Just curious about the breakdown of child, house, and life related tasks and who ends up responsible for them compared to what households were like before the '70s or so.
I'm also interested in knowing work make up-both work full time, someone SAH, part time, etc.
We both work - Me F/T outside house; him self-employed general contractor
-Pays the bills Me -Drops off/picks up from daycare/school or communicates with a nanny. Basically the daily logistics of childcare for any given day. he does drop off/we switch pick up -Does the grocery shopping both(fun family outing lol) -Does the miscellaneous shopping (lightbulbs, toilet paper, dish soap, etc.) both -Does the laundry both -Calls the appropriate people and sets up times for household tasks like cable set up, dishwasher fixed, plumber etc. me - more medical apt and that nature since he fixes everything -Buys clothing for the kids me -Packs the kids stuff for the day both; we switch packing lunch/daycare bag while the other does baths -Schedules Dr, dentist, and haircut appts. and takes the kids I do most medical apts becuase he dosen't remember the details to my liking; he does hair cuts for our son -Communicates with teachers mainly me -Manages car maintenance H -Buys gifts/cards for family members for holidays and for birthdays you (or kids) are invited to me -Plans birthdays me -Makes dinner me 5/7 days; him 2/7 (bbq or takeout lol) -Housecleaning me and the hired help
I'm sure I'm missing a lot of categories. Feel free to add to the list.
ETA: I missed standard categories for pets and lawn maintenance and house upkeep since we don't have a pet and live in a condo building. Oops!
Our physical chores are split evenly, but I do the mental lifting. We haven't really figured out how to change this, but he does recognize this, which helps.
DH does NOT recognize "mental lifting" as a thing.
I mean, I want to do it 90% of the time, and am naturally good at it, but GIVE ME THE CREDIT I DESERVE.
It's probably also why we both think of ourselves as the "default parent"SaveSave
-Pays the bills: A lot of the bills are auto paid. I pay me CC and he pays his. I usually pay any random bill that comes in the mail
-Drops off/picks up from daycare/school or communicates with a nanny. Basically the daily logistics of childcare for any given day. DH used to do one of the drop offs but I'll do everything this year do to his longer hours. He could do drop off in a pinch. I'm looking for a college student or HS student who can help 2-3 times a week to take some of the burden off me.
-Does the grocery shopping. I do this. -Does the miscellaneous shopping (lightbulbs, toilet paper, dish soap, etc.) I'll sometimes do this or ask DH to grab stuff on the way back from the park etc.
-Does the laundry (N/A -- we pay to have our laundry washed, which is common in NYC)
-Calls the appropriate people and sets up times for household tasks like cable set up, dishwasher fixed, plumber etc. I do but I WAH so it generally that makes sense.
-Buys clothing for the kids Me. DH would do this if I asked but I'm much pickier than he is about clothing -Packs the kids stuff for the day. Me, again mostly because of his longer hours. I have what the kids needed on the white board so he could do this if I was out late. -Schedules Dr, dentist, and haircut appts. and takes the kids. Me about 90%
-Communicates with teachers Me.
-Manages car maintenance DH, though we put like 4000 miles on the car annual so it doesn't really need that much.
-Buys gifts/cards for family members for holidays and for birthdays you (or kids) are invited to Me
-Plans birthdays Me
-Makes dinner Me
-Housecleaning Mostly our house cleaner, DH does the heavy lifting here, but I help out too.
Post by emoflamingo on Sept 2, 2016 14:26:00 GMT -5
-Pays the bills me -Drops off/picks up from daycare/school or communicates with a nanny. Basically the daily logistics of childcare for any given day. I drop off, he picks up, I communicate. -Does the grocery shopping me -Does the miscellaneous shopping (lightbulbs, toilet paper, dish soap, etc.) me -Does the laundry sort of split, he runs them (if he remembers or is reminded) and I fold and put away most. -Calls the appropriate people and sets up times for household tasks like cable set up, dishwasher fixed, plumber etc. usually split. -Buys clothing for the kids me -Packs the kids stuff for the day me -Schedules Dr, dentist, and haircut appts. and takes the kids me, with the occasional exception on haircut appointments -Communicates with teachers me -Manages car maintenance we each handle our own cars. -Buys gifts/cards for family members for holidays and for birthdays you (or kids) are invited to me -Plans birthdays me -Makes dinner split, he is off at 2:30 to my 5. -Housecleaning me
We both work equal number of hours each week and while he sees us as equal partners at home w/r/t children and housework, I don't.
