Here is what I don't understand about all of you...why do you feel the need to mock my choices? I am going to do the best job I can raising my kid. To me, that includes teaching her values and morals that my husband, myself and my family share. Just like I am assuming all of you do with your children. If it doesn't work out, she doesn't learn and chooses to go a different direction in her life, fine, but I am going to do my best to raise my kids as I see fit.
It's mocked & argued because many people with your values & morals feel the need to campaign to ban everyone from having choices.
Here is what I don't understand about all of you...why do you feel the need to mock my choices? I am going to do the best job I can raising my kid. To me, that includes teaching her values and morals that my husband, myself and my family share. Just like I am assuming all of you do with your children. If it doesn't work out, she doesn't learn and chooses to go a different direction in her life, fine, but I am going to do my best to raise my kids as I see fit.
And there is nothing wrong with that. I plan to raise my daughter with the knowledge that waiting for marriage is best (I did it) but with the follow up that BC and condoms are necessary to prevent pregnancy and disease and if she needs them she can have them with no judgment from me. which is exactly what my Mom did. also 16 yr olds are rebellious and hormonal they don't always think their actions through. add to that the possibility of rape and you have to be aware that she may need to make a different choice then you would and that's OK.
Here is what I don't understand about all of you...why do you feel the need to mock my choices? I am going to do the best job I can raising my kid. To me, that includes teaching her values and morals that my husband, myself and my family share. Just like I am assuming all of you do with your children. If it doesn't work out, she doesn't learn and chooses to go a different direction in her life, fine, but I am going to do my best to raise my kids as I see fit.
What I don't understand is how morals and adequate education are in conflict. Eventually she will probably marry and have sex, yes? Sex ed prepares her for that, if nothing else. Have you seen the number of women who get married, don't want kids yet, and still practice "pull and pray" with their husbands? Our education system has failed them.
Education is fine and great, but education begins at home. Our family will be taught not to have sex until marriage. A value that my husband and I both hold. I know that is not the fact for many people, which is there choice.
What I forsee happening is the kid going to school on "sex day" and the coming home with questions and I will answer them as I see fit.
There are plenty of people who do the "pull and pray", it works for some, it doesn't for others. I am sure if you took a poll there would even be a few on this board. Every couple needs to do what is right for them.
Here is what I don't understand about all of you...why do you feel the need to mock my choices? I am going to do the best job I can raising my kid. To me, that includes teaching her values and morals that my husband, myself and my family share. Just like I am assuming all of you do with your children. If it doesn't work out, she doesn't learn and chooses to go a different direction in her life, fine, but I am going to do my best to raise my kids as I see fit.
It's mocked & argued because many people with your values & morals feel the need to campaign to ban everyone from having choices.
Well, don't worry, I am not one of those people. I am just stating my opinion here, in this thread, that is specifically asking pro-life people for their opinion.
Here is what I don't understand about all of you...why do you feel the need to mock my choices? I am going to do the best job I can raising my kid. To me, that includes teaching her values and morals that my husband, myself and my family share. Just like I am assuming all of you do with your children. If it doesn't work out, she doesn't learn and chooses to go a different direction in her life, fine, but I am going to do my best to raise my kids as I see fit.
And there is nothing wrong with that. I plan to raise my daughter with the knowledge that waiting for marriage is best (I did it) but with the follow up that BC and condoms are necessary to prevent pregnancy and disease and if she needs them she can have them with no judgment from me. which is exactly what my Mom did. also 16 yr olds are rebellious and hormonal they don't always think their actions through. add to that the possibility of rape and you have to be aware that she may need to make a different choice then you would and that's OK.
Right, even after you are married many couples choose to use birth control of some sort. Education is great.
It's mocked & argued because many people with your values & morals feel the need to campaign to ban everyone from having choices.
Well, don't worry, I am not one of those people. I am just stating my opinion here, in this thread, that is specifically asking pro-life people for their opinion.
Being Pro-life IS pro banning people from choice number 3, abortion.
Well, don't worry, I am not one of those people. I am just stating my opinion here, in this thread, that is specifically asking pro-life people for their opinion.
Being Pro-life IS pro banning people from choice number 3, abortion.
My point is that I am not out campaigning for anything. You won't find my out protesting in front of an abortion clinic or standing on a street corner holding a sign with dead babies. I think it is wrong, but I don't go that far.
