Ok, but my whole point is that's not how I'm praying for you is always said and because of that even when it's said nicely it can feel less than awesome for some people
I have the opposite problem. I'm not religious and can never think of anything to say other than "thoughts and prayers," which is a half-lie. I'm not praying for you, but I will keep you in my thoughts. But that's not very eloquent.
I can relate to this since I'm not into actual praying. But I kind of equate it with good thoughts/vibes. I guess positive vibes, to me, what prayers are for others.
I am not at all following how these are the same. One is just wishing someone well, the other is wishing them well, while shoehorning religion into a conversation that has nothing to do with religion.
In my lifetime I can't remember a single time someone has said they were praying for me when some bad shit was going down, though it's possible it was said and I just had too much going on to notice. When I think about hearing "I'm praying for you" the jumble of moments that come to mind involve me being told in some passive aggressive manner that I am less than someone else because I don't believe in the same god they do. If it was only ever said nicely then it may not be that big of a deal, but in reality it's not always used just as well wishes.
Also, are we pretending that there isn't a whole pile of Christians who constantly tell people they're praying for them that would get supremely butt hurt if someone said "I'm praying to Mohammed for you?"
Okay, while you threw the 'I'm tolerant because look at me mentioning Mohammed.' card out there--you're actually not being very tolerant of those Christians who may actually just be trying to send you good thoughts without trying to convert you. I know the Christians that you're worried about--using *every* moment to force J.C. on people--they're out there, but they're not all of them. People really believe that prayer just means that. Prayer. Positive thoughts. Good stuff. They think their God can make that happen for you. So what.
Yeah, that's not why I tossed it out there. I'm not always tolerant. Clearly.
Yeah, that's not why I tossed it out there. I'm not always tolerant. Clearly.
Were you raised around intensely religious and intolerant people or something? I can get a wild hair in my ass about religion, don't get me wrong. Just curious.
Yes, I basically said as much earlier. My extended family are some of the shittiest people on the planet and they justify every last bit of it with their Christianity. They're also involved in the business of religion and that has afforded me the great pleasure of sitting at tables with some even more horrifyingly awful people
PinkSquirrel I was wondering if anyone felt offended by it and I thank you for answering me honestly. I appreciate your point of view. I never want to stay it to someone and make them feel worse in a dark time.
I'm praying that pinksquirrel gets a Xanax in her, then comes back and re-reads the thread. Simmer down, punch something, have sex, have a drink, do yoga...something. Sheesh.
If you're telling me that you'll pray that I welcome Jesus into my heart or that you'll pray for my soul? Those are offensive. If you're telling me that you're praying for a resolution to my pain/problems? That's okay. I don't think it does anything, but I appreciate the spirit in which it's said.
For me, it's the equivalent of patting me on the head and walking away. It's more for your benefit than mine. I will fully admit that this attitude is a result of IF and loss. People are just so tone deaf with the subject.
Post by trixiedicksnatch on Aug 12, 2014 21:58:16 GMT -5
My prayers for people are genuine as fuck.
If I'm gonna pray for you I'm legit going to pray for you in whatever capacity.
It's not condescending, and it's not rude, it's me offering support.
Fuck man. How is this even an issue? Ok cool you don't believe in god or feel like your version of god is different than mine who fucking cares?? I'm willing to add you to my own personal prays and you want to get offended? No
If I'm gonna pray for you I'm legit going to pray for you in whatever capacity.
It's not condescending, and it's not rude, it's me offering support.
Fuck man. How is this even an issue? Ok cool you don't believe it god or feel like your version of god is different of mine who fucking cares?? I'm willing to add you to my own personal prays and you want to get offended? No
That's fucking rude.
Merry fucking Christmas
I hear you, and I have no doubt of your sincerity or goodwill. But if you want to pray for someone, go to it.
Why tell them about it, if you're not sure they will be helped or comforted by knowing that?
That said, I generally take no offense. I have a hard time being offended when someone is trying to be nice.
If I'm gonna pray for you I'm legit going to pray for you in whatever capacity.
It's not condescending, and it's not rude, it's me offering support.
Fuck man. How is this even an issue? Ok cool you don't believe it god or feel like your version of god is different of mine who fucking cares?? I'm willing to add you to my own personal prays and you want to get offended? No
That's fucking rude.
Merry fucking Christmas
I hear you, and I have no doubt of your sincerity or goodwill. But if you want to pray for someone, go to it.
Why tell them about it, if you're not sure they will be helped or comforted by knowing that?
That said, I generally take no offense. I have a hard time being offended when someone is trying to be nice.
Because people often ask for good thoughts or vibes.
I don't randomly walk up to people and go "oh no honey that outfit?? Ill pray for you."
I pray for many people who have never asked and I would never tell them.
I'm not even some religious zealot. I just truly believe in the power of prayer.
Are people in here assuming that someone is randomly walking up to a person and saying "I'm praying for you", for no rhyme or reason? Because that's what it seems like.
Not to me, no. But I believe in a higher being just not organized "religion".
I usually stick with "I'll be thinking of you/sending you good thoughts". Since there's less of a chance to offend someone by keeping them in my thoughts.
Lots of my family "prays" for me bc I'm a non church going heathen. It very much depends on circumstances, IMO.
This. A lot of it depends on who said it and how.
Generally no. I appreciate the sentiment when it comes from someone who truly means it as a nice gesture, not as a "I'm praying for your soul".
Ok, but my whole point is that's not how I'm praying for you is always said and because of that even when it's said nicely it can feel less than awesome for some people
Would you rather have someone say wow I'm sorry sucks to be you.
For me it really depends on the intent behind the sentiment. For example, my extremely pious (cough) sister likes to insert God or Jesus into any conversation she has with me, even though she knows my feelings about our faith are conflicted at best. I don't consider myself an overly dramatic person, but her religious sentiments are so forceful sometimes they feel like an attack, and she's not dumb, so there's no doubt in my mind she's doing it on purpose.
But I think she's the exception, not the rule, and 99% of the time I appreciate that someone will make room on their prayer list for me if I am having a hard time.
My jaw only clenches when I hear things like God does not give us more than we can handle, or It's part of God's plan, etc. And even then I brush those things off.
Are people in here assuming that someone is randomly walking up to a person and saying "I'm praying for you", for no rhyme or reason? Because that's what it seems like.
Ok, but my whole point is that's not how I'm praying for you is always said and because of that even when it's said nicely it can feel less than awesome for some people
Would you rather have someone say wow I'm sorry sucks to be you.
If someone thought they were trying to nice and said "Wow, I'm sorry. Sucks to be you" you wouldn't think that was nice even though the intention wasn't to be ass. Same thing for me with people telling me about any praying they're doing for me. Intention doesn't matter to