Our physical chores are split evenly, but I do the mental lifting. We haven't really figured out how to change this, but he does recognize this, which helps.
DH does NOT recognize "mental lifting" as a thing.
I mean, I want to do it 90% of the time, and am naturally good at it, but GIVE ME THE CREDIT I DESERVE.
It's probably also why we both think of ourselves as the "default parent"SaveSave
Part of it isn't his fault. My brain DOES NOT shut off. Ever. I am always thinking ahead to what we're having for dinner, what chores need to be done. It's not fair to him to expect him to work at my pace. But by the time he's thought of what we should have for dinner, I've planned a week of menus. I know I could not do it, but then my brain is like, "OMG WHAT ARE WE GOING TO HAVE FOR DINNER NEXT WEEK?" And I'm up until 1am. I need a different brain.
I work part-time from home, flexible hours, so I squeeze in work during preschool hours, naps, evenings, weekends. I average 15 hours of work per week but it varies and I've been busier recently. DH works full time, usually works from 6:15 am - 5pm. Commute is 10 min.
Pays the bills - Me Drops off/picks up from daycare/school or communicates with a nanny. Basically the daily logistics of childcare for any given day - Me Does the grocery shopping - Me, he runs for something random maybe twice a month Does the miscellaneous shopping (lightbulbs, toilet paper, dish soap, etc.) - Me, but again he will run out maybe once or twice a month Does the laundry - 50/50 - I fold, he puts away. Calls the appropriate people and sets up times for household tasks like cable set up, dishwasher fixed, plumber etc - Me Buys clothing for the kids - Me Packs the kids stuff for the day - Me Schedules Dr, dentist, and haircut appts. and takes the kids - Me Communicates with teachers - Me Manages car maintenance Both, but probably 75% him Buys gifts/cards for family members for holidays and for birthdays you (or kids) are invited to - Me Plans birthdays - Me Makes dinner - Me Housecleaning - both, but he does more than his share so it's probably 60/40
Eta - He does yard work, washes cars, etc usually but I will help trim bushes or plant flowers, etc. I handle vet appointments, dog baths, etc.
Post by katiescarlett on Sept 2, 2016 14:34:09 GMT -5
DH works FT and I work PT to FT depending on the week. 4 kids 6mo-7y
-Pays the bills-both handle different ones -Drops off/picks up from daycare/school or communicates with a nanny. Basically the daily logistics of childcare for any given day.-usually me but his parents are our childcare so sometimes he does -Does the grocery shopping-me -Does the miscellaneous shopping (lightbulbs, toilet paper, dish soap, etc.)-me -Does the laundry-me, unless i say hey wash xyz Calls the appropriate people and sets up times for household tasks like cable set up, dishwasher fixed, plumber etc.-typically DH -Buys clothing for the kids-me -Packs the kids stuff for the day-me -Schedules Dr, dentist, and haircut appts. and takes the kids-me -Communicates with teachers-me -Manages car maintenance-we each do our own -Buys gifts/cards for family members for holidays and for birthdays you (or kids) are invited to-me -Plans birthdays-me -Makes dinner-me -Housecleaning-me
DH handles almost all the outdoor stuff with the yard and pool. He is also in charge of trash and recycling.
Just curious about the breakdown of child, house, and life related tasks and who ends up responsible for them compared to what households were like before the '70s or so.
I'm also interested in knowing work make up-both work full time, someone SAH, part time, etc.
-Pays the bills ME -Drops off/picks up from daycare/school or communicates with a nanny. Basically the daily logistics of childcare for any given day. ME -Does the grocery shopping ME -Does the miscellaneous shopping (lightbulbs, toilet paper, dish soap, etc.) Generally ME unless it needs to come from Home Depot -Does the laundry ME -Calls the appropriate people and sets up times for household tasks like cable set up, dishwasher fixed, plumber etc. Generally ME -Buys clothing for the kids ME -Packs the kids stuff for the day ME (and for trips!) -Schedules Dr, dentist, and haircut appts. and takes the kids ME -Communicates with teachers ME -Manages car maintenance HIM -Buys gifts/cards for family members for holidays and for birthdays you (or kids) are invited to ME (although last few Christmases I've delegated some of his family to him) -Plans birthdays ME -Makes dinner Generally ME -Housecleaning ME and we have a biweekly service so I don't go crazy/house turn into a pit
I'm mostly a SAHM and do some consulting (~20 hrs a month) from home. DH works a lot and we prefer this set up to make life less stressful. He does do general house maintenance although I recently hired a gardener because the yard was looking crappy and he just didn't have the time. I will say that as my kids get older there is an expectation from society that I work more - I don't see DH naturally pickting up the slack for all this stuff. I would have to physically give him a list I think.