I have all the books I could need, and what more could I need than books? I shall only engage in commerce if books are the coin. -- Catherynne M. Valente
Last Edit: Jun 28, 2013 11:08:13 GMT -5 by pedanticwench
I have all the books I could need, and what more could I need than books? I shall only engage in commerce if books are the coin. -- Catherynne M. Valente
Here is what I don't understand about all of you...why do you feel the need to mock my choices? I am going to do the best job I can raising my kid. To me, that includes teaching her values and morals that my husband, myself and my family share. Just like I am assuming all of you do with your children. If it doesn't work out, she doesn't learn and chooses to go a different direction in her life, fine, but I am going to do my best to raise my kids as I see fit.
It's the weirdness of the authoritarian approach to it all that makes people harp on you. For example, Sara also wants her son to wait until adulthood for sex, but no one thinks she's stupid and awful because she helps him reason through why this is a bad idea, and gives him as much information as possible so that he can reach that conclusion. You take an approach that is almost guaranteed not to work, and even if it does will have far-reaching ramifications that damage your kid's self-worth and decisionmaking abilities. That pisses people off.
What I forsee happening is the kid going to school on "sex day" and the coming home with questions and I will answer them as I see fit.
My kid is 14, and has had two years of sex ed, with a whole semester of classes devoted to it this year. If the school is the primary instructor of sex education, your kid is not going to come to you and ask you a damn thing. You need to get into this century.
Here is what I don't understand about all of you...why do you feel the need to mock my choices? I am going to do the best job I can raising my kid. To me, that includes teaching her values and morals that my husband, myself and my family share. Just like I am assuming all of you do with your children. If it doesn't work out, she doesn't learn and chooses to go a different direction in her life, fine, but I am going to do my best to raise my kids as I see fit.
It's the weirdness of the authoritarian approach to it all that makes people harp on you. For example, Sara also wants her son to wait until adulthood for sex, but no one thinks she's stupid and awful because she helps him reason through why this is a bad idea, and gives him as much information as possible so that he can reach that conclusion. You take an approach that is almost guaranteed not to work, and even if it does will have far-reaching ramifications that damage your kid's self-worth and decisionmaking abilities. That pisses people off.
Why is it guaranteed not to work though? It is how I was raised. It was how my husband was raised. And I mean really, what is the worst that could happen? My kid doesn't listen to me and goes a different direction with their life. Whatever. As long as I know that I did the absolute best job that I could then what more can I do.
As for self-worth and decision making abilities. I don't think that teaching them not to have sex before marriage and that abortion is not something you want to have to choose would void either of these things. The reasons for my believing this go back to my religous upbringing. I know that my choices and my religion are not for everyone, but as for me and my family, that is the path we are taking.
What I forsee happening is the kid going to school on "sex day" and the coming home with questions and I will answer them as I see fit.
My kid is 14, and has had two years of sex ed, with a whole semester of classes devoted to it this year. If the school is the primary instructor of sex education, your kid is not going to come to you and ask you a damn thing. You need to get into this century.
Well, then I will ask him/her about what they went over and the discussion will follow from there.
It's the weirdness of the authoritarian approach to it all that makes people harp on you. For example, Sara also wants her son to wait until adulthood for sex, but no one thinks she's stupid and awful because she helps him reason through why this is a bad idea, and gives him as much information as possible so that he can reach that conclusion. You take an approach that is almost guaranteed not to work, and even if it does will have far-reaching ramifications that damage your kid's self-worth and decisionmaking abilities. That pisses people off.
Why is it guaranteed not to work though? It is how I was raised. It was how my husband was raised. And I mean really, what is the worst that could happen? My kid doesn't listen to me and goes a different direction with their life. Whatever. As long as I know that I did the absolute best job that I could then what more can I do.
As for self-worth and decision making abilities. I don't think that teaching them not to have sex before marriage and that abortion is not something you want to have to choose would void either of these things. The reasons for my believing this go back to my religous upbringing. I know that my choices and my religion are not for everyone, but as for me and my family, that is the path we are taking.
