Post by countthestars on Mar 24, 2023 10:02:12 GMT -5
I highly recommend Vanessa and Xander on instagram for all sorts of sex talk, advice, couples, solo. The handle is @vanessaandxander - she is a sex therapist, he is the husband, they wrote a book and started a company with multiple employees. They offer sex advice, guides, podcasts, courses. They pride themselves on being inclusive of all (orientation, life stages, races, relationship status, etc etc).
Post by Patsy Baloney on Mar 24, 2023 10:10:12 GMT -5
I don’t want to tag in case anyone wants to delete, but I wanted to give solidarity fist bumps to the folks struggling to get where they want to be with their partner.
H and I have mismatched drives (mine is higher) and had a bump in the road with some infidelity nonsense. If I had a dollar for every time I’d thought, “I’m just not hot enough,” my last name would be Bezos.
One of the things that we’re working on is trying to separate penetration and climax and sex. It has helped with introducing toys - like, oh, you don’t feel like finishing but I do? No worries! And has helped with having more fun and less pressure/anxiety. We’re also trying to eliminate “no,” not in a “I don’t really feel like it but I guess I have to” way, but in a bid to eliminate some of the things that stand in the way of intimacy. It’s helping us shuffle priorities - yes, we can go to bed a little early to cuddle and listen to music instead of watching our Wednesday night show. Yes, we can stay up late making out and see where it takes us.
Anyway, nothing is perfect, but it’s helping us connect better and more often. Our goal is to work at keeping this up long term - that’s where we usually falter.
Oh rupertpenny, I'm so sorry. Even when it's the right decision, it's still painful. But I feel like your posts have reflected being unhappy with the relationship for awhile so I'm glad you're feeling better about life now.
rupertpenny, I feel you and we are nearly on the same timeline. And what it is for me, is I do not fully believe everything he told me. And, yes it might seem like a small detail, but for me it is one more lie post cheating with the promise to be honest that is what hurts. For instance, he claims he and the other woman never spoke on the phone, it was all via FB messenger. And yes, our cell bill shows that, but you can talk to someone on FB like a phone call. So fast forward to now and if we are listening to something or talking about a show where two people only ever emailed or chatted online, but never spoke on the phone or video chatted, but claim to have fallen in love, he completely scoffs at this. Claims that would not be possible, but yet that he what he claims he did.
You see what I mean? Yes, it is a small detail, but it is about the overall picture and while he was pushing me to take him back, and asked for complete honesty, even if that answers were hard, but he did not do it that is where the problem lies.
I am happy to talk with you anytime if you want to vent to someone who is in a similar boat. :/
Post by sparkythelawyer on Mar 24, 2023 11:31:28 GMT -5
I'm so damned tired of celibacy. Alas, It's going to remain a party of one for the foreseeable future :-)
And at the same time the idea of sex with someone else is intimidating. I KNEW how to do my own husband, I had 15 years of experience! I have no clue how to work someone else's ex-husband :-)
sparkythelawyer, yeah when we had separated I took a small peak at dating sites and the thought of getting naked with someone new was scary and intimidating. I remember feeling a bit panicked.
And frankly, being cheated on really, really did a number on my self-esteem. I honestly do not think I have really recovered. It's not like i am angry or anything, I just feel less than.
Post by maudefindlay on Mar 24, 2023 11:39:31 GMT -5
rupertpenny, sending you good thoughts. The way you've been treated is so wrong, I'm glad you are feeling some relief. I bet as time goes on, even in the hard parts of this, you will realize other areas of your life that have improved and that will help you get through this. You deserve happiness.
Oh rupertpenny, I'm so sorry. Even when it's the right decision, it's still painful. But I feel like your posts have reflected being unhappy with the relationship for awhile so I'm glad you're feeling better about life now.
QFT
Sometimes it’s way more complex than just leaving rupertpenny. I wish you strength for you and your kids during everything.
I feel like DH brought up toys first for us. Honestly, when we have sex, we have it more and it’s great. But we also will fall into a rut and then 3 weeks have gone by, which is a long time for us.
rupertpenny, I am proud of you. It has sounded like this is something you've struggled with for a long time, and I think moving forward in this way will be a good change for you. I know it's not easy, but it's so worth it.
