Teen Check-In Thread

[eb777888]

Let's talk teens! The Good, the bad and the ugly!

[melissa]

The good - DD has a new boyfriend and I love seeing her so giddy.

The bad - the constant fighting between DD and DS. I am so tired of it. The two of them just cannot get along.

The ugly - DS aka my stalker is so needy and clingy. I did enjoy the time away while he was at camp last week and I don't feel guilty saying that.

[eb777888]

Haha, I love that you did one of each! melissa

This is David's last week of middle school and I am having feelings. I now think of things in terms of years he has left at home- four more Christmases, four more birthdays, etc. It's making me really sad. :-(. I guess that's the ugly. The good is he has rocked 8th grade. I knew it would be hard for him because he's carrying HS classes, but he has managed it all well and made honors every quarter. Ugly- he's super stressed about final this week. I cannot wait to get through this week and have this week over so he can just enjoy summer vacation.

[mysteriouswife]

Serious question. Why do people always assume teen behavior is based off the friend being a bad influence?

DD made a silly choice and it wasn’t even dangerous or harmful. She and a group tried to circumvent the rules of prom. All of them were sophomores. Once I caught on I wouldn’t allow her to go to prom. The first thing everyone said when they asked why she didn’t go was her friends were bad influences. She was the brainchild!

Another one was her trying to convince me she needed to go the movies while sick. I mentioned it to my cousin and she said we needed to end the friendship with K. K is a bad influence. Again, this is my kid being a teen.

[mofongo]

mysteriouswife - I’ve noticed that too, even here! Pretty sure we ALL made bad decisions as teens, sort of goes with the territory of BEING a teen!

[mcppalmbeach]

I’m exhausted so I might check in more tomorrow, but did want to share for all the parents of teens that Planet Fitness is doing free summer memberships for teens 14-19 starting May 15.

[charlatti]

eb777888, similar feelings here with my 8th grader. Four years is going to go by so fast.

I’m probably not going to say this right: My kid is an introvert and an only child, and I worry that I (also an introvert) am not doing enough to make sure she has a solid support network in addition to family. But when I see her with her friends I realize she has chosen really good people for her circle, so hopefully that continues.

[waverly]

Good: DS is truly doing well. He has a core lunch table of friends and 2 are neighbors. They mostly play outside so it doesn’t always work out in the winter but good otherwise. They are good kids with good parents. He’s an introvert so he chooses friends wisely and not gotten into any trouble, yet…

Bad: He’s terrible at homework and organization hence a tutor but there is pretty much always an assignment missing.

Ugly: some bullying issues this year. Well really one incident which the school handles really well but kids are dumb was basically the reason. There are 2 groups of kids at his table and the other group tried to stage a coup and take over the table. Instead they got in trouble.

I tend to have more socializing questions than parenting questions including my kids socializing if that makes sense. I just need specific instructions sometimes ha ha.

[mysteriouswife]

May 1, 2023 18:48:49 GMT -5 mofongo said:

mysteriouswife - I’ve noticed that too, even here! Pretty sure we ALL made bad decisions as teens, sort of goes with the territory of BEING a teen!

Yeah.. I didn’t want to call anyone out.

[erbear]

I’m really worried about my kid’s friendships. She has a couple of girlfriends at school who she hangs out with regularly but never outside of school. She has a crew of boy friends from school who she sees sometimes outside of school. She has a close neighborhood friend who goes to another school. I’m pretty sure this friend will drop her pretty soon as they go into high school - being in the in crowd is important to her and my kid is a little weird.

Of course, I say and do nothing about this. I’m just worried she’ll be lonely.

I’m also all in my feels with her moving into high school. She has ADHD and just forgets shit all the time. She misses HW assignments because she just misses them. She’s very smart, but she’s doing well in middle school because I’m up in her business (I teach at the school…she’s currently in my class, lol). But the high school teachers are very hands off and I’m worried she’s going to fall through the cracks.

[expectantsteelerfan]

Good: We went to a meeting for marching band for the hs (my ds is in 8th as well), and ds found his little group of friends and they all sat together, and they had some hs 'leaders' they knew that they were terrorizing a bit in a cute, immature, 8th grade boy way. And I could totally see these being his friends in hs (assuming he sticks with marching band) and it made me feel good that he might already have his 'place' at the school before he even actually starts. He's definitely on the immature side, but I don't feel as worried that he's going to be left behind socially.

Bad: At home all he wants to do is play video games, and the attitude about it is driving me nuts. And he and dd used to be so close and do a ton of stuff together, but he's been so mean to her whenever I make him stop with the games and she really misses hanging out with him.

