S/O What does a "rich life" mean to you?

[glitzy07]

This is sort of a spinoff of TR 's post about living in the moment, but is also inspired by a podcast I listened to recently.

The podcast had a guest whose book (I Will Teach You To Be Rich by Ramit Sethi) teaches people how to manage their money so that they can facilitate their own "rich life." Some of the guy's ideas were sort of annoying and some of it seemed really out of reach for truly poor individuals, but I really liked a part where he said that what makes a rich life is up to each individual person. For one person that could by flying private once in their life. For another it could be as simple as having enough money to pick up the tab when they go out with their friends.

As an example, he said that when he was younger, his idea of a rich life was being able to afford to buy appetizers at a restaurant. Growing up his family only went to restaurants once every blue moon, with a coupon, and there was no budget for any extras like appetizers or desserts. So that was one of his water marks of a "rich life." 

I really liked this idea and started a list in my phone of what I would consider a "rich life" and would love to hear any that you might add for yourself!

Here's my few that I wrote down.

- Furnishing my house with furniture not purchased from IKEA (Maybe when my kids are older...)
- Fly first class (Hasn't happened yet!)
- Travel 3x per year - one family trip, one couple trip, one solo or friends trip
- Ability to invite a friend to dinner at a very nice restaurant and pick up the whole tab without worrying about what anyone orders (I visited a friend recently and she this for our meal. It was so kind and also made her feel really happy to be able to do so. Plus she ordered some really fancy food that I would never order due to price and insisted that I try it.)
- The ability to always donate to a friend or family member's charitable venture (assuming it aligned with my values), without having to worry about how it would affect our budget - whether it is a candy bar for a school trip or buying a table at some fancy event.

What does your idea of a "rich life" include?

[sonrisa]

Huh. I always think of a "rich life" as talking about non material accomplishments and attributes.

professional success in a personally rewarding career that has meaning and benefits beyond yourself. Quality time spent with people who you care about and who care about you. Interesting experiences. etc. Money might facilitate some of these things, but isn't the central component.

[glitzy07]

Nov 1, 2021 16:08:29 GMT -5 sonrisa said:

Huh. I always think of a "rich life" as talking about non material accomplishments and attributes.

professional success in a personally rewarding career that has meaning and benefits beyond yourself. Quality time spent with people who you care about and who care about you. Interesting experiences. etc.

I don't disagree with this at all.

That said, I just thought it was sort of a fun, interesting thought experiment that was spun off from a book titled "I Will Teach You To Be Rich." I'm guessing when people hear "rich" they think of mansions and private jets and all of that, but the way that he reframed it as your own definition of a rich life (from a financial lens) was interesting to me. One person's private jet could be another person's weekly Starbucks splurge.

[ny96]

I’m confused by this too. I would never define a rich life by what I could spend money on, but rather the relationships I have.

[TR]

Ha, I absolutely have certain "levels of rich" that I talk about aspiring to:

- Own a vacation home
- Be able to fly first class domestically without thinking about it
- Be one of those people who matches donations during NPR's fundraising drives
- Have season tickets to the local city's musicals season or opera or symphony

And a more recent one:
- Be willing to pay $$$ for Peloton workout apparel that I'm just going to sweat in and no one will ever see it but me lol

[TR]

I totally get what the post is about, it's not like rich as in meaningful lol. 10-15 years ago my list was:

- buying pre-cut fruits and veggies
- buying little square boxes of tissues instead of just using toilet paper to blow my nose
- having a headboard

[thebreakfastclub]

I have flown private twice for work and that is rich life, omg. That's so far outside of any aspirations a normal person could have.

I'll have to think about some more normal ones.

I have no problem separating how great my kid or spouse is from dreaming of a $$$$ lifestyle, lol.

[mustardseed2007]

Growing up rich life to me was having a 2nd story on my home. Just growing up I always wanted a house with stairs.

[sugarbear1]

I realized I was rich "enough" when I impulsively purchased a piece of art that I liked (the cost was only $200).

Now, it means being able to purchase something just because I like it, without having to rationalize or figure out exactly where I can wear it and how much use I'll get out of it. Just last week I bought a beautiful cocktail dress at a high-end consignment shop and I LOVE it. I have no idea where I'll wear it, but I am just happy to own it.

ETA: RICH rich means a vacation home and first class vacations. I don't own those, but I have familial access to both. I can afford one ridiculously priced spa trip per year and I'm happy with that level of indulgence.

More importantly, today, it means owning my home by myself in metro Seattle on a teacher's salary. ETA 2 -- definitely affording to pay someone to fix all things house and car related. 