Almost guaranteed, I said. Of course, sometimes it DOES work, in its fashion, but it doesn't have any contingencies built in. What if your teen daughter decides that she doesn't believe in any sort of god, even though you do? If religion is the only reason not to have sex right there and then, does that mean that no god = have all the sex right now? It probably does, right, at least to the teen?
My kid is 14, and has had two years of sex ed, with a whole semester of classes devoted to it this year. If the school is the primary instructor of sex education, your kid is not going to come to you and ask you a damn thing. You need to get into this century.
Well, then I will ask him/her about what they went over and the discussion will follow from there.
My point was, that you seemed to miss, is that you need to discuss this before the school does, or they will not be comfortable talking to you about it. Just saying keep your legs crossed/dick in your pants for God because that's what your daddy and I believe only works for the Duggars.
Almost guaranteed, I said. Of course, sometimes it DOES work, in its fashion, but it doesn't have any contingencies built in. What if your teen daughter decides that she doesn't believe in any sort of god, even though you do? If religion is the only reason not to have sex right there and then, does that mean that no god = have all the sex right now? It probably does, right, at least to the teen?
Religion is not the only reason not to have sex. Other reasons include not producing a baby that you are not ready to raise or getting a disease from someone else, among others. If my kid does not choose to follow my religion, yes, it may mean that they make different choices. My husband was raise in a household in that religion was not pushed very hard. The Christmas/Easter type, but he ended up in the same position as me, so it is quite possible.
When it comes down to it though I have no idea. I have never raised a kid, I am sure that it will be difficult and trying at times. I am basing my answers to your questions on how I think it will work, but I am sure that I will have to adapt along the way.
Well, then I will ask him/her about what they went over and the discussion will follow from there.
My point was, that you seemed to miss, is that you need to discuss this before the school does, or they will not be comfortable talking to you about it. Just saying keep your legs crossed/dick in your pants for God because that's what your daddy and I believe only works for the Duggars.
Well, then I will ask him/her about what they went over and the discussion will follow from there.
My point was, that you seemed to miss, is that you need to discuss this before the school does, or they will not be comfortable talking to you about it. Just saying keep your legs crossed/dick in your pants for God because that's what your daddy and I believe only works for the Duggars.
Eh...it worked for my parents. But yes, I plan on giving my children more education than my parents gave me on the subject.
My point was, that you seemed to miss, is that you need to discuss this before the school does, or they will not be comfortable talking to you about it. Just saying keep your legs crossed/dick in your pants for God because that's what your daddy and I believe only works for the Duggars.
The jury still out on this one.
Ha! True. But it was the closest working example I could think of.
My point is that I am not out campaigning for anything. You won't find my out protesting in front of an abortion clinic or standing on a street corner holding a sign with dead babies. I think it is wrong, but I don't go that far.
Where you turned me was saying that you'd raise her better than that.
I think you are woefully ignorant of how much control you have over a kid. Even if you raise them to know where you stand and teach them about exactly how hard life will be if they get pregnant - you are still dealing with children whose brains aren't done growing. And they have hormones and attitudes. And some just rebel.
You can be strict as hell with them, or guilt them or whatever as far as tactics go. Even if they are only at school or home - they could still find a way to do it.
Your tone has a smugness about it. Like you are right and have better morals. Not mention, your simplistic approach needs to be taken down a notch. It if were such a sure bet (teaching and reasoning with them, and keeping a close eye) then there wouldn't be tens of thousands of conservative families dealing with teen pregnancies.
Sorry, I didn't mean to come across as smug.
I think that we all think we are right in our opinions, or we wouldn't have those opinions. Like I said in another post, I have never raised a kid, I am sure it will be harder than I expect and I will face many challenges in raising them.
Almost guaranteed, I said. Of course, sometimes it DOES work, in its fashion, but it doesn't have any contingencies built in. What if your teen daughter decides that she doesn't believe in any sort of god, even though you do? If religion is the only reason not to have sex right there and then, does that mean that no god = have all the sex right now? It probably does, right, at least to the teen?
Religion is not the only reason not to have sex. Other reasons include not producing a baby that you are not ready to raise or getting a disease from someone else, among others. If my kid does not choose to follow my religion, yes, it may mean that they make different choices. My husband was raise in a household in that religion was not pushed very hard. The Christmas/Easter type, but he ended up in the same position as me, so it is quite possible.
