Add me to the parent of a teen introvert who hasn’t yet found his group, and the worry that goes with it DS1 is 16 - he has a lot of friends at school/on his team/on Snapchat etc but never hangs out with people outside of school and sports. On one hand, he’s a 3 season varsity sport kid who doesn’t get home until almost 6 most nights and has practice both weekends days so I get it. On the other hand, it’s just so different from how I found comfort and belonging when I was in high school (through a bff I hung out with all the time) that I guess I just don’t understand it so it worries me. I worry he’s missing opportunity in not doing some social things. On the other hand all I’m hearing from other parents is the drinking and vaping going on when they hang out, so maybe not such a bad thing??
We only have 2 years left with him at home He decided not to go back to overnight camp this summer so we get him home for that at least. He’s starting to look for a summer job. We are also starting his college counseling and planning visits etc. It goes too fast.
In good news, while he still is moody a lot, the really mean/awful teen behavior he had for a while seems to be over (for now). His worst was last spring, at the end of 9th grade. It was unbelievable. He’s getting kind of back to his old self now
Add me to the parent of a teen introvert who hasn’t yet found his group, and the worry that goes with it DS1 is 16 - he has a lot of friends at school/on his team/on Snapchat etc but never hangs out with people outside of school and sports. On one hand, he’s a 3 season varsity sport kid who doesn’t get home until almost 6 most nights and has practice both weekends days so I get it. On the other hand, it’s just so different from how I found comfort and belonging when I was in high school (through a bff I hung out with all the time) that I guess I just don’t understand it so it worries me. I worry he’s missing opportunity in not doing some social things.
Yes 100% this is how I feel. My kid practices for about 3 hours most nights plus an early morning practice on Saturdays. So she doesn’t have a ton of time. I also had a bff I hung out with ALL the time. Literally we are still BFFs even though we haven’t lived near each other in 20 years. It just makes me sad that she hasn’t made a long lasting friend. She also had a couple close friends but they have become closer to other people. So it makes her feel left out. It’s like everyone she was friends with ended up becoming friend with each other and not her.
I really try to make sure she’s not missing out on bigger social things. She did just go to their big freshman dance. And she seemed to have fun with some of those friends she isn’t as close with anymore. But still it’s so distressing especially when she’s an only child.
Good: We went to a meeting for marching band for the hs (my ds is in 8th as well), and ds found his little group of friends and they all sat together, and they had some hs 'leaders' they knew that they were terrorizing a bit in a cute, immature, 8th grade boy way. And I could totally see these being his friends in hs (assuming he sticks with marching band) and it made me feel good that he might already have his 'place' at the school before he even actually starts. He's definitely on the immature side, but I don't feel as worried that he's going to be left behind socially.
Bad: At home all he wants to do is play video games, and the attitude about it is driving me nuts. And he and dd used to be so close and do a ton of stuff together, but he's been so mean to her whenever I make him stop with the games and she really misses hanging out with him.
Band kids are the best! Coming from a former band kid and now a proud band mom. This was DS’s first year of HS but 2nd year of marching band. You can join in 8th grade and he wanted to do it. He was so immature and I was very worried. But He’s matured so much, especially this past year and loves his band friends. I told him to stick with the band geeks and theater nerds…lol(he’s interested in stage crew and plans on getting involved with drama club next year).
Add me to the parent of a teen introvert who hasn’t yet found his group, and the worry that goes with it DS1 is 16 - he has a lot of friends at school/on his team/on Snapchat etc but never hangs out with people outside of school and sports. On one hand, he’s a 3 season varsity sport kid who doesn’t get home until almost 6 most nights and has practice both weekends days so I get it. On the other hand, it’s just so different from how I found comfort and belonging when I was in high school (through a bff I hung out with all the time) that I guess I just don’t understand it so it worries me. I worry he’s missing opportunity in not doing some social things.
