Did none of you ever step out for 5 minutes to get the mail or anything when the kids were young? Obviously this story is much different than that since they were alone for 3 hours. Just curious.
Hmmm get the mail < 100 yards away that takes < 2 minutes or out to a steak dinner in a different building a block away? I mean...how is this even a "cast the first stone" kind of question?
Not a cast the first stone situation. Some posters mentioned never leaving their kids for 5 minutes and some mentioned situations like shoveling the driveway. So I was just curious.
I'm surprised at the shock. I feel like there is always a story of people leaving their way too young kids. Not giving them a pass, but luckily the kids are OK.
Did none of you ever step out for 5 minutes to get the mail or anything when the kids were young? Obviously this story is much different than that since they were alone for 3 hours. Just curious.
Getting the mail at the end of your driveway is in no way comparable to this story. You're only gone for a couple minutes and you are still close (unless your driveway is a mile long). The kids were left alone for 3 hours and their parents were a block away.
I'm surprised at the shock. I feel like there is always a story of people leaving their way too young kids. Not giving them a pass, but luckily the kids are OK.
Did none of you ever step out for 5 minutes to get the mail or anything when the kids were young? Obviously this story is much different than that since they were alone for 3 hours. Just curious.
Getting the mail at the end of your driveway is in no way comparable to this story. You're only gone for a couple minutes and you are still close (unless your driveway is a mile long). The kids were left alone for 3 hours and their parents were a block away.
This is more shocking to me than the original post.
My twins are almost 11 now, but holy hell they were horrible sleepers. Nothing worked. They slept through the night maybe 5 times total before the age of 6. I aged 30 years during the first 5 years of their life.
We got WAY lucky on the sleep stuff. So sorry you had a rough time! And even though he legitimately never wakes up I’d still never leave him alone overnight.
Same. My DS sttn starting at 10 weeks old. H and I called him our unicorn sleeper. Once he hit 4.5ish he started sleeping like shit. We started him on melatonin when he was 6 years old. My only regret is waiting so long.
Did none of you ever step out for 5 minutes to get the mail or anything when the kids were young? Obviously this story is much different than that since they were alone for 3 hours. Just curious.
We used to do evening outdoor patio get togethers with our next door neighbors, alternating backyards and with our baby monitors. Urban neighborhood so houses are like 10 feet apart and backyards are postage stamp sized. I never gave it a second thought, but from some of the answers here others would be a bit pearl-clutchy.
Recently I ran (literally) less than a quarter mile down the road to catch DH - he was walking DD to school and forgot her backpack. I left my 6 year old DS at home. I was gone less than 5 minutes for sure, probably more like 3 minutes.
This seems reasonable to me. I often do yardwork while the kids are sleeping. This feels the same. I wouldn't walk the dog, but I'd play with him in the backyard. I have just started leaving DS2 in the car while I park in front of DS1s school and run in to grab him (I can see the car the whole time), but I wouldn't go into a grocery store. I would grab my mobile order from DD if I saw it on the counter already. We all have what we're comfortable with, but leaving a kid in a hotel and going out for a steak dinner is a whole different ball game.
I recently felt conflicted because we were with my 6 year old at a hotel and I needed to run to the car for another load of bags. I left him in the room. I locked the door and told him not to open it for anyone and to watch TV. I was gone less than 2 minutes, but I'll admit I felt a little "AHHH" about it. I was definitely running. Ha. But then again is it safer to have him follow me back out to a parking lot with CARS? idk.
One thing that always makes me laugh is if DH isn't home and I put the kids to bed and take a bath I turn on the house alarm. They never leave their rooms, but I figure if they were to open a door to the house at least the alarm would go off. Haha.
I'm surprised at the shock. I feel like there is always a story of people leaving their way too young kids. Not giving them a pass, but luckily the kids are OK.
Did none of you ever step out for 5 minutes to get the mail or anything when the kids were young? Obviously this story is much different than that since they were alone for 3 hours. Just curious.