I'm sure I'm missing a lot of categories. Feel free to add to the list.
ETA: I missed standard categories for pets and lawn maintenance and house upkeep since we don't have a pet and live in a condo building. Oops!
Post by pinkdutchtulips on Sept 2, 2016 14:44:16 GMT -5
Pre divorce - I did all but car maintenance. We had a gardener for the lawn. We both worked FT then the last 18 months of our marriage only I worked FT, then h was disabled/unemployed
Post divorce - it's ALL on me but I live in an apt (no lawn !)
Just curious about the breakdown of child, house, and life related tasks and who ends up responsible for them compared to what households were like before the '70s or so.
I'm also interested in knowing work make up-both work full time, someone SAH, part time, etc.
-Pays the bills-DH -Drops off/picks up from daycare/school or communicates with a nanny. Basically the daily logistics of childcare for any given day.-ME -Does the grocery shopping-BOTH -Does the miscellaneous shopping (lightbulbs, toilet paper, dish soap, etc.)-BOTH -Does the laundry-NOW A COMBO OF ME & DD2, FOR 10YRS IT WAS DH -Calls the appropriate people and sets up times for household tasks like cable set up, dishwasher fixed, plumber etc.-ME -Buys clothing for the kids-ME -Packs the kids stuff for the day-USED TO BE DH, NOW I DO DD4, THE OTHERS TAKE CARE OF THEMSELVES -Schedules Dr, dentist, and haircut appts. and takes the kids-ME -Communicates with teachers-ME -Manages car maintenance -DH -Buys gifts/cards for family members for holidays and for birthdays you (or kids) are invited to-BOTH -Plans birthdays -BOTH -Makes dinner-USED TO SHARE, NOW ME SINCE ALL THE KIDS ARE IN SCHOOL F/T -Housecleaning-USED TO SHARE, NOW ME AND THE KIDS
I'm sure I'm missing a lot of categories. Feel free to add to the list.
ETA: I missed standard categories for pets and lawn maintenance and house upkeep since we don't have a pet and live in a condo building. Oops!
It's been a bell curve, when I had just DD1, it was mostly me. As we've added children DH has stepped up a lot, especially when I had a job & with DD4. Now that all the kids are in school fulltime and I'm not working at all...well I do most household things now & don't mind doing so.
Post by fortnightlily on Sept 2, 2016 14:51:40 GMT -5
We both work full-time in similar fields with similar hours, and have one toddler and no pets. We also share money 100%.
-Pays the bills
Most are on autopay. DH pays the gas bill and electric bill, I pay the water bill.
-Drops off/picks up from daycare/school or communicates with a nanny. Basically the daily logistics of childcare for any given day.
Usually DH does drop off, I do pick up.
-Does the grocery shopping
We usually do this as a family on weekends. But sometimes one or the other will make a solo run on a weeknight.
-Does the miscellaneous shopping (lightbulbs, toilet paper, dish soap, etc.)
Same as with groceries.
-Does the laundry
We share this pretty 50/50.
-Calls the appropriate people and sets up times for household tasks like cable set up, dishwasher fixed, plumber etc.
We split this depending on who has more desire/expertise on the matter at hand.
-Buys clothing for the kids
We still get a ton from relatives for birthday/Christmas. The rest I'll either buy online or we'll pick up together when we're out.
-Packs the kids stuff for the day
Both, but I'd say I do it more.
-Schedules Dr, dentist, and haircut appts. and takes the kids
Scheduling - me. Attending - both.
-Communicates with teachers
Both, but me more.
-Manages car maintenance
We each take care of our own car. Though DH will do things for both like replacing bulbs or wiper blades.
-Buys gifts/cards for family members for holidays and for birthdays you (or kids) are invited to
Both, but I do more.
-Plans birthdays
Me
-Makes dinner
Both. We switch off depending on who feels like it.
-Housecleaning
I do most of the routine cleaning - dusting/vacuuming/mopping and bathrooms. DH will every now and then spontaneously do the kitchen or vacuum the stairs or basement, or give the bathtubs more elbow grease than I can manage. DH takes care of all the outdoor stuff - lawn and garden.
