Where did Nugget go?

[Deleted]

I just tried to tag her and she's gone. KOKO??? Nugget? I'm hoping you're here under a different name.

Sorry if this is old news. Did anyone else leave?

[eb777888]

Toledo is here!!! Come back, guys!!!!

[eb777888]

Damn! KOKO is gone. Fucking bummer.

[cville]

This just sucks.

[Eagles]

I'm seriously bummed about this.

[poopedydoop]

[agnes]

I know she said she wanted to step away. I hope it was just for a break and not for good because I'm gunna miss you @koko

[jreeds]

[isabel]

Has there been any news on the sender?

[sofamonkey]

[lexxasaurus]

Feb 6, 2016 23:18:38 GMT -5 happywife said:

This makes me sad.

More than that, this makes me angry. The shit that went down was unacceptable and now we're losing some great members of our board.

[snipsnsnails]

[WOT?*]

Feb 7, 2016 0:28:26 GMT -5 lexxasaurus said:

Feb 6, 2016 23:18:38 GMT -5 happywife said:

This makes me sad.

More than that, this makes me angry. The shit that went down was unacceptable and now we're losing some great members of our board.

THIS (in Nugget Caps). 
I am furious at whoever sent that package. It is beyond belief that someone would think it's cute or funny or clever. It's mean and petty and evil and it hurt a LOT of people.
The board is already a lot different, with a completely different tone, than just a few weeks ago. Whoever is the racist biotch that sent that package should be ashamed and shamed. It was an awful, AWFUL thing to do.
I'm trying not to curse here. It's hard.

And what @gracie6414 said.

[winecat]

DAMN IT!

I hope you come back, koko. You really made my day many days here.

[Deleted]

Well this sucks. I am hoping Toledo amd crew are just letting the dust settle, which is why I didn't ask about her. I'm concerned KOKO may have departed, and I hope that's not the case.

[pantsparty]

[sonrisa]

She didn't leave just because of booby. She didn't leave just because of the package. She told us she was leaving and why back in the giant thread. Yes, we miss her and enjoy having her participate here, but that isn't a reason for her to spend time someplace she finds toxic. You know that if she'd come here and said she had IRL friends who acted like this board did we'd tell her to drop them. 

[shell403b]

There have been a bunch of departures based on what went down + a host of other things. I get the impression that this place is going to be verrrry different in the coming days, weeks, months...

[Deleted]

Feb 7, 2016 0:45:38 GMT -5 @gracie6414 said:

Feb 7, 2016 0:28:26 GMT -5 lexxasaurus said:

More than that, this makes me angry. The shit that went down was unacceptable and now we're losing some great members of our board.

This is very important to remember. But also that it went on for so long that we were all complicit in allowing women we consider friends to be treated as if their feelings and experiences weren't real or important because we didn't have the same experiences. It's total Ba that it had to come to a bag of sucks being mailed or one posted standing her ground on perceived craziness because she was defending her feelings and experiences.

While people initially may have been slow in recognizing what was going on, I don't think it is fair, at all, to say that it took the penises for people to treat Kirkette as if her feelings and experiences were important. My recollection is that Booby was pretty roundly criticized well before the penises hit, to the point that she posted that faux apology.

[Deleted]

Feb 7, 2016 1:37:14 GMT -5 sonrisa said:

She didn't leave just because of booby. She didn't leave just because of the package. She told us she was leaving and why back in the giant thread. Yes, we miss her and enjoy having her participate here, but that isn't a reason for her to spend time someplace she finds toxic. You know that if she'd come here and said she had IRL friends who acted like this board did we'd tell her to drop them. 

But we wouldn't tell her to quit going to a bar, or restaurant, she enjoyed because there were toxic people there. Of course she should do what's best for her, but I don't necessarily believe in the sentiment that it's necessarily better for the people targeted by this to leave.

[curtains]

LHC has been gone too.

[sonrisa]

Feb 7, 2016 1:50:44 GMT -5 elle said:

Feb 7, 2016 0:45:38 GMT -5 @gracie6414 said:

This is very important to remember. But also that it went on for so long that we were all complicit in allowing women we consider friends to be treated as if their feelings and experiences weren't real or important because we didn't have the same experiences. It's total Ba that it had to come to a bag of sucks being mailed or one posted standing her ground on perceived craziness because she was defending her feelings and experiences.

While people initially may have been slow in recognizing what was going on, I don't think it is fair, at all, to say that it took the penises for people to treat Kirkette as if her feelings and experiences were important. My recollection is that Booby was pretty roundly criticized well before the penises hit, to the point that she posted that faux apology.

Kirkette wasn't the only one whose feelings, experience and judgment were invalidated. And booby wasn't the only one doing it. On page 1 or 2 of that long thread here KOKO herself talked about valid observations. It took something like 20 more pages before the majority of this board stopped telling her she was wrong.

