I know it's almost always very well meaning, but think it's kind of presumptuous, because the religious person is assuming that it would be helpful and comforting to hear that.
I wouldn't say I find it offensive, but I wish religious people would take that into account.
Post by aussiecrush on Aug 12, 2014 8:38:13 GMT -5
I really don't differentiate between "You're in my prayers" and "I'm thinking of you", so it wouldn't offend me. Both are meant to offer comfort and support.
Can I do a spin off post and say something that does bother me?
When we experienced our miscarriages (4 of them) On the 4th someone said to me "It's all in god's plan." That stung like no other. To have someone tell me their god took my children away from me because it was his plan just was incomprehensible to me. That sentiment just was a knife to the heart and was of no comfort to me at all.
I hated this when I was going through IF. I had so many people tell me that it was God's plan that I wasn't meant to be a Mom. Thankfully, science helped me.
Hugs! I'm sorry you had to hear that!!! And so greatful that science helped you. I have to say IF solifidied my atheism. I'd say I was likely a floater between Agnostic and Atheist, IF and our losses put me over the edge. Sorry that's a sidebar topic I realize.
I wouldn't say it offends me because I know they are saying it from their heart however I think it's a cop-out. Having someone say "If you need anything, let me know" or making a casserole dish in the event of a family death means WAY more to me than saying you'll "pray for me". When my grandmother died last year, it really warmed my heart when people would stop by my parents house and drop off food.
Post by dragonfly08 on Aug 12, 2014 8:54:08 GMT -5
Doesn't bother me, but doesn't comfort me, either, since I don't believe in it. Like pps have said, a direct reference to G-d's will/plan/whatever might be less welcome (although I do believe in G-d despite my lack of other religious foundation...I simply think that's a relationship strictly between me and a higher power, not for anyone else to interpret for me).
I'm also one who is not bothered by it but it does comfort me because I know the person cares enough about me to include my issues in their prayers. Of course I don't believe in the power of prayer or in a god, but to that person who does believe it's a very nice thing for them to do.
We have very devout friends and the wife said to me one day that she prays for our IF issues and she hopes that does not offend us. It didn't and I told her how much it meant that she supported us. When we got pregnant finally she was happy but never brought up "gods work or gods plan"
As long as there is mutual respect between the two beliefs I'm fine with it.
Full explanation: I may have been offended, even as of a few months ago. But after my father passed away I had a very good talk with my psychiatrist about how I was having trouble with peoples condolences. Hearing "I'm sorry" was hard, because I couldn't figure out if I was even sorry. But he helped me understand that when people are extending their sympathies they tie it to thoughts and beliefs that they have. So, if a "normal" person heard that ones father passed away they think about how they would feel if it were to happen to them. And of course for a "normal" person it's sorrow. So, even though they don't know the whole story, they're just trying to be nice extend their kindness. I now see offers to pray the same way. If someone religious does this to me (an athiest) it's because prayer comforts them and they're trying to comfort me.
Post by juliagoulia on Aug 12, 2014 9:44:49 GMT -5
I don't find this offensive at all, and I always say 'thank you'. Basically any time someone expresses that they hope positive things for me and they are empathetic- I welcome that kind of stuff.
The only time I get offended/ incredibly pissed is with the talk of "God's plan" re; horrible things. Like when I was talking to my mom about my best friend losing her daughter and my mom started with the "we just don't know God's plan....." I shut that shit down real quick.
Post by EmilieMadison on Aug 12, 2014 9:50:19 GMT -5
The only time I feel offended is when the "I'm praying for you" comes from a person who doesn't give a shit about my personal beliefs. Those people come off as so disingenuous and their prayers seem like a form of retaliation rather than comfort and care.
Post by Ohhmm(bligo) on Aug 12, 2014 10:02:36 GMT -5
I am staunchly atheist, and it doesn't bother me at all, it flatters me.
I don't care if *I* don't believe you're talking to anybody, the fact that you would still take time to think of me and try to help me is touching. Plus, even though I don't believe in The Secret or any of that bullshit, I still think that sending out good vibes and pushing for someone to pull through could never hurt.
"You. You and your crazy life. You and your geographic anomaly. You and your drunken lesbianic ways and terrible navigational skills." - ProfArt and her holy baby
It's akin to someone saying, "I'm going to blow some bubbles your way. From another city. In another state. And you'll never see these bubbles, nor are they of any use to anyone. But, bubbles."