DH does NOT recognize "mental lifting" as a thing.
I mean, I want to do it 90% of the time, and am naturally good at it, but GIVE ME THE CREDIT I DESERVE.
It's probably also why we both think of ourselves as the "default parent"SaveSave
Part of it isn't his fault. My brain DOES NOT shut off. Ever. I am always thinking ahead to what we're having for dinner, what chores need to be done. It's not fair to him to expect him to work at my pace. But by the time he's thought of what we should have for dinner, I've planned a week of menus. I know I could not do it, but then my brain is like, "OMG WHAT ARE WE GOING TO HAVE FOR DINNER NEXT WEEK?" And I'm up until 1am. I need a different brain.
This is me, too, to a lesser extent. But I definitely get the impression that more of this falls on women. 95% of the time I initiate anything. I suggest what we should do on a given weekend day because I've been thinking about it all week. I think about meal planning. I think about what we need to stock up on because a relative is coming the following week. I plan our social lives, etc. DH acknowledges it sometimes, like around Christmas when I take control of organizing family gifts. But even when I ask him to plan my birthday dinner he thinks that means he still asks me where I want to go and he just picks up the phone and makes the reservation.
There are Saturdays I want to just say nothing and see how long it takes him to decide we should all get dressed and turn off the TV and stop f'ing around and DO something.
-Pays the bills- He pays the bills, I keep YNAB up to date. -Drops off/picks up from daycare/school or communicates with a nanny. Basically the daily logistics of childcare for any given day. I do the logistics for the kids and pick ups for school. Our neighbor does drop off. -Does the grocery shopping- we usually go together or I go by myself. -Does the miscellaneous shopping (lightbulbs, toilet paper, dish soap, etc.) this is included in the grocery shopping -Does the laundry- I usually do most of it but he seems to do his own lately. Each person has their own load. -Calls the appropriate people and sets up times for household tasks like cable set up, dishwasher fixed, plumber etc.- I usually make the appointments but I try to have someone else with me to help with the kids. -Buys clothing for the kids- my MIL buys all the clothes except special occasions. -Packs the kids stuff for the day- I pack the kids stuff for any event they need a bag for minus kindergartener's backpack -Schedules Dr, dentist, and haircut appts. and takes the kids- I make all appointments and take them to all but the dentist. -Communicates with teachers- I am the main point of contact. -Manages car maintenance- we each manage our own car. -Buys gifts/cards for family members for holidays and for birthdays you (or kids) are invited to- I buy for my family and friends and the parties the kids are invited to. He does his family and friends. We buy our kids gifts together or discuss it then I buy. -Plans birthdays- I plan them and ask for help when needed. -Makes dinner- usually me, once in awhile he will make something but usually I have my handin prep. -Housecleaning- if he is stressed or upset he will clean. Usually I try to do the deep cleaning and he does the general pick up of toys.
I take care of the winter outside house maintenance and does the other seasons. I help only when necessary. We don't have pets but I figure they would fall under another kid. He helps me whenever I ask or knows when I'm overwhelmed. I also have an awesome support staff that can help me out when I need it.
Post by CheeringCharm on Sept 2, 2016 15:01:47 GMT -5
-Pays the bills Auto/DH
-Drops off/picks up from daycare/school or communicates with a nanny. Basically the daily logistics of childcare for any given day. Me -Does the grocery shopping Mostly me but he runs errands during his lunch break. BJs is near his office so he does all of our bulk shopping there. -Does the miscellaneous shopping (lightbulbs, toilet paper, dish soap, etc.) Combo -Does the laundry Me -Calls the appropriate people and sets up times for household tasks like cable set up, dishwasher fixed, plumber etc. DH -Buys clothing for the kids Me -Packs the kids stuff for the day Me -Schedules Dr, dentist, and haircut appts. and takes the kids Me -Communicates with teachers Me -Manages car maintenance DH -Buys gifts/cards for family members for holidays and for birthdays you (or kids) are invited to I do for the kids and myself; DH buys for his family members -Plans birthdays Combo (we do it together) -Makes dinner Combo (we switch off nights) -Housecleaning Me + e/o week housecleaning service -Lawn maintenance/house upkeep DH -Pets None (it would probably be me which is why we don't have a pet )
-Pays the bills H -Drops off/picks up from daycare/school or communicates with a nanny. Basically the daily logistics of childcare for any given day. H drops off when he's home, I pick up. I do all logistical stuff. -Does the grocery shopping Me -Does the miscellaneous shopping (lightbulbs, toilet paper, dish soap, etc.) Me (this includes telling H where it is when he asks if we need more) -Does the laundry We both do laundry, but he puts it away -Calls the appropriate people and sets up times for household tasks like cable set up, dishwasher fixed, plumber etc. Both -Buys clothing for the kids Me -Packs the kids stuff for the day H if he's home -Schedules Dr, dentist, and haircut appts. and takes the kids I make all appts, he takes to some of them -Communicates with teachers both -Manages car maintenance both -Buys gifts/cards for family members for holidays and for birthdays you (or kids) are invited to me -Plans birthdays Me -Makes dinner Me -Housecleaning our housecleaner
I do all of the logistical things and coordination and "mental" work in our household. He does about half of the physical stuff when he's around.
