Your husband needs to decline as best man and then you go by yourself. I would not think much about this. There is no need to drag 4 people on 4 airplanes over a couple of days. I attended my sister's wedding, and my husband and kid stayed home (I only had one kid then). I did not care what anyone else thought.
ETA - This also means you only eat the cost of one plane ticket if there is a hurricane and this whole thing doesn't happen.
See, if they did this next spring, you could turn it into a spring break type of trip, but I am guessing they picked the time that they did because it is cheaper.
Can you send that to your brother? Is is possible they don't actually know it's the height of hurricane season? LOL.
I explained it to him patiently. I covered hurricanes for several years as reporter but apparently I'm just a big downer. LOL. I don't think he's going to blow away but I do think she's unlikely to get the pretty princess beach wedding she wants. Meanwhile, September in STL is lovely. Peak wedding season.
The people who say to just decline clearly have a way different family dynamic than mine. Declining a siblings wedding would basically get me kicked out of the family and while my family can be *insert various negative adjectives here*, I still love them and want to have a relationship with them.
With that said, OP, I'm really sorry your brother is being so thoughtless. It sucks that you won't be able to even turn this into a family vacation because of school. Not sure what your situation with your in-laws is, but can they or someone else come out and stay with your kids at home for a week while you and H get a nice vacation?
Ugh, we probably wouldn't go. That is a lot of money, plus pulling your kid from school. If he wants to pay, then I would go but I hate having my money spent for me. AND they are having a reception at home? Yeah, I would probably go to the wedding alone and have the rest of the family attend the reception.
My brother was supposed to have a destination wedding but it was only in NC and we could drive. That all got cancelled when they pushed the wedding up 6 months. Oh, and my parents were paying for our lodging and food. We were all in the wedding.
"He is your friend, your partner, your defender, your dog. You are his life, his love, his leader. He will be yours, faithful and true, to the last beat of his heart. You owe it to him to be worthy of such devotion." - Unknown
The people who say to just decline clearly have a way different family dynamic than mine. Declining a siblings wedding would basically get me kicked out of the family and while my family can be *insert various negative adjectives here*, I still love them and want to have a relationship with them.
With that said, OP, I'm really sorry your brother is being so thoughtless. It sucks that you won't be able to even turn this into a family vacation because of school. Not sure what your situation with your in-laws is, but can they or someone else come out and stay with your kids at home for a week while you and H get a nice vacation?
Well, this is the dynamic in my family but my parents would pay so there would be no reason not to go. Plus, my dad is very good at talking his kids out of crazy ideas like going to the beach during hurricane season.
"He is your friend, your partner, your defender, your dog. You are his life, his love, his leader. He will be yours, faithful and true, to the last beat of his heart. You owe it to him to be worthy of such devotion." - Unknown
Post by thelurkylulu on May 3, 2016 10:09:09 GMT -5
Since the Monday of that week is Labor Day, I would just take the kids out the whole week and enjoy Destin. There's no ideal solution in this, but it sounds like you're going regardless, so you might as well enjoy it a little bit.
Post by gilmoregirl on May 3, 2016 10:11:43 GMT -5
Totally understand the venting. I get why you have to go too. I had a similiar situation minus the hurricane threat last year and while it was annoying to schedule and pay for.. it was fun in the end. I hope you guys can get some enjoyment out of the trip and there's no impacting weather during the time you are there.
Post by mrsukyankee on May 3, 2016 10:13:46 GMT -5
So, your brother knows about your fear of flying, that it's hurricane season and that the kids are in school. Nope. Sorry. Can't go. Don't care if momma is pissed. Momma should be pissed at the pretty, pretty princess bride.
I think there is a certain level of understanding if you do a destination wedding that people won't go. Isn't that the point? Save money with less guests. It's not as if you don't give a crap since you still are going to the local reception. I don't get this whole lets guilt people into coming to my destination wedding mentality. Unless of course you want to go.
I kind of have to wonder if you say "Only I can come. I'm not pulling DC out of school and we can't afford to fly all of us in for just the weekend. DH is sad but someone has to stay home. Can't wait!!" what your brothers reaction might be. The reality of "Oh, wait, everyone won't actually drop everything and make this happen." MIGHT make him think slightly bigger picture.
But then again, it might not.
For all the talk of "family" and dynamics, I don't get how your brother being this amazingly short-sighted and selfish gets a hard pass but you "have" to make this happen and be there. I feel like in situations like this, if it really means THAT MUCH to your brother that everyone go, he wouldn't make it so hard.
So, your brother knows about your fear of flying, that it's hurricane season and that the kids are in school. Nope. Sorry. Can't go. Don't care if momma is pissed. Momma should be pissed at the pretty, pretty princess bride & groom.
FTFY. Everyone always blames the bride, but he's agreeing to all of this.
I adore you, but I have a completely different feeling about this.
Honestly, I would be thrilled to hop on a plane with my whole family anywhere in the world at any time for my brother's wedding.
Because it's my brother's wedding.
I would as well, in no small part because it would be a miracle if ANY of my brothers got married, but we also travel frequently and don't have children. I mean, $1,500 in flights is no joke. Add in accommodations, possible car rental, food, wedding gift, etc., makes for a very expensive family trip.
The people who say to just decline clearly have a way different family dynamic than mine. Declining a siblings wedding would basically get me kicked out of the family and while my family can be *insert various negative adjectives here*, I still love them and want to have a relationship with them.
With that said, OP, I'm really sorry your brother is being so thoughtless. It sucks that you won't be able to even turn this into a family vacation because of school. Not sure what your situation with your in-laws is, but can they or someone else come out and stay with your kids at home for a week while you and H get a nice vacation?
My SIL just had a destination wedding (in Puerto Rico) and before they booked anything they made sure all the immediate family could attend because skipping the wedding would just not be okay. Made sure it didn't conflict with Greek Easter for my other SIL, made sure it was okay for the kids to be out of school, made sure my BIL could take the time away from work (he runs a restaurant), etc. We're the only ones without kids and she even made sure it was okay with us.
It's one thing to realize you're planning a destination wedding and most likely a lot of people will decline, but it takes a real set of balls to plan a destination wedding where you don't even know if your siblings can attend. Obviously family dynamics come into play, but in this case, it sounds like the siblings are all pretty close.
I'm kind of in a similar situation as your brother. I'm getting married and we're planning to get married on a beach in LA and then fly to Thailand for the honeymoon. It's a cheaper/shorter flight from LA and it will be easier getting married in the US. We live in Iowa so no pretty beaches here.
However, none of our intended guests are local, to us or even to each other. They are in Chicago, Boston, Houston, Minneapolis, New Orleans, Berlin, and London. Lol. So there is no central place to get married that would mean people don't have to travel.
Even with that, we decided not to formally invite anyone or have a bridal party. I have no idea if my siblings will come. It sounded like they would NOT come to a destination wedding I had wanted to plan in Jamaica, so I kind of doubt it. I'm disappointed that they were basically not going to be able to come to my wedding if it involved travel (which it HAS TO since we don't live in the same part of the country...) but I'm already getting over it and it's only been a couple of weeks. I think your brother is expecting a lot if he really thinks you are all going to travel to his wedding and then attend a separate reception later when he COULD get married locally and save everyone the hassle.
Your brother should do whatever he wants, if he wants to get married in Destin and then honeymoon elsewhere I don't think that's that crazy. But if it is important to him to have you guys there, he should have gotten married closer to you. Since he's choosing to get married somewhere else, I think that shows where his priorities lie. I think if I were you I'd skip the wedding and make a big deal about the reception.