[jinkies]

erbear helping my kids navigate their friendships through the teen/tween years is the hardest part of parenting for me, so I completely relate. My 11 year old DD is entering an in between phase where her friendships are all pretty tenuous and I'm not sure any of them are strong enough to last into middle school. I just want her to find her people.


I just took a long walk with my 15 year old. He is hyper aware of how quickly the next 3 years are going to go, and worries a lot about it. I'm like, kid, worrying about time going too fast is my job! You just enjoy yourself!

I do have an actual WWYD question:

Our entire family just got new phones in January. After much debate, DS got a Samsung. (That's what his old phone was)

He now has HUGE REGRETS about not changing to apple. He claims he is left out of group chats and regular calls that are happening on facetime. It sounds like maybe he just learned this weekend the full extent of how much he is either left out, or how much he is annoying all the apple users by limiting group chat functionality when they do include him.

It is also possible that he is making this a bigger issue in his mind than it actually is.

To trade in now, he would have to pay off $320 for the Samsung, then would owe $400-something for an iphone. (This is the price after trade in). The iphone cost can be paid as $11/mo for 3 years, but the $320 would have to be paid immediately.

Would you let him trade in, and if so would you help him at all with any of the cost?

I kind of cant believe that I'm entertaining the idea at all, even if he pays for it. But I remember how important stupid things like this can be in high school and I just don't want his life to be harder than necessary.

[melissa]

mysteriouswife, I'd be the first to blame my DD lol


expectantsteelerfan, I cherish the times that DD and DS actually get along as it is so infrequent.

[eddy]

Some of you may remember my thread from a couple months ago involving instagram chatting. 

Anyways, much better on that front. We put app time limits and that helped. Plus he is in T&F so that is keeping him happy and busy.

the good- he is having a great sport season. He is really disciplined. Grades are fantastic. He has a girlfriend, who we have not met. Their dates have been pretty innocent locations like going to the school play. 

the bad- never talk to that kid within the first 30 minutes of waking up lol.

[jinkies]

May 1, 2023 19:22:44 GMT -5 waverly said:

I tend to have more socializing questions than parenting questions including my kids socializing if that makes sense. I just need specific instructions sometimes ha ha.

Feel free to ask these questions!

[cville]

My 13 year old girl is so MEAN sometimes. Gah! It's both bad and ugly.

Then she'll be all sweet and nice.

She's the human embodiment of those horrible Sour Patch Kids commercials.

[charlatti]

jinkies, is he able to pay for most of it? Is it possible to get an older model iPhone for less $? I would probably make him give it a few more months but then let him switch if it was still feeling like a problem and he could pay the bulk of it.

[court26]

Thanks for starting this thread! My actual teen (14/9th grade) is good for now and my to-be-teen in June is a hot mess. I’m just so tired all of the time wondering if I’m forgetting to wonder/worry about them. I have backed way off on some stuff I know I can’t control but DD just lost all of her opportunities to be in advanced classes with one marking period and 2 classes. It’s killing me. DS missed out because of pandemic, divorce and undiagnosed ADHD, but I was excited for her to get some opportunities. She has also had some medical mystery going on that we think might be long Covid. It’s been a long and stressful year….

[gummybear]

The good: DD has a relatively calm weekend after being released back into the wild and even came to see her sister in the school play with two of her friends.

The bad: At a (parents home) hangout some of the boys tried to sneak in alcohol to SELL. Of course they got caught and banished.

Nothing ugly right now (knock on wood). It’s only Monday though.

[cville]

Oh, and I am a crap parent 70% of the time. I'm pretty sure. But I figure she's being crap to me at least 80% of the time, so I'm still winning.

Lol.

[gummybear]

Also a crap parent. I have no idea what I’m doing. The good news is I seem to be doing better with younger DD - I’ve learned a lot about these tough years from 10-14.

[mysteriouswife]

May 1, 2023 20:17:54 GMT -5 cville said:

Oh, and I am a crap parent 70% of the time. I'm pretty sure. But I figure she's being crap to me at least 80% of the time, so I'm still winning.

Lol.

If my H says “you two need to get along and work together” one more damn time I’m divorcing him. Then he can take her with him

[rootbeerfloat]

jinkies, can he pay the $320 (in installments to you if necessary), but you cover the extra $11/month since I assume you're paying for his phone/service anyway?

DS is also the only Samsung user in his friend group and gets annoyed by the teasing. I told him he can switch whenever we get around to upgrading our phones, but I think he likes Samsung, so we'll see.

Starting about a year ago, DD struggled badly with anxiety/OCD/depression. She has been getting incrementally better. One thing that's helped is that she started ice skating again. She was taking lessons before COVID, then our rink shut down for 3 YEARS. I don't even mind that I'm now spending hours in a crowded rink while she practices.