-Pays the bills. DH -Drops off/picks up from daycare/school or communicates with a nanny. Basically the daily logistics of childcare for any given day. both, depending on the day -Does the grocery shopping me -Does the miscellaneous shopping (lightbulbs, toilet paper, dish soap, etc.) me -Does the laundry me -Calls the appropriate people and sets up times for household tasks like cable set up, dishwasher fixed, plumber etc. DH -Buys clothing for the kids me -Packs the kids stuff for the day me -Schedules Dr, dentist, and haircut appts. and takes the kids I do myself and E, DH does himself -Communicates with teachers either, depending on the day -Manages car maintenance we manage our own cars -Buys gifts/cards for family members for holidays and for birthdays you (or kids) are invited to me -Plans birthdays me with DH's input -Makes dinner both -Housecleaning both
-Pays the bills - ME -Drops off/picks up from daycare/school or communicates with a nanny. Basically the daily logistics of childcare for any given day. DH picks up from after care, but I handle the logistics. -Does the grocery shopping - We both do, but DH does the big runs. -Does the miscellaneous shopping (lightbulbs, toilet paper, dish soap, etc.) - We both do, but I manage the lists. -Does the laundry - We both do, but mostly DH. -Calls the appropriate people and sets up times for household tasks like cable set up, dishwasher fixed, plumber etc. Case by Case basis - both of us -Buys clothing for the kids - Me, unless there's something very specific for him to pack up. -Packs the kids stuff for the day - DH does lunches most of the time, if necessary, but I handle other bags, etc. -Schedules Dr, dentist, and haircut appts. and takes the kids - I do all the scheduling, DH sometimes takes them. -Communicates with teachers Me. -Manages car maintenance We both handle our own cars. -Buys gifts/cards for family members for holidays and for birthdays you (or kids) are invited to - Me -Plans birthdays - Me, but he is the chef so he often plans/does the food for the parties. -Makes dinner - Mostly DH -Housecleaning - Mostly outsourced, but we both do what isn't outsourced. He does more handwashed dishes than me.
Lawn Maintenance - My dad mows for us. DH does trimming, some weed removal. We outsource big weeding.
-Pays the bills - me, except for H's credit card and car payments -Drops off/picks up from daycare/school or communicates with a nanny. Basically the daily logistics of childcare for any given day. - me -Does the grocery shopping - H on weekends, me during week -Does the miscellaneous shopping (lightbulbs, toilet paper, dish soap, etc.) 50/50 -Does the laundry - me -Calls the appropriate people and sets up times for household tasks like cable set up, dishwasher fixed, plumber etc. - me -Buys clothing for the kids - me -Packs the kids stuff for the day - H makes lunches because he gets up with them, I take care of rest before they go -Schedules Dr, dentist, and haircut appts. and takes the kids - me -Communicates with teachers - me, although he's co-chair of a committee and he obviously does their work -Manages car maintenance - we each take care of our own -Buys gifts/cards for family members for holidays and for birthdays you (or kids) are invited to - he buys presents/cards for his extended family, I do everything else -Plans birthdays - me -Makes dinner - 70% me, 30% H, if I had to break it down -Housecleaning - 100% me, lol
Post by usuallylurking on Sept 2, 2016 15:19:53 GMT -5
-Pays the bills Me. Lol. H has no idea.
-Drops off/picks up from daycare/school or communicates with a nanny. Basically the daily logistics of childcare for any given day. Me, but I SAH.
-Does the grocery shopping Me. He will go along to Costci here and there, but usually if we have returns to make so he will go to the return line while I start shopping.
-Does the miscellaneous shopping (lightbulbs, toilet paper, dish soap, etc.) Me, because we buy 99% of that stuff from Costco.
