Question about sister relationships

[flex]

Do you hang out with your sister(s)?  If so, how often?  Do they make the first move to set up a lunch or a visit, or do you?

I'm asking because as many of you know, I finally made the move back to Oregon (aren't you glad you don't have to hear about that anymore?  lol).  Right now I'm staying at my stepdad's until my furniture arrives.  I didn't stay in touch with my 2 sisters much while I lived in AK--I heard about what they were up to from my mom mostly.  I am friends with them on FB, but they aren't people that I want to hang out with on a regular basis because of their shenanigans and manipulations over the years. I love them, but I don't like them. Being so close to them know in proximity is kind of weird for me, but I guess I'll get used to it.  LOL

At any rate, Stepdad and I were chatting this afternoon and he asked me if I'd talked to my sisters yet.  I'm like "Ummm...no, not yet".  I had planned on reaching out to them to meet for coffee or lunch, but only after I've gotten settled in with my furniture, etc.  Since we are on FB, they do know that I'm now in town.

 So...back to my questions above: how do you interact with your sisters?

[af1212]

I do not have an answer to your question. However I'm following because I am an only child and my H has a very superficial relationship with his sister. We are the parents to 3 girls and I'm always so curious to learn about sibling relationships - especially adult ones.

[jenny1223]

I think the range of what's "normal" here varies so much.

My sister and I were super close in our early 20s - lived in the same apartment complex, hung out multiple times per week, texted daily. But we've definitely grown apart over the years. I moved out of the area, we've each been focused on our own lives, etc. Now we rarely text or talk and I'll only see her when I'm in town visiting my parents a few times per year.

[wildrice]

I have 2 sisters. Unfortunately, we have never lived in the same state as adults so it's never been as easy as just setting up a time to get together for lunch.

Up until 3 years ago, I was the only one who lived out of state. So it was mostly on me to plan visits. I guess sometimes they'd suggest I come visit them, but I was almost always the one to travel. In all the years I've lived out of state (17 now) I think I've had less than 5 visits from my 2 sisters combined (and I've never lived more than a few driving hours away). So... I guess I'd say it's been more on me.

Now we all live outside of our home state. One sister lives a 4 hour drive away from me, and another lives like 20 hours or a flight away from me. I went to visit the geographically closer sister this summer, but I am not holding my breath for a return visit. She doesn't like to travel. My geographically further away sister has 2 little ones so I doubt she'll be flying everyone up here anytime soon either.

It's annoying lol. I am a lot less close to my sister that moved far away since she had kids and decide to move across the country. I miss being able to visit her easily and I hate that if I want to see her, I have to buy a plane ticket now (and that the reverse expectation isn't there since I don't have kids). I live about 3.5 hours from our hometown so I'm actually now the one who is closest to "home". 

I don't know if that really answers your question at all lol. Sisters are complicated. I love them both dearly and we've always gotten along, but over the years I've been closer to one than another at times. Right now I definitely talk to one of them more than the other, but even then we're talking a couple of times a month and usually over text.

[dropthea]

My younger sister and I are super close talk all day long via/text messenger. My older sister by almost 3 years I could go weeks/months without talking to her but get updates from my mom usually. We are just two different people. She gets jealous of the relationship my younger sister and I have but she puts no effort into building something like that, I've tried but nope.

[miso]

I think sibling relationships vary wildly.

My brother and I text semi-frequently, almost daily, mostly about nonsense. When we lived in the same city, we'd meet for a meal a few times a month. Even when you are close to each other, scheduling can be difficult.

My husband and his brother have lived in the same city for years, but they only get together for full family time. They love each other and would do anything for each other, but they're not BFF, if that makes any sense. (They probably wouldn't be friends if they weren't related, but, because they are family, they go above and beyond for one another). They definitely don't text each other for shits and giggles, just for pure necessity only.

Maybe this info is irrelevant because it's about brothers. LOL.

[themysteriouswife]

I don't have sisters, but I have two brothers. After being away for so long I'm trying to navigate my place again. One brother (which you know about) I have nothing to do with and likely will not see him anytime soon. My other brother is complicated. I've invited him and they rarely accept. They have had three maybe four family gatherings at their home and I was not invited. My mom is more salty than I over it. I guess the GF's sister was invited and I wasn't. I'm not begging anyone to hangout.