[Patsy Baloney]

I have my fantasy life where I have Jeff Bezos levels of money and just destroy capitalism for fun and give everyone everything they need.

But in my current Jeff Bezos Lite levels of cash (Jeff Bezos Zero) I think I would like to be able to do stuff like -

4-figure donations to organizations I like/volunteer for
Take 1 nice vacation with my family a year and 1 nice vacation with my H a year
Having cable (I f-ing REFUSE to pay for it, lol)
Going out to eat once per week
Being able to go over-the-top on birthdays/Christmas for kids without a care in the world

I can have wonderful relationships to make a "rich life" all I want. I can also have $$$$. I'm not going to get bogged down in the "A Christmas Carol" of it all.

[bronxgirl]

Nov 1, 2021 16:08:29 GMT -5 sonrisa said:

Huh. I always think of a "rich life" as talking about non material accomplishments and attributes.

professional success in a personally rewarding career that has meaning and benefits beyond yourself. Quality time spent with people who you care about and who care about you. Interesting experiences. etc. Money might facilitate some of these things, but isn't the central component.

Yes, “having a rich life” refers to having meaningful varied experiences, personal fulfillment, and well, all the things sonrisa just mentioned. It sounds like this guy was talking about markers of wealth, or feeling like a monetarily rich person for a day. That sounds fun, too, but if I could only have one I would choose having a rich, fulfilling life in the non financial/ material way.
That being said, I would probably feel rich taking a long luxury vacation to someplace I’ve always wanted to visit, but outside if my usual budget.

[sonrisa]

Putting word choice aside (I wonder if he is deliberately misusing the idiom for effect or if English is a second language and it's inadvertent).

I would think that being able to fix things when they go wrong is a big one. Of course scale matters. We need $1,500 worth of appliance fixes right now. We aren't thrilled about it but it won't ruin Christmas for us. If we lost the house in a fire, we might be able to rebuild with insurance money. Not everyone can say either of those.

[wildrice]

Honestly, I kind of feel like we're there? We are not rich by any traditional definition and our house/car/etc are probably not what most people think of when you think of rich. But I do not stress about money anymore (in general). If we want something, we generally buy it, and if we want to do something, we generally do it. It helps that we have simple taste- like I am fine flying coach and buying most of our home decor at HomeGoods and driving a Honda Civic. I don't honestly know if I aspire to get to a point where I am buying more luxury goods or spending more on components of travel/entertainment - I'd likely put that extra money toward saving for retirement or increasing our charitable donations or something like that. I suppose that if we got to a level of wealth where we were completely solid for retirement and gave a ton of money away already, I'd reconsider, but I don't see that happening.

Anyway, I've been feeling very grateful in recent months/years that we are finally at a point where we are comfortable. That's honestly all I ever really wanted. If we can just hold onto our health and our marriage from here on out, we're good.

That said, I do like OP's example of paying for a friend for dinner and not thinking anything of it. I was reflecting on something like that recently, when I realized I was at a point where I am fine splitting checks 50/50 with friends regardless of what is ordered, instead of doing separate checks or counting up the exact total we each spent. A small thing, really, but there were days when that would have stressed me out so much because it would have blown my budget. I am so thankful to be past that point.

ETA: also love the example of being able to fix things. YES. We've had a few unexpected things come up recently and instead of being freaked out, I just kind of shrug. I don't love spending money on a new microwave and cleaning mold out of our HVAC (lol) but it didn't change anything that we did both of those things in the same weekend. 

[ny96]

Now I get it.

When we moved to our current city 13 years ago we would go to the farmers market and I would dream of being able to buy flowers weekly instead of it being an extravagance.

[Doggy Mommy]

If we're talking material things, there was a time when we couldn't afford a "nice house" AND a "nice car" AND "nice vacations". We had to pick and choose. Now we aren't rich (and don’t have kids, so we have fewer expenses than a lot of people) but it feels luxurious to be able to do some house updates and West Elm type of furniture, drive a car with heated leather seats and other bells and whistles (just a Honda but a nice one!) and I'll probably go on 3 trips next year. My husband's family didn't own their first home until he was out of college, so for him buying a house was a big deal.

Eta: I remember a friend told me that when she was a kid they would walk to 7-11 and get one slurpee and they would all share it on the way home, so her idea of rich is getting your own slurpee. That really stuck with me and made me examine my privilege.

[rosiebear]

Very interesting question! I am much better off than I was as a child, but my jaw still drops at some of the stuff I see you guys buying, lol, so I know it’s all relative.