Yes 100% this is how I feel. My kid practices for about 3 hours most nights plus an early morning practice on Saturdays. So she doesn’t have a ton of time. I also had a bff I hung out with ALL the time. Literally we are still BFFs even though we haven’t lived near each other in 20 years. It just makes me sad that she hasn’t made a long lasting friend. She also had a couple close friends but they have become closer to other people. So it makes her feel left out. It’s like everyone she was friends with ended up becoming friend with each other and not her.
I really try to make sure she’s not missing out on bigger social things. She did just go to their big freshman dance. And she seemed to have fun with some of those friends she isn’t as close with anymore. But still it’s so distressing especially when she’s an only child.
We are in the same spot with our oldest! Thinking of you both. He’s 18 and about to go to college. He had a friend group for two years and they hung out every weekend but it fizzled and since then he hasn’t found a new one. He texts people, he talks to people at school (our DD sees him) , he plays a varsity sport and a club sport all year, has two jobs and is in an IB high school. My DH (high introvert) was like this too. My DD and I are high extroverts so I just don’t get it. I continue to worry. Therapy has helped me too. He’s such a great kid but he doesn’t put the work into socializing and he’s busy. I’m proud he’s not doing bad things that we know about. Our 16 year old is moodier than him. Both of them don’t want to hang out with us hardly at all and both think just about everything we say is wrong. And I’m a teen therapist. I have no idea what I’m doing ever. Gives me so much compassion for my clients
I'm glad I am not alone in worries over social/friend issues. I wonder if it's just a change in how teens relate to each other now or if it is related to just missing out during Covid. I kind of think the second one.
The good: DD is doing really well in school. 6th grade has been good for her and she should finish with all A's. Her teachers really get her and have given her so much confidence. She was just named student of the month for April and this is is a big deal. There are 500 6th graders so it's great to see her hard work get recognized. Her teachers said some amazing things about her and it made me tear up. They see her as kind, full of joy, and always willing to help anyone. DD likes to pretend that accomplishment means nothing but her certificate with teacher comments is on a shelf with all her important mementos so yes it does.
The bad: DD has a lot of friends but not many FRIENDS. She is very drama adverse and junior high girls are full of drama. As drama unfolds she will flit between groups because she likes everyone and doesn't want to get involved. In ways this is great but in others it's not because she won't really let herself get close to anyone. I know she gets lonely and bored on the weekends. She does have one friend she will get together with sometimes and I hope they will be able to see each other more over the summer. I don't know. It's so tough!
Oh and a question. I hope this comes out okay but DD doesn't give a crap about what she looks like. She is not a girly girl which is fine but she looks like a hot mess 99% of the time. She wears oversized stuff only, still needs reminders to brush her hair, and by the time she gets home half the time her shoes are untied. I love that she is comfortable being who she is and doesn't feel the pressure to be a lululemon/nike model like a lot of 6th grade girls but I know she is getting judged and dealing with mean comments from peers based upon her appearance. She probably does need to put some more effort into what she wears to school and I have zero idea how to have this conversation.
Oh and a question. I hope this comes out okay but DD doesn't give a crap about what she looks like. She is not a girly girl which is fine but she looks like a hot mess 99% of the time. She wears oversized stuff only, still needs reminders to brush her hair, and by the time she gets home half the time her shoes are untied. I love that she is comfortable being who she is and doesn't feel the pressure to be a lululemon/nike model like a lot of 6th grade girls but I know she is getting judged and dealing with mean comments from peers based upon her appearance. She probably does need to put some more effort into what she wears to school and I have zero idea how to have this conversation.
This is our DD. She wears jeans and a sweatshirt every day. Constantly have to be on her about brushing her hair and teeth. I think part is because school was so early, it was just easier to get up and throw on random clothes. Plus the age.
Oh and a question. I hope this comes out okay but DD doesn't give a crap about what she looks like. She is not a girly girl which is fine but she looks like a hot mess 99% of the time. She wears oversized stuff only, still needs reminders to brush her hair, and by the time she gets home half the time her shoes are untied. I love that she is comfortable being who she is and doesn't feel the pressure to be a lululemon/nike model like a lot of 6th grade girls but I know she is getting judged and dealing with mean comments from peers based upon her appearance. She probably does need to put some more effort into what she wears to school and I have zero idea how to have this conversation.