This would be like saying “haven’t any of your kids ever swam laps at the pool?!” if someone expressed shock at a 7-year old swimming across the English Channel. 😂
I will say I never realized it was such a resort/ hotel problem. Do these kind of people leave their kids more at hotels/ resorts than in "real life" at their own house?
When we were on a cruise in November 2019 there were a lot of young kids wandering around the boat without any adult.
My kid was 7 at the time and several kids looked to be pretty close to her age, which DH and I just couldn't wrap our heads around.
I was recently thinking about this because we're taking my kids for spring break. I went on my first in 3rd grade and I for sure walked around alone and I was wondering what the age is for that. One thing I know for sure is that my kids are 6 and 3 and we are not there yet. Maybe my 6 year old could run to the bathroom and back, but that's about it.
Hmmm get the mail < 100 yards away that takes < 2 minutes or out to a steak dinner in a different building a block away? I mean...how is this even a "cast the first stone" kind of question?
Not a cast the first stone situation. Some posters mentioned never leaving their kids for 5 minutes and some mentioned situations like shoveling the driveway. So I was just curious.
Ok, I guess the "did none of you ever..." that made me think it was being made as more of a comparison. There could be a whole separate thread for this topic and the judging would be WILD lol
TR, Yeah I am realizing my question would possibly derail the thread. Oops. It's just a topic I was always curious about because I was always like at what kids age do I do what. But now that mine are 12 and 10 it's easier for that little kid topic. Now I am onto the teen questions, I am sure.
I also suspect situations like this are more common than many of us realize. Recently, a friend of a friend asked us if we liked our baby monitor, because they were looking for one with a longer range. They were expecting their second baby and wanted a monitor that would allow them to go to the park down the block with the older child while the baby slept. It was hard to know how to respond.
I don't know if the surprise at not checking the mail is in response to posters who live in apartment buildings saying they won't check the mail while their child sleeps, but walking 10 feet from your front door in a single family home is very different from taking an elevator down 10 floors. Not everyone lives in a single family home.
To icedcoffee 's point, I think it's hard to find a happy medium sometimes, but I think we can all agree that leaving kids these ages in a hotel room to go to another building for a multi-hour dinner constitutes neglect.
I recently had the police called on me by a "concerned bystander" when I let my 2-year-old finish his nap in my car on a cool day in the shade, while I stood about 30 feet away and watched my daughter play softball, looking over to check every few minutes to see whether he had woken up. There were no temperature concerns, and he was strapped into his 5-point harness, and the car was locked. And then the woman wouldn't let it go once she saw how close I was and I tried to appease them by waking him up and bringing him to stand with me and my other kids. I think it's one thing to be concerned, make sure all is well, and go on your way. And another to harass the police officer about how unsafe the situation was afterward (I think she was just embarrassed that it wasn't a big deal and didn't want to let it go).
I also suspect situations like this are more common than many of us realize. Recently, a friend of a friend asked us if we liked our baby monitor, because they were looking for one with a longer range. They were expecting their second baby and wanted a monitor that would allow them to go to the park down the block with the older child while the baby slept. It was hard to know how to respond.
I don't know if the surprise at not checking the mail is in response to posters who live in apartment buildings saying they won't check the mail while their child sleeps, but walking 10 feet from your front door in a single family home is very different from taking an elevator down 10 floors. Not everyone lives in a single family home.
I think those of us who are in the camp that what these parents did is dangerous and absolutely nuts are a paranoid-in-a-good-way kind of people who assess every situation. I would subconsciously have alternate plans in the back of my mind if I contemplated leaving a baby/toddler unattended to do something like get the mail. When I lived in an elevator building with DD, I did not leave her alone in the room ever to get the mail or run to the car garage or roam the halls or whatever. There was never any reason for me to do it. Now that I live in a SFH, I sometimes leave my toddler DS in the driveway alone in the car, buckled in his carseat with the car off while I run back inside because I forgot something. But I also roll down the driver's side window because what if the car locks on its own. DS can't unbuckle himself to unlock the car himself and all the options to solve the problem would be very bad.
