Post by cabbagecabbage on Sept 6, 2018 19:04:58 GMT -5
So, I don’t think any of you know me in real life outside a few instagram accounts I follow. I’m attempting to change myself and attempting to be forthcoming and honest and attempting to hold myself accountable so I’m practicing here.
I have decided to quit drinking after feeling like it has crept much too deeply into my life. I spent a couple years thinking I should cut back but I had no actual problem because I didn’t do problematic things. I don’t drink in the daytime. I don’t drink every single day or blackout or puke. I don’t drink and drive. I’m not ruining my life. But I’ve slowly been drinking more over time and never less. I’ve started being crabby and puffy. I have started pouring my afternoon wine earlier and earlier. It has added up to a problem. So, no, I’m not ruining my life but I feel like that sentence has a silent “yet” hanging out at the end. I’m not ruining my life yet.
I’ve come to the conclusion that ruining my life shouldn’t be the point at which I decide to change things. I’m a person who has had way way too many hangovers in the past few years. I’ve opened a bottle of wine to have one glass and had the whole bottle many many times. I’ve tried moderation and I’m always right back to too much wine. I was almost relieved when I decided that not drinking at all would be the best way to handle this.
So I’m 12 days sober and feeling great. I haven’t had any physical symptoms but I have been moody. My skin is amazing! Unfortunately I have a chest cold and pms this week.
One of the reasons I’m posting this is because I’m *not* comfortable sharing it. Part of me wants very much to have this be my secret project and be sober for years before telling a soul. That’s my style and I fully recognize it has built in buffers so I could fuck up and no one would be the wiser. That type of flexibility isn’t good for me as I can rationalize anything if it’s just between me and myself. I think I’m going to need to shake things up big time to keep myself motivated and remind myself it isn’t just a little thing so it’s perfectly ok to have that champagne toast or whatever when the temptation hits. Even now I want to go back and edit the last paragraph to be softer and emphasize that I’m not drinking a bottle of wine a day every day and maybe even minimize it. I’m so vain when it comes to my persona as a good girl.
I know there’s a recovery board and I will keep an eye one it but this is more active and I post here and I know the names here. I dabbling right now. I read blogs and listen to sobriety podcasts and started a little blog for myself. I’m not sure if I’ll try an A.A. meeting or not. It doesn’t appeal to me but maybe that’s why I should try it? I don’t know what I’m looking for in terms of feedback. I guess I’m just making myself be honest and doing something uncomfortable. So thanks for reading.
Thank you for posting this, it shows a lot of courage. And it takes guts to admit you have a problem. Hopefully you'll feel comfortable sharing your decision with people in your life, because they can be a great resource for staying accountable. Good luck!
Thank you for sharing. I have quit wine for diet reasons in the past and it really does make me feel less crabby and less puffy. I wish you all the best ((hugs))
It's important to be honest. We're as sick as our secrets.
I encourage you to attend a few "open" AA meetings. Open meetings are available to everyone. You don't even have to have a concern about drinking. Nurses, doctors, treatment facility staff, etc. attend open meetings too. "Closed" meetings are only for those who think they may have a drinking problem.
Go online and Google "AA meetings" in your area. Don't be afraid to attend one. No one will hassle you or try to shove sobriety down your throat. If you are called on during the meeting to share, it's perfectly okay to say "I'd rather just listen".
AA is not for everyone. But at least attending a meeting or two won't hurt. Good luck.
If you have any more questions, feel free to PM me.
"Why would you ruin perfectly good peanuts by adding candy corn? That's like saying hey, I have these awesome nachos, guess I better add some dryer lint." - Nonny
Thank you for sharing, this was incredibly brave. I’ll keep you in my thoughts. You can do this. Just take it one day, one hour, even on minute at a time.
Post by cabbagecabbage on Sept 6, 2018 19:37:17 GMT -5
Thanks, all. I sort of posted and ran to take a bath but I appreciate your kind words and the reality of sharing isn’t as terrible as the fear of sharing, so I’m glad I posted.
Post by puppylove64 on Sept 6, 2018 19:45:12 GMT -5
I think being able to talk to someone about it and having someone to help hold you accountable is a great step forward. I know I need someone to be disappointed in me when I get lazy and don’t work out, or someone to roll their eyes at me when I want a 2nd serving at dinner. Reach out to someone who you can be open with about it.
Post by lexxasaurus on Sept 6, 2018 19:50:25 GMT -5
AA isn't for everyone, it wasn't for me, BUT I do think you should try it. And don't let it get to that "yet" point. Because who knows what kind of "yet" you will get to. It's great you're realizing it is a problem now and making changes. That alone is huge.