[macmars45]

I have four older sisters (one is a twin). Two live 2.5 hours away and the other two live 5 hours away. We all are in the same state though.
My twin sister and I talk weekly on the phone and text often but that only started 3 years ago.
The other three are more sporadic. Sometimes it's weekly, or bi-weekly or even monthly. I feel that I reach out more than they do, but in reality it's probably more equal. We do have an on-going text message with all sisters & our mom that we use daily to send pics of our kids or updates on our lives.
We love to hang out together when we're all in the same city (usually our hometown). Two sisters & my parents still live in our hometown.

[sarahsays]

My sister and I aren't close at all. We are very different and we live 800 miles apart. We talk a few times a year and I send birthday and Christmas gifts to my niece and nephew.
My brother and I also live very far apart (opposite coasts) but we are much closer. We talk a couple times a week.

My H and his brother have the same relationship that miso , described her husband and his brother having.

Ultimately, I think personality more than anything dictates the relationships people have with their siblings.

ETA: I reach out to my sister more often than she reaches out to me. It's much more equal with my brother.

[ciescalove]

I have a sister, but we have a superficial relationship at best. We are FB friends, though for awhile she had me and my mom blocked.

***She's my adopted/step sister though. She's been in my life since I was 6 months old (she was 6). She's hated me and my mom my whole life. Like, I called her my sister once at a water park, and she immediately and meanly corrected me that she was my STEP sister, so... who knows if that has an impact 32 years later, but we certainly aren't bffs. Or really even just fs.

[mrhanky]

My sister and I are very close now. We live 0.3 miles from each other so she comes over a few times a week to hang out and walk all the dogs. We text pretty much daily. When she lived 4 hours away, we texted much less and were not as close (we obviously saw each other less too).
I also have two brothers that live six hours away and we rarely text and mainly see each other when I go visit my parents. Proximity makes a difference, but also, as PP have said, whether you would be friends with them if they were not family. I would reach out when you planned. It doesn't sound like you would be close to your sisters even if you always lived close.

[BaliHai]

I have two sisters, 11 and 7.5 years older than me.

I am in frequent contact with my middle sister via texts and FB and I see her often (we both initiate plans); I see my eldest sister when our immediate family has get-togethers, which is also really the only time I talk to her unless the three of us are in a group text. I don't want to say there's bad blood between me and my eldest sister, necessarily, but there was a time where there WAS, and it irreparably damaged/changed our relationship.

[devonpow]

I have one sister. She lives in NYC and I live in Boston. We text each other random stuff maybe once a week and visit each other a few times a year. I think if we lived in the same town we wouldn't hang out all the time but we would hang out a few times a month to watch stupid tv together and see all the cheesy movies DH doesn't want to see, lol. We are very different people but get along pretty well.

[Champagne Supernova]

No.

I don't have that much of a relationship with my half-sisters on my mom's side. They live in a different country and I do not talk to my mom so there's that.

My half-siblings on my dad's side are spoiled brats. I see them whenever I visit but we do not hang out.

My brother is really the only one I hang out with. He visits me and we meet up in Vegas almost every year.

[captainobvious]

My sister and I are a little bit different than most, and we live across the country from each other, but we do hang out here sometimes.

[cabbagecabbage]

I have one sister and we are pretty close. We live 40 minutes away and we each have little kids. We talk on the phone a few times a week and see each other about once a month.

Our interactions are almost always great but we butt heads over parenting styles sometimes and her youngest can be so wild he's dangerous. Occasionally I can't take her and the kids and the energy and no structure and I step back a little. Mostly we get along.

[Mrs.Rad888]

My sister is 2 years older than me, and we were very close growing up. She and my older brother grew up with our bio-dad (who I do not have a relationship with) and I grew up with our mom and step-dad.

As we grew up, my sister fell in with a bad crowd. Drugs, running away, stealing. Once I grew up, I realized that she always seemed to have trouble/drama following her, and I didn't want to be caught up in it, especially once I joined the Navy and had a family. I haven't seen my sister in over 20 years. We were Facebook friends for about a year, then one day she just unfriended me. That was the only communication we've had in that 20 years. We live on opposite sides of the country, but I don't think that affects the relationship. To me, a relationship has to be able to stand on its own. Just because we share some DNA isn't enough.