This is our DD. She wears jeans and a sweatshirt every day. Constantly have to be on her about brushing her hair and teeth. I think part is because school was so early, it was just easier to get up and throw on random clothes. Plus the age.
Our older one was extremely into her looks in 6th grade and onward. Our younger one (currently in grade 6) is just like your DD - the polar opposite. I too have to remind her to brush her hair, brush her teeth, and she grumbles every time she has to shower. I gently remind her that big kids need to bathe, etc. I can def see a bit of progress but she will never be like her sister was. The funniest part is now that older DD is in an all-girls school she’s about as “musty” (tongue in cheek, this is their favorite word) as could be. Complete 180 from the middle school years. Even when she’s with boys.
The good: Our high school doesn’t rank, but they do name the top 50 (out of 860) kids in the junior class. They are invited to be part of the senior graduation ceremony and have their names sent to the public university system because they are guaranteed a spot in one of the campuses (the one that most people don’t choose, but it’s still nice). DS was named as one of the top 50 in his class last week. He also decided he wants to go to prom solo - like just show up and make an entrance. He doesn’t want to be tied down to a group as it’s at his favorite museum and he wants to group hop and explore. I never had that confidence at his age.
The bad - My kid has received all As, save for 4 Bs his entire high school career. And might end up with a C in AP Chem. We had a rough few months after my dad and brother died and he kind of checked out sometimes. He was able to keep up in everything else, but AP Chem requires at least an hour of extra work a day outside of school and it was too much with what was going on.
The ugly - my anxiety. It’s ugly. Going into admissions season for him with that one stupid C with all the work he’s done and all his accomplishment kills me. If it wasn’t a STEM class or he didn’t want to be a STEM major, I wouldn’t be as concerned. Not much we can do now but 😩
The bad- Attitude and everything I complained about on here last week, haha.
The good- We have seen a shift in terms of him writing his homework down and checking things off. He has been lifting weights with my H and seems to enjoy it. He's growing like crazy right now which makes him very happy, his younger sister was taller than him for a few weeks and he didn't like that.
I tried to have a conversation last night with my 11 year old about that fact that her period is coming literally any second (she is 5 ft 5, wears a size 10 shoe, and is probably around a B cup. I can't believe she hasn't gotten it yet).
Anyway. She told me that she'd rather jump out the window than talk to me about this, and to just leave her some pads in her bathroom and let her figure it out.
Oh and a question. I hope this comes out okay but DD doesn't give a crap about what she looks like. She is not a girly girl which is fine but she looks like a hot mess 99% of the time. She wears oversized stuff only, still needs reminders to brush her hair, and by the time she gets home half the time her shoes are untied. I love that she is comfortable being who she is and doesn't feel the pressure to be a lululemon/nike model like a lot of 6th grade girls but I know she is getting judged and dealing with mean comments from peers based upon her appearance. She probably does need to put some more effort into what she wears to school and I have zero idea how to have this conversation.
This is our DD. She wears jeans and a sweatshirt every day. Constantly have to be on her about brushing her hair and teeth. I think part is because school was so early, it was just easier to get up and throw on random clothes. Plus the age.
Junior high doesn't start until 9 here which is very nice. I will miss that so much in 2 years, lol. For DD she just wants to be comfortable at all times and that is it. Whether things match or look unrumpled is of no concern to her. I just don't know how to tell her she can look put together AND be comfortable without sending the wrong message.
I don't post much but it's nice to be able to commiserate with other teen parents. Mom of a DD yo 15, h.s. sophomore.
