Post by nextbigthing on Jan 17, 2017 14:21:43 GMT -5
Congratulations! I hope I'm joining you in the officially divorced Club in the next month or so.
I never changed from my maiden name when I got married, so no worry about that. I never had any strong reason why I didn't, I just didn't. I think if I get married again I probably will change my name.
You do you, everybody else needs to mind their business, there is no right or wrong answer here
Eta: I have a different last name from my son and it has never once been an issue
Post by textbookcase on Jan 17, 2017 14:22:15 GMT -5
I didn't know! Where have I been? Hugs. My mom kept my dads last name when they divorced, until she was remarried. She was a teacher and all the kids obviously knew her by my dads last name, plus my brother and I had the same last name.
I think it's a little weird when there are no kids involved, but not weird AT ALL when there are kids. Many people want to have the same last name as their kids.
And although I find it a little weird to keep it without kids, I'm sure that's mostly because I could wait to say good riddance to my XH's name when we split. I wanted no association with him. But some people don't feel like that, and some people are more attached to their married name than I was for various reasons, so I don't really think it's THAT weird. People should do whatever they want with THEIR name.
I reverted back to my maiden name, and changed my daughters' names, too. Eg, I was born a Smith, married a Jones. When I married, I took the name Jones. When I divorced, I went back to Smith, and both daughters went from Jones to Smith-Jones.
I don't think it's weird. I know a lot of people keep it with children so everyone can have the same name type of thing, but whatever works for you.
Now DH's ex-SIL kept BIL's name when they divorced. She remarried a while ago, divorced that guy, and went back to BIL's last name. That was weird to us.
my gma remarried and divorced TWICE after my Gpa died and always went back to his name.
I kept my exH's and I didn't have kids with him, i just was way too lazy to change it. I knew I'd eventually re-marry and take my new H's name. Now, if anything ever happens to my now-H and I wind up getting married again, I'm keeping this name. Such a pain in the ass. Haha.
ETA- I will say my maiden name was the best of all 3 last names I've had, it was a common (first) name, it was easy to spell and say and there was absolutely nothing wrong with it. I should have just kept the damn thing, my last names have just gotten progressively worse. Ha!
Post by emoflamingo on Jan 17, 2017 14:54:24 GMT -5
I upgraded from a clunky German last name that was somewhat difficult to pronounce (and definitely hard to spell when you're learning that stuff) so I wouldn't change back either if I ever divorced. My cousin (same maiden name) divorced and kept her married name until she remarried, so I can't say that I blame her.
Post by esdreturns on Jan 17, 2017 14:55:52 GMT -5
My mom kept my dad's last name because of us. However, I went back to my maiden name even though I have two kids with my ex. I certainly don't find it weird at all to not change your name if you don't want to.
I kept my exh's name and we did not have kids. I didn't really love my maiden name, felt like my married name was my "adult name", and I am lazy. I am engaged and will change it to my new husbands when we get married.
I didn't change mine back for a few reasons: I'm not particularly attached to my maiden name (It's very common and I'm not close with my dad), I'm LAZY, it's fun to watch the confusion wash across people's faces when they check my ID since I'm very blonde (well, it's pink and purple right now) and my XH's last name is very Hispanic. It's even more fun now when they look at BF to see if it's his last name, but NOPE, also very blonde.
It's been almost 4 years though and I'm pretty fucking sick of still having his last name. I think it would be different if we had kids.
Post by AHappierHour on Jan 17, 2017 15:11:48 GMT -5
I switched mine back because my Ex-H had a well known family in our area and I wanted nothing to do with them anymore. His last name wasn't common either.
Post by CrazyLucky on Jan 17, 2017 15:12:40 GMT -5
My sister couldn't wait to get her maiden name back. She had three grown kids. One of them was upset about it, but she got over it. Whether or not people change their name is not something I would judge.
Post by followyourarrow on Jan 17, 2017 15:18:03 GMT -5
I kept my exH's last name. We'd been married for 9 years and it just seemed awkward to change at that point. Add in that my dad was being awful about my divorce and his whole family was being awful, so I didn't want that last name either. There's been a couple of times where I've wished I would have switched, but overall it's been fine.
I did not switch back to my maiden name after my divorce. Everyone in my adult and professional life knew me with "last name" plus it's an enormous pain in the ass to change.
I changed back, but we didn't have kids. My mom kept my dad's last name for 15 years after they divorced until I was about to get married and change my name anyway. But then I got divorced and went back to that name so joke's on you, Mom! Anyway, this way you get to avoid the conversation of:
"Oh you got married, congrats!" "Nope, opposite, but thanks!" :::awkward silence or stuttering:::
I kept my married name until I remarried also. Thought it would be easier with dd having xh's last name andplusalso, I'm lazy and didn't want to go through the hassel of having to change it back.
I've seen my friends go either way. MIL didn't change her name when she got divorced, subsequently had two children without marrying the fathers, and now H, his brother, and both our families carry the family name of a man that none of us are related to. It's funny but it's fine. Whatever works for you is nobody else's business.
Good luck with everything. It's good to be free of people and situations that don't serve you.
I've seen my friends go either way. MIL didn't change her name when she got divorced, subsequently had two children without marrying the fathers, and now H, his brother, and both our families carry the family name of a man that none of us are related to. It's funny but it's fine. Whatever works for you is nobody else's business.
Good luck with everything. It's good to be free of people and situations that don't serve you.
I have a family member like that! My half-brother's mom never changed her last name (she was my dad's 2nd wife, my mom was his 3rd) and got pregnant years later. My half-brother's other half-sister (my whole-not sister) has my dad's last name, but they're totally not related at all.
She even changed it BACK to the maiden name after she got divorced!