Don't move to the DC area. Definitely a rat race here. My neighborhood is not so much like that since it's economically and culturally diverse. But the pressures are there. I try not to let it get to me and obsess over it. My kids will be fine. They have tons of opportunities. It's up to them to pursue it if they want to. If they don't want to, that's fine too.
haha I was going to say +1 to Fairfax county Virginia (really all of northern Virginia) 😱
Checking in from Loudoun County ✔️ I'm honestly amazed at how many activities and things some of my daughters friends are in. (she's 8) it's wild.
I live in a suburb in NH. Life is not like that! I think you could definitely find a less competitive environment elsewhere if that is important to you.
This post is so timely for me. I really appreciate it and have sat thinking about it the past two days. I haven’t read all the replies but absolutely will.
We sound like neighbors, literally. I could have written this post word for word. I have spent a couple years struggling with this issue. I just always felt my daughter was never going to be good enough and felt constant pressure as if I’m not doing enough. Just in the past month things have started to change. I realize I was hanging around the wrong crowd of moms. They all seem super high achieving and of course their kids are top athletes in multiple sports. There’s gross gossip about those who are not “good enough”. I am having to make a big effort to disassociate with these moms and focus on friendships with people like you, for my own mental health as well as my kids. Things are really improving greatly since I’ve changed my mindset. Our kids are not just accomplishments. They’re human beings and raising good human beings who are happy and healthy should be the goal. I remind myself of that constantly.
Please please please don’t change. Share your thoughts with others. You have this unique opportunity to bring back some normalcy for kids. Search out other like minded parents. Groupthink is killing our society with the masses thinking they all have to be the best. I’m sickened at how our area has become. But I also know running away won’t help. I will just keep instilling in my child that they are more than enough. They have their own unique accomplishments and traits that are significantly more important than being a top sports player or even a 4.5 gpa student. I would be a very sad person if I knew you personally and you left our neighborhood. I want MORE “normal” people to speak up and help normalize “normal”. You are parenting the right way. Don’t change.
Awww, this is all so nice. You made my day.
We aren’t going to move to a new town. I don’t have it in me. But it was helpful to get this all out and see the different points of view and experiences out there.
On this topic is an awesome book (apologies if someone mentioned it already) - Never Enough by Jennifer Wallace. Highly recommend!
Agree we do what we can within our family and in our community to keep the pressure off these kids. I swear my husband and I peach “progress not perfection!!” until we are blue in the face. We honestly do not give a damn about grades if they are learning something and trying their best. Regardless, progress reports came back Friday and DD got a couple “needs to improve” in a few areas. DH and I shrugged and said “ok, cool, now you know which areas you haven’t learned yet” but DD had a meltdown sobfest in the dark in her room all evening about not being perfect. It’s all so hard. Thx again to all who have weighed in.
This post is so timely for me. I really appreciate it and have sat thinking about it the past two days. I haven’t read all the replies but absolutely will.
We sound like neighbors, literally. I could have written this post word for word. I have spent a couple years struggling with this issue. I just always felt my daughter was never going to be good enough and felt constant pressure as if I’m not doing enough. Just in the past month things have started to change. I realize I was hanging around the wrong crowd of moms. They all seem super high achieving and of course their kids are top athletes in multiple sports. There’s gross gossip about those who are not “good enough”. I am having to make a big effort to disassociate with these moms and focus on friendships with people like you, for my own mental health as well as my kids. Things are really improving greatly since I’ve changed my mindset. Our kids are not just accomplishments. They’re human beings and raising good human beings who are happy and healthy should be the goal. I remind myself of that constantly.
Please please please don’t change. Share your thoughts with others. You have this unique opportunity to bring back some normalcy for kids. Search out other like minded parents. Groupthink is killing our society with the masses thinking they all have to be the best. I’m sickened at how our area has become. But I also know running away won’t help. I will just keep instilling in my child that they are more than enough. They have their own unique accomplishments and traits that are significantly more important than being a top sports player or even a 4.5 gpa student. I would be a very sad person if I knew you personally and you left our neighborhood. I want MORE “normal” people to speak up and help normalize “normal”. You are parenting the right way. Don’t change.
This is one of the women that I talked about in the mean girls post. She just gossips and name drops all the time, and while she doesn't use the words "good enough" you know due to the amount of gossip that she is thinking it. Other people like her, so I wonder why I don't, but I just can't with all the name dropping. I keep my distance.
We sound like neighbors, literally. I could have written this post word for word. I have spent a couple years struggling with this issue. I just always felt my daughter was never going to be good enough and felt constant pressure as if I’m not doing enough. Just in the past month things have started to change. I realize I was hanging around the wrong crowd of moms. They all seem super high achieving and of course their kids are top athletes in multiple sports. There’s gross gossip about those who are not “good enough”. I am having to make a big effort to disassociate with these moms and focus on friendships with people like you, for my own mental health as well as my kids. Things are really improving greatly since I’ve changed my mindset. Our kids are not just accomplishments. They’re human beings and raising good human beings who are happy and healthy should be the goal. I remind myself of that constantly.
I thank the stars every day for my group of girlfriends. There are 9 of us that are really tight. Just all around good, down to earth people and they each have a characteristic that inspires me in different ways. We travel together and there is NO drama. We lean on each other regularly. We get out for runs or walks several times a week and it really is my therapy.
I found this quote recently from Amy Poehler and had it put on an image of the 9 of us and gave it to all of them for their birthdays. "Find a group of people who challenge and inspire you, spend a lot of time with them, and it will change your life."
Post by sometimesrunner on Feb 16, 2024 12:23:12 GMT -5
No, I think where we live is very easy and now that I'm an adult I can appreciate where I live. The farthest school we'll ever attend is 6 minutes away from our house, we work 6 minutes away from home, we have 5 great grocery stores within a 10 minute drive, plus wal mart and Costco. Summer camps just opened and while there are a few weeks that fill up quickly, there are TONS of options, and they're all relatively inexpensive. A lot of them are working-parent friendly. Lots of activities are working-parent friendly here. We don't have to provide school supplies because our district believes that a "free education" includes supplies. Our schools are well staffed. I live in a red state, but a blue college-town. (although we had a democrat governor for YEARS) We're relatively LCOL. It's just...easy.
We aren’t Russian Math level here but everyone is obsessed with “giving their kids opportunity.” Almost all sports have year round programs that send emails to try to get you to sign up for the next session or else your child is going to miss out on “a valuable opportunity to build skills.”
There was a post on our town FB group where the mom of a first grader said that her son was signed up for little league and soccer this spring but he really wanted to try lacrosse too. Could she make it work or would there be too many conflicts? Most of the responses told her to go for it and warn the coaches about conflicts. One mom even wrote “they shouldn’t have to choose between sports if they want to try new things.” I’m all for trying new things but why do we have to try them all during the same season? I know lacrosse and baseball are both officially spring sports but they have them here in the fall too so why not just wait on one? It’s also unfair to the other kids on your team when you don’t show up regularly because of conflicts with your other sports. Then sometimes the coach doesn’t have enough kids to play or they have just enough and have no subs which is exhausting.