To icedcoffee 's point, I think it's hard to find a happy medium sometimes, but I think we can all agree that leaving kids these ages in a hotel room to go to another building for a multi-hour dinner constitutes neglect.
I recently had the police called on me by a "concerned bystander" when I let my 2-year-old finish his nap in my car on a cool day in the shade, while I stood about 30 feet away and watched my daughter play softball, looking over to check every few minutes to see whether he had woken up. There were no temperature concerns, and he was strapped into his 5-point harness, and the car was locked. And then the woman wouldn't let it go once she saw how close it was and I tried to appease them by waking him up and bringing him to stand with me and my other kids. I think it's one thing to be concerned, make sure all is well, and go on your way. And another to harass the police officer about how unsafe the situation was afterward (I think she was just embarrassed that it wasn't a big deal and didn't want to let it go).
This is so ridiculous. I'm sorry you had to go through that. I agree she needed to reed the room a little longer. WTF?!?!
icedcoffee I joke about how it took me 10 years of parenting to get the police called on me for child neglect. But of course I woke up at night for a while afterward thinking of all the things I'd like to say to that woman
I think we're all making tiny judgment calls on stuff like this everyday based on our kids' ages and personalities, our location, and specific circumstances. But the original story was pretty egregious!
To icedcoffee 's point, I think it's hard to find a happy medium sometimes, but I think we can all agree that leaving kids these ages in a hotel room to go to another building for a multi-hour dinner constitutes neglect.
I recently had the police called on me by a "concerned bystander" when I let my 2-year-old finish his nap in my car on a cool day in the shade, while I stood about 30 feet away and watched my daughter play softball, looking over to check every few minutes to see whether he had woken up. There were no temperature concerns, and he was strapped into his 5-point harness, and the car was locked. And then the woman wouldn't let it go once she saw how close I was and I tried to appease them by waking him up and bringing him to stand with me and my other kids. I think it's one thing to be concerned, make sure all is well, and go on your way. And another to harass the police officer about how unsafe the situation was afterward (I think she was just embarrassed that it wasn't a big deal and didn't want to let it go).
Several years I had people very interested in my kid when I left her buckled in her car seat with the car doors locked while I returned my shopping cart at Trader Joe’s (notoriously small parking lots). It was gross out and I was maybe 6 cars away? I know they meant well and didn’t push it when they saw I had just been feet away, but I felt like I had done something wrong, when really it was a simple judgment call. It seemed safer to buckle her into her car seat than keeping her in the cart while I unloaded and then wheeled her over to the cart return and carried her back to the car in the cold rain. Edit they pulled into the open space next to my car. I don’t know how they didn’t see me putting the cart away, but they didn’t.
I wonder if these monitors can give parents and over confidence in their ability to assess a situation while they are away? Like because they are so high tech and long range they feel it is no different then being in the next room? IDK, I didn't have these type of parenting tools. We only had janky sound monitors with no reach. So even sitting on the deck after they went to bed felt like a reach.
Even if I did have the monitors there is just no way my anxiety would allow me to do what these parents did.
I wonder if these monitors can give parents and over confidence in their ability to assess a situation while they are away? Like because they are so high tech and long range they feel it is no different then being in the next room? IDK, I didn't have these type of parenting tools. We only had janky sound monitors with no reach. So even sitting on the deck after they went to bed felt like a reach.
Even if I did have the monitors there is just no way my anxiety would allow me to do what these parents did.
What a scary, awful tragedy.
I’ve definitely been in a situation where I saw a child alone or in a car alone and waited a couple minutes to see if there was an adult nearby. It’s not always obvious.
I would never call the police unless I was certain there wasn’t an adult nearby. We’ve all heard the stories of babies dying after being left in a car. I’d rather risk being “that person” than not speak up if a child might be in danger.
