Post by oliviapope on Sept 16, 2018 14:09:16 GMT -5
It is ok to not want this baby. I got pregnant 2 years ago and had an abortion. It was with my BF who I've been with for 12 years. We already had one kid. But I was severely depressed, had no job and was just in the wrong place in my life to add another child.
Do not go to a crisis center. Call Planned Parenthood if you want to discuss options from an objective point of view.
I'll probably get flamed. But you said you have always wanted one more. This is a chance for a biological sibling for your kids. The only chance you will ever have. This could be the light in the tunnel of what you are going through right now. Also, at 15 weeks...that's pretty far along for me.
It doesn't remotely mean you have to stay with STBXH.
Hey fuck you. And Seaword who liked the comment. I bet you're white and consider yourself a liberal too. JFC.
Post by trytobearunner34 on Sept 16, 2018 14:21:27 GMT -5
I am so sorry you are dealing with so much right now. You are asking for advice. Mine is to seek out an emergency counseling session with a professional. You have so much to consider that may impact the here and now and the future. I would not visit the Christian counseling option your sister suggested as they generally only counsel in one specific way, but would find an objective third party to whom you could talk through everything. Wishing you the best during this difficult time.
Post by lexxasaurus on Sept 16, 2018 14:26:18 GMT -5
My best friend had an abortion in between her first and second and while not the same situation, it was a struggle for her because she KNEW she wanted another but it was absolutely not the right time. And a few years later she has a beautiful almost one year old. If this isn't the time (and it sounds like it's very much not) that doesn't mean you can't have another down the road. Don't let that make the decision harder. It sounds like you know what YOU want with this pregnancy and it is YOUR choice and you don't have to tell a damn soul that you don't want to, including STBX.
So many hugs to you during this hard time. I think I saw up thread you're in CO? If that's the case, I'm another CO girl who could try to provide help or whatever you may need.
I'll probably get flamed. But you said you have always wanted one more. This is a chance for a biological sibling for your kids. The only chance you will ever have. This could be the light in the tunnel of what you are going through right now. Also, at 15 weeks...that's pretty far along for me.
It doesn't remotely mean you have to stay with STBXH.
Since when is "biological sibling" a reason to keep an unwanted child? And yes, she said she always wanted one more, but it doesn't mean she wants one now. Or with her ex.
OP, this is an incredibly personal and understandably difficult decision to make. But it's your decision.
And I'll echo what others have said about the Christian pregnancy centers. I say this as a Christian: don't go to one of those. You know what your options are without being told a pack of guilt-laden lies.
I do agree with PP that seeing a therapist about the depression is probably a good idea, with or without this situation.
Post by klingklang77 on Sept 16, 2018 14:33:02 GMT -5
I’m not exactly in your situation. I have had one with my ex-H (that’s why he’s my ex because he forced me, but that’s another story).
Make sure that this is exactly what you want. If you aren’t sure, then go and get some counseling to talk over your feelings. You also do need to consider the process as past 12 weeks, the procedure can get a bit more painful and longer I’ve read. Do not go to the Christian center. If you are sure of your decision, then go to a non-biased place.
Most of all, you need to be confident with your choice. You have all the choices in the world, but YOU need to feel OK with it.
I'll probably get flamed. But you said you have always wanted one more. This is a chance for a biological sibling for your kids. The only chance you will ever have. This could be the light in the tunnel of what you are going through right now. Also, at 15 weeks...that's pretty far along for me.
It doesn't remotely mean you have to stay with STBXH.
Raising a newborn while having chronic pain, divorcing, and having split custody is “the light at the end of the tunnel”.
Last Edit: Sept 16, 2018 14:47:39 GMT -5 by Leeham Rimes
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Post by revolution on Sept 16, 2018 14:50:16 GMT -5
You don’t need to tell a single person. Not one. It’s all your choice.
I’d make an appointment at planned parenthood and go from there. It’s 100% ok to want a kid someday but not want this kid and not want one now. Promise you it is.
I'll probably get flamed. But you said you have always wanted one more. This is a chance for a biological sibling for your kids. The only chance you will ever have. This could be the light in the tunnel of what you are going through right now. Also, at 15 weeks...that's pretty far along for me.
It doesn't remotely mean you have to stay with STBXH.
HELL NO!
Wanting another baby does NOT mean that she wants STBX’s child.
My sister is dealing with her divorce and her biggest issue is how her ex uses her children against her. Her life is difficult enough as it is, without dealing with another battle.
The OP has said what she wants to do. How hard would it be to support HER wants vs YOUR agenda?
Also, at 15 weeks...that's pretty far along for me.
Good thing it’s not for you, then. Shut the fuck up.
op, no, you don’t have to tell him. no, you don’t have to feel guilty. And no, you should not go to a CPC. Do you live near a Planned Parenthood where you can have an impartial consultation?
I didn't read all replies, but a pregnancy, in most states, WILL completely stall your divorce and custody proceedings until you give birth, paternity is determined and child custody is sorted out.
Do not listen to anyone but yourself. You do not have to have this baby. Go to Planned Parenthood if your gyn will not offer abortions. See what your options are and go from there.
