Okay, if someone is emailing me that my H has been dick-sticking her, the wording is irrelevant. I don't care how kindly it is phrased, the message is my H is cheating on me, and no amount of flowery prose and apologetic tip-toeing is going to change my reaction to this news.
Okay, if someone is emailing me that my H has been dick-sticking her, the wording is irrelevant. I don't care how kindly it is phrased, the message is my H is cheating on me, and no amount of flowery prose and apologetic wording is going to change my reaction to this news.
Like PP said, her anger was apparent in the message and I think it might put me on the defensive and cause me to direct some of my own anger her way that should properly be directed at my cheating husband. I guess that would be my problem, though, not hers.
I hate myself for even weighing in on this. lol
Which just goes to show it doesn't matter how it was phrased because I would IMMEDIATELY fly into a rage at my husband. I don't think I would even bother to respond.
Perhaps an anonymous poll should have been sent out to the wife in advance to get her take on various email formats and how those might color her reaction. That's really the solution to all of this.
You know what this thread really needs? A couple more attempts to rewrite something that can't be rewritten at this point.
Are you aware of what would make this internet discussion more palatable to all? Additional endeavors to improve upon an epistle, one that has been written in stone and upon which cannot be improved.
No. Softening the blow with such flowery language is unnecessary. If I was the wife, I'd want statements of fact and solid evidence and nothing more.
"...and here's a low-quality recording of the sound his balls made as they slapped against my butt cheeks. I feel shitty about this. Start at the 19 second mark. Really, I feel like shit."
No. Softening the blow with such flowery language is unnecessary. If I was the wife, I'd want statements of fact and solid evidence and nothing more.
"...and here's a low-quality recording of the sound his balls made as they slapped against my butt cheeks. I feel shitty about this. Start at the 19 second mark. Really, I feel like shit."
Ok, so it's actually a reenactment using an old house shoe and a pleather ottoman, but that just illustrates how important it is to me that you have all of the facts. You're welcome.
Finally caught up on this. VC, I think your message was fine. Sorry you had to deal with a piece of shit guy. Also sorry for the flack you are receiving in this post, not warranted in my opinion. Dating is tough and the sites suck all around.
Finally caught up on this. VC, I think your message was fine. Sorry you had to deal with a piece of shit guy. Also sorry for the flack you are receiving in this post, not warranted in my opinion. Dating is tough and the sites suck all around.
Well, thank God you've finally weighed in.
I like that it keep getting bumped because people keep liking my post way back on page one. It's great for the ego.
Post by lyssbobiss, Command, B613 on Dec 4, 2015 15:46:20 GMT -5
You know, there are couples who have a don't ask, don't tell policy. There are men who are in open relationships who don't tell future partners they're married initially because of the stigma around this, especially in the wake of all the Ashley Madison shit. This doesn't mean it's okay to not disclose this, but this is why you should just butt out of the situation and run. You never know what someone's marriage is like, at all. The wording was harsh, the situation is a mess and again, while I don't think you specifically are gleeful about this, OP, I think you create a lot of unnecessary drama for yourself.
"This prick is asking for someone here to bring him to task Somebody give me some dirt on this vacuous mass so we can at last unmask him I'll pull the trigger on it, someone load the gun and cock it While we were all watching, he got Washington in his pocket."
You know, there are couples who have a don't ask, don't tell policy. There are men who are in open relationships who don't tell future partners they're married initially because of the stigma around this, especially in the wake of all the Ashley Madison shit. This doesn't mean it's okay to not disclose this, but this is why you should just butt out of the situation and run. You never know what someone's marriage is like, at all. The wording was harsh, the situation is a mess and again, while I don't think you specifically are gleeful about this, OP, I think you create a lot of unnecessary drama for yourself.
While I did criticize the message, to be fair, he asked her what he had to do to keep her quiet. That doesn't indicate his wife could possibly be ok with it.
Plus, thinking more about it, if they DID have an open relationship, what would be the harm in telling her? Either a) You're telling someone who has no idea her husband is cheating on her and thinks that he's faithful; or b) You're telling someone who won't care because they're in an open relationship.
He's 400+ miles away at a training thing until the 15th, so if no one hears from me after then they can take satisfaction in knowing they were right.
I'm real sorry he's a dick and you did what you had to do after you found out. It's easy for others not in the sitch to know exactly how they'd handle it, ya know? Good luck to you, you do seem lovely and you deserve a good guy.
No no no. If you're in an open marriage you don't ask the person you're effing what you have to do to keep them quiet.
yeah and wouldn't someone who is an open relationship be the first to bring it up? Like "hey, I'm married, but it's an open relationship" - I feel like they would be the type of person who is *most* likely to be upfront about it, but I could be wrong. nothing about this seems like that would be the case, seems like quite a leap.
"Why would you ruin perfectly good peanuts by adding candy corn? That's like saying hey, I have these awesome nachos, guess I better add some dryer lint." - Nonny
You know, there are couples who have a don't ask, don't tell policy. There are men who are in open relationships who don't tell future partners they're married initially because of the stigma around this, especially in the wake of all the Ashley Madison shit. This doesn't mean it's okay to not disclose this, but this is why you should just butt out of the situation and run. You never know what someone's marriage is like, at all. The wording was harsh, the situation is a mess and again, while I don't think you specifically are gleeful about this, OP, I think you create a lot of unnecessary drama for yourself.
I'm with you on this...until the dude tells her to keep quiet.
I'm with you on this...until the dude tells her to keep quiet.
But, if I'm single and looking for a real relationship I'd want to know that shit upfront b/c NO THANK YOU.
*I hate myself for continuing to respond in here. 05heel
Well, yeah, sure...but that has nothing to do with their marriage. He is still a shitty person for leading you to believe there could be a potential relationship, but that doesn't mean there is something to tell his wife.
Well, yeah, sure...but that has nothing to do with their marriage. He is still a shitty person for leading you to believe there could be a potential relationship, but that doesn't mean there is something to tell his wife.
But if this were the case he should still have told VC, I wasn't really talking about the wife.
I agree. I am basically responding because...well...because.
But yes. I think people who are attached to someone, but have agreements should be up-front about the arrangement, because there are some people who would be ok with it. Or at least, they shouldn't pursue things with people who are looking to be serious.
So he is a shitty person for leading you to believe there could be a potential relationship.
I'm glad you told the wife. I saw nothing wrong with how you told her. It was to the point and gave her all of the facts.
If I was on the receiving end it would have me absolutely pissed at my husband. Knowing that it happened multiple times would put him in a bind of being able to lie and say it was a one time deal or a drunk night. Although neither excuse would save him.
I probably have no business jumping in here, but I'm also glad you told her and would have wanted to be told if I were her. The language you used wouldn't have mattered.
H had an emotional affair a number of years ago. When I found out, he said X and Y had happened. Those are the things we started working through in therapy. About 2 months later the other woman emailed me because despite our apparent efforts she and H were still talking and she told me a lot more details that he had left out. It was devastating but at the same time I wished so badly that I had known all of that from the get-go.
I guess what I'm saying is that you telling her may make things easier for her in the long run.