To icedcoffee 's point, I think it's hard to find a happy medium sometimes, but I think we can all agree that leaving kids these ages in a hotel room to go to another building for a multi-hour dinner constitutes neglect.
I recently...
Ugh, that's ridiculous. My friend recently had a situation where a cop knocked on her door, holding the hand of her 4yo who had decided to go for a walk. The officer was called by a neighbor, who knew exactly who the boy was and which house was his - and rather than simply bring him home herself, called the cops on my friend.
the first time I left one of my kids at home alone was last spring when my 11 year old had covid. I wouldn’t make her come in the car with me to pick up the little one so she would be home alone for 20 minutes at a time.
however, in December my 8 year old left school through the back gate and walked themself home over the side of a small mountain alone. *i* almost called the police on that.
I also suspect situations like this are more common than many of us realize. Recently, a friend of a friend asked us if we liked our baby monitor, because they were looking for one with a longer range. They were expecting their second baby and wanted a monitor that would allow them to go to the park down the block with the older child while the baby slept. It was hard to know how to respond.
I don't know if the surprise at not checking the mail is in response to posters who live in apartment buildings saying they won't check the mail while their child sleeps, but walking 10 feet from your front door in a single family home is very different from taking an elevator down 10 floors. Not everyone lives in a single family home.
when DD was an infant, going to the end of the driveway to get mail felt like I was going to the spa lol. In all seriousness, I 100% think these parents were nuts to do what they did and the arrest was warranted. But I realized from some of the responses that there is a wide range of what people are comfortable with for their kids in much less extreme situations. I have done the baby monitor while at the next door neighbor's house for my kid that slept reliably and where I could get to my own house in 15 seconds if needed. One 4th of July we even walked up our street as far as the monitor had range to get a view of the town fireworks - it was a crappy monitor so we didn't get that far. Now that she's 7 I'll do grocery pickup a 1/4 mile away and leave her home, knowing she can reach me on her Gizmo (and she usually does just for fun!) and prior to that we could reach each other through the Alexas. This is a kid who is a rule follower and more responsible than some teens I know, so I trust her to just hang out and watch her ipad for the 10 minutes I'm gone. I don't think it's a bad thing to let kids start earning trust and independence little by little. But, I still won't let her cross our street on her own because it's a busy road and people drive around the corner fast. My neighbor let her daughter cross when she was DD's age and my heart was always in my throat about it. Different strokes for different folks and their kids and living situations.
When we were on a cruise in November 2019 there were a lot of young kids wandering around the boat without any adult.
My kid was 7 at the time and several kids looked to be pretty close to her age, which DH and I just couldn't wrap our heads around.
I was recently thinking about this because we're taking my kids for spring break. I went on my first in 3rd grade and I for sure walked around alone and I was wondering what the age is for that. One thing I know for sure is that my kids are 6 and 3 and we are not there yet. Maybe my 6 year old could run to the bathroom and back, but that's about it.
We just got back from a cruise, and we let our 8.5yo (3rd grader) son go very short distances on his own. Like, we were in line for pizza, and he went to refill his soda on the same deck maybe a 1-2 min walk away (out of our sight line). We’re trying to promote independence. We would do the same thing at home. We did NOT let him roam the ship freely (there were definitely kids his age that did). At home, we do let him play with friends in the neighborhood at parks and sports courts without us, but he wears a GPS tracker watch and can call us. 3rd grade is kind of right on the edge for me and may depend a lot on your kid.
quesyrah , yes, I've waited too to make sure there was an adult around when I see a very young child unattended.
I think in this situation, there was a police car circling the parking lot (maybe looking for people violating parking rules, or something else) and this woman flagged the officer down. So I looked over at my car after looking away for maybe two minutes, and there's this woman and police officer standing by my car. What really got to me is that the concerned woman wouldn't give it up after it was clear that all was well. She had another officer show up, who came over like 10 minutes later to talk to me. He asked me some dumb questions and clearly wasn't concerned - I think he just wanted to come talk to me to appease the concerned woman. I actually was ridiculously calm about it because at this point every other parent around, plus my parents, were so up in arms about the original woman that I didn't want them to start a riot. I thanked the officer for his concern and he went away.