When it comes down to it though I have no idea. I have never raised a kid, I am sure that it will be difficult and trying at times. I am basing my answers to your questions on how I think it will work, but I am sure that I will have to adapt along the way.
No, of course it's not the only reason. But the potential for both avoiding pregnancy and disease exists, and are rarely enough of a threat to be the sole reasons that a teen decides not to have sex.
There just seems to be this odd thread of authoritarianism in your approach, which comes out when you talk about needing a girl to have lifetime consequences for having sex, as though sex is a decision that will make a girl "bad" and it's a stigma that is permanent. That kind of mentality, if it is clear to strangers on the internet, is SURE to come across to your kids, and that's the kind of thing that kids rebel against.
Well, then I will ask him/her about what they went over and the discussion will follow from there.
My mom also preached that I need to wait until I'm married and that we could talk about anything anytime.
Well, when I went to her about getting birth control, at 17, she flipped out and yelled at me. I changed my mind about birth control but still had sex with my boyfriend, with condoms. I'm lucky I didn't end up pregnant my last year of high school. Looking back I should have gone to Planned Parenthood. As soon as I went to college, I got on birth control, without her knowing.
My point here is, you may preach one thing, but be prepared for your teen to do the complete opposite.
BWOOP! BWOOP! Tangentially related funny story alert:
Speaking of sex day, I have a vivid memory of being in 9th grade health class that I'd like to share, because it's funny. The teacher (PE teachers taught health) was kind kooky, but fun. One day she had half the class stand up and each student held up a sign with a sex act written on it, and the rest of the class had to vote on what kind of protection you need (condom, dental dam, nothing, warlock invocation, etc). It was loltastic for sure. But picture meek little me (yes, me. I was quiet and timid and didn't have any friends in that class) being handed the 8 x 11 piece of paper with "ANAL SEX" written in bold marker, to hold up in front of my beet red face in front of the class. I wanted the floor to open up beneath me. Mortified.
in 7th grade, the health teacher was also the student council sponsor. i was the only SC kid in my class. one day, during the male anatomy lesson, she had to run to the front office for something, and asked me to "take over" the lesson on the overhead. yeah, announcing and labeling the parts on a giant projected wang & bits wasn't awkward at all.
Religion is not the only reason not to have sex. Other reasons include not producing a baby that you are not ready to raise or getting a disease from someone else, among others. If my kid does not choose to follow my religion, yes, it may mean that they make different choices. My husband was raise in a household in that religion was not pushed very hard. The Christmas/Easter type, but he ended up in the same position as me, so it is quite possible.
When it comes down to it though I have no idea. I have never raised a kid, I am sure that it will be difficult and trying at times. I am basing my answers to your questions on how I think it will work, but I am sure that I will have to adapt along the way.
No, of course it's not the only reason. But the potential for both avoiding pregnancy and disease exists, and are rarely enough of a threat to be the sole reasons that a teen decides not to have sex.
There just seems to be this odd thread of authoritarianism in your approach, which comes out when you talk about needing a girl to have lifetime consequences for having sex, as though sex is a decision that will make a girl "bad" and it's a stigma that is permanent. That kind of mentality, if it is clear to strangers on the internet, is SURE to come across to your kids, and that's the kind of thing that kids rebel against.
I don't think that my approach is coming across clearly. I do think their is a lifetime of consequences, for both of the people involved. No matter if a baby is made or not. Maybe you don't and that is fine, but sex is not something that I take lightly. I do think that it impacts a person's life and that is the case if it is done at 14, 24 or 104. To me, sex isn't like buying a cup of coffee. But you are entitled to your opinion.
Education is fine and great, but education begins at home. Our family will be taught not to have sex until marriage. A value that my husband and I both hold. I know that is not the fact for many people, which is there choice.
What I forsee happening is the kid going to school on "sex day" and the coming home with questions and I will answer them as I see fit.
There are plenty of people who do the "pull and pray", it works for some, it doesn't for others. I am sure if you took a poll there would even be a few on this board. Every couple needs to do what is right for them.
If you want to teach your kids to wait for marriage, that is fine and great. But please just remember that your kids are their own individual beings who also have the right and capacity to make their own choices. They may chose a lifestyle or decision that you wouldn't make, and you can't always prevent them. If your kid wants to have sex they will absolutely find a way, regardless of what you taught. It has to be their decision.
