-Pays the bills -I do -Drops off/picks up from daycare/school or communicates with a nanny. Basically the daily logistics of childcare for any given day. - me 95% of the time -Does the grocery shopping - he does it all -Does the miscellaneous shopping (lightbulbs, toilet paper, dish soap, etc.) - depends, usually together on the weekends or whoever can make it to the store at lunch as needed -Does the laundry - me, but he puts away his own laundry and irons his own clothes -Calls the appropriate people and sets up times for household tasks like cable set up, dishwasher fixed, plumber etc. - depends who has the time to call -Buys clothing for the kids - me unless he sees something out shopping and then he will buy it -Packs the kids stuff for the day - we both do it -Schedules Dr, dentist, and haircut appts. and takes the kids - equal for the most part -Communicates with teachers - me unless there is a big issue and then we will both go in -Manages car maintenance - we each do our own cars -Buys gifts/cards for family members for holidays and for birthdays you (or kids) are invited to - I buy for my family and he buys for his -Plans birthdays - both but mostly me -Makes dinner - he does -Housecleaning - equal
We both work full time, but H has a less flexible job and works more hours. I work 7 to 330 and often from home. H leaves around 630 and gets home around 6.
Pays bills - Me
Drops off/picks up from daycare/school or communicates with a nanny. Basically the daily logistics of childcare for any given day - Me but my Mother watches the kids in our home.
Does the grocery shopping - H does. He takes one kid with him each Sunday morning.
Does the miscellaneous shopping (lightbulbs, toilet paper, dish soap, etc.) - Me or H. A lot is amazon S&S or something I get at Target since I enjoy Target.
Does the laundry - mostly me during the week while working from home. But H probably does 1 or 2 loads a week.
Calls the appropriate people and sets up times for household tasks like cable set up, dishwasher fixed, plumber etc. - generally H
Buys clothing for the kids - Me. I love shopping for the kids.
Packs the kids stuff for the day - Me
Schedules Dr, dentist, and haircut appts. and takes the kids - Me, other than haircuts for J since he goes to the same place that H does so he goes with H.
Communicates with teachers - both of us via email, I do in person if it's quick at drop off.
Manages car maintenance - H
Buys gifts/cards for family members for holidays and for birthdays you (or kids) are invited to -Me
Plans birthdays - mainly me because I enjoy it. But he is involved in it too.
Makes dinner - me during the week because I am home earlier. H does on the weekends.
Housecleaning - We have a big weekly cleaning service. We both do stuff during the week. H usually does dishes, I vaccum etc.
Post by broadsheet on Sept 2, 2016 13:38:20 GMT -5
We both work full-time, but I work 5:30 am to 2 pm and H works 8-5
Pays Bills: me -dropoff/picks up from daycare/school or communicates with a nanny. Basically the daily logistics of childcare for any given day: H drops off, I pick up -Does the grocery shopping: H -Does the miscellaneous shopping (lightbulbs, toilet paper, dish soap, etc.): mostly me, sometimes H -Does the laundry: me -Calls the appropriate people and sets up times for household tasks like cable set up, dishwasher fixed, plumber etc: H -Buys clothing for the kids: me -Packs the kids stuff for the day: both -Schedules Dr, dentist, and haircut appts. and takes the kids: me -Communicates with teachers: me -Manages car maintenance: H -Buys gifts/cards for family members for holidays and for birthdays you (or kids) are invited to: me -Plans birthdays: me -Makes dinner: H -Housecleaning: maids, lol
-Pays the bills - No one really, everything is set up on auto-debit -Drops off/picks up from daycare/school or communicates with a nanny. Basically the daily logistics of childcare for any given day. H drops off, I pick up. -Does the grocery shopping ME -Does the miscellaneous shopping (lightbulbs, toilet paper, dish soap, etc.) Me -Does the laundry Me -Calls the appropriate people and sets up times for household tasks like cable set up, dishwasher fixed, plumber etc. Both -Buys clothing for the kids Me -Packs the kids stuff for the day Usually me, but H helps -Schedules Dr, dentist, and haircut appts. and takes the kids Me -Communicates with teachers - N/A -Manages car maintenance - We each do our own cars -Buys gifts/cards for family members for holidays and for birthdays you (or kids) are invited to : We each do our own families -Plans birthdays :Me -Makes dinner : Both, but usually me -Housecleaning : Me
My H does all outdoor chores, trash, home improvements, etc so I definitely think he pulls his fair share even if the list is "me" centered.