I guess my confession is that I don't think Olive Garden's breadsticks are that good. They're pretty bland. Now Red Lobster Cheddar Bay Biscuits? I could eat my weight in those.
I guess my confession is that I don't think Olive Garden's breadsticks are that good. They're pretty bland. Now Red Lobster Cheddar Bay Biscuits? I could eat my weight in those.
Texas Roadhouse rolls with that amazing butter are my favorites.
I guess my confession is that I don't think Olive Garden's breadsticks are that good. They're pretty bland. Now Red Lobster Cheddar Bay Biscuits? I could eat my weight in those.
Texas Roadhouse rolls with that amazing butter are my favorites.
I don't really care for butter (this is a confessions thread after all) but that butter is SO good!
Post by litskispeciality on Mar 24, 2023 14:16:22 GMT -5
Thank you everyone for your honesty and advice about the marital relations. (((HUGS))) for what you're going through, but also good to know it's not a one off couple thang.
I guess my confession is that I don't think Olive Garden's breadsticks are that good. They're pretty bland. Now Red Lobster Cheddar Bay Biscuits? I could eat my weight in those.
Texas Roadhouse rolls with that amazing butter are my favorites.
All three of these are awesome. I love bread.
Aldi has a cheddar biscuit mix that is almost as good as Red Lobster. We have so many better seafood options here that I'm not sure I'll ever return to Red Lobster, so it's nice to have something similar at home (I am sure I could also do from scratch but why bother).
I guess my confession is that I don't think Olive Garden's breadsticks are that good. They're pretty bland. Now Red Lobster Cheddar Bay Biscuits? I could eat my weight in those.
rupertpenny I’m so happy you’re making this move for yourself, it’s been clear you’ve tried so hard to make it work and I hope things go as easily as they can. I get what you mean about the relief of having made the decision.
TR re: lingerie, I feel like there’s this big idea that if you wear some then they’ll automatically want to tear your bodice off and you’ll have steamy sex, which is a LOT of extra pressure (and then feels really crappy when it doesn’t work out). I’ve started wearing some things just for myself, because I feel like looking hot while I get ready for a night out, or maybe just while reading a book after a bath or whatever. it makes me feel nice to look nice. He notices and sometimes he compliments me and thats it, or sometimes it leads somewhere and that's nice too. But if the goal is just feeling good about myself then I've achieved that and anything else is a bonus.
Eta: there’s just nothing worse than putting yourself out there and making a big gesture and then feeling rejected. Truly.
For those that are struggling to talk about sex or introducing things in the bedroom, the podcast Foreplay Radio is pretty good.
We would sometimes listen to episodes on specific topics that were relevant to us, or sometimes just whatever was new and chat after. It might feel intimidating to broach that idea, but if they’re willing to try, it’s so much easier to have a discussion based on an episode you’ve listened to than trying to introduce a sensitive topic and drive the whole discussion yourself. We did that for a few months and it got us to a point where it felt fairly natural and comfortable to discuss sex (and therefore like every single discusión wasn’t loaded) and the advice in general is pretty good on how to broach discussions and see the other persons viewpoint so that helped as well.
starburst604, TR, how do you feel about Bertucci's rolls and Cheesecake Factory brown bread? This isn't a confession, I just love both of them.
Oh I love Bertucci’s rolls! Love!! The CCF brown bread isn’t in my top 3 but I do eat it. I know people love it.
There used to be a Bertuccis adjacent to our daycare and I’d stop in just for rolls on my way home. It closed during Covid and I was kind of devastated.
rupertpenny, I think it was a slip which only confirms what I suspect.
Your H sounds... like he has some screwed up views. Along similar lines, I have a friend who is a CPA and was now working with finance program in sales and she blew her all male teams numbers out of the water. Her boss did not want to give her the mentioned bonus because "Her husband a partner at PWC, she doesn't need the money" RAGE!!!
Oh I love Bertucci’s rolls! Love!! The CCF brown bread isn’t in my top 3 but I do eat it. I know people love it.
There used to be a Bertuccis adjacent to our daycare and I’d stop in just for rolls on my way home. It closed during Covid and I was kind of devastated.
When I eat there, I Iove dipping them in a little concoction of EVOO, parm cheese, red pepper flakes and S&P. Mmmmmm so good.