[nicechicken]

I have two sisters, I am closest to the one that is 2 years older, my other sister is 5 years older.

I text the one I'm closest to almost daily, and talk to her about 2 times a week if not more.

I usually contact the other one thru group text with my sister about once a week. And it mostly just complaining about mom, or announcements, etc.

Both my sisters live near Seattle, about 6 hours away from me.

[happywife]

I have a sister 4 years younger than me and one that is 12 years younger. We're very close. We group text daily. There have definitely been periods where I felt my relationship with the youngest sister was one-sided but now with group texting we stay in touch daily. We see each other about once a month at family dinners. One sister lives 10 mins away and 1 about an hour away. Everyone is busy so we don't see each other more often.

[Leeham Rimes]

I have one sister. We don't like each other and don't even pretend anymore. We don't talk unless she visits my parents here.

[shamrockshake]

I have one sister, we don't hang out much because we're 12 years apart and just at different stages of our lives but we get along and we text daily about tons of dumb shit. We also get into spats still because we're incredibly different and would never be friends if we weren't related

[dottyblue]

I have two younger sisters. They are 5 and 7 years younger than I am. We really don't talk outside of group texts with our parents or planning family get togethers.

We get along fine, but we are far enough apart in age that we just haven't ever been close. They were in middle school and elementary school when I left for college. One was in high school when I got married. They always thought I was bossy and I think they got away with MURDER compared with what I was allowed to do. We are a bit closer now that we all have kids around the same ages but we are very different people who don't always mesh.

[liverandonions]

My sister is my best friend, but she lives in Texas and I live in CA so we don't get to hang out very often. We text/talk probably daily.

[mskitkat]

I have two younger sisters. Youngest sister is rarely living in the same country with me, let alone city. Other sister is at least in the same country but a different state. We only see each other on holidays and infrequent visits to whatever county youngest sister is in. We text daily in a group chat though. I really wish we lived closer together.

[liverandonions]

Sept 1, 2017 17:30:13 GMT -5 captainobvious said:

My sister and I are a little bit different than most, and we live across the country from each other, but we do hang out here sometimes.

??

[hopecounts]

I live 5 hrs away from cousin/sister but we text/call once or twice a week and when I am in town we usually get together typically a whole family thing (Dutch treat dinner somewhere or at Mom's) but she and I will see a movie/get dinner/shop if it's a longer visit.

As for who asks, it varies usually it just comes up when talking or texting
I'll mention coming for a visit and she'll suggest doing something
Or I'll say I will be in town let's do X

[ssmjlm]

It's complicated. My sister has a lot of mental health issues that she chooses to medicate with illegal substances. I can't support that and keep her at arms length. That said when she's doing well we usually see each other every other week for a couple hours so she can see E and at least get to be the fun aunt in her eyes. I have tried to help her as well as my parents, but it's just too hard so we've drawn a line. Esp with a child.

DH and his brother basically tolerate each other. They live locally and E and I haven't seen him in over a year. DH only sees him when he's too nice to say no about helping the ILs. They used to be somewhat closer, but BIL had made some bad personal and family choices we cannot support.

It's sad. We're basically only children and our child loses those family relationships.

[konapoppy]

I agree that normal varies.

My sister is four years older than me and we have been close for the past decade. We were not close growing up. We live 30 minutes away and see each other 1-2x a month, text most days, and talk on the phone about once a week. Our whole family gets together about once a month and send group emails at least a few times a week.

[captainobvious]

Sept 1, 2017 17:58:23 GMT -5 Stan said:

I fucking love my older sister who I didn't grow up with and would love to live close to her. I can't even get my little sister, who I did grow up with, to answer phone calls or return texts. It hurts me, but we are very different so I try not to take it personally and I don't even try with her anymore.

Meh, she doesn't return my texts either. Don't take it personally! 

[Deleted]

I am of no help. But you have my good vibes on navigating the situation. My sister and I are 3 years apart. We grew up together. We live 5 miles apart and may be less than that soon (she might move into my apt complex). We are close, but we don't always agree on things. We typically spend time together just chilling or shopping, otherwise we communicate via text or telephone every 1-2 weeks.