Wait, we're doubting he thinks his career is more important when dude has been asking her if she'd consider giving up hers after she's already cut back in deference to his career before?
I don't understand why a compromise is necessary here. At all.
I think compromise is necessary in a marriage. Maybe I missed some back story or didn't read the post correctly, but I thought she said she thought her h felt his career was more important than hers not that he actually said it
Sure, compromise on things about which reasonable minds can differ. Her career is not one of them. How about suggesting a compromise whereby he stays at home? Why was that not thrown out there?
My flameful- Passion is overrated.I almost didn't stay with my H ( bf at the time) because there weren't any "butterflies". I was so naive, it thought it was like, a necessity for a relationship, and if I didn't have them, it wasnt right.
I want to hurry up and get pregnant already so I can have 6 weeks off. I know that sounds naive. I just need a break.
Are you talking about Maternity leave or are you planning on taking 6 weeks when you find out your are pregnant?
Cause the first 6 weeks with a newborn is not considered a break.
I actually hate when people look at maternity leave as a sort of vacation.
I am at home with a three week old and I am fucking loving the shit out of my maternity leave. And now because I said that Leo will turn from my angel baby to devil spawn lol. H and I have called the last couple weeks our Leo vacation lol.
My flameful- Passion is overrated.I almost didn't stay with my H ( bf at the time) because there weren't any "butterflies". I was so naive, it thought it was like, a necessity for a relationship, and if I didn't have them, it wasnt right.
my mom had a pair of underwear static cling to the inside of her pants one time. she wore the pants to church and noticed that the underwear worked themselves out while she was in line for communion when she got back to her pew and saw them in the aisle.
She was sitting in the front 1/3 of church, so 2/3 of the ppl walked over her undies as they went to eat jesus.
St.Pete, when I read your post it reminds me of a line from an old country song.
"You don't even know who I am. So what do you care if I go?"
This really strikes a cord with me. I think he sees me as a mom and wife. But o don't feel like he really sees ME anymore. He isn't my best friend. There is a lot about me he has never really learned, there are things I wouldn't actually share and when good b bad things happen, he isn't the person I want to run to. This all strikes me as bad.
No marriage is perfect. From what you post, he seems like a good guy and a good father. Maybe flameful, but I think passion is fleeting. Happiness in marriage ebbs and flows. I don't know anyone who is completely content with their marriage all of the time. I think you can work on this and that it doesn't have to be a dealbreaker.
Since when is it unreasonable for a spouse to voice something that they want out of a marriage?
*backs out of this bc I'm in no mood for a fight*
It's not, but this particular thing is not something she should feel obligated to compromise on. Because he wants her to stay at home and keep his house for him and be a trophy wife so he can keep up with his coworkers?
Since when is it unreasonable for a spouse to voice something that they want out of a marriage?
*backs out of this bc I'm in no mood for a fight*
i don't think it is unreasonable. and, he didn't come out and say, "this is what i want." it was more telling me how the other wives get to do a, b, c and don't i like to do a & b? wouldn't it be nice to have more time to do a & b? and i said, eh, not really, i'm good w/ the free time i have. the end.
what is unnerving is that he knows i am not the type to have any interest in staying home. or going part-time. he knew this when we married. he knew this while we lived together for 7'ish years. he knew this when he watched me obsess over a dissertation. he knew this when we met.
maybe he was just seeing if my feelings on the subject have changed, but in conjunction w/ some other issues we are having i took it as a "you don't know me."
There is a difference between wanting passion and wanting your spouse to see you as an individual who has passions and wants and interests.
Not to speak for St. Pete but the latter is the impression I'm getting from her. It doesn't sound like she's trying to get fireworks style orgasms out of the dude (though I'm sure it couldn't hurt.) She'd just like the chance to be seen as more than a wife and mother but first and foremost as a person, as stpete.
I don't expect butterflies after a decade. Is be nice if he still thought I was hot and wanted to fuck me more than 3 times a month. I've told him how I feel and ok not going to beg or be the only one who ever asks for it. But this isn't going to resolve this here. I'm going to go find a counselor.
I want to read John Edwards' mistress's tell-all book, but I don't want to contribute a single cent to her. I think what she/they did is disgusting, but damn if I don't want to read all of the juicy details.
StPete, I'm sorry you are going through this. I could have written your post word for word. We have our 9 year anniversary on Thursday and I'm not excited and don't even want to celebrate. I plan on seeing a counselor in the next few weeks. I hope you get to see someone soon and can get to a better place in your marriage. I sure know I need to.((hugs))
My husband and I feel more like friends alot of the time. We've kind of kick started our marriage again and have sex more often, so it's helped me feel like his wife instead of his roommate. Also the more sex we have, the more we want it, so that helps. Sometimes it's hard for me to remember how I felt towards him in the early stages of our marriage. Like, what was it like to always want to be affectionate with him and to think that he was the best thing since sliced bread? I still love him so much and I still feel so happy to be married to him, but the newness is gone, and our two kids have kind of wreaked havoc on our relationship. We are still committed to one another, but don't really have a spark. It shows up every now and again, but not consistently like before.
I don't expect butterflies after a decade. Is be nice if he still thought I was hot and wanted to fuck me more than 3 times a month. I've told him how I feel and ok not going to beg or be the only one who ever asks for it. But this isn't going to resolve this here. I'm going to go find a counselor.
I don't have near the marital experience that you do, but I'm sorry you're feeling unappreciated. It took about a year for me to get out of my " Im a mom" funk, I had a hard time feeling sexy or feeling like it was ok to be hot and heavy with my H, it was kinda weird. Not that that's where you are, but I was able to get over it and see myself as me again, so maybe you guys Just need a little reconnect as husband and wife / mr.stpete and stpete and not as mom and dad.
Tamb, you seem to have beef with me today but I'm not going to argue with you. The feelings I have for my husband are different than I've had for any man, and that was from the start. We've actually grown more passionate than ever, but it didn't start that way.
Since when is it unreasonable for a spouse to voice something that they want out of a marriage?
*backs out of this bc I'm in no mood for a fight*
It's not. If St. Pete wants to post about it on here all day long she is welcome to do so and no one will judge her (at least, I won't). I just think it would be foolish to encourage her to ride this out and actually break up her family because her marriage lacks passion.
I don't expect butterflies after a decade. Is be nice if he still thought I was hot and wanted to fuck me more than 3 times a month. I've told him how I feel and ok not going to beg or be the only one who ever asks for it. But this isn't going to resolve this here. I'm going to go find a counselor.
If there was ever a time to be fuck crazy about you, this would be it. I mean, look at you. Even I want to bend you over a table.
Sorry to hear this st.pete. I wish I had answers for you - lets meet up for a run one of these weekends, and beer. At the very least it will make you feel better seeing how much faster you are than I am.