I feel comfortable as rich knowing that I am paying for 1/3-1/2 of my kids’ college tuitions, that if we needed to replace the furnace or the car we could (but not the roof without taking out a loan). Our vacations are generally not lavish, but they are vacations and not bare-bones, either. That feels rich to me. The open bar at our wedding felt rich, but we couldn’t afford a service to clean up after the reception. Some of our friends have more $$, some have less. I own a home and that feels rich.

And finally, I fulfilled my childhood “rich” dreams by handing out full size candy last night!

[sdlaura]

I'm not all that interested in flying first class. It just feels like a waste to me since it's a relatively short period of time. If someone else is paying for it, sure, and I do sometimes fly first class for work travel if I can justify it, but for personal travel I'd rather spend my money on other longer-lasting things. Like the satisfaction I get from a nicer hotel/bringing a babysitter when we travel is worth so much more to me than a larger seat on the same plane. We do always buy our babies seats to have more space - but you could typically buy several seats in coach for the same price as a first class seat on most flights, I feel like. I would have to have met every other possible financial goal including some major philanthropy before regularly flying first class.

Anyway, I digress

We decided to have four kids and I consider that to be our definition of a rich life. DH and I both work in investments, so we definitely considered the financial impact. We decided to spend our money on childcare, college savings, and activities, etc. for two additional kids vs. a fancier house/vacation house/nicer cars or all the other things that say $50k-$100k a year could buy us. We were super lucky to be able to make that decision and still have $ for a lot of the material stuff that's important to us, too.

DH sent me a good piece that now I can't find that was by a guy who wrote about how feeling rich changed a lot as he got older. As a 20- and early 30-something, he felt rich by driving a fancy car and having a cool place to live etc., but now he feels rich by losing his job and deciding not to find another one to be around more for his kids and coach their sports, etc. And now happily drives a minivan. There was more to it than that, but you get the idea.

[rosiebear]

Nov 1, 2021 16:32:05 GMT -5 sonrisa said:

Putting word choice aside (I wonder if he is deliberately misusing the idiom for effect or if English is a second language and it's inadvertent).

I would think that being able to fix things when they go wrong is a big one. Of course scale matters. We need $1,500 worth of appliance fixes right now. We aren't thrilled about it but it won't ruin Christmas for us. If we lost the house in a fire, we might be able to rebuild with insurance money. Not everyone can say either of those.

Why would you think English is his second language?

[jinkies]

I think I have mentioned this before, but when I was growing up, someone gave us something in a Gap bag. I remember asking my mom what "Gap" was, and she told me "it's where rich people shop."

I very much remember the first sweater I ever bought from Gap (in high school, with my own money), and I kept that thing for easily 15 years. I had made it! I was rich! LOL.

I grew up pretty poor, so just going on a yearly vacation (even just driving distance, like to the jersey shore) is much "richer" than the way I grew up.

For a while I had house cleaners and I felt so rich that I was semi-embarrassed. I know that is a normal expense for a lot of people, but H and I both come from families where we ARE the housecleaners, not the ones paying them, so it felt really uncomfortable.

I would love to fly first class some day. That seems pretty baller.

[audry80]

I grew up with not a lot of extras and consider these to be my "rich life items" from when I was a kid.
- buying full size candy bars for Halloween
- buying a Halloween costume versus making it out of what what I already owned
- buying a whole artichoke per person versus having to split and fight over the heart
- having a car with electric roll down windows
- buying family members really nice gifts

I am happy to report that all above has been achieved so I feel very rich in life!

[glitzy07]

Nov 1, 2021 16:40:53 GMT -5 rosiebear said:

Very interesting question! I am much better off than I was as a child, but my jaw still drops at some of the stuff I see you guys buying, lol, so I know it’s all relative.

I feel comfortable as rich knowing that I am paying for 1/3-1/2 of my kids’ college tuitions, that if we needed to replace the furnace or the car we could (but not the roof without taking out a loan). Our vacations are generally not lavish, but they are vacations and not bare-bones, either. That feels rich to me. The open bar at our wedding felt rich, but we couldn’t afford a service to clean up after the reception. Some of our friends have more $$, some have less. I own a home and that feels rich.

And finally, I fulfilled my childhood “rich” dreams by handing out full size candy last night!

The full size candy thing is basically the type of things I was thinking of when I started this thread! Love that example.

[Patsy Baloney]

Oh yeah, getting a house cleaner or cleaning service would make me feel like Scrooge McDuck! That's a good one, jinkies!

One thing that makes me feel super-rich in my life is when my kid's school puts on a stupid spirit day that requires certain clothing. Like, we had one this fall that was western day. We had literally NOTHING that my daughter could wear for it - no jeans, no hat, no boots, no bandana, etc.

