Post by litebright on Mar 17, 2019 21:10:23 GMT -5
I'm so sorry. That's a really hard and sad and scary thing to begin to process and figure out. But you will. You'll find a way through it, even if that seems hard to imagine right now.
I know I'm probably a bit far from where you are, but I'm going to throw the offer out there that if you need something I can help with, I'll do anything that I can. Are you on the local ex-Nest board? They seem really helpful as far as networking and may have suggestions on other resources (attorneys, etc.) as well.
I know and he does not disagree with that at all. but, I don't want to rely on that forever. I need to get to a point where there is child support and that is all.
Absolutely. You will be able to stand on your own two feet with only child support coming from him, but be gentle to yourself as you build to that place. This isn’t him paying for you or subsidizing you, this is him following through on his end of a commitment you both made when you made the decision to SAH.
Please do not Forget all of this. I couldn’t read without commenting on this, but I would like to let you know that you come off as a strong woman. More than you know. You will get through this and be all the better for it. Trust in yourself and good luck.
Post by mountaingirl on Mar 17, 2019 23:47:46 GMT -5
I am so sorry. It sounds like you have both been struggling for some time. Please be gentle with yourself. I’m sending you a big internet stranger hug 💕
Post by jennybee1018 on Mar 18, 2019 2:00:01 GMT -5
I am so, so sorry Cleo.
My dad left my mom after 35 years of marriage, and the first thing she did was consult with a lawyer. She also found a therapist to work through the hurt and pain that she was feeling. I think those two things helped her immensely.
I cannot even imagine how difficult all of this must be, sending you strength and love. We're here if you need anything!
Post by lovelyshoes on Mar 18, 2019 6:46:08 GMT -5
I am sorry Cleo, but I know that you’re a strong woman. Take things one day at a time and take care of yourself. It will take time, but one day you will be in a much better place and happy. You deserve to be happy and you’ve been in limbo for far too long. Lots of love to you.
I'm so sorry that you are going through this. When I got divorced, I was the one that initiated it, but I was a SAHM at the time and only working part time waitressing. It was a very scary time, and I struggled, but here I am now 10 years later, in a life completely different than I had ever imagined, but so, so much better. I know that it is scary now, but don't be afraid to reach out to friends and family, having an amazing support system in place will make all of the difference in the world. Best of luck to you and sending many virtual hugs.
Post by bullygirl979 on Mar 18, 2019 8:32:47 GMT -5
I'm so sorry. Divorce sucks and it is hard. Like PP mentioned, please consult a lawyer. I was so torn up about my divorce that I basically said "f*ck it" and I walked away as quickly as possible. In hindsight that was a really stupid move because I screwed myself out of so many things I was entitled to.
You will have good days and bad days. All your feelings will be normal. Eventually, it will get easier. I promise. Hugs.
i was not around H and the kids much yesterday (our friends were have a St. Paddy's Day party and I did not go), but at some point C asked him if we (meaning me and H) are happy. And he said that was really hard to hear. She also told him that during a recent fight, she went into K's room as they were both scared or upset and K asked her if we, H and I, were ok and happy.
you guys, this just breaks my heart. That is not the house I want for my girls. It's not that people won't disagree or fight, but if your kids overhear, it should not instill fear in them.
My emotions are all over the place. i think H feels niggles of doubt, but I have to wonder if that is more because we are still in the same house and I think that makes things confusing. Because his reaction when we first really put it out there on Saturday was one of relief, which makes sense to me. He did apologize for not being such a great husband lately. And this sounds silly but he doesn't make a huge effort for gifts, my birthday and planning something nice, etc. I have come to accept this, maybe because i don't want to sound shallow or materialistic, but that stuff kind of matters to me. Not so much the value of things, but the effort behind them. Now, this is not something I would end a marriage over, but I can look at it as something that, over time, can wear on a person or how you feel about them. And I am not even really angry at him about it, but just sad.
I didn't want to read and not reply. I'm so so so sorry and sending hugs your way. With regards to income, I saw this morning that people who teaching English to foreign students on the internet are paid very well. Is that something you could look into?
I didn't want to read and not reply. I'm so so so sorry and sending hugs your way. With regards to income, I saw this morning that people who teaching English to foreign students on the internet are paid very well. Is that something you could look into?
I was learned about this yesterday. I am going to look into it, thank you.
cleo29, I just read your post about your kids. While it will be hard on them at first, it will suck - they will be angry and confused and will have periods of picking one parent or the other - THEY WILL BE OK. This is coming from a divorced kid - and now I look at my parents and go, what the HELL were they thinking getting married?!??!
Thank you, OG Jo,. Them hurting kills me. i don't know what this is like. i lost my dad as a young child, but that was a permanent loss and not having to navigate this new family dynamic. And they both feel so deeply, with my oldest having a history of anxiety. So, I know I will need to get them lots of support. I guess the only good thing would be them seeing us happier, I hope, and perhaps better parents to them. But I have no illusion that this will be easy.
I just hope my kids won't claim to be messed up because we divorced or something like that.
I am so sorry cleo29. I understand what you are feeling. I was in your shoes 9 years ago (no kids though). Even though I knew the marriage was bad and I wanted a divorce, when my ex told me it was over, it was still a huge shock. Things were finally getting real. You will get though this. And you will be happier.
Your latest post about the kids hit home for me. My sister and I would hear my parents fight and argue and we would cry and beg them to stop fighting and ask if they loved each other. That was 3 decades ago and they are still together and fight even more. My sister and I cry on the phone to each other regularly about how we wish they had just divorced when we were younger because they are so, so unhappy together now, but they are elderly and rely on each other, despite how much they dislike each other.
All this to say, it is so much better for your kids to see happy, functional parents. Do what is best for you guys and it will be best for the kids. They are resilient and seeing their parents happy, even if they have to go through some hurt and struggle first, will make an incredible impression on them.
Best of luck to you while you sort through all of this.
shauni27, I am sorry to hear that and I suppose if makes me feel less guilty. at least a little bit. i do think if we come out of this happier, h and myself, as individuals i think we will be better parents. i don't like who i have become. angry a lot and yelling a lot and not how i thought I would be as a mom, not what I grew up with at all and perhaps that has been, in part, the strain of parts of our marriage. because it was not all bad. i don't dislike him at all. I think there are facets of who he is that he needs to improve for himself to be happy, to be a better dad, and all that.
but, yes there are things that perhaps i accepted that i never really liked and has worn me down a bit.
Years ago, actually, when the girls were really little I remember telling him i feared we brought out the worst in each other. i just had never fought with other people like I can with him and it was just this feeling i had.
Not that i think him, or any partner, is responsible for my happiness, but i think you should hopefully bring out the good in each other. doesn't mean disagreements won't happen or fights, but it is how you handle it that matters.
I am so sorry cleo. In the time I have "known" you here you seem like a smart, capable person and I am confident you are going to land squarely on your feet. Please be kind to yourself and allow yourself to react and grieve in any way you see fit. Huge hugs.