Post by sunshine608 on Sept 2, 2016 13:43:33 GMT -5
Me. I do pretty much everything on that list. If H is in town and not working a crazy schedule then he will cook dinner and call appropriate repair people.
He pays the insurance bill and I pay all the others.
He also does his own laundry or has it done at the hotels he stays in.
Post by hbomdiggity on Sept 2, 2016 13:44:12 GMT -5
-Pays the bills used to be H, but now more shared. H is responsible for monitoring the bank accounts (I feel like a MM minority in this respect) -Drops off/picks up from daycare/school or communicates with a nanny. Basically the daily logistics of childcare for any given day. H drops off, I pick up. daycare has my contact info. -Does the grocery shopping Me -Does the miscellaneous shopping (lightbulbs, toilet paper, dish soap, etc.) H if its available on amazon, otherwise me if its costco/target -Does the laundry Me -Calls the appropriate people and sets up times for household tasks like cable set up, dishwasher fixed, plumber etc. Both -Buys clothing for the kids Me -Packs the kids stuff for the day n/a DS doesn't require a daily bag (all meals provided) -Schedules Dr, dentist, and haircut appts. and takes the kids Me -Communicates with teachers n/a -Manages car maintenance we manage our respective cars, but he will deal with my car if needed -Buys gifts/cards for family members for holidays and for birthdays you (or kids) are invited to Both. I do not shop for his family. -Plans birthdays Me -Makes dinner Mostly me -Housecleaning hired out
Post by Poeticxpassion on Sept 2, 2016 13:46:07 GMT -5
Pays the bills- I do -Drops off/picks up from daycare/school or communicates with a nanny. Basically the daily logistics of childcare for any given day.- Sh stays at home -Does the grocery shopping- both -Does the miscellaneous shopping (lightbulbs, toilet paper, dish soap, etc.)- both -Does the laundry- both -Calls the appropriate people and sets up times for household tasks like cable set up, dishwasher fixed, plumber etc.- I do -Buys clothing for the kids- I do -Packs the kids stuff for the day- both -Schedules Dr, dentist, and haircut appts. and takes the kids- I do -Communicates with teachers- n/a -Manages car maintenance- dh -Buys gifts/cards for family members for holidays and for birthdays you (or kids) are invited to- I do -Plans birthdays - I do -Makes dinner- dh -Housecleaning- dh
H pays most of the bills, drops DD1 off at school, grocery shops 1-2x a month, and makes dinner either with me, or on his own 2-3 nights a week.
His car and his laundry we are split on because I will go ahead and do it if I see his bin is full, and sometimes it's easier for me to get an oil change or service done.
I do the rest because I SAH and H works long hours.
-Pays the bills me -Drops off/picks up from daycare/school or communicates with a nanny. Basically the daily logistics of childcare for any given day. mainly me. H will be picking up Thursdays once school starts -Does the grocery shopping me, though I prefer when we go together. or when I get to go childless -Does the miscellaneous shopping (lightbulbs, toilet paper, dish soap, etc.) still me -Does the laundry yep, me -Calls the appropriate people and sets up times for household tasks like cable set up, dishwasher fixed, plumber etc. we don't have many of those calls, but I hate talking on the phone so I make MH do it -Buys clothing for the kids me -Packs the kids stuff for the day me -Schedules Dr, dentist, and haircut appts. and takes the kids me again... -Communicates with teachers me -Manages car maintenance we each do our own cars. I need to take mine in for a oil change soon -Buys gifts/cards for family members for holidays and for birthdays you (or kids) are invited to me -Makes dinner depends on who's home. lately, MH because I've been working at night -Housecleaning me- or nobody, haha
ETA: MH works full time. I have been home over the summer, but I'm currently in school. I have 19 credit hours Fall semester. I've also picked up a part-time job. I'm hoping some of these will change, but I won't hold my breath.
We both work full time. I travel weekly for work so DH is the default, always in town parent.
