S/O Teen pregnancy: if you are pro life

[fuckyourcouch]

Jun 28, 2013 9:46:51 GMT -5 soozy87 said:

Jun 28, 2013 9:42:28 GMT -5 fuckyourcouch said:

what if she was raped? she didn't put herself in that position, so would it be acceptable to you then?

I would encourage her to really think through the situation and support her if she wanted to raise the baby (as I would with any child my child gives birth to) or put the baby up for adoption.

so you would still try to prevent her from having an abortion if that's what she wanted?

[bornbaker]

FWIW: If my kid(s) decide to have sex, I'll be throwing condoms at them like no tomorrow and taking them to get BC.

[sonrisa]

Jun 28, 2013 9:46:05 GMT -5 ninjabridemom said:

(I was trying to be cheeky but yes, you're right, many do abstain. I waited until I was 18 even!!)

(That was for soozy)

[Jermys]

@astrid, I'm interested in the funding aspect.  Message me the info, wouldja?

I'm sure it comes as no surprise, but I would actually encourage abortion.  I would also pay for it and take her.  

And I prefer the term anti choice.  

[kadams767]

Jun 28, 2013 9:39:24 GMT -5 lissaholly said:

Jun 28, 2013 9:31:53 GMT -5 soozy87 said:

No, I am pro-life (surprise! I know!) and I would not respect that decision. If I have a daughter I believe that I would raise her in a way that she wouldn't put herself in that situation, or if she did, she would know the consequences (raising a baby).

This is really sad to me. Anecdotal story, of course, but this was exactly the attitude a friend on high school's parents had.  Their 15 year old daughter not only had an abortion that they STILL don't know she had one.  She couldn't be pregnant because she was raised in a way not to put herself in this situation.  So she definitely couldn't tell them.

Do you really think she should have eventually told her parents?

[leeann]

Jun 28, 2013 9:41:36 GMT -5 soozy87 said:

Jun 28, 2013 9:39:49 GMT -5 Wrath0fKuus said:

Ick.  It sounds like you don't care much either way about the baby itself, just about punishing your daughter for having sex.  Why is that?

Don't have sex unless you are mature enough and in a life position to have a baby.

Yeah, I know a shit ton of people my age and older who have kids and don't meet these criteria, so yeah.

[hopecounts]

Jun 28, 2013 9:46:51 GMT -5 soozy87 said:

Jun 28, 2013 9:42:28 GMT -5 fuckyourcouch said:

what if she was raped? she didn't put herself in that position, so would it be acceptable to you then?

I would encourage her to really think through the situation and support her if she wanted to raise the baby (as I would with any child my child gives birth to) or put the baby up for adoption.

What if she emotionally can't handle carrying her rapists child for 9 months and having a tangible reminder of one of the worst moments of her life staring her in the face?
isn't her mental health and well being more important?
this is your child for fucks sake

[thebamker]

I wouldn't be supportive of that decision. But I wouldn't stop loving and caring for my daughter if that was the choice she made. We all have to live with our own choices. I'm not going to make hers for her.

[Wrath0fKuus]

Jun 28, 2013 9:50:34 GMT -5 hopecounts said:

Jun 28, 2013 9:46:51 GMT -5 soozy87 said:

I would encourage her to really think through the situation and support her if she wanted to raise the baby (as I would with any child my child gives birth to) or put the baby up for adoption.

What if she emotionally can't handle carrying her rapists child for 9 months and having a tangible reminder of one of the worst moments of her life staring her in the face?
isn't her mental health and well being more important?
this is your child for fucks sake

It will also give her a lifetime elevated risk for breast and various reproductive cancers.

[aubie]

I'm just a lurker, but I'll step up and say that if my (hypothetical) daughter were in this situation, I would make it clear that I would help and support her as much as possible either in giving the baby up for adoption or raising the baby herself. Depending on the age, I would strongly encourage adoption. But I would not provide any support or assistance for an abortion. Obviously she could abort if she chose to do so and the laws of the state permitted it without parental consent, but I would not provide any money or other assistance to obtain it. That said, I wouldn't kick her out of the house or anything because that would be the last thing she needs. I imagine it would have a lasting effect on our relationship, but I really hope that it wouldn't and that we would both be able to move past it.

[aubie]

Or, you know, what thebamker said.

[Stingyshark]

For me, I am pro-life. Abortion is not something I would do. (If there was a medical reason, or something, then it is something I would consider.)  For everyone else, that's your decision. 

As for my hypothetical daughter.. I'll be honest, I'm not sure what I would do.  I don't think I would recommend an abortion - but I suppose if that's what she chose to do, I could not stop her.

Man, I don't know. I can't even pretend that I know what I would do. 

I should talk to MH about this. I'm 13wks pregnant.... 