DS is a sophomore, so I'm also sad thinking about how little time we have left. Also, teaching a teenager to drive is not for the weak. H is too impatient and critical, so I'm in charge of this until driver's ed starts.

[jinkies]

May 1, 2023 20:13:46 GMT -5 charlatti said:

jinkies , is he able to pay for most of it? Is it possible to get an older model iPhone for less $? I would probably make him give it a few more months but then let him switch if it was still feeling like a problem and he could pay the bulk of it.

He has the money and could theoretically pay for all of it, but that seems like so much money for a kid who is making $10/hour. 

I am leaning toward making him pay all upfront costs, which will be $320 to pay off the Samsung plus around $120 in taxes and activitation fees, so roughly $450 total. And then we'll absorb the monthly phone payments. DH thinks he should pay for everything.

We are receiving bill credits that cover the current monthly payment on the Samsung. So if he holds onto it for a few more months, the pay off will be lower. That would be his choice to make. 

ETA: The Samsung is/would be completely free to us because of the deal they were running at the time, which gives credit for the monthly payments. But if we trade it in early, we owe the balance. Plus he is not eligible for a similar deal for the iphone. So overall our bill will go up $11/mo.

[jinkies]

May 1, 2023 20:14:43 GMT -5 court26 said:

Thanks for starting this thread! My actual teen (14/9th grade) is good for now and my to-be-teen in June is a hot mess. I’m just so tired all of the time wondering if I’m forgetting to wonder/worry about them. I have backed way off on some stuff I know I can’t control but DD just lost all of her opportunities to be in advanced classes with one marking period and 2 classes. It’s killing me. DS missed out because of pandemic, divorce and undiagnosed ADHD, but I was excited for her to get some opportunities. She has also had some medical mystery going on that we think might be long Covid. It’s been a long and stressful year….

It is so frustrating to me how early kids are put on a track for advanced classes and how hard it can be to switch tracks. I'm sorry you ran into that with both kids! 

[1confused1]

jinkies would there have been a charge if he had originally just gotten a iPhone? I think I would do what you said, have him pay the upfront costs and then absorb the monthly fee.

[jinkies]

May 1, 2023 20:39:35 GMT -5 1confused1 said:

jinkies would there have been a charge if he had originally just gotten a iPhone? I think I would do what you said, have him pay the upfront costs and then absorb the monthly fee.

I don't remember, but this did jog my memory that, due to weird cell phone math that I do not understand, our monthly cell phone bill went down by almost $20/month because we added a line for my daughter and there was a steep discount on 4 lines vs 3 lines. 

So even if we add back an $11/mo payment, we will still be paying a net lower bill than we were prior to January. I think that cements my willingness to absorb the $11/mo.

[court26]

May 1, 2023 20:33:51 GMT -5 jinkies said:

May 1, 2023 20:14:43 GMT -5 court26 said:

Thanks for starting this thread! My actual teen (14/9th grade) is good for now and my to-be-teen in June is a hot mess. I’m just so tired all of the time wondering if I’m forgetting to wonder/worry about them. I have backed way off on some stuff I know I can’t control but DD just lost all of her opportunities to be in advanced classes with one marking period and 2 classes. It’s killing me. DS missed out because of pandemic, divorce and undiagnosed ADHD, but I was excited for her to get some opportunities. She has also had some medical mystery going on that we think might be long Covid. It’s been a long and stressful year….

It is so frustrating to me how early kids are put on a track for advanced classes and how hard it can be to switch tracks. I'm sorry you ran into that with both kids! 

Yes! She’s missed so much school from being sick every 2-3 weeks that it seems very ridiculous how quickly options were gone and no flexibility for a child that has proven herself academically many different ways.

[luckystar2]

The good: my 14 year old/freshman is rocking school. She is also an amazing athlete and competed at states for her varsity sport this year.

The bad: I also worry about friend stuff. Nobody really is mean but friendships have faded. My dd is introvert and is super focused on her sport. Some of her friends have gotten closer to each other because they are on different teams together and she isn’t. It just stinks. She just doesn’t seem to be able to find her group/crowd or have a bff anymore.

Also her current sport - its individual/team and we think most of the girls are going to quit soon. But dd still is going strong. She can still do it but it is going to be lonely. So now we have to think about possibly looking at a different team.

The ugly: omg she is sooooo moody and mean. I love her but I don’t want to be around her most of the time. It sucks because we don’t have much time left. But any conversation can turn nasty at the drop of a hat. Literally everything we do annoys her.

[court26]

jinkies that’s a tough one on the phone. It’s a bummer how expensive phones are- my goodness. Picking a phone should not feel like such a permanent decision. I would be inclined to absorb the monthly if he could pay the upfront.