-Pays the bills 100% me -Drops off/picks up from daycare/school 80% DH -Does the grocery shopping 50/50 -Does the miscellaneous shopping (lightbulbs, toilet paper, dish soap, etc.) 90% me via Amazon; DH picks up the odds and ends on his lunch break. -Does the laundry 50/50 -Calls the appropriate people and sets up times for household tasks like cable set up, dishwasher fixed, plumber etc. 50/50 -Buys clothing for the kids 100% me! -Packs the kids stuff for the day 90% me -Schedules Dr, dentist, and haircut appts. and takes the kids 50/50 -Communicates with teachers 100% DH since he does all drop offs -Manages car maintenance 100% DH because he's the only one with a car -Buys gifts/cards for family members for holidays and for birthdays you (or kids) are invited to 99% me; occasionally DH will remember to buy his mom something -Plans birthdays 50/50 -Makes dinner 50/50; DH also does the dishes 90% of the time -Housecleaning 90% me; DH is in charge of the yard and the trash
I do ~70% of DC dropoffs and pickups and arrange for the babysitter on days she picks up. I do most of the grocery shopping. I do most of the misc. shopping because I like going to Target a couple times a month. (I will say that I never keep track of light bulbs, so that is my H's territory.) I do most of the laundry. H sometimes does his laundry, but I am picky about how mine is done. I buy most of M's clothes. I basically do a big Carter's purchase at the beginning of a season and then fill in with other stuff when I see something I like.
H takes care of most of the household tasks like cable set up, etc.
OK, I'm not going to go on with this list because I can see that I do most of it. But not all. My H has done a huge portion of the work related to our renovation and is really doing the legwork on getting us organized to move. Also, he works more hours than I do. Occasionally I get frustrated that he doesn't help more around the house, but since we've undertaken this renovation he's been pulling his weight and mine. So, few complaints here.
Pays the bills Me -Drops off/picks up from daycare/school or communicates with a nanny. Basically the daily logistics of childcare for any given day. Mostly me -Does the grocery shopping Me -Does the miscellaneous shopping (lightbulbs, toilet paper, dish soap, etc.)Me, unless its at Home Depot -Does the laundry Both -Calls the appropriate people and sets up times for household tasks like cable set up, dishwasher fixed, plumber etc. H -Buys clothing for the kids Me -Packs the kids stuff for the day Both -Schedules Dr, dentist, and haircut appts. and takes the kids Me -Communicates with teachers Both -Manages car maintenance H -Buys gifts/cards for family members for holidays and for birthdays you (or kids) are invited to Both -Plans birthdays Me -Makes dinner Me -Housecleaning Both
Yard Work: Both, but DH mows the lawn and weedeats
I do basically all of that stuff. He will help with cleaning on the weekends some but majority of it falls on me. He will cook a meal if I have gone to the store and bought everything needed and I tell him what I want him to cook.
He does lawn maintenance, house maintenance, and honey-do list projects I come up with. We follow pretty traditional roles but it works for us.
Just curious about the breakdown of child, house, and life related tasks and who ends up responsible for them compared to what households were like before the '70s or so.
I'm also interested in knowing work make up-both work full time, someone SAH, part time, etc.
-Pays the billsDH -Drops off/picks up from daycare/school or communicates with a nanny. Basically the daily logistics of childcare for any given day. both -Does the grocery shopping me 90% of the time. It's not worth the effort for me to make a list that exactly explains what he needs to buy. To my knowledge, he has never created a grocery list -Does the miscellaneous shopping (lightbulbs, toilet paper, dish soap, etc.)That's done at the same time as grocery shopping, so me. -Does the laundry both of us -Calls the appropriate people and sets up times for household tasks like cable set up, dishwasher fixed, plumber etc. Ha! me. he does not like talking to people. If he can do it by text, he is willing -Buys clothing for the kids we usually do this together -Packs the kids stuff for the day both of us -Schedules Dr, dentist, and haircut appts. and takes the kids both -Communicates with teachers both -Manages car maintenance we each manage one vehicle -Buys gifts/cards for family members for holidays and for birthdays you (or kids) are invited to me except for his family. His family is four people. Mine is more like 15, plus I do the kids. So he does his own family. -Plans birthdays me -Makes dinner both -Housecleaning we have a cleaning lady. We share the rest of the responsibilities
I take care of the dog almost exclusively. I do all the packing for the kids and dog. DH packs for himself. We share driving. I do all scheduling of anything related to church, parties, vacation, babysitters, etc. DH takes care of the finances and all the photography.
