Post by georgeharrison on Nov 10, 2022 10:19:57 GMT -5
I think my son was 15 when we left him home alone for the first time. But, we were very close with all our neighbors. He would go home after school to take care of the dogs, go to the neighbor's house for the evening, and then back home to sleep.
We just left him alone overnight again a couple weeks ago (he's 17 now). We were an hour away.
I think something that make our situation a little different is that we have family within five miles who know when he is alone and that they can pop in any time...and they do.
My parents left us home alone for one or two nights at 13 & 15, regularly for M-F work trips by 14 & 16. I did overnight babysitting for neighbors starting at 13 (although my mom was available if needed).
My childhood neighborhood had good bus service if we needed to get to a store and we knew everyone on the block, so it wasn't an issue. We never even threw parties. Both of us were busy with activities, they called every night (pre cell phones) and again, I'd known my neighbors my whole life and could call them or knock on their door if there was an issue.
I don't have kids but figured with all the electronic connections it's just as safe now as then.
My parents never went anywhere major without us and my grandfather lived in the basement apartment of our house so that was a mute point growing up.
But my ILs left my husband alone for a week and then eventually basically whole summers when he was in HS and it was debaucherous. My husband was a good student going to the top academic public HS in NYC and never was in trouble, very responsible etc. I still don’t know why they’d leave him home for basically the whole summer?! They were working out of the city during summer and took his sister with them or she was in overnight camp.
Various stories include ample drug use, burning a hole through a friend’s porch by accident, a inline skating incident where he ended up needing to drive himself home with at least one skate still on (??) and having to get help from a neighbor to get up the steps to his house and cleaned up. Parties. So many parties.
It sounds like it was eighties movie level hijinks for weeks on end. He did work some jobs at a local museum and volunteered during the same summers and didn’t get in big trouble but I was a little shocked his parents left him that long. A few nights seems more reasonable but I really think kids can go a little wild when they are left alone even if they are what you’d call a good, responsible kid.
Post by tarzanswife on Nov 10, 2022 10:40:08 GMT -5
My parents left me home alone for extended periods of time when I was 16. My older sons were 17 and 18 when they were left alone for short weekends. My youngest will probably be around the same age when we will leave him home alone.
Post by InBetweenDays on Nov 10, 2022 10:40:56 GMT -5
Our kids are 13 and 16 and I'd feel comfortable doing it now if they were. But they're not. Like another poster we're in an urban neighborhood with many close friends within 1/2 mile that could check on them or help out.
My parents left me home alone for a weekend when I was 15. I had a friend with a license stay with me.
I dont' recall ever being left alone for a weekend while still living at home, before college. What will WE do? TBD. I imagine that the absolute earliest would be when he's a junior in HS. Absolute earliest. And that would be based on knowing he's focused enough to keep his own schedule in check, and the belief that he wouldn't throw a party. But... do we ever REALLY know that part?
Post by definitelyO on Nov 10, 2022 10:47:20 GMT -5
Like most - it's age dependent.
We have left DS (age 16) alone overnight a few times. He's trustworthy for an overnight. But he's not a big fan of it. Not sure about leaving him alone for a full weekend - that just seems like a lot to navigate - but would depend on circumstances, etc...
I had a coworker who moved for his job and left the rest of his family back in the Midwest. He was trying to get his youngest daughter (14/15) to move out here with him while his older daughter finished up her senior year with her mom.
He kept on asking me if it was reasonable for him to travel internationally for up to a week at a time and leave her alone in his apartment during that time without any support system other than a friendly neighbor. He was really hoping I would validate his plan, but I thought his plan was lunacy at best.
My parents just never went anywhere alone (they only traveled for family vacations), so it's not what I experienced, but I'm sure we'll leave them for a night or two when they reach 16 and 13 or 17 and 14. We would do more mini trips on our own if we didn't have to find and pay for childcare, so as long as they continue showing common sense and demonstrating they are capable of acting responsibly for a night or two, I'm sure we will take advantage once DD1 can drive.
Post by lizlemon19 on Nov 10, 2022 10:52:04 GMT -5
my kids? 30
They are kind of wild. (sort of exaggerating).
I think a responsible 16 yo with a reliable neighbor and or family member nearby. I would worry about being held liable if they did throw a party. Social host laws in our state are tough.
My kids stayed one night alone last summer and they are 15 and 12. They are both very independent and responsible. We have neighbors close by. If the snacks don't run out and the internet doesn't go down, my kids don't really know if I'm in the house most of the time anyway.
I was about 14 or so when I started doing overnights alone and did many, many overnights over a period of years - my mom and stepfather sucked. I was a very responsible kid though or it really could have backfired on them and me. I'm honestly shocked that I came out on the other side without a baby or addiction. I certainly had plenty of opportunities to make bad life decisions.
I anticipate giving my kids more overnights to build their confidence and independence but I do think I'm the outlier in how I parent both on this board and in my community.
My sister and I (both responsible, "good kids") were left alone overnight when we were in high school (she was probably a senior; I was a sophomore the first time). We had a party every time.
That said, we were fine. We ate food, we went to our activities, we didn't burn the house down.
"Hello babies. Welcome to Earth. It's hot in the summer and cold in the winter. It's round and wet and crowded. On the outside, babies, you've got a hundred years here. There's only one rule that I know of, babies-"God damn it, you've got to be kind.”
Post by sugarbear1 on Nov 10, 2022 11:33:07 GMT -5
My dad (single parent) traveled a ton when we were growing up and I think I was 14 -- my brother 16 -- when he stopped asking my grandmother to watch us. The first weekend we were alone, my brother threw a huge party and I believe that after that my dad let it go. I don't even remember my brother getting in trouble for it.