The Good: her friend group. There is occasional drama. Middle School was really bad, but now she has a good mix of friends she's had since kindergarten and a handful of new friends she's made over the last few years. She's tge complete opposite of me in that regard. I'm an introvert and had a reallt hard time making friends. She's still in Girl Scouts. It's a small troop and I'm the leader. It allows me to spend more time with her and some of her friends and get a little more insight into her life at school. I don't think she'd share as openly if it was just her and me talking, but when the troop is together for an hour-long car ride, they all let their guard down a bit. 2 of her friends convinced her to try out for color guard (which I have been suggesting for the past 2 years). Last night they had instruction/practice and she really liked it. I hope she makes it on the team and continues to like it.
Bad: DD' anxiety and lack of self- confidence. In elementary she took dance, cheer and performed in the talent show multiple years. In Middle School it was like a switch was flipped and she wouldn't try out for anything or be a part of anything at school. The last 2 years 9th and 10th grade, she did the first week of practice/tryouts for tennis, then dropped out because the idea of competing was unbearable to her. This happened with rec tennis in middle school. As soon as the instructor told her and a couple of other kids he wanted to start preparing them for competition she wanted to drop out. I really hope color guard works out (see the good section).
Ugly: Grades/school work. I am finally taking DD for a thorough ADHD evaluation next week, which is long overdue. She does not do her homework. Last year and this fall semester she was able to eek out c's for the most part but she is really bright and could do better. Right now she is failing 3 classes with little more than a month left in school. In 8th grade covid/remote learning, about halfway through each semester I would start creating work plans to guide her on completing the work that would have the biggest impact to bring up her grade. I'd have her show me proof things were done before she could have her phone for the night. She still only managed to pass 8th grade because our school had a no fail policy that year.
I have two 14 year olds, my son and my stepson, both live with us full time.
The goods are so good. They get along like besties, which is a blessing. When they are in a good mood, we have great talks and family time.
But when they aren't in a good mood, the bars are so tough. The attitude just kills me. Also the entitlement, or really lack of taking responsibility. It drives me crazy.
My biggest challenge is to balance their love of videogames and electronics with their need to study. It slowly is getting better, but they know they won't have more freedom unless they have better marks. (Not perfect, but marks that reflect effort in studying).
Serious question. Why do people always assume teen behavior is based off the friend being a bad influence?
On the flip - a friend constantly puts out "this is what 13/14 year old boys do" as an excuse for her son's behavior. Which involved picking on my son and being mean to him.
To an extent, yes. Our kids ARE going to be jerks. But let's not use that as a blanket excuse! And yes, my son can be sensitive - which I know made him a bit of a target. But one of my mantra's lately is "more than one thing can be true at a time". My son can be sensitive AND your son can still be picking on him.
To the making friends issue - DS is SO MUCH like me - introvert, home body, but also social. With the stuff that happened this year with his original friend group, I've been REALLY concerned/ nervous. But I remind myself that friendships change, our kids are learning about themselves, and it's still ONLY middle school. His class size more than doubles next year - I can't wait. Even today- I'm letting him have a mental health day. But I've already talked to him this morning about how next year really will be different - for him AND for this group of boys who he's struggling with. Their world is going to be rocked a bit too. It's one thing to be a group of 10 ish boys who think they are "too cool for school" in a class of 85. but when that grows to around 180 next year.... yeah. Change is a-coming.
And DS has a couple really good friends who don't go to his school - I just hope they are able to maintain their friendships when their lacrosse team disbands this year. Those boys are a good group of boys who don't take themselves too seriously.
I’m exhausted so I might check in more tomorrow, but did want to share for all the parents of teens that Planet Fitness is doing free summer memberships for teens 14-19 starting May 15.
Thanks for this. My DS is planning on signing up when he gets his license (hopefully this Monday!), but now I'll have him wait a week so he can get it for free.
Good: DS16 is rocking high school. High honors every semester. He also has a great group of friends and even though they all went to 3 separate High Schools, they still stayed close.
Bad: Not really too bad but I think he's a little too overconfident for his driving test, and I'm worried he's going to fail. I really need him to pass lol.
Ugly: DS decided that the ortho saying he needed to wear his retainer wasn't important so his bottom teeth have shifted a lot. So now he needs braces again.