-Does the laundry H is pretty good at starting a load (though making sure he rounds up all the dirties is another story) and switching it. But I couldn't tell you the last time he folded/hung and put away.
-Calls the appropriate people and sets up times for household tasks like cable set up, dishwasher fixed, plumber etc. Hmmmm. Him if I can make it fit in his schedule. Otherwise I do it. But he's a handyman by trade, so we don't have many of these calls. Something like cable or internet I set up.
-Buys clothing for the kids Definitely me.
-Packs the kids stuff for the day Me.
-Schedules Dr, dentist, and haircut appts. and takes the kids Oh definitely me. But I have started to push haircuts to him, we're probably 50/50 on that now.
-Communicates with teachers Me, 100%
-Manages car maintenance I usually take mine in for an oil change, etc. But he can do some things himself so he handles a good amount too.
-Buys gifts/cards for family members for holidays and for birthdays you (or kids) are invited to Lol. Me.
-Plans birthdays Me. He "helps" in the sense that he mostly listens to my ideas and says "that sounds great babe!" He does help on party day with the set up, cleaning, etc.
-Makes dinner 75% me. If it's something to grill then that is on him.
-Housecleaning We share. Mostly because I do one of my many other tasks while he runs the vacuum/does "clean up" with the boys, etc. He has taken over the litter box since I got pregnant which has been great. I have him run the mop because he's stronger than me and able to scrub a bit better. Actually putting stuff away? Lol, that's all me. He just moves things around.
- Pet care I feed the dogs and cats in the morning, he does it at night. I do all vet appts. He bathes the dogs. I let the dogs in/out throughout the day.
- Lawn/yard work We share. This is our first summer in the house so we are still ripping stuff out, trimming stuff back, deciding what to keep, etc. I will mow our full acre (and actually enjoy it!) because we have a rider. 2 hours uninterrupted and listening to music? Yes please! He cleans the irrigation filter which is awesome because I haaaaate that chore and was incredibly excited to give it to him when he started this new job and isn't working OOT all the time anymore.
I do the dishes for the most part, but H is great about doing the hand washing (which is great because I loathe that). H takes out the trash almost always, I'll take it out if it fills up when he isn't home. I do all of the meal planning. H is so not helpful with that, lol.
-Pays the bills Me -Drops off/picks up from daycare/school or communicates with a nanny. Basically the daily logistics of childcare for any given day. Split 50/50 -Does the grocery shopping I usually do a weekly run but msniq likes to buy groceries the day of or day before she cooks, so it's split. -Does the miscellaneous shopping (lightbulbs, toilet paper, dish soap, etc.) We can get 98% of what we need from Fred Meyer or Amazon -Does the laundry I do my gym clothes & quick dry pants, and diapers, msniq does the rest -Calls the appropriate people and sets up times for household tasks like cable set up, dishwasher fixed, plumber etc. Me, mostly? -Buys clothing for the kids msniq -Packs the kids stuff for the day Me but there's barely any stuff now -Schedules Dr, dentist, and haircut appts. and takes the kids Shared -Communicates with teachers Me, mostly -Manages car maintenance Me -Buys gifts/cards for family members for holidays and for birthdays you (or kids) are invited to We have a spreadsheet for Christmas. Otherwise it's ad-hoc -Plans birthdays Shared -Makes dinner msniq. I cook like 1 meal in 20, if that. -Housecleaning msniq does more of it. I try to keep up. We have a Roomba and (soon) a regular housecleaner
We both work 40 hours per week, standard 5 day schedule.
