I would hope that I've raised my kids to be smart about their decisions and not get pregnant. I get that kids have sex, but I would hope they'd be responsible enough to use bcp and condoms.
I am against abortions myself and think that they cause some very lasting emotional trauma. Not saying teen pregnancy doesn't, but I will feel like a serious failure as a mother if my child ends up pregnant. In the end I think to have a healthy relationship as a parent it is my job to educate and then stand by whatever informed decision they make. I probably would have her go to counselling before making any decisions so she could talk to a neutral third party about the pros and cons of each decision and not feel like I'm giving biased advice.
I am against abortions myself and think that they cause some very lasting emotional trauma.
Have you had an abortion?
Seriously? I just said I am against abortion. I would never have one for any reason.
i have a feeling you're going to shit all over me for saying they result in emotional trauma - I have friends and acquaintances who have had them and they unanimously say they wish they hadn't been in the position that they had to choose, that they still think about what their life would be like if they hadn't done it and that they've gone to some kind of counselling or therapy for it. Maybe some women can just have an abortion and carry on like nothing happened, but I feel safe saying that that is an exception to the rule.
Look, I think you guys are inserting a little too much grey into Soozy's black and white world.
Let's just smile and nod and let her think nuances don't exist. Absolutism for all!
And FWIW Bam, I've had "pro-life" friends tell me "pro-choice" rubs them the wrong way b/c you can always make a choice not to have sex. *shrugs* It's not necessarily the person's intent that bothers me as the word choice. I do not at all find you to be One Of Those anti-abortion people either lol.
Similarly, Pro-life rubs me the wrong way unless you are also anti-death penalty and pro-gun control. Fetuses aren't the only lives out there. But I don't fight that fight here.
I am only to page 4 and someone might have said it already but I have to say the only good descriptor I have ever heard is pro- birth. The vast majority don't care what happens to the baby after that, just that they are carried to term and born.
I am pro-life and I am going to take care of ALL THE BABIES that I insist that people have. I like to tell people what/when/where to do with their bodies because I care about ALL THE BABIES. I will house them all in a giant sanctuary Duggar-style where I will nourish them with love and kindness. Oh, wait, that's not what happens? Well, I'm going to pretend that it does in my head so I can look down my nose at all of the irresponsible people/sluts that can't figure out how to use birth control. This moment brought to you by the assholes who seem to think that they know what's best and when, for everyone. *tooth sparkle*
And this is e other reason that I'm pro-choice beyond the primary a bunch of old white men have no business legislating the medical care a doctor and a woman choose. i'm a fiscal conservative who wants government spending cut back and since I'm not willing to foot the bill for all these babies it's only right I don't force that on the woman (or girl) who is pregnant unexpectedly and may not be able to afford the child. ETA: not that financial issue is the only reason for an abortion or that a woman needs a reason beyond not wanting the child but for me it's a part of why I'm pro choice.
I honestly don't believe this is a black and white argument. You can find thousands of posts saying that abortion does hurt emotionally if you google search women who regret having abortions. If you had one and think its the best thing that ever happened to you, then I'm happy for you and that you made the right choice for yourself.
I can say with certainty that I could never abort my child. I also believe that while abortion is not for me, there is no reason for it to be illegal. I fail to see why the fact that I wouldn't have one makes me a target for your pro-abortion preaching. They're legal, they're an option that some women choose and are happy about and that other women regret. I'm fine with that.
All my original post was saying is I don't think they're right (for me) and that I would ensure my daughter had the knowledge and resources to avoid pregnancy first off, and then education about her choices and possible consequences if she did become pregnant as a teen. I really don't feel like I'm infringing upon your right to your opinion in any way.
So you would rather her enter adulthood with no knowledge of how her own fertility works? You would rather her never learn about birth control, or just have to find out on line, gleaning god knows what from Dr. Google?
You also realize that even women who "save themselves for their wedding night" will still need birth control, yes?
Safe sex is great within marriage. So yeah, I don't think I ever said I won't teach my girls about birth control. I will just reiterate that birth control is only to be used when having sex and teach them that our family believes that sex should wait until after marriage.
