I be the giant Debbie downer here and say that I would have hated pretty much everything above? It looks like I am very much in the minority here, and you know your sister well, so I'm sure your sister will love your plan though. Just be open to her not. What I really wanted was just to be left the eff alone with my baby (and H the week he was home). If I wasn't nursing, I wanted to be sleeping and my kid would sleep too if I put him down. I don't know if it was the nicu time or what, but I was also kind of possessive over him- if he was awake, I wanted to hold him. People all wanted to come over (to hold the baby or meet him) and I hate small talk and it was just so awkward and annoying. It kept me from sleeping, I didn't have anything for their toddlers to do, our house was a lot smaller and under construction so I felt like I was constantly on watch to make sure no on tripped over the air compressor or kids got into the drills/saws kept in the living room. I had spent a lot of time making freezer meals and usually pulled something out of the freezer in the morning to defrost, so people bringing food by unexpectedly stressed me out because we had to eat it that night, but my freezer meal was also ready to eat. (I do like the idea of fresh ready to eat fruit though!) No on offered, but I didn't want someone else to clean my house- they would do it "wrong" and I just wasn't comfortable with that idea. My mom came for a weekend a few weeks after L was born (around his due date) and actually cancelled her two following planned long weekend trips- apparently my annoyed vibe came off in real life. Lol. This time I'm hoping it is a little different because of L & that guests entertain him, but in afraid they will all want to hog the baby and then I will still be on toddler duty what I really want is time to recover from delivery, establish nursing and bond with the baby, sleeping and cuddling with it like I got to do with L, and I want visitors to entertain L and keep him busy so he doesn't feel left out. I don't see it happening though