My younger one is 12, bigger feet than her 15 year old sister, I can basically watch her grow vertically in real-time, A-B cup.....still no period. But also feel like any day now. I mentioned this, suggested she make a spot for some pads in her bathroom, and she said to me (actual quote): "Ok, I will, I get it, please stop talking now."
My good pairs with the ugly: My 15 year old has a best friend. She's a complete delight, is over all the time, and they are so good for each other. Open about emotions, understanding about each other's anxieties, just truly supportive wonderful friends. So YAY! A super close strong friend for teen years. Well, she's moving out of the country this summer, for a year, possibly longer depending on if she likes it. Her mother is from a South American country, and wants her daughter to experience full immersion and living in her home country before college. It's an INCREDIBLE opportunity for her, and she got into a great school there, but selfishly.......my kid's best friend, the one who is her person to talk to about emotional stuff/insecurities (they are each other's "person" for this) is moving literally thousands of miles away in a few months, and we're starting to feel the tremors from it already.
Post by helpshareplease on May 2, 2023 9:39:55 GMT -5
The Bad: DD & her boyfriend broke up after 8 months of dating. She is heartbroken. I am sad for her.
The Good: I am proud of her for standing her ground. Her boyfriend was getting too clingy and controlling. Tring to tell who she should and shouldn't be friends with. She stomped that at out real quick so now they are broken up. They seem to want to remain friends. I hope they can make that work out, otherwise it's gonna be an incredibly awkward summer in marching band. They are both in the same section. There are only 9 kids that play in her section. She is one and xbf is another.
The Ugly: DD #2 was in such a mood this past Saturday I was about to lose my mind. My husband took her to the park when he got off work just to give me a break. so that was nice.
I'm totally with all the rest who have 8th graders and are feeling sad about how fast it's all going. I can't believe we only have four years until college!! I'm not ready at all. I don't think we WILL feel ready at all with my oldest!
I'm wanting to fit a bunch of family travel in over the next few years but not sure how/when to do it. There are so many family vacations I'd thought we'd do and now we're just running out of time. Plus we're going to start having teen jobs at some point and limited time in summer if they have to start high school activities early. Covid didn't help us here!
DD has been having all sorts of stomach issues, probably partly anxiety fueled but now also physical, so that's been hard. She has come to really love her little private school and group of friends and she hates missing any days, since they only have this month and graduate 6/1. ALL transitions are hard with my anxious oldest, and this transition to high school will likely be a doozy for all of us. She's going from her small private school to the big public high school and she is not excited at the moment. She's keeping up with her public school friends from the past, but I'm not sure whether they will really be "her people" forever once she's at high school....but who knows! Maybe they will stay close. I like those girls a lot, but I hope DD also finds some additional girls who she really connects with. Only one friend from her current school is going to the high school. She goes to counseling and I really like this counselor for her, so hopefully she doesn't leave for a new job!
DS is 12 and still doesn't seem like a "teen" at all, although the poor kid's face is just starting to break out. So...I might as well call the dermatologist now. She books like a year out and is the only one at the site who sees adolescents. Sigh.
Post by gretchenindisguise on May 2, 2023 10:23:12 GMT -5
Man, we have a big group of 8th graders.
We have one as well - she's doing so much better now than at the beginning of the year and eons better than beginning of 7th grade. Getting on diagnosed adhd and the right meds + right anxiety meds has been life changing (I know I've mentioned this, but I will continue to say it from the rooftops). Her therapist is also really great.
I'm nervous about high school, and making sure she's able to keep on top of things. But I'm also really hopeful for high school because she finally has some decent friends and this school seems to be great. So fingers crossed.
Add me to the parent of a teen introvert who hasn’t yet found his group, and the worry that goes with it DS1 is 16 - he has a lot of friends at school/on his team/on Snapchat etc but never hangs out with people outside of school and sports. On one hand, he’s a 3 season varsity sport kid who doesn’t get home until almost 6 most nights and has practice both weekends days so I get it. On the other hand, it’s just so different from how I found comfort and belonging when I was in high school (through a bff I hung out with all the time) that I guess I just don’t understand it so it worries me. I worry he’s missing opportunity in not doing some social things.
