I would like to be completely shitfaced right now

[Bernadine]

Plastered, slurring, stumbling drunk. It's too early, right? And I'm at work.

[gozf]

I would like that, too. And I'm stuck at work as well.

Bah!

[sherbanator]

About to get off work and on my way to a bloody mary breakfast.

[sugarplum]

Well, it's not too early here, but the work thing is probably the biggest drunk block.

Is it time for a stomach bug to come on?

Lots of hugs.

[Bernadine]

Yeah, this whole divorce stuff is just....ugh. I'm making the best decisions I can, but really, I don't know if I'm making the right decisions.

[hisno1girl]

It's noon somewhere. Have a drink at lunch.

If you're making the best decisions you can, then I think they're the right ones.

[idoinjuly]

Dec 27, 2012 10:37:01 GMT -5 Bernadine said:

Yeah, this whole divorce stuff is just....ugh. I'm making the best decisions I can, but really, I don't know if I'm making the right decisions.

What do you mean? Is there anything we can help you with? You've made good decisions thus far, I can't imagine you not making them now!

[thebamker]

Sorry Bernie... this part isn't easy. but it will all be over soon enough my friend. hang in there.

[gozf]

Dec 27, 2012 10:37:01 GMT -5 Bernadine said:

Yeah, this whole divorce stuff is just....ugh. I'm making the best decisions I can, but really, I don't know if I'm making the right decisions.

What's going on, Bern? Can I help?

[Bernadine]

I think I maybe should have just let the house go into foreclosure as soon as I left. My thinking at the time was two-fold. One, I knew I'd be screwed for a year or so while I was paying it and xh was living there, but I thought it was better than a foreclosure on my record screwing me for 7 years. Two, the bank would have sued us for the money they lost, and I would have ended up paying for that. And it probably would have been a lot.

But now it just feels like I'll be paying this mortgage indefinitely.

[gozf]

Ugh. That house!

I want him to pay you his share of the mortgage retroactively. And then I want him to fix all the shit he broke. And then I want him out. Is any of that realistic?

[idoinjuly]

What is supposed to happen with the house after you are divorced? Could you talk to your bank about a short sale? I don't think those ding your credit too bad but you have to skip a number of payments before your bank will negotiate.

ETA that I meant short sales don't ding your credit as bad as foreclosures.

[sugarplum]

Are you concerned your attorney isn't being aggressive enough?

I can't imagine you can get a settlement that involves selling the house or him taking over the payments and removing you from the mortgage/deed.

[Deleted]

Dec 27, 2012 10:46:48 GMT -5 gozf said:

Ugh. That house!

I want him to pay you his share of the mortgage retroactively. And then I want him to fix all the shit he broke. And then I want him out. Is any of that realistic?

This. Also, can you move back in once the divorce is finalized? And kick him out? Especially since you are paying for it.

[ProfessorArtNerd]

I just HATE him! I don't say that often but I do. This is just another way that he's completely fucking you over. HATE. HIM. Hate him for making you doubt yourself. Hate him for costing you so much, monetarily and otherwise. Ugh.

[Deleted]

what an assface.

[cleo29]

Dec 27, 2012 10:44:53 GMT -5 Bernadine said:

I think I maybe should have just let the house go into foreclosure as soon as I left. My thinking at the time was two-fold. One, I knew I'd be screwed for a year or so while I was paying it and xh was living there, but I thought it was better than a foreclosure on my record screwing me for 7 years. Two, the bank would have sued us for the money they lost, and I would have ended up paying for that. And it probably would have been a lot.

But now it just feels like I'll be paying this mortgage indefinitely.

I still don't get how he gets to live there, without contributing at all the mortgage. I don't get it. NOw that papers have been filed, I really don't get it. I think he should have to buy your half from you either that, or he makes the needed repairs and you put the house on the market. now.

I think you are making the right decisions for what it's worth, even if it sucks in the here and now.

[Bernadine]

He works, but can't afford the morgage, and I can't put it on the market without him agreeing to it. And he has no incentive to agree to it. It looks unlikely that I'll get anything in return for paying the mortgage.

AND HE'S ASKING FOR ALIMONY! Fucking scumbag!

[peachykate]

I totally want to drive down there and punch him in the face.

Is what you are saying now is that even once you are divorced you still have to continue paying? This can't be possible.

[peachykate]

Dec 27, 2012 10:53:09 GMT -5 Bernadine said:

He works, but can't afford the morgage, and I can't put it on the market without him agreeing to it. And he has no incentive to agree to it. It looks unlikely that I'll get anything in return for paying the mortgage.

AND HE'S ASKING FOR ALIMONY! Fucking scumbag!

HOLY FUCKING MOTHER OF SHIT.

Is the only option for you to get out of it is to let it go into foreclosure?

I just hate him. What a dickbag piece of shit.

[janiejones]

You are making the right decisions, you are just being strung along by he who turned out to be the world's biggest douche. It make take more time than you planned, but trust me, you have paved your way to have this resolved in your best interest, which will happen. Your not out of the water yet, but it's going to happen so soon.

[Deleted]

OMG. What does your lawyer say?

Is this possible?!?!?!?!

[gozf]

Dec 27, 2012 10:53:09 GMT -5 Bernadine said:

He works, but can't afford the morgage, and I can't put it on the market without him agreeing to it. And he has no incentive to agree to it. It looks unlikely that I'll get anything in return for paying the mortgage.

AND HE'S ASKING FOR ALIMONY! Fucking scumbag!

WHAT?!?!?!?!
Alimony, my ass. What a fucking pussy.

[cuddlyevil]

Can you do a Deed in Lieu or a short sale? Have you talked to your attorney and the mortgage company to see what your options are?

[sugarplum]

So what's is the next step? Do the attorneys try to come to a settlement or does this go in front of a judge to come up with the settlement?

[Deleted]

alimony? whattheeverlovingfuck.

i mean, i guessed he'd pull a move like that. but i'm still appalled.

[Bernadine]

From what I understand, if we put it on the market, we would agree (or a judge would decide) on a set amount of time it has to sell. If it doesn't sell in that time, it would go to auction. We'd lose a ton of money. Which, if xh had any brains, would be incentive to try to sell. But he's such a dickface, I'm pretty sure he just wants to fuck me over, even if he's taking himself down in the process.

[cleo29]

And, I think granting alimony to a person who works and there are not kids is such bull shit. Seriously. I really, really hope your lawyer is going to nail his ass. And since he has proven that he cannot afford the house on his own, that should make it either go to you in the divorce or you have to sell. He has proven he cannot afford the house.

[Bernadine]

Fwiw, my lawyer said he's not going to get alimony, and they're probably just using it as a negotiating technique. But seriously- what kind of person with any pride would ask someone else to support them?

[cleo29]

Dec 27, 2012 11:00:28 GMT -5 Bernadine said:

Fwiw, my lawyer said he's not going to get alimony, and they're probably just using it as a negotiating technique. But seriously- what kind of person with any pride would ask someone else to support them?

A lazy, vindictive asshole.