Alcohol is not my only problem - I'm a 'poly substance abuser' - but alcohol is what caused me to get taken by ambulance, handcuffed to the gurney and shot up with an antipsychotic because I was so belligerent. I woke up completely confused in a hospital bed, and had blown a potentially-coma-inducing BAC. Very few people know that part of my story, and even that didn't stop me for a while. I would quit for some time, try to moderate, and end up back where I started.
I found my sobriety journal just a few days ago, read it and remembered how happy I was at that point in my life and decided to get serious about it again. It can be hard. It can be frustrating. But letting go of something that has control over you can also be wonderful and freeing.
There is AA, substance abuse specialists, sobriety tracker apps (I know I like the visual reminder and hitting goals) etc and I want to let you know I'm always here if you need to talk, or need support, and I'm sure there are others here who can relate and would be happy for you to reach out.
Post by cabbagecabbage on Sept 6, 2018 20:25:26 GMT -5
I wanted to clarify that I have discussed this with my husband, my sister, and best friend who all have my back. I’ve also told my best neighbor friend and my mom that I’m taking a break but l left out details and let them assume it’s a cleanse or challenge or something. So I have some accountability with them without divulging too much. Those are my people. It’s sharing with the world that scares me. The first time I’m offered a drink someone has already poured, for example. That stuff is scary.
Post by walterismydog on Sept 6, 2018 21:00:51 GMT -5
Good for you and I wish you continued success in quitting. I can only imagine how hard it must be - truthfully. I feel like I could have written the first part of your post. Thank you for making me reconsider my own issues.
It takes a lot of courage to be honest with yourself and others. You’re stronger and braver than you think.
H is in recovery, with nearly 3 years sober. It’s not a linear path, he had many failed attempts at moderation before finally deciding he was done. I started attending Al Anon as a result of our issues, but found that it helped me unpack a lot of my own shit. I’m not an alcoholic, but have had problematic drinking and have addictive traits with food and other stuff. My parents are still problem drinkers and growing up in that environment was tough.
Mostly, sobriety is a positive thing. It was definitely a big lifestyle change that not all of our family and friends support. The recovery board is so slow these days, but I found a lot of strength and support there.
Good for you for taking these actions. Take one day at a time. For what it’s worth, you have the full support of this internet stranger cheering you on.
Posting about this is such a big, positive step. I totally understand your desire to not share it publicly yet. People's reactions can be weird and unhelpful, and often their reactions are based more on their own lives than on yours. If doing it on your own at first is how you think you'll best succeed, then go for it. When my mom quit smoking after decades, she didn't tell people until she had kicked it completely. She didn't want everyone asking her how it was going, bringing it up every time they saw her, etc. because she knew that would make it harder for her.
But I do agree about trying an AA meeting to see if it helps. You don't have to tell anyone you're going if you don't want to. I wish you all the very best, and I know you can do this. (((((hugs)))))))
Congratulations on taking a huge step towards living your “best life”! (As cheesy as that is, it’s true!)
I’m glad you have support from some people IRL, and you obviously already know that we’re here for you, too.
I want to encourage you to share with others whenever you’re feeling comfortable. You never know who might benefit from knowing your story! A friend of mine recently shared a very similar story with a group of our friends. She shared it initially via a mommy blogger article and said it was food for thought in case anyone else struggled with it like she did. That was it. She didn’t share any details, history, or a plan...just a simple “if anyone struggles like I do.” Come to find out, that really resonated with a few others. They learned they were not alone and now have each other for support...and those of us who are normally in social situations with them know not to put them in really hard situations.
But until then, when/why/how much/if you drink is no one else’s business (except for those you have asked to help keep you accountable). It’s perfectly acceptable to simply say “No thank you. I’d like a [whatever].” You don’t owe anyone an explanation.
Wishing you all the strength and courage you need going forward. You've already conquered the first (and biggest) hurdle by admitting it and putting it to words. You got this!
About 15 months ago a good friend said almost the same things to me and another friend. She wanted to know what to do. Our other friend suggested going to A.A. and I’ll admit I was thinking - really? She’s not an alcoholic yet, she can do this on her own surely. Anyway she did go to A.A. and it has helped her so much.
It takes a lot of courage to say what you did. I think if you are thinking about A.A. you should give it shot.
This board and the one before it helped me through some dark times when for whatever reason I wouldn’t/didn’t let people irl know what was going on. So if it takes you time to share with people irl we will be here for you
Typing that and posting it here took a huge amount of courage, and I think that you are so brave for sharing. I've had alcoholism touch my life twice with my Dad and then my (now ex) SIL. When it gets to the point of ruining YOUR life, it's already begun affecting the lives of everyone around you, so I'm so glad that you are taking action now. I wish you the best of luck, and if you ever need an anonymous and online shoulder to lean on, feel free to PM me.