Feel free to teach your kid whatever you see fit.
You want to be VEEEERY careful what you say to teenagers. They become very literal when they don't like what you say or, well, anytime really.
If you are only supposed to use birth control when you are married, you are really setting them up to end up having unprotected sex, if they decide to have sex before they are married. (teens can reason anything if they want to.) Also, there are other reasons that they could need to use birth control. Many women use birth control to help with cramps or to regulate their periods.
"Safe sex is great within marriage" is really just setting them up to fail. Why would you want to set your kids up to fail? I have no problem with you telling your kids that you think (because these are your beliefs and morals) that waiting until you are married to have sex is best. Or that abstinence is best or whatever else you believe about waiting to have sex (and be specific about why they should wait. Tell them everything about having a baby and the responsibility of it, to wanting them to not get a STD, etc.). But, I think that you can do that and add a "however"..."however, if you, for some reason, are thinking about or decide to have sex before you are married, please come and talk to me first, I want to make sure you are making an informed decision, also, please make sure you are safe if you do have sex. Please make sure you use birth control and condoms. Make sure you use them correctly (tell them why they need to be used correctly. Be specific.), if you aren't sure how to use them correctly, please talk to me. I want you to be safe." If you aren't completely open and honest with them, they will not talk to you when it is important. When they need to talk to you the most or when they are really in trouble.
Look, I agree that teenagers should not be having sex. But, the reality is that teens do what they want, regardless of what their parents say or teach them. Sometimes to spite what their parents say or teach them. I think teaching kids your morals and values is fine and good, I just think that they need to be fully informed so they can make good decisions. So that they can be safe and have the future that you want and hope for them.
If I learned only one thing from being a guardian to a teenage girl, it is that you can never predict exactly what a teen will do or why they will do it. You can only do your best to make sure they have all the info possible to make decisions and then hope that they make good ones.
Post by messykitchen on Jun 28, 2013 18:29:40 GMT -5
I was going to try and keep my mouth shut but...
I had an abortion when I was 15. I have also had a son that I am raising, and a daughter I gave up for adoption. I am also adopted myself.
The abortion was the least complicated choice to make, and my German Catholic super strict not very understanding mother took me, and paid for it, and never said a word of disapproval, even though I am sure she did. She did not let her own beliefs ruin my life, and a baby at 15 would of. Giving up my daughter years later (though I have a relationship with her now) was insanely difficult. And my son is a teenager now, so I have THAT. I regret none of my choices, including the abortion.
I am against abortions myself and think that they cause some very lasting emotional trauma.
Unlike, say labor and delivery? Or raising a newborn you are unprepared for and unable to care for? Have you never heard of post-partuum depression or post-partuum psychosis? Those can happen to the most able and prepared mom and are even more likely to happen to those ill prepared and ill equiped. They fuck you up. Badly.
Well tbh I had an abortion when I was 20 so obviously I would support my dd in her decision. However I would be there for the baby if she kept it. I wouldn't use the baby as punishment to teach my dd a lesson. People that insinuate that concern me.
Seriously? I just said I am against abortion. I would never have one for any reason.
i have a feeling you're going to shit all over me for saying they result in emotional trauma - I have friends and acquaintances who have had them and they unanimously say they wish they hadn't been in the position that they had to choose, that they still think about what their life would be like if they hadn't done it and that they've gone to some kind of counselling or therapy for it. Maybe some women can just have an abortion and carry on like nothing happened, but I feel safe saying that that is an exception to the rule.
There is actually a lot of research on this topic. Abortions do not result in higher rates of mental illness or distress and the vast majority of women do not regret their decision to abort.
ETA: I should have kept reading -- you all had this covered.
Seriously? I just said I am against abortion. I would never have one for any reason.
I'm glad to hear you'd let your unborn child suffer unspeakably horrific pain for months on end just so you can avoid "very lasting emotional trauma".
Mommy martyr of the year award goes to you. Congratulations! Your prize is one stillborn, mangled baby who suffered a great deal (which you could have prevented). Never for any reason!