[Deleted]

Jun 28, 2013 9:41:36 GMT -5 soozy87 said:

Jun 28, 2013 9:39:49 GMT -5 Wrath0fKuus said:

Ick.  It sounds like you don't care much either way about the baby itself, just about punishing your daughter for having sex.  Why is that?

Don't have sex unless you are mature enough and in a life position to have a baby.

Well shit, I've been doing it wrong. 

[Deleted]

Look, I think you guys are inserting a little too much grey into Soozy's black and white world.

Let's just smile and nod and let her think nuances don't exist. Absolutism for all!

And FWIW Bam, I've had "pro-life" friends tell me "pro-choice" rubs them the wrong way b/c you can always make a choice not to have sex. *shrugs* It's not necessarily the person's intent that bothers me as the word choice. I do not at all find you to be One Of Those anti-abortion people either lol.

[pedanticwench]

Jun 28, 2013 9:54:39 GMT -5 Stingyshark said:

For me, I am pro-life. Abortion is not something I would do. (If there was a medical reason, or something, then it is something I would consider.)  For everyone else, that's your decision. 

You are pro-choice.

[snickers]

Jun 28, 2013 9:32:35 GMT -5 jillianashley6 said:

I'm pro-choice, so you're probably not looking for my answer. But I'd absolutely support whatever she wanted to do. I would help educate her as much as possible, but ultimately...her body, her choice.

well said!

[hopecounts]

Jun 28, 2013 9:52:12 GMT -5 Wrath0fKuus said:

Jun 28, 2013 9:50:34 GMT -5 hopecounts said:

What if she emotionally can't handle carrying her rapists child for 9 months and having a tangible reminder of one of the worst moments of her life staring her in the face?
isn't her mental health and well being more important?
this is your child for fucks sake

It will also give her a lifetime elevated risk for breast and various reproductive cancers.

Also the rapist could sue for visitation and depending on the circumstances get it requiring her to have ongoing contact with a man who hurt her for 18+ yrs.
he could also block an adoption if he refuses to sign and files for rights.

[Muddled]

I'm pro-choice and I can't see myself agreeing with my teen daughter's choice to keep a baby, but it is her choice. I would encourage her to do a lot of research before making a decision. If she wants to keep it, we would have to have a really big talk regarding what she can expect in terms of support from mom and dad.

[luckyval]

Jun 28, 2013 9:50:15 GMT -5 kadams767 said:

Jun 28, 2013 9:39:24 GMT -5 lissaholly said:

This is really sad to me. Anecdotal story, of course, but this was exactly the attitude a friend on high school's parents had.  Their 15 year old daughter not only had an abortion that they STILL don't know she had one.  She couldn't be pregnant because she was raised in a way not to put herself in this situation.  So she definitely couldn't tell them.

Do you really think she should have eventually told her parents?

I, too, am curious about this.

fwiw, I got an abortion at 19. My dad kind of knew, but never said anything and respected my space. Years later, I reciprocated that respect by telling him. My mom, on the other hand, lost the right to know years and years ago. She still doesn't and likely never will

Unless they're in a position that it requires parental consent, I don't see why anyone would be obligated to share that private decision with anyone they don't want to.

[fuckyourcouch]

Jun 28, 2013 9:56:18 GMT -5 pedanticwench said:

Jun 28, 2013 9:54:39 GMT -5 Stingyshark said:

For me, I am pro-life. Abortion is not something I would do. (If there was a medical reason, or something, then it is something I would consider.)  For everyone else, that's your decision. 

You are pro-choice.

i was going to say the same thing.

[lissaholly]

Jun 28, 2013 9:50:15 GMT -5 kadams767 said:

Jun 28, 2013 9:39:24 GMT -5 lissaholly said:

This is really sad to me. Anecdotal story, of course, but this was exactly the attitude a friend on high school's parents had.  Their 15 year old daughter not only had an abortion that they STILL don't know she had one.  She couldn't be pregnant because she was raised in a way not to put herself in this situation.  So she definitely couldn't tell them.

Do you really think she should have eventually told her parents?

Actually, yes.  She was 15 and had an abortion because she felt like her parents would look at her as a less deserving daughter if they knew the truth.  It has put a huge condition on their relationship.  And it explains a lot about how she deals with men.  How do I know all this?  She has told me what her therapist thinks.

The reason she doesn't want to tell is because she wants to protect her parents.  I don't think kids should worry about their parents emotions above their own, in this case specifically 

[hopecounts]

Jun 28, 2013 9:54:39 GMT -5 Stingyshark said:

For me, I am pro-life. Abortion is not something I would do. (If there was a medical reason, or something, then it is something I would consider.)  For everyone else, that's your decision. .

Man, I don't know. I can't even pretend that I know what I would do. 