Yes 100% this is how I feel. My kid practices for about 3 hours most nights plus an early morning practice on Saturdays. So she doesn’t have a ton of time. I also had a bff I hung out with ALL the time. Literally we are still BFFs even though we haven’t lived near each other in 20 years. It just makes me sad that she hasn’t made a long lasting friend. She also had a couple close friends but they have become closer to other people. So it makes her feel left out. It’s like everyone she was friends with ended up becoming friend with each other and not her.
I really try to make sure she’s not missing out on bigger social things. She did just go to their big freshman dance. And she seemed to have fun with some of those friends she isn’t as close with anymore. But still it’s so distressing especially when she’s an only child.
Add my to the list of moms worrying about my 16 year old not wanting to hang out with friends outside of school. He's got a really nice crew of friends, many of them going back to grade school. He hardly ever goes out with them, outside of meeting up for basketball on Sunday mornings.
I'm trying to let it go because he seems very happy and always says that he just likes to be home. I'm trying to soak up the time with him but the worry does creep in.
Post by chilerellanos on May 2, 2023 12:00:38 GMT -5
I couldn’t even answer this yesterday because my 17 yo was such a jerk yesterday. She had a 4 hour tantrum just overwhelmed emotionally (understandable wigh what’s going on) but she was being mean, and that’s not acceptable.
We ended the day in a positive place though.
An update on her situation.
The boy has actually left her alone. He didn’t show up to court, so he now has a warrant for his arrest. Unfortunately, he has no job, no car, and no license. So probably won’t have a run in with police since he just sits at home and plays video games. But it also means now that she’s blocked him from everything he had little ability to bother her also.
Oh and a question. I hope this comes out okay but DD doesn't give a crap about what she looks like. She is not a girly girl which is fine but she looks like a hot mess 99% of the time. She wears oversized stuff only, still needs reminders to brush her hair, and by the time she gets home half the time her shoes are untied. I love that she is comfortable being who she is and doesn't feel the pressure to be a lululemon/nike model like a lot of 6th grade girls but I know she is getting judged and dealing with mean comments from peers based upon her appearance. She probably does need to put some more effort into what she wears to school and I have zero idea how to have this conversation.
I’m mostly a lurker on this board who only chimes in for teenage posts. Two teenage girls: almost 14 and almost 17. And a tween boy at 11.
My oldest has put us through the teenage wringer. Basically nearly every bad decision a teenager can make has been made and she’s been caught. She hates school, failed math last semester because she essentially never went to class. Has been suicidal a cutter, and etc etc etc. It’s been rough as hell. But, she’s in an alternative high school program at a community college and is almost done with this semester. It’s been a complete 180. She’s doing a lot better in school (As and Bs). She has a job. The only thing that we are still working on is this child cannot wake herself up or get out of bed even if someone else wakes her up. At all. It’s a huge issue.
She has friends, but has never had a “ride or die” kind of BFF and I think she probably needed that. She doesn’t want to go to college, her only goal is to move out of our house and our “strict” rules. The rules are things like: graduate high school, go to your classes, keep your room from being a total biohazard, and no smoking pot or vaping or drinking. She will be fine eventually, but it’s been a rough road and it’s not quite over yet. She also has ADHD which was undiagnosed up until a year ago which plays into her particular challenges.
The younger teen is fine comparatively. She doesn’t give me a ton of trouble (yet). Gets herself up, does her work, goes to class. She has a “ride or die” BFF and I think that is wildly protective. I wish my older one had found that with someone. She’s doing the program at our high school next year that’s extra (like they have to volunteer, keep a certain GPA, take advanced classes, and they get extra mentoring about college and such. We will see how that is for her. She and I already volunteer nearly weekly at a puppy shelter. She’s pretty mellow, keep her head down astray out of trouble. She’s my only kid without ADHD and it shows.
