Support - Week of 12/6

[HRH Queen Dick I, Orphan]

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[mcmel]

My sweet Cora's paw print plaque was just delivered to my vet's office so I have to go pick that up today. I had another full blown meltdown again on Saturday. I cry every day for her. My heart is just broken and I'm worried that I'll never feel as happy as when I had my 3 dogs and 3 cats. I just felt like my family was perfect and I don't know what to do now.

[bex1973]

(((( mcmel ))))

[mysteriouswife]

Still dealing with the unexpected passing of SFIL last week. The amount of shit we are dealing with in unimaginable. So much to unpack

[wildrice]

I am so sorry, mcmel. I know it sounds trite, but it will get better. You will never not miss her and love her, but the loss won't feel so raw eventually. It takes time, though, so cry as much as you need to.

mysteriouswife, I am sorry for your loss!

[mcmel]

I'm so sorry mysteriouswife

I can't imagine how tough that is for you all, especially right around the holidays

[bex1973]

((( mysteriouswife )))

[bex1973]

TW: School Shooting





I'm struggling with the school shooting in Oxford. It's only about 20 miles from us so I think that is compounding it. The community of Oxford is very similar to our community and I just can not imagine what the families are experiencing. A former student of mine has a son who attends that school so when I heard I immediately went to her social media and she had shared that he was safe. It's just a lot.

Saturday night we went to a candlelight vigil that some of our high schoolers organized. We went to support their efforts and also to demonstrate to our daughter of the importance of community. But that was hard.

I just hate that this is a thing. That my kid has always had ALICE drills as part of her schooling. Don't get me wrong I'm grateful for the training but I HATE that it is needed.

[fivechickens]

Dec 6, 2021 13:12:31 GMT -5 fivechickens said:

My daughter’s recovery is a lot harder than I imagined. I just want to take all of her pain away.

bex1973 I am just a bit farther from Oxford HS than you are (not much). I was wondering today if the kids (mine are 5th grade) will be doing any ALICE practicing today. Mine were asking why they had Thursday and Friday off and I told them that something bad happened at another school and our district are being extra cautious. I hate that any kid has to deal with any of this. Ever. I am so glad they chose to prosecute the POS parents.

[bex1973]

fivechickens, I wouldn't imagine our school would change the timing of the ALICE drills, they just did one a few weeks ago. And I feel like it would be too much right now.

We talked with DD about it - she's in 3rd grade so she knows what happened and knows to expect to see more than just the normal liaison officer for a bit.

I too am glad they brought charges against the parents. And also get the fuck out of here with the BS their lawyer was trying to tell the judge about them hiding because of threats and that they were going to turn themselves in. Like that's why you took a bunch of $$$ out and were in Detroit where Canada is a hop, skip & jump. Fuck that noise.

[fivechickens]

bex1973 agreed. I read that the parents lawyers were Larry Nassar’s lawyers and the Dr charged with female mutilations 5ish years ago. So they like to pick the worst of the worst.

[ksun]

I'm very sorry mcmel and mysteriouswife

Friday night after years and years of emotional abuse from my father and one last e-mail sealing the deal, I decided to cut ties. It's long and complicated, and I hope I can stick to it, but the last month has been exhausting.

Saturday, less than 24 hours later, my best friend's brother texted me that she had passed away suddenly and unexpectedly. She was 40. Thanks to covid, her husband couldn't be with her the 4 hours she waited for emergency surgery in the ER or before she was taken to surgery or in the ambulance. I'm gutted for him and her family, who were extremely close. They are in CA and I'm in CO so the distance is killing me. I've taken care of some food deliveries but I can't get out there right now.

I'm just kind of numb.

[mcmel]

That's horrible ksun

I'm so sorry.

[bex1973]

((( ksun ))) so very sorry

[namasteak]

I'm slowly doing better with an adjustment in meds & more therapy but I'm still hurting a lot. It has been almost a year and it is still so hard to believe that my mom isn't here anymore. Plus, it all happened so fast that I was in shock and I didn't realize quite how cruel my stepmom and sister were in keeping me from spending time with my mom under the guise of her wanting me to do things for my boys. So I have grief AND jealousy AND anger. Its a lot to process when I feel like I should be past a lot of those and just missing mom.

[jewel]

@@

My 3 year old has a sedated MRI scheduled for Friday, to hopefully rule out osteosarcoma, and get some less terrible answers.

He has a really small bump below his knee. I very casually mentioned it to the doctor a couple weeks ago, when we happened to be there for my other kid’s visit. She sent us over for an immediate X-ray. She called me the next day after talking to the radiologist and 2 pediatric orthopedists. The results are concerning and they squeezed him into the MRI schedule quickly.

I haven’t told anyone IRL and I am making a huge effort to quiet my thoughts until we actually have answers - but the possibility that my sweet baby has some type of bone cancer is…really a lot.

[bears]

jewel ::hugs:: I hope you have good results in soon.

[lilac05]

namasteak, there’s no “should” when it comes to grief. I’m glad you have someone to help you process all of those things, but there’s nothing wrong with still having ALL the emotions.

Sending all the positive energy and prayers for all here. jewel, I’m glad you can share safely here…we’re here to support you! Don’t worry about burdening anyone IRL with your worries. Any friend worth anything would want to be there with/for you, too.

