I am questioning the logicistics behind toting around pantiliners to try clothing on- where do you throw out the recently used pantiliner? How many do you take with you? Do you reuse one? I need answers!
dc, is he hoping that babies follow or does he just want you to relax or what? When we first moved here I had to ask H for money before I had a job and that was not so fun.
no babies, ever. to ME (and this is my perception, colored by my own issues,) it is b/c most of the other wives stay at home (mainly w/ kids.) they get to be on volunteer boards, entertain, completely take care of the home, etc. and the h's schedule can be the dominating one. i think he wants to financially support me, as his colleagues do w/ their families. and i feel like this is him wanting to be my "boss."
eta: i also see this as him saying his career is more important than mine. it was okay for me to be ambitious and career-minded when i was taking care of 90% of our bills, but now that he doesn't need my income my career is in the way.
I'd be very, very upset by this. I can sympathize. Maybe make him read The Feminine Mystique, and test him for comprehension.
if K had been my first child, i might have been hesitant at having more. She is just far fussier than c ever was. i feel shittier feeling this way knowing she has other health issues that add to her fussiness.
do cherries make everybody poop when eaten in excess or is this a case-by-base issue?
I could eat them with impunity before having my baby, but I ate some in a cobbler a couple weeks ago and had the craps for a couple of hours the next day. It could have been something else in the cobbler, though...not sure.
I can't even get my DH to let me get a pay cut. He is convinced I have more earning capacity than him which is flattering but.....Being the sole or major breadwinner is not his dream at all.
Scotty I would have stayed home. I hope you feel better.
no babies, ever. to ME (and this is my perception, colored by my own issues,) it is b/c most of the other wives stay at home (mainly w/ kids.) they get to be on volunteer boards, entertain, completely take care of the home, etc. and the h's schedule can be the dominating one. i think he wants to financially support me, as his colleagues do w/ their families. and i feel like this is him wanting to be my "boss."
eta: i also see this as him saying his career is more important than mine. it was okay for me to be ambitious and career-minded when i was taking care of 90% of our bills, but now that he doesn't need my income my career is in the way.
I get this. Hard. When I stayed home with KHC initially, for about six months, I felt like this. And I don't even think H intended to be boss-like or authoritative or whatever; it just happened. I felt inferior because I wasn't bringing in money, I felt I had to do all the domestic crap because I was the one staying home, I felt I had to wait on H hand and foot because he was working while I got to stay home.
i felt this same way for a long time. my husband and i had a come to blows argument about it and he was all "uhhh...you're making yourself feel that way!" and he was right.
but, i think i would feel much the same as you dcannie if i were in your position. though i would love to not to have to work again.
if K had been my first child, i might have been hesitant at having more. She is just far fussier than c ever was. i feel shittier feeling this way knowing she has other health issues that add to her fussiness.
Don't feel bad. That is one of the reasons H and I decided not to have another child.
my mom had a pair of underwear static cling to the inside of her pants one time. she wore the pants to church and noticed that the underwear worked themselves out while she was in line for communion when she got back to her pew and saw them in the aisle.
She was sitting in the front 1/3 of church, so 2/3 of the ppl walked over her undies as they went to eat jesus.
my mom had a pair of underwear static cling to the inside of her pants one time. she wore the pants to church and noticed that the underwear worked themselves out while she was in line for communion when she got back to her pew and saw them in the aisle.
She was sitting in the front 1/3 of church, so 2/3 of the ppl walked over her undies as they went to eat jesus.
I don't see anything indicating that she wants to work less.
It was just a thought.
Yes, but WHY was this a thought? Why did you think that since her husband wants more of a power imbalance in their marriage, maybe she should cut down to part time?
Yes, but WHY was this a thought? Why did you think that since her husband wants more of a power imbalance in their marriage, maybe she should cut down to part time?
DC, what about part time? I work 3 days a week, no kids. I still have a sense of career but also enjoy more free time.
i enjoy plenty of free time. h is the one w/ the demanding schedule, on call weekends, and emergencies that require staying late. i changed my career path once we were married b/c the type/length of travel i was doing is not helpful for any relationship.
but, i do admit that i am possibly over-analyzing this. he was putting out feelers, not pressuring or even asking me to stay at home.
It would be a compromise between what she wants and what her h wants.
If I wanted DH to murder 10 people, but he only agreed to murder 5, that would be a compromise but still a stupid, offensive, and ridiculous suggestion.
I'm thinking about moving out and leaving h. It's flameful because A) he is a good guy and doesn't act like and ass or yell or call me names and he is a very good dad. He just feels like a room mate and I don't know that counseling would ever make him the partner I want. B) I haven't even discussed it with him yet, I don't really want to and I'm avoiding the whole thing. And I'm already looking at craigslist rentals and considering my budget and C) I'm going to be nesting from a phone while in class and probably not going to be able to follow up much on this in about 10 minutes. D) I don't think he has an idea how I feel. Which might be part of the feeling. It's been 9 days since we last had sex- which I had to basically flash him to get and he never kisses me unless he plans on sex. Also- bjs seem to have become a mandatory requirement for sex. wtf. E) staying with him would be easier due to child care/working/ working out issues. F) He would make some woman very happy, it just isn't me G) I should be more upset about this. Right now I'm just not. I'm more concerned about telling him and other people how I feel. H) I feel like this is the kind of thing that happens in a marriage and I should just wait out the lull. But I feel like we have more lulls than up times in the last 7 years.
Don't leave your husband because you are bored with him. You have kids. He is not a bad guy. Hunker down and work it out.
i enjoy plenty of free time. h is the one w/ the demanding schedule, on call weekends, and emergencies that require staying late. i changed my career path once we were married b/c the type/length of travel i was doing is not helpful for any relationship.
but, i do admit that i am possibly over-analyzing this. he was putting out feelers, not pressuring or even asking me to stay at home.
With this information, I'd be fucking insulted, that's what. Because it sounds like he would like for you to stay at home to make his life easier when you've already made compromises for his career in the past.
It would be a compromise between what she wants and what her h wants.
If I wanted DH to murder 10 people, but he only agreed to murder 5, that would be a compromise but still a stupid, offensive, and ridiculous suggestion.
THANK YOU. A compromise of a little bit of power imbalance when one person wants equality and the other wants to be the big boss is all kinds of bullshit.
Between this and the favoritism post on CE&P, I'm all heated. And I haven't even opened any of their douchey fat-hate posts!