I'm sure I'm missing a lot of categories. Feel free to add to the list.
ETA: I missed standard categories for pets and lawn maintenance and house upkeep since we don't have a pet and live in a condo building. Oops!
Well, this is upsetting. I do all of those except lawn maintenance and outdoor upkeep. Everything else on the list is "my job" though that's not to say that H doesn't occasionally pick DD up from my mom (our daycare), take her to a dentist appointment, switch some laundry, etc... But 99% of the mental and probably 90% of the physical tasks on your list I do. We both work full time, though I work from home and my job is very flexible, which does allow me a lot of time to accomplish this stuff. H's job is not flexible at all.
ETA: I did finally convince H to let me hire a house cleaner last winter, after producing a list much like this. She's amazing and I love not having to do (pretty much) any deep cleaning. I just straighten up day to day and do dishes and stuff.
i keep track of when the car needs a service, and ask him to schedule it. he does the calling because he is friends with a service advisor at the dealership we go to. so i guess we split that 50/50.
this is a HUGE point of contention in our relationship. i get really angry with him AT LEAST weekly about how little he does. i do not think that because i stay home that i should do 99.9% of things that need to get done at home. it's too much for one person. it would be different if he at least cleaned up after himself, but he doesn't even do that.
Post by penguingrrl on Sept 2, 2016 13:55:41 GMT -5
I do pretty much all of it during the week, but that's because H works a two hour commute from home (which by all rights should be half the time but our train system is underfunded), so he's gone from 6a-7p and exhausted all the time. I work in our town and part time, so the bulk of home stuff has to fall on me. It's a decision we made when he took this job, but he had no other offers and no other options.
Prior to his taking this job it was a far more equitable division of labor. In fact, until then he got the kids up and out to school then came home and woke me up with coffee before leaving for work.
I do all bill pay and most planning/scheduling related things, and DH does lawn/snow and big house projects, but otherwise pretty 50/50. I clean a bit more bc I WFH.
We both work full time. I have more childcare responsibility though bc DH works weekends/evenings a lot.
I work full time as a pharmacist and DH works part time as a realtor.
-Pays the bills (me) -Drops off/picks up from daycare/school or communicates with a nanny. Basically the daily logistics of childcare for any given day. (DH unless I'm off work and then it just depends on our schedule) -Does the grocery shopping (me) -Does the miscellaneous shopping (lightbulbs, toilet paper, dish soap, etc.)(me) -Does the laundry (both of us) -Calls the appropriate people and sets up times for household tasks like cable set up, dishwasher fixed, plumber etc.(DH) -Buys clothing for the kids (me) -Packs the kids stuff for the day (both) -Schedules Dr, dentist, and haircut appts. and takes the kids (I make the appts and we both usually take them) -Communicates with teachers (both) -Manages car maintenance (DH) -Buys gifts/cards for family members for holidays and for birthdays you (or kids) are invited to (me) -Plans birthdays (me) -Makes dinner (mostly me) -Housecleaning (we hire out)
I'm sure I'm missing a lot of categories. Feel free to add to the list.
ETA: I missed standard categories for pets and lawn maintenance and house upkeep since we don't have a pet and live in a condo building. Oops!
We don't live in the US at the moment and this breakdown has changed in the past several months. The delegation to third parties probably came 50/50 from both of us.
-Pays the bills - He's a CPA, so he does. -Drops off/picks up from daycare/school or communicates with a nanny. Basically the daily logistics of childcare for any given day. - I do 80% of the time. -Does the grocery shopping - I do. -Does the miscellaneous shopping (lightbulbs, toilet paper, dish soap, etc.) 70/30 me. -Does the laundry - The housekeeper. -Calls the appropriate people and sets up times for household tasks like cable set up, dishwasher fixed, plumber etc. - He does. -Buys clothing for the kids -50/50 -Packs the kids stuff for the day -The nanny. -Schedules Dr, dentist, and haircut appts. and takes the kids -I do. -Communicates with teachers -M goes to French school, H doesn't speak French so I handle the communication. -Manages car maintenance -The driver. -Buys gifts/cards for family members for holidays and for birthdays you (or kids) are invited to -70/30 me -Plans birthdays -50/50 -Makes dinner -4-5 Days we eat out, 1 Day I cook, 1-2 days leftovers. Working to get that more towards me cooking from a health standpoint. H is pushing for me to hand it over ot the nanny or housekeeper but I enjoy cooking so no. -Housecleaning - The housekeeper
I'm sure I'm missing a lot of categories. Feel free to add to the list.