[sonrisa]

Feb 7, 2016 1:56:17 GMT -5 elle said:

Feb 7, 2016 1:37:14 GMT -5 sonrisa said:

She didn't leave just because of booby. She didn't leave just because of the package. She told us she was leaving and why back in the giant thread. Yes, we miss her and enjoy having her participate here, but that isn't a reason for her to spend time someplace she finds toxic. You know that if she'd come here and said she had IRL friends who acted like this board did we'd tell her to drop them. 

But we wouldn't tell her to quit going to a bar, or restaurant, she enjoyed because there were toxic people there. Of course she should do what's best for her, but I don't necessarily believe in the sentiment that it's necessarily better for the people targeted by this to leave.

If you don't like the people on this board, why would you come here?

She doesn't owe it to us to show up just because we'd prefer she wanted to be here. We don't want our bullshit to have pissed her off enough to go. It isn't our decision to make.  Frankly, she might not have gone for good. But if she has, she at least deserves to have us respect her decision. Even if sitting with its consequences makes us feel squicky. 

[Deleted]

Feb 7, 2016 1:57:38 GMT -5 @gracie6414 said:

Feb 7, 2016 1:50:44 GMT -5 elle said:

While people initially may have been slow in recognizing what was going on, I don't think it is fair, at all, to say that it took the penises for people to treat Kirkette as if her feelings and experiences were important. My recollection is that Booby was pretty roundly criticized well before the penises hit, to the point that she posted that faux apology.

That's not what I said...?

I said its important to remember how long this went on for, outright racism and micro aggressions for years and it took a bag of dicks OR kirklette standing up in the face of crazy othering for us to actually SEE what we were doing and allowing our friends to do.

I didn't say that it took a bag of dicks being mailer for us to see kirklette a point... Though.. GBCN wide it kinda did.

Oh. I didn't quite follow the last clause in that sentence. And I am still not following the role of the penises as truth bringers. It seems to me the penises were actually the biggest causative factor in most people leaving, not the thing that brought reform, but what do I know.

[sonrisa]

Wasn't that part of what KOKO was sick of? That we have these conversations again and again and still nothing really changes. Nothing "brought reform" so why would we expect her to stay?

[Deleted]

Feb 7, 2016 2:05:49 GMT -5 sonrisa said:

Feb 7, 2016 1:56:17 GMT -5 elle said:

But we wouldn't tell her to quit going to a bar, or restaurant, she enjoyed because there were toxic people there. Of course she should do what's best for her, but I don't necessarily believe in the sentiment that it's necessarily better for the people targeted by this to leave.

If you don't like the people on this board, why would you come here?

She doesn't owe it to us to show up just because we'd prefer she wanted to be here. We don't want our bullshit to have pissed her off enough to go. It isn't our decision to make.  Frankly, she might not have gone for good. But if she has, she at least deserves to have us respect her decision. Even if sitting with its consequences makes us feel squicky. 

I am bummed that she left but don't impute your feelings of squikiness to me. I can't speak to my role in implicit racism, but my conscious is pretty fucking clear on the causative events on this one. You won't find any posts from me defending Boobie, nor do I feel an outsized need to self-flagellate over penises I didn't send (or to join the collective board self-congratulations over our Second Great Awakening).

If KOKO doesn't want to be here, that's her decision to make, and I certainly am not suggesting she owes me or anyone else anything, but the bottom line is neither of us knows why she left, and I do want her to know her absence if noted and she is missed. That's all.

[sonrisa]

Feb 7, 2016 2:25:51 GMT -5 elle said:

Feb 7, 2016 2:05:49 GMT -5 sonrisa said:

If you don't like the people on this board, why would you come here?

She doesn't owe it to us to show up just because we'd prefer she wanted to be here. We don't want our bullshit to have pissed her off enough to go. It isn't our decision to make.  Frankly, she might not have gone for good. But if she has, she at least deserves to have us respect her decision. Even if sitting with its consequences makes us feel squicky. 

I am bummed that she left but don't impute your feelings of squikiness to me. I can't speak to my role in implicit racism, but my conscious is pretty fucking clear on the causative events on this one. You won't find any posts from me defending Boobie, nor do I feel an outsized need to self-flagellate over penises I didn't send (or to join the collective board self-congratulations over our Second Great Awakening).

If KOKO doesn't want to be here, that's her decision to make, and I certainly am not suggesting she owes me or anyone else anything, but the bottom line is neither of us knows why she left, and I do want her to know her absence if noted and she is missed. That's all.

Again, she explicitly told us she was leaving and she told us why. 

[zitiqueen]

Nugget left and booby still lurks. Gross.

[mcsangel2]

I always liked KOKO and I'll miss her, but I wish her well.

Some of the other recent departures have been by people that, IMO, frequently contributed negativity to these boards. Can't say I miss any of them.

[cleo29]

I understand her reasons for leaving, but I am sad that it had to come to that.