My 5-year-old fell asleep in the car on our way to the same softball tournament the next day, and I sat ON the car to watch the softball game while he finished his nap
Holy shit, that's so young to leave the kids alone. Some people lose their minds when on vacation with their kids and make terrible decisions. One of my former coworkers was really annoyed when her kids were a similar age and she went on vacation in Mexico and that the monitor's range wouldn't allow her to listen to the kids when she was 5 floors down at the pool. Fucking crazy that she would have done that if the monitor was working.
I’m in a Disney cruise facebook group and the amount of people who ask if baby monitors work on the ship so they can go do things after they put their (usually very young) kids to bed is astonishing.
This is nuts. WHen the girls were young and we visited the parks, we used the sitter service they work with and it was great. They took detailed notes, were great with the girls and we got a safe date night. I would think they offer something on the ships too.
I’m in a Disney cruise facebook group and the amount of people who ask if baby monitors work on the ship so they can go do things after they put their (usually very young) kids to bed is astonishing.
This is nuts. WHen the girls were young and we visited the parks, we used the sitter service they work with and it was great. They took detailed notes, were great with the girls and we got a safe date night. I would think they offer something on the ships too.
They have childcare on the ships, but it is an additional charge. People don't want to pay.
quesyrah , yes, I've waited too to make sure there was an adult around when I see a very young child unattended.
I think in this situation, there was a police car circling the parking lot (maybe looking for people violating parking rules, or something else) and this woman flagged the officer down. So I looked over at my car after looking away for maybe two minutes, and there's this woman and police officer standing by my car. What really got to me is that the concerned woman wouldn't give it up after it was clear that all was well. She had another officer show up, who came over like 10 minutes later to talk to me. He asked me some dumb questions and clearly wasn't concerned - I think he just wanted to come talk to me to appease the concerned woman. I actually was ridiculously calm about it because at this point every other parent around, plus my parents, were so up in arms about the original woman that I didn't want them to start a riot. I thanked the officer for his concern and he went away.
My 5-year-old fell asleep in the car on our way to the same softball tournament the next day, and I sat ON the car to watch the softball game while he finished his nap
She probably felt like an idiot and didn’t consider the fact that doubling down made her look like a total fool.
I was recently thinking about this because we're taking my kids for spring break. I went on my first in 3rd grade and I for sure walked around alone and I was wondering what the age is for that. One thing I know for sure is that my kids are 6 and 3 and we are not there yet. Maybe my 6 year old could run to the bathroom and back, but that's about it.
We just got back from a cruise, and we let our 8.5yo (3rd grader) son go very short distances on his own. Like, we were in line for pizza, and he went to refill his soda on the same deck maybe a 1-2 min walk away (out of our sight line). We’re trying to promote independence. We would do the same thing at home. We did NOT let him roam the ship freely (there were definitely kids his age that did). At home, we do let him play with friends in the neighborhood at parks and sports courts without us, but he wears a GPS tracker watch and can call us. 3rd grade is kind of right on the edge for me and may depend a lot on your kid.
I gave my kid $20 to go buy something from the store on his own the other day, while I waited outside. He’s 9.
I think it’s great to teach kids independence, within reason, of course!
Not to make this about race but one time I sent my kid with some money into trader joe's with my mom a few steps behind her while I reparked and some lady came up to my daughter and asked if she had money to buy food. So no, I will not be letting my child out alone in the public anywhere until she is well into her teens.
This is nuts. WHen the girls were young and we visited the parks, we used the sitter service they work with and it was great. They took detailed notes, were great with the girls and we got a safe date night. I would think they offer something on the ships too.
They have childcare on the ships, but it is an additional charge. People don't want to pay.
Well, then don't plan to go watch a show or whatever sans kids.