But you can waste your time how you see fit. Listening and helping are usually more effective, IME.
Post by CheshireGrin on Aug 12, 2014 10:06:56 GMT -5
Not at all. I take it in the spirit in which it is intended.
Now, if you say you're going to pray for me in the sense of "I'm praying your soul will be saved" then THAT I find offensive. But not if you're just offering support in a tough time.
Can I do a spin off post and say something that does bother me?
When we experienced our miscarriages (4 of them) On the 4th someone said to me "It's all in god's plan." That stung like no other. To have someone tell me their god took my children away from me because it was his plan just was incomprehensible to me. That sentiment just was a knife to the heart and was of no comfort to me at all.
I'm a Christian, and I am kind of jaw-dropped at someone telling you that. I am so sorry.
I am staunchly atheist, and it doesn't bother me at all, it flatters me.
I don't care if *I* don't believe you're talking to anybody, the fact that you would still take time to think of me and try to help me is touching. Plus, even though I don't believe in The Secret or any of that bullshit, I still think that sending out good vibes and pushing for someone to pull through could never hurt.
Yes. I may not believe in your god, or believe that prayer actually accomplishes anything, but I find it touching and meaningful that YOU believe it will help me, and that you would take the time and energy to do so.
I am staunchly atheist, and it doesn't bother me at all, it flatters me.
I don't care if *I* don't believe you're talking to anybody, the fact that you would still take time to think of me and try to help me is touching. Plus, even though I don't believe in The Secret or any of that bullshit, I still think that sending out good vibes and pushing for someone to pull through could never hurt.
Yes. I may not believe in your god, or believe that prayer actually accomplishes anything, but I find it touching and meaningful that YOU believe it will help me, and that you would take the time and energy to do so.
Oo, thanks for getting that PERFECTLY. I couldn't figure out if I was making sense or not (a valid Ombligo concern.)
Tangentially related: H and I used to have a Catholic church as a client. We would be working in the office, and along the giant row of old skool filing cabinets sat two GIANT ferns, in a constant state of half-death. I laughed every.time.
"You. You and your crazy life. You and your geographic anomaly. You and your drunken lesbianic ways and terrible navigational skills." - ProfArt and her holy baby
Post by workaholic on Aug 12, 2014 10:17:40 GMT -5
No. Prayer is powerful, and, to me, equates to positive thinking. I truly believe in the power of positive thinking. I would consider myself a very spiritual person, I just don't align my views with any organized religion. I don't feel they're mutually exclusive though.
Post by PinkSquirrel on Aug 12, 2014 10:17:53 GMT -5
It grates on my last nerve when people do it. If you tell me that you're praying for me, at least on some level you're suggesting that I should give a flying fuck that you're praying about me. It's that assumption that I should care that I find offensive. If you want to pray for me you go right on with your bad self, but once you tell me you're doing it, then you're making the suggestion that I should care about it, which would require some type of caring or believing in your god. Assuming I believe in the same god as you or any god at all is offensive.
Post by sparkythelawyer on Aug 12, 2014 10:19:04 GMT -5
Good intentions are good intentions. Someone letting me know, however they choose to do so, that they're pulling for me is always appreciated, even if they don't phrase it perhaps the way I need it.
Can I do a spin off post and say something that does bother me?
When we experienced our miscarriages (4 of them) On the 4th someone said to me "It's all in god's plan." That stung like no other. To have someone tell me their god took my children away from me because it was his plan just was incomprehensible to me. That sentiment just was a knife to the heart and was of no comfort to me at all.
Nah, see that? That's what gets people kicked in their face.
Oh wait, that's just what I would do in response :-)
Good intentions are good intentions. Someone letting me know, however they choose to do so, that they're pulling for me is always appreciated, even if they don't phrase it perhaps the way I need it.
Yeah but they're not, that's a bullshit cop out statement. People can have all kinds of good intentions that ultimately oppress people, they just don't notice it's happening from up on their privileged perch.
Yeah but they're not, that's a bullshit cop out statement. People can have all kinds of good intentions that ultimately oppress people, they just don't notice it's happening from up on their privileged perch.
I think you have some anger issues.
No, I just think people cloaking behavior I view as ultimately oppressive in "good intentions" is ridiculous. Intentions mean very little.