So I hopped on Target's website and placed a pickup order for a button up shirt, jeans, and a bandana. It was, like, $30. But I didn't bat an eye. That made me feel super rich to be able to take on a little expense like that and not have to play the, "Ugh, it's one day, who cares? We don't need this," game in my head.

[ellipses84]

I occasionally see his social media posts and I’ve seen this from other #debt free community gurus. The premise is no matter how much money you have, you won’t be able to afford everything, so you need to determine what is most important to you for your own “Rich life” and budget for those things. For some people that may be travel. For others it may be working less, retiring early or owning a home.

I grew up in a working poor family and for me it’s being able to order a drink besides water at a restaurant and being able to take my kids to things that have a cost of admission without thinking about it. Aside from that, I prioritize travel, but it’s not luxury travel. I used to say I’ll know I’ve made it when I can hire a repeat house cleaner and afford regular massages. So far neither of those things have happened. It’s hard for me to spend money on non-tangible things unless it’s an experience for my family.

[sdlaura]

ellipses84 I used to think that too about regular massages. But now I can afford them and still don't do them. So they must not have been that important to me

[TR]

My eyes have rolled all the way out of my head with how hard some people are trying to demonstrate how un-materialistic they are lol

[tacokick]

Nov 1, 2021 16:55:15 GMT -5 ellipses84 said:

I occasionally see his social media posts and I’ve seen this from other #debt free community gurus. The premise is no matter how much money you have, you won’t be able to afford everything, so you need to determine what is most important to you for your own “Rich life” and budget for those things. For some people that may be travel. For others it may be working less, retiring early or owning a home.

I grew up in a working poor family and for me it’s being able to order a drink besides water at a restaurant and being able to take my kids to things that have a cost of admission without thinking about it. Aside from that, I prioritize travel, but it’s not luxury travel. I used to say I’ll know I’ve made it when I can hire a repeat house cleaner and afford regular massages. So far neither of those things have happened. It’s hard for me to spend money on non-tangible things unless it’s an experience for my family.

It is still hard for me to order anything other than water! Meanwhile my husband is ordering iced tea all willy nilly and buying two of everything at the supermarket while I know how much everything costs in a six mile radius.

[tacokick]

So more rich people life than “rich life”.

I guess buying and doing things because you want to and not because they have a great use or make sense? I started doing some crafting again because I felt like it wasn’t throwing anything off money-wise to make things just for the sake of doing them and not selling them or any real reason.

Hiring workers to do home repairs


Getting food/drinks out rather than packing them or waiting until we got home to eat.

International travel/travel by plane

Replacing big appliances when they break (easily)

[heygrey]

Nov 1, 2021 16:32:05 GMT -5 sonrisa said:

I would think that being able to fix things when they go wrong is a big one. Of course scale matters. We need $1,500 worth of appliance fixes right now. We aren't thrilled about it but it won't ruin Christmas for us. If we lost the house in a fire, we might be able to rebuild with insurance money. Not everyone can say either of those.

I relate to this so much. We bought a house a year ago and have replaced the roof and a/c with zero interruption to our daily financial habits. The money was in savings or we were able to save up quickly. This was never the case for my parents.

[expectantsteelerfan]

One of the things I look forward to being able to do is pay for the top-tier college meal plan for my kids (if they go to college and live on campus).

When I went to school, freshmen were required to pay for the top-tier plan and I rolled it into my loan for that year, but the other 3 years I went with the cheapest meal plan and paid for it out of pocket with my summer earnings. And there were days I went hungry, days I mooched a 'swipe' from one of my roommates, and days I survived off ramen (I mean, who didn't at some point?). And then when I started dating my dh, who went to a college 1 hour away, I'd spend every other weekend at his school, and when I was there he always had enough meals/credits to treat me to several meals at their dining hall. I want my kids to be able to eat without worrying about cost and offer to help out friends who could use it.

This also goes along with being able to invite friends out to dinner, order anything (including WINE!) and pick up the bill without worrying about it.

[arielroux]

Hmm, good question. I guess I kind of have it? But the thing is (at least for me) I always want more lol.

I treated myself to a first class upgrade on a flight home from Spain one time and fell in love with it, but it’s not something I can/will make a habit of. Would I like to? Hell yes. But doing that would then make most vacations unaffordable.

I’d love to own a vacation home. I’d love to stop working now (total pipe dream). I think those are the two big things.

I know that I live a comfortable life, but sometimes talking about it makes me uncomfortable…I hate telling people we have house cleaners. For some reason it’s embarrassing to me. I don’t handle talking about “luxury” items very well at all.