Do not let your sister spill the beans to your STBX, even if you lie to her and tell her you plan to keep it and tell him later.
I'll probably get flamed. But you said you have always wanted one more. This is a chance for a biological sibling for your kids. The only chance you will ever have. This could be the light in the tunnel of what you are going through right now. Also, at 15 weeks...that's pretty far along for me.
It doesn't remotely mean you have to stay with STBXH.
Raising a newborn while having chronic pain, divorcing, and having split custody is “the light at the end of the tunnel”.
Fuck. You.
Have fun being lit on much deserved fire.
Not to mention not having a job and, like another poster said, having to work out child support.
OP, I know this isn’t something people usually put out in the open, and so sometimes it can seem like all your hear is the judgment. But know that you are not alone in this. Women end pregnancies for all sorts of reasons and then go on to have subsequent pregnancies when the time is right. I personally know women who have done so; I doubt I’m the only one. That’s the beauty of having a choice, and having control over our own bodies.
Thank you all so much for the support and kind words. I do not have many people locally who would be supportive of the decision I have made. None of you know me personally, but your support (no matter what) means so much.
I am not in CO, but thank you so much for all the offers of help <3
To answer a few questions. I do have an appointment scheduled. The clinic will do it up to 19 weeks. My doctor talked with me for 45 minutes (for a 15 minute appointment) to help me work through things. One thing that didn’t come up was if I needed to tell H. He is very, very pro-life, and it would not be good for me to tell him if I don’t need to. I made the appointment, knowing I can change my mind. My decision was to end the pregnancy, but I’ve had conflicting feelings because I do want a third. It’s ridiculous to think this is my last chance. But in a way it feels that way. That’s where the conflict is coming from. I know it would be completely unfair to bring another baby into this, and it would be unfair to the children I already have.
The clinic lined up a person to escort me and bring me home (it will be in clinic, of course.) my sister said she would. But I preferred someone with no over emotional attachment to me or my family in any way.
The only person who knows anything is my sister (and you guys) she has been supportive of whatever decision I make. I had mentioned I was struggling and she suggested the Christian crisis center because they give alternatives. I’m not sure she fully knows the nature of them. She had asked about telling H because she wasn’t sure if I HAD to, and if it could be used against me in some way in court. I do think most of her suggestions were out of care, but maybe not. I do know that she would never say anything to H. She hasn’t been pressuring in any way. Our conversations have returned to our normal every day conversations. ETA: she’s making me feel guilty for not considering other options because I’m feeling conflicted. Like maybe some other decision is the right one and that’s why I am conflicted. I honestly don’t know where she stands on a choice/life thing (probably should have considered that before confiding) and maybe this is her way of pushing her beliefs on me. I’m not entirely sure.
To Nicoleletters. I never thought I’d be in this position. I am very much pro-choice, but never thought I’d be a person who had to choose. I also never expected to have to choose at 15 weeks. If I had known sooner, I’d certainly have made a choice sooner. I have pcos, and never once thought I was pregnant.
Agains thank you so much for your kind words. I’m thankful for you all.
I imagine I'd feel the same as you do. Go to Planned Parenthood so you can get solid, reliable information about your options. Your choice is yours, not your sister's. Or anyone else's, including mine. Whatever you decide, best of luck.
These four words should have been your clue to stop typing and exit this thread without comment. The rest of your comment is filled with absolute BS.
leviosa (((((hugs)))) You've already got good advice, and I'm glad your sister is more supportive than it first seemed from your OP. I wish the very best for you in this difficult time.
Post by outnumbered on Sept 16, 2018 15:41:27 GMT -5
I am sorry you are having such a difficult time. You matter. You are important. You are making the choice that is right for you and your family.
As an aside we are mailed a medical procedure summary from our insurance company after every appointment. Maybe that does not happen in your case, but I wanted to mention to make sure that your privacy is protected.
You’ve gotten some amazing advice and support (minus those 2 assholes). I think you know what is best for you at this point. You have our support, 110%.
I'll probably get flamed. But you said you have always wanted one more. This is a chance for a biological sibling for your kids. The only chance you will ever have. This could be the light in the tunnel of what you are going through right now. Also, at 15 weeks...that's pretty far along for me.
It doesn't remotely mean you have to stay with STBXH.
What. The. Fuck.
Yes, let's add more stress and more for her to deal with for the next 18 years with STBXH. What the hell?
If you want to keep the baby, keep it. If you dont, dont. But do not let biological sibs be what makes your decision!
Agreed that if you do decide to terminate you probably need to do it pretty quick. And I would not tell STBXH, could totally come back to bite you.
Good luck with everything. Divorce sucks and an unplanned pregnancy surely doesn't help.
I don't even know what to add really, except I completely understand why this is such a tough decision. So sorry you have this extra complication on top of everything else you have to sort through.
Post by CheeringCharm on Sept 16, 2018 16:38:53 GMT -5
It’s all your choice. Do whatever you think is best for you and your kids. And it’s totally ok to not want this pregnancy but to hope for another child in the future with a supportive partner you love. Big hugs.
I don’t have anything to add other than what has already been said. I’m so sorry that you are dealing with all of this. Screw anyone else’s opinion, your body your choice and you have no obligation to tell your STBX anything.