My older son has impulse control issues so it's not likely that I'll leave him home alone until he's 18.
Post by Scout'sHonor on Nov 10, 2022 11:56:01 GMT -5
The one time my parents left us three (me 16, sis 15, bro 13) overnight, my sister snuck her boyfriend in during the night. I tattled on her bc I was a major rule follower and they didn't leave us overnight again. Sis also got grounded and she hated me for quite a bit
Post by aprilsails on Nov 10, 2022 12:15:21 GMT -5
I was left alone fairly often as a kid, and very often in charge of my younger siblings. I would sometimes work on weekends starting at 15 while the rest of the family went up to the cottage. My parents frequently went on weekend trips too at about the same age.
I never once threw a party. I was so lame at home. However, at the same age I started sailing and would spend weekends out of town with friends and we had parties. Omg. I just never brought any of that home. My high school friends were very tame.
My niece and nephew were 16/17 and in high school when my sister and her husband went away for 3-4 days. My mom (their grandma) went over every day. I don’t think she slept over. It seemed like overkill.
I would have NEVER thrown a party in that situation, but I was also the nervous nelly who was too scared to stay home alone if my parents were gone at night, lol. This lasted well into my thirties, though.
I think my middle sister and I were college age before our parents started leaving us to our own devices overnight, and we were pretty responsible kids/young adults. My youngest sister, on the other hand, was the partier and they left her overnight at maybe 17 after asking me "could you and J (my now husband) just go check on things before you go out for the night?"...yeah, she was having a rager by the time we got there. I told her she was lucky our middle sister was out of town with mom and dad, don't destroy the house, and to call me if she needed anything. Thankfully she and her friends stayed just sober enough to not break anything and my parents and other sister were none the wiser!
I went to college 3000 miles from home when I was 17. I’m a believer in slow introduction to big responsibilities so they don’t flounder when all of a sudden they are expected to be on their own.
THIS. Probably 16. To me it depends on the kid and the friends they have. I was left for a night or 2 in high school. I just hung out at home, watched too much TV and ate too much candy. Once I had a guy pick me up for a date. LOL That was very unlike me.
Post by sandandsea on Nov 10, 2022 13:25:31 GMT -5
18. My parents left for a week when I was 17 and my 18 year old cousin came and “stayed” with us. I think that’s about what I’d be comfortable with too. I was also a very responsible 17 yo and I’m not so sure my kids will be that way.
The first time I was left overnight by myself at home I was 18. It was the summer before I went to college. My mom and brother were at our cottage. My dad had a last-minute business thing. He probably left me something for dinner (we didn't have delivery where I lived) and I had a car to get to and from work. It was a weeknight. The dogs would have been with my mom. So all in all, not a ton of things I needed to be responsible for.
That said, I remember thinking at the time that leaving me alone for the very first time a month before I moved out to go to college was maybe a little too late. I had also just gotten my license a few months before that, so I felt like I grew up all of a sudden because my parents were like, "Oh, shit, well, okay then."
My parents left us home alone for one or two nights at 13 & 15, regularly for M-F work trips by 14 & 16. I did overnight babysitting for neighbors starting at 13 (although my mom was available if needed).
My childhood neighborhood had good bus service if we needed to get to a store and we knew everyone on the block, so it wasn't an issue. We never even threw parties. Both of us were busy with activities, they called every night (pre cell phones) and again, I'd known my neighbors my whole life and could call them or knock on their door if there was an issue.
I don't have kids but figured with all the electronic connections it's just as safe now as then.
You know this isn't ok, right? There's no way your parents should have been doing that then, and even now. For one it's illegal, and for two it's abusive to leave kids to parent themselves. Especially for whoever was the older sibling.
I would leave DS1 overnight this next year (he’s almost 16). He’s responsible with (at this point) fairly responsible friends, we live in a dense neighborhood with easy access to neighbors he knows and can keep a general eye out, etc.
I went to college 3000 miles from home when I was 17. I’m a believer in slow introduction to big responsibilities so they don’t flounder when all of a sudden they are expected to be on their own.
Eh I get what you are saying but when you go off to college you aren't exactly alone. You usually have roommates whether you live on or off campus. There are a lot of things teens need to learn independence before then but staying in a house by yourself isn't really one of them.
There are different laws for different states about this but my state just has the “depends on the kid” laws. In March 2024 we will celebrate our 20th anniversary and I plan for DH and I to go for at least a few days, if not a week. DS1 will be a 17 year old high school senior/college sophomore (he doesn’t actually go to high school anymore). He’s very responsible as are all of his friends. We have a great support system in our neighborhood and nearby. At this time DD1 will be 15 and is also very responsible. She and DS1 make a great team. My mother in law may come for a few days but I don’t feel super concerned. DS1 will be two months from getting his AA degree and then plans to leave for two years to serve a service mission. If I can’t leave him home alone in March I definitely can’t send him out in the world alone in June.
I was 16 the first time I was left at home overnight and it was for a weekend, I was 17 when it was for a week and my dad was out of the country. I was a very mature/responsible teen so I feel like maybe this wasn't the norm?
Regardless of my maturity at that time, I had the car and my godmother lived next door and checked in on me every day just in case I needed anything. Our families also had a "knock and just let yourself in" kind of relationship so I wasn't afraid to go over if I was bored or needed anything.
I was staying alone overnight starting at 14, and I was overnight housesitting for people by 16. I was a VERY responsible teenager (probably to a fault), I never threw parties, but would occasionally have friends over. DS1 seems to be following me in my footsteps and is overly responsible (against my will, lol). I could definitely see leaving him home for one night at a time when he is 15/16. However, based on DS2 and 3’s personalities, I don’t think we’ll have the chance because we will not be leaving them home alone for that long until they are way older. Probably 18.