I know my Dad's family has always been a little weird about spouses. There were always separate "sibling only" vacations, family pictures without the spouses, etc. I know my Mom didn't like it.
Post by nightandday on May 20, 2014 11:27:57 GMT -5
I absolutely do. My H's family has taken me and my mom in as part of their family. After my dad passed away, it was just me and my mom. We go on family trips together, she's included in every holiday celebration at my in law's house. I truly love H's whole family as if they were my own.
I don't know if I am going to explain this well. I don't necessarily feel like they are my family but I do my very best to make sure I treat them like family.
This is basically where I am at.
FIL I have seen less than a half a dozen times because he lives several states away.
MIL live close (too close) and while she is a lovely lady, she is so needy, plays the helpless flower and makes excuses for her behavior too much for me to have much respect for her. When DH and I got engaged, she was all "now I have a daughter to have lunch and gossip with." Um, no. That isn't me. I don't gossip with my own mother. So I think she is a bit disappointed that we aren't closer. I do call her Mom XXXXX, mainly because I think it would hurt her feelings if I didn't and I think she would be surprised to learn I don't think of her as a second mom.
I have seen BIL once at GMIL's funeral. He and DH don't speak because DH cut him out of his life years ago. He is a toxic jackass.
DH loves my family but not sure if he considers them "his family."
Post by firedancer49 on May 20, 2014 11:31:11 GMT -5
It depends on who in his family we are talking about. I don't think my mil makes any effort anymore, while the rest of my in-laws are amazing. So I do feel like most of his family is my family. He absolutely feels that my family is his.
Post by amandakisser on May 20, 2014 11:52:16 GMT -5
my H's family is definitely my family - I attend multiple events and holidays with them whether or not he is around (he's a cop and works a crazy schedule). I almost always choose to spend my holidays with them because they're much more accommodating and lovely than my own family. My H 100% does NOT consider my family his family (outside of my siblings and parents). They've pretty much made it known from day 1 that he wasn't really accepted into the family because of his profession, his tattoos, and because he doesn't allow them to dictate how he spends his holidays/life/family time. Hell, am slowly pulling myself away from them because I'm realizing how dysfunctional they are...
Yes, they're my family, but I suppose I don't feel like they're another mom/dad/set of siblings. More like close aunt/uncle/cousins ... if that makes sense.
ETA: Although they do treat me like one of their children.
No way. I barely speak to them and generally don't ask him about them (and I'm sure they never ask about me, this is a two way street). We rarely see them, and my H isn't that fond of them either.
It's really not about liking/loving them IMO (although I don't really). But with my family, I feel like I don't have to censor myself or act a certain way. I can hang out in my pajamas, look a mess, or be sloppy drunk in front of them without worrying what they'll think of me. My family is loud, loving, very close, and I just will never feel that way about H's family. I think H does consider my family to be his family, but that has a lot more to do with the way they treat him like family.
I don't know if I am going to explain this well. I don't necessarily feel like they are my family but I do my very best to make sure I treat them like family.
Yes. I would definitely say that H is closer with my family than I am with his, but I was lucky to marry a man with an immediate and extended family who are very welcoming and open.
Not really. His grandma raised him, but she died before I could meet her. He doesn't speak to his mother and his father is dead. He is close with his aunt and uncle, and I like them a lot, but they don't really feel like MY aunt and uncle. I'm not sure why.
Post by amberlyrose on May 20, 2014 13:40:22 GMT -5
His aunt and sister are like family to me. I'm sure his mom would've been too because we got along really well before she passed. I don't get along with his dad AT ALL.
apalettepassion.wordpress.com/ WHO IS BONQUIQUI!?!?!?!??!
"I was thinking about getting off on demand, but it sounds like I should be glad that I didn't"
Post by marylennox on May 20, 2014 14:04:41 GMT -5
Yes, I do consider them my family. It is slightly different though. I'm not sure how to explain it.
H and I both think of each others family as our own, but when it comes down to it I think we would both choose to spend time with our own side over the other persons because that is where we are more comfortable. So we do our best to spend equal amounts of time with all.