I grew up in a very conservative house and no sex before marriage was hammered HARD. The fear of getting pregnant was so dominant that my sisters and I rejoiced at getting our period even when we had never been around boys. I hope you never place this much pressure on your own kids, because if they do choose to have sex before marriage, they will not trust coming forward to tell you. Fearing your parents wrath or judgement is an awful way to live.
My husband and I hope our kids wait for marriage or a committed relationship to have sex because we think that is awesome, and we are glad we made that decision. But if our kids choose a different path all we can do is be there for them as much as possible. I would much rather give my daughter access to birth control if she plans to have sex in spite of the encouragement I gave her to wait. The ramifications of my conservatism would be SO much higher if I believed "she deserves the problems that a baby brings. She'll learn her lesson the hard way." That is just cruel and doesn't sound like a loving, supportive parent to me. Why would you set your child up for failure that way?
Sorry if this comes off bossy, but I just want you to think really hard about how you will approach this with your child(ren) because I can tell you from personal experience that just taking an abstinence only approach can be really harmful to the whole family relationship, and it can also fail. It hasn't been fully successful in my family regardless of the immense fear.
Me too. I don't think I've ever told anyone that. But I can remember a specific time when I was at summer camp, and my period was late.. I had never had sex.. but I was still terrified. It makes no sense, but it's true.
I am not trashing the way I was raised; I love & adore my Mom & I understand that she just wanted what was best for us - but sex was made into this big / scary thing. When I was 13 my Mom gave me a commitment ring - basically promising that I would wait until I was married to have sex. THAT is a whole lot of pressure for a 13yo. I wore it even after I'd had sex bc i didn't want to talk to my Mom about it. FTR: i was 20 or 21 and had not lived in my Mom's house for 2 years.
I did not wait until marriage even though it was drilled into my head - I've only been with my now husband, but we did have sex before marriage. We've been married for 4.5 years; together 8.. sex was in the first year..and i felt very guilty every time prior to marriage and even into the first 2-2.5 yrs of our marriage; I knew that it was "okay" because "we are married now." But it was a real struggle.
You know, I used to be very pro-life. But after being on here and hearing stories of where a pregnancy needs to be terminated because of a problem and such, I've altered my thinking slightly. Because I didn't realize abortion bans stopped women who needed one, for their own safety/medical problems.
If my daughter came home pregnant, I'd discuss all options with her. I'd personally have a very hard time discussing abortion with her, especially if this was her own doing (as in, had sex, skipped protection, stupid teenager choice) and wasn't something where God forbid, it wasn't even her choice to have sex. But I would still let her know it was an option and that she could pick that option if she wanted to. I'd support whatever decision she made.
But, whatever decision she makes, needs to have a game plan. Are you going to raise this baby? How? When will you get a job? Will you finish school on time? Dropping out and jobless isn't an option. If you have an abortion, you are going to counseling and how are you going to ensure this doesn't happen again until you're ready? Adoption? Let's look at all possibilities and see what is out there.
I am pro life, however I would never judge someone who decided to have an abortion. Although I would let my daughter know the emotional/physical consequences of both if we were in that situation. My friend had an abortion at 18 and she told me she would never put herself through that again. I think maybe counseling could be helpful in this situation before any decision is made.I don't have any children yet so I don't know if myanswer is valid. I definitely struggle myself with this subject because of my mothers views on abortion. She would say things like I would never get an abortion even if there was something wrong with the growing baby. I can't help but think how would you know what you would really do? That is the most impossible decision if a woman is ever faced with that. So I guess I am pro life to a point.
Post by snipsnsnails on Jun 28, 2013 11:52:53 GMT -5
Man, it's been a while since I responded in an abortion thread. And here I was doing things like grocery shopping and dishes, so I'm coming in at the tail end.
I'm pro-life (or anti-choice or anti-abortion, whichever you prefer). This is real b/c I do now have a daughter and there may come a day where this isn't just a hypothetical.
Ultimately, I would not support a decision to abort. I love Charlie Girl with my whole heart and there is not anything in the world that I can think of that would make me love her any less or any more or any differently. That's honestly how my heart feels toward her. She never has to do anything to earn my love. In that same vein, I won't love her more if she makes the decision not to abort and I won't love her less if she does.