ETA: I missed standard categories for pets and lawn maintenance and house upkeep since we don't have a pet and live in a condo building. Oops! - This is the Gardener.
We both work fulltime. Basically I do "indoor" chores and H does "outdoor". I used to drop kids off and he'd pick up from daycare but now he works OOT during the week. So I'm basically a single parent M-F. I've always handled financials, bought groceries, buy kid related things, make appts.
Things like lawn care, change oil in car, household repairs is what H does.
Post by bluelikejazz on Sept 2, 2016 14:05:32 GMT -5
DH is a SAHD, I work a fairly reliable 8-5 M-F job.
-Pays the bills - DH -Drops off/picks up from daycare/school or communicates with a nanny. Basically the daily logistics of childcare for any given day. - DH -Does the grocery shopping - DH -Does the miscellaneous shopping (lightbulbs, toilet paper, dish soap, etc.) - DH -Does the laundry - Me -Calls the appropriate people and sets up times for household tasks like cable set up, dishwasher fixed, plumber etc. - DH -Buys clothing for the kids - Both -Packs the kids stuff for the day - DH I guess, but she's only 1.5, so nothing to pack really unless they go on an outing to the zoo or whatever -Schedules Dr, dentist, and haircut appts. and takes the kids - For DD, DH would. We each schedule our own. -Communicates with teachers - N/A, but will likely be me -Manages car maintenance - DH -Buys gifts/cards for family members for holidays and for birthdays you (or kids) are invited to - Me -Plans birthdays - Both I guess. DD's only had 1 -Makes dinner - Split. Mostly DH -Housecleaning - Both. I usually ask DH if he'll clean X or Y during nap, and he does.
-Pays the bills ME -Drops off/picks up from daycare/school or communicates with a nanny. Basically the daily logistics of childcare for any given day. Me, 90% of the time -Does the grocery shopping Me, 90% of the time -Does the miscellaneous shopping (lightbulbs, toilet paper, dish soap, etc.) Me, 90% of the time -Does the laundry Me, 60% of the time -Calls the appropriate people and sets up times for household tasks like cable set up, dishwasher fixed, plumber etc. Me -Buys clothing for the kids. Me -Packs the kids stuff for the day Me -Schedules Dr, dentist, and haircut appts. and takes the kids Me -Communicates with teachers n/a -Manages car maintenance Me -Buys gifts/cards for family members for holidays and for birthdays you (or kids) are invited to Me -Plans birthdays Me -Makes dinner Me -Housecleaning Both of us.
I work in an office from 7am-4pm with a 30 minute commute.
He owns his own business. His office is at our house, but he often has shoots away from home of varying lengths.
ME -Pays the bills -Does the miscellaneous shopping (lightbulbs, toilet paper, dish soap, etc.) (Me via Amazon Prime) -Calls the appropriate people and sets up times for household tasks like cable set up, dishwasher fixed, plumber etc. -Buys clothing for the kids -Packs the kids stuff for the day -Schedules Dr, dentist, and haircut appts. and takes the kids -Buys gifts/cards for family members for holidays and for birthdays you (or kids) are invited to -Plans birthdays
HIM -Manages car maintenance
BOTH -Drops off/picks up from daycare/school or communicates with a nanny. Basically the daily logistics of childcare for any given day. (He drops her off, I pick her up) -Communicates with teachers -Makes dinner (Either of us will follow the recipes, but I feel like he thinks it's my problem. He is ALWAYS asking me "what are we doing for dinner?" which makes me rage)
NEITHER -Does the grocery shopping (Milk & dairy are delivered; we do Home Chef which delivers the ingredients for 3-4 meals/week) -Does the laundry (Cleaning lady does once a week. He will do his own if he needs to in between. I will do mine/DD's if needed) -Housecleaning (Cleaning lady comes on Fridays. I will pick up and run dishwasher in between. He basically does zero cleaning) -Lawn maintenance (hired out)