My tween is going to be trouble as a teen I think, but I’m enjoying the fact that he still loves me for the time being.
I tend to have more socializing questions than parenting questions including my kids socializing if that makes sense. I just need specific instructions sometimes ha ha.
Feel free to ask these questions!
It sounds oddly familiar to what others posted. Introvert son, has a good group of lunch table friends, rarely sees friends on weekends, involved in sports. The only time he sees friends are the neighbor boys outside playing basketball, 4-square, baseball, tag- we are near a park with a nice patch of grass.
I am guessing a lot of that is those are the activities that his friends prefer and Covid moved everything outside. While there have been some inside parties (Halloween, movie party, sleepover) they are not nearly as often as outside neighborhood play. Although when I look up outside neighborhood play most think it is great, so maybe I am worrying over nothing that he doesn't do indoor stuff with a BFF. And while I know some boys have best friends, and he does too, they are not nearly as close as girls were with their best friends and don't spend nearly as much time together, but at least he has one?
He also says he just wants to be home or just wants to relax, so we've started making him at least get out of the house more with the family even if it is dreaded errands and stuff like that.
Post by rootbeerfloat on May 2, 2023 13:29:54 GMT -5
DS also does not really hang out with his friends outside of school. He's an introvert and a big gamer, and his main hobby is something none of his friends are interested in (in fact, it's mainly adults). He's mentioned that his core friend group from elementary has branched out a bit due to different interests (baseball, band, etc), so they don't always hang out together at lunch etc, but still play online. It sounds like he's made more acquaintances so he's not really lonely at school, but none that he considers to be good friends.
On the other hand, DD has one BFF (who is awesome), but refuses to make any other friends.
I’ve noticed my teens don’t like to hang out with their friends like I remember doing. All of their hangouts include an outing: let’s go to dinner or a movie, meet for ice cream etc.
I remember just going to a friends house to chill. I asked my 16 SD and she said that’s what FaceTime is for. So I’m partially blaming tech and Covid.
I’ve noticed my teens don’t like to hang out with their friends like I remember doing. All of their hangouts include an outing: let’s go to dinner or a movie, meet for ice cream etc.
I remember just going to a friends house to chill. I asked my 16 SD and she said that’s what FaceTime is for. So I’m partially blaming tech and Covid.
That interesting. My oldest never does anything, just hangs out with friends doing nothing. It’s so strange to me. I thought it was because of where covid hit in her social development (end of 8th grade right at the sweet spot when they start doing more and more with friends). Before covid she had went to the mall regularly with friends, but since it’s just a lot of “hanging out.” Maybe it’s just her friend group and nothing to do with covid.
My middle does both. Hangs out and also goes and does things.
I have noticed the change in socializing too. When I grew up, a lot of us had SAHMs or at least were willing to host kids in their house. It was rural, and we didn't have a ton of money so we didn't eat out a lot. Going to town was a 15 minute drive and there was nothing walkable. So we went to our friend's houses and they tended to be friends that lived closed until High School due to knowing them from our elementary school. So basically our social life was going to friends houses probably all through K-8th grade. In high school, once I got my driver's license we could mix it up a little more maybe go to a diner or the mall, maybe see a movie. And Girl Scout outings.
Where we live now, there tends to be a lot more to do. We live closer to a big city, so we can always go there. Lots to do in the suburbs, lots of organized sports and activities, most parents working. So I feel like people have higher expectations to do something special. Even going to the park is considered better than each other's houses. Having a party, going to a town festival. We aren't getting any invites that are just hang out at my house. I hosted 2 playdates for my daughter in December and a sleep over party in January, and that was really the only times all winter that we invited anyone to our house.
They mostly play in our front yard with neighbors, so I don't feel like I need to invite them inside my house if they are not inviting my kids inside their house. I am already doing the majority of the outside hosting anyway. So when I get the urge to host more I've been trying to talk myself out of it in the spirit of resting and reciprocity lol.