I should talk to MH about this. I'm 13wks pregnant.... 

You and I are on the same page and its called pro choice.
of you believe a woman has the right to make her own reproductive choices then you are Pro Choice.
whether or not you would choose an abortion.

[fuckyourcouch]

Jun 28, 2013 9:58:12 GMT -5 luckyval said:

Jun 28, 2013 9:50:15 GMT -5 kadams767 said:

Do you really think she should have eventually told her parents?

I, too, am curious about this.

fwiw, I got an abortion at 19. My dad kind of knew, but never said anything and respected my space. Years later, I reciprocated that respect by telling him. My mom, on the other hand, lost the right to know years and years ago. She still doesn't and likely never will

Unless they're in a position that it requires parental consent, I don't see why anyone would be obligated to share that private decision with anyone they don't want to.

i was interpreting lissa's post as basically, just because you tell your daughter not to have sex and abortion is wrong, they might still have an abortion and just not tell you. not that they should.

ETA: apparently not. lol

[Stingyshark]

Jun 28, 2013 9:59:28 GMT -5 @booby said:

Jun 28, 2013 9:54:39 GMT -5 Stingyshark said:

For me, I am pro-life. Abortion is not something I would do. (If there was a medical reason, or something, then it is something I would consider.)  For everyone else, that's your decision. 

this makes you pro-choice.  which is a good thing.  pro-choice is awesome b/c it don't impose one's beliefs on anyone else. 





and to que -- by using the term 'pro-life' you are inferring that people who support abortion would also choose bortion (and thus, are anti-life).  and this is not the case.  ie: see stingyshark's response.  she is pro-choice and anti-abortion. 

I don't like labels.  pro-choice & anti-abortion seem like they are contradicting each other. That is why I didn't just say I'm pro-choice. I guess I felt like I needed to be specific about what I believe. But you are correct, I don't want to impose what I believe on other people. It's a very personal choice.  

If you had asked me this question several years ago I would have said pro-life; but the older I get the less black & white I see and the more grey I see. Things are just not as cut & dry as I once thought. Some things are, but abortion is not one of them.  



(i'm getting zero work done today)

[Wrath0fKuus]

I am a little amused that some people actually fell for what was obviously a "come in if you're pro-life and let us tell you you're wrong" post.

[fuckyourcouch]

Jun 28, 2013 10:08:11 GMT -5 Wrath0fKuus said:

I am a little amused that some people actually fell for what was obviously a "come in if you're pro-life and let us tell you you're wrong" post.

i'm not even trying to tell anyone they're wrong.  i'm just trying to understand.  it's not really my business what soozy tells her kid to do, or what her kid chooses to do.

[sonrisa]

Jun 28, 2013 9:55:28 GMT -5 ninjabridemom said:

Look, I think you guys are inserting a little too much grey into Soozy's black and white world.

Let's just smile and nod and let her think nuances don't exist. Absolutism for all!

And FWIW Bam, I've had "pro-life" friends tell me "pro-choice" rubs them the wrong way b/c you can always make a choice not to have sex. *shrugs* It's not necessarily the person's intent that bothers me as the word choice. I do not at all find you to be One Of Those anti-abortion people either lol.

Similarly, Pro-life rubs me the wrong way unless you are also anti-death penalty and pro-gun control. Fetuses aren't the only lives out there. But I don't fight that fight here. 

[Deleted]

No. I've never condemned friends who had abortions, or treated them differently because of it, so I certainly wouldn't write off my own daughter.

I would try to talk her out of it beforehand, though, and offer to raise the child if she is uncomfortable with traditional adoption. I would be heartbroken if she got an abortion, but what was done will be done, and we would move on and I would still love her deeply and want her in my life.

[soozy87]

Here is what I don't understand about all of you...why do you feel the need to mock my choices? I am going to do the best job I can raising my kid. To me, that includes teaching her values and morals that my husband, myself and my family share. Just like I am assuming all of you do with your children. If it doesn't work out, she doesn't learn and chooses to go a different direction in her life, fine, but I am going to do my best to raise my kids as I see fit.

[sonrisa]

Jun 28, 2013 10:32:34 GMT -5 soozy87 said:

Here is what I don't understand about all of you...why do you feel the need to mock my choices? I am going to do the best job I can raising my kid. To me, that includes teaching her values and morals that my husband, myself and my family share. Just like I am assuming all of you do with your children. If it doesn't work out, she doesn't learn and chooses to go a different direction in her life, fine, but I am going to do my best to raise my kids as I see fit.

What I don't understand is how morals and adequate education are in conflict. Eventually she will probably marry and have sex, yes? Sex ed prepares her for that, if nothing else.

(Have you seen the number of women who get married, don't want kids yet, and still practice "pull and pray" with their husbands? Our education system has failed them.)