-Pays the bills Mostly me, except for 2-3 that H is responsible for
-Drops off/picks up from daycare/school or communicates with a nanny. Basically the daily logistics of childcare for any given day. I drop off, H picks up
-Does the grocery shopping Me
-Does the miscellaneous shopping (lightbulbs, toilet paper, dish soap, etc.) Me
-Does the laundry Both of us
-Calls the appropriate people and sets up times for household tasks like cable set up, dishwasher fixed, plumber etc. Me
-Buys clothing for the kids Me
-Packs the kids stuff for the day Both of us
-Schedules Dr, dentist, and haircut appts. and takes the kids Me
-Communicates with teachers Both of us
-Manages car maintenance H
-Buys gifts/cards for family members for holidays and for birthdays you (or kids) are invited to Me
Post by sillygoosegirl on Sept 2, 2016 15:23:53 GMT -5
-Bills: neither of us and both, pretty much everything is on auto-pay -Daycare: 50/50 -Groceries: 60/40 - DH does more -Miscellaneous shopping: with groceries -Laundry: 40/60 - I do more -Service Calls: mostly we DIY, other times normally DH (we both perceive that he gets better service, and DH says there are stats to back this up as common/regular gender discrimination.) -Kids' Clothing: 80/15/5 - mostly SIL (she has a daughter 2 years older than DD, followed by me) -Packs the kids stuff for the day: mostly me -Schedules Dr, dentist, and haircut appts. and takes the kids: 50/50 -Communicates with teachers: mostly DH (same as service calls) -Manages car maintenance: 60/40 - more DH -Buys gifts/cards for family members for holidays and for birthdays you (or kids) are invited to: 70/30 - I do more -Plans birthdays: nobody yet, lol -Makes dinner: 80/20 - DH does more -Housecleaning: 70/30 - I do more
I am employed 24 hours/week (3 days at work, 2 days with DD), DH is employed 32 hours/week (4 days at work, 1 day with DD).
Post by newnamesameperson on Sept 2, 2016 15:23:59 GMT -5
Pays the bills - Me 100% -Drops off/picks up from daycare/school or communicates with a nanny. Basically the daily logistics of childcare for any given day. Me 95%, but if DH is ever home early enough then he does. -Does the grocery shopping Me 80%, DH 20%. He asks every day on his way home we need anything or if we need anything then he will just pick it up. -Does the miscellaneous shopping (lightbulbs, toilet paper, dish soap, etc.) Everything but lightbulbs, for some reason I think that's on him. -Does the laundry He does his own, but will do the kids to if I have them in the laundry room. -Calls the appropriate people and sets up times for household tasks like cable set up, dishwasher fixed, plumber etc. Me 100% -Buys clothing for the kids Me 100% -Packs the kids stuff for the day Me 100% -Schedules Dr, dentist, and haircut appts. and takes the kids Me 100% -Communicates with teachers Me 100% -Manages car maintenance Him 100% -Buys gifts/cards for family members for holidays and for birthdays you (or kids) are invited to Me 100% -Plans birthdays Me 100% -Makes dinner Me 50%, him 50% -Housecleaning Me 85%, him 15% -Outside chores (law maintenance, house maintenance) Him 100%
Mine is going to look ridiculous because we outsource so much. And, we are going to be SO SAD when we give up our nanny. But really, my husband does a ton of actual work. I am the great orchestrator of all things, which I consider a huge responsibility. :-)
-Pays the bills BOTH - WE KEPT OUR OLD ACCOUNTS AND DIVIDED UP THE BILLS -Drops off/picks up from daycare/school or communicates with a nanny. Basically the daily logistics of childcare for any given day. I COMMUNICATE WITH NANNY MORE, BUT WHEN SHE IS OUT HE PROBABLY DOES MORE PICKUP/DROPOFF -Does the grocery shopping THE NANNY -Does the miscellaneous shopping (lightbulbs, toilet paper, dish soap, etc.) THE NANNY -Does the laundry NANNY DOES KID LAUNDRY. HUSBAND DOES 80% PLUS OF OUR LAUNDRY -Calls the appropriate people and sets up times for household tasks like cable set up, dishwasher fixed, plumber etc. THE NANNY -Buys clothing for the kids GRANDMA. SOMETIMES THE NANNY AND I HAVE TO FILL IN WITH A FEW MISSING ITEMS, BUT I HATE SHOPPING -Packs the kids stuff for the day THE NANNY. ME ON THE WEEKEND (OR I HAVE TO REMIND HIM AND THEN HE DOES) -Schedules Dr, dentist, and haircut appts. and takes the kids THE NANNY DOES A LOT AND THEN WE BOTH DO MAJOR APPOINTMENTS LIKE CHEMO OR MRIs -Communicates with teachers MOSTLY THE NANNY. IF NOT, THEN ME. -Manages car maintenance MY HUSBAND -Buys gifts/cards for family members for holidays and for birthdays you (or kids) are invited to MY HUSBAND BUYS FOR HIS FAMILY (AND SOMETIMES MINE -- I'M NOT A BIG GIFT GIVER). NANNY BUYS ALL STUFF FOR KID PARTIES -Plans birthdays ME -Makes dinner MOSTLY ME, THE NANNY DOES 1-2 MEALS A WEEK -Housecleaning MERRY MAIDS
Post by formerlyak on Sept 2, 2016 15:34:10 GMT -5
I will have different answers for DS1 as his dad and I are divorced and he lives with me the majority of the time, and DS2.