[sugarbear1]

Sending love to everyone in here. I made a post about my stuff last week and I'm half excited for, half dreading therapy tomorrow. I'm afraid of whatever conclusions we'll arrive at tomorrow.

[macmars45]

Big hugs to everyone struggling.
I hope you get answers back quickly after the MRI jewel.
I hope therapy goes really well tomorrow sugarbear1. I hope it's just the beginning of all the healing and support you need.

[omglol]

Sending my love and support to all of you. It’s a lot to be a human sometimes.

[liverandonions]

Sending lots of well wishes, and positive vibes for everyone here. Hoping you all get through these tough times quickly and get good news where needed <3

[Deleted]

I've opened this post multiple times intending to post, but then I read what everyone else is posting and I feel like I shouldn't be struggling as much as I am. We got good news about my Dad's tumor, so that has helped lessen my mental load some, but not enough. My daughter is really struggling right now with her anxiety and eating as well as the verbal and emotional abuse she is dealing with from her Dad. I've been trying to find her a new therapist for weeks but either they aren't accepting new patients, they don't take our insurance, or they just don't call me back. On top of that, I'm trying to come up with a plan to end my marriage. Just when I think I'm really, truly ready to end things, he starts acting like the man I fell in love with and then I'm confused and second guessing myself all over again. I know rationally that it is all an act until the next time, but it's all so hard. Thanks for letting me get that off of my chest.

[oregonpachey]

I am kind of just existing (is that the right word?) right now. My FIL is not doing well. He has stage 4 lung cancer and honestly, with his recent issues, would be surprised if he makes it to see the new year. He had to be hospitalized yesterday due to extremely low blood pressure and fluids. He was having stroke symptoms so they are trying to rule that out.

I have no desire to celebrate the holidays this year. I have barely done any shopping, decorating or festive things and know I need to because of my @@@@@kids@@@@@.

I am sending each of you hugs today and always.

[omglol]

In the dog shit thread, before it went down the shitter, someone mentioned the dark/hard side of parenting.

PDQ

I wish (?) someone had told me how having a kid would bring up a host of childhood trauma and destroy my already fragile mental health.

I had no idea how bad my childhood was until I had a kid. I knew it was not typical. I knew it wasn’t great. I knew it was weird. Now, when I go home, it’s like “holy shit how did I not notice allllllll of this dysfunction before?” It has really fucked me up. At 40, I just now realized (thanks to my lovely and wonderful therapist) that I was ~severely~ emotionally neglected and verbally/emotionally/physically abused and now all these terrible light bulbs are exploding in my mind. It has really fucked with my identity. I’m struggling to understand which part of my personality is me and which part is trauma. Thank goodness for good therapists. I will not repeat this pattern with my son and I’m glad and proud of my natural instincts and how I’ve treated him so far. He will have a much more balanced and calm childhood than I had, and I’ve already learned how to handle hard situations in a much more healthy way than I was treated. Also I will not be kissing my mom’s ass trying to win her love any longer, and something about that just breaks my heart. All this time I thought I was broken and a bad person and it turns out that no, an emotionally vacant person just made me believe that.

I wouldn’t trade my amazing son for anything, but this is really hard stuff to deal with.

[SusanBAnthony]

This is part petty vent.

My grandpa got Covid. Then he got pneumonia from it. Then they found atrial fib. Then he went home on meds for the AF. Then he passed out and fell and was rushed back to the ER. He was in really bad shape. Then he got a glass n of blood and had an endoscopy and they found a duodenal ulcer. Now he can't be on the heart meds.

Basically he's just reached that stage where shit is going wrong every which way and he is so old and fragile that he can't recover.

So that sucks and I'm sad for him but he also is really old, still mentally aware and really clear that he doesn't want any extreme life saving measures, he has a DNR, and he wants to die before he loses his mind or declines physically to the point he is in a home or can't do the things he enjoys.

FWP alert:
The petty part is I coordinated a family trip over Xmas and it was a GIANT pain in the ass because no one could make up their fucking minds. So we ended up with a really expensive house and H and I are paying more than our share. I was annoyed because it would have been cheaper if people could make a damn decision but I was sort of ok with it because I knew Gpa might not be around much longer.

Now he can't go. So we paid a fortune for a five bedroom house that we only need 3 bedrooms for (because his wife's son will also now not be coming). And because people fucked around for so long we couldn't get a house that is fully refundable so we are going to lose half the money if we cancel. So I guess we will probably go anyway. And I am planning a separate emergency trip to visit Gpa.

[bex1973]

Affirming you omglol, parenting is the HARDEST job ever and not necessarily having the role models needed makes it even harder.

My relationship with my mom has always been rocky but now it essentially doesn't exist because I've decided to prioritize my and my families mental health over engaging with her. Doesn't mean it doesn't sting though.

[HRH Queen Dick I, Orphan]

Emotional neglect is legit. You just can't see the scars with your eyes.

[omglol]

Unspoken rule for support thread: “likes” are support.

Agree?

Thank you for the affirmations and validation.

[omglol]

bex1973 I’m sorry you have this on your plate, too. It’s very difficult and hard, even if you dislike your parent(s)/abuser(s).

Unfortunately I love my mom lol, but god I hate what she did to me. Working through how to deal with that going forward.