-Pays the bills I manage the budget and DH makes sure the bills are paid through the auto pay he set up -Drops off/picks up from daycare/school or communicates with a nanny. Basically the daily logistics of childcare for any given day. For DS1, it is almost always me unless I have a late night or something and then DH will get him at school; For DS2, DH does all drop offs and pick ups. If we need to fill out forms or email something to a teacher, that is usually me for both boys. -Does the grocery shopping We go as a family, because I was sick of complaints that I forgot this, or why didn't I get that flavor of something. So we go together and then no one gets to complain because they were there, too. -Does the miscellaneous shopping (lightbulbs, toilet paper, dish soap, etc.) Sometimes I'm able to make a Target run on my lunch. Otherwise, see above about grocery shopping. -Does the laundry DH and I both do that. I told my older DS he is going to learn to do a load of laundry this year. -Calls the appropriate people and sets up times for household tasks like cable set up, dishwasher fixed, plumber etc. Depends on the task. I communicate with the housekeeper and gardener. Plumber and cable type of things, DH usually calls because many times he has already tried to fix it on his own and can better describe the issue. -Buys clothing for the kids DS1 mostly me, but his dad buys a few things here and here. DS2, all me. -Packs the kids stuff for the day DS1, me and DS1 (he's 10 ... he can pack his own stuff); DS2, I do the lunch and DH does breakfast that he eats at school. DH also packs his nap stuff each week and diapers or wipes when they have requested refills on those. -Schedules Dr, dentist, and haircut appts. and takes the kids DS1, me to scheduling and taking him. Sometimes his dad will meet me there if it's an important doctor's appointment. DS2, I schedule and we both take him. For haircuts, we usually take them down the street to the barber. -Communicates with teachers Usually me for both boys. -Manages car maintenance I manage it for my car and DH manages it for his. -Buys gifts/cards for family members for holidays and for birthdays you (or kids) are invited to Usually this is me, but sometimes he will have something specific in mind for his family for something and then he does it. -Plans birthdays I plan his, he plans mine. I plan birthdays for both boys. My mom plans a family dinner for my birthday and his mom plans a family dinner for his birthday. -Makes dinner Usually I cook and DH cleans up. This also means he entertains DS2 who is INSANE at that time of day. So it is a win for me! -Housecleaning We both straighten up - probably DH more than me. DS1 has to clean up his own room. The houseclean does the big cleanings.
Just curious about the breakdown of child, house, and life related tasks and who ends up responsible for them compared to what households were like before the '70s or so.
I'm also interested in knowing work make up-both work full time, someone SAH, part time, etc.
-Pays the bills Mostly him -Drops off/picks up from daycare/school or communicates with a nanny. Basically the daily logistics of childcare for any given day. We share this. -Does the grocery shopping All me -Does the miscellaneous shopping (lightbulbs, toilet paper, dish soap, etc.) All me -Does the laundry Mostly me but he does put it away sometimes. -Calls the appropriate people and sets up times for household tasks like cable set up, dishwasher fixed, plumber etc. Both depending on what it is. -Buys clothing for the kids All me -Packs the kids stuff for the day Almost always me -Schedules Dr, dentist, and haircut appts. and takes the kids Always me -Communicates with teachers Almost always me -Manages car maintenance We do our own cars -Buys gifts/cards for family members for holidays and for birthdays you (or kids) are invited to Mostly me but he does his parents -Plans birthdays Me -Makes dinner 75% me -Housecleaning Outsourced but we share what is left Pet is mostly him Lawn we outsource
I'm sure I'm missing a lot of categories. Feel free to add to the list.
ETA: I missed standard categories for pets and lawn maintenance and house upkeep since we don't have a pet and live in a condo building. Oops!
Post by dancingirl21 on Sept 2, 2016 15:47:36 GMT -5
We skew totally traditional. DH pays most of the bills (I pay a few that are just in my name), he handles the majority of the car and outside maintenance. He handles garbage. He does his own laundry.
I do the cooking, groceries, running errands, and most kid-related buying and appointments. I generally call for appointments and any maintenance we need done.
We outsource housecleaning but I sweep and wash down counters daily.
I SAH (doing some contract work for my company at night) and DH works long hours and commutes 1+ hour each way. His job is also one where he is frequently away from his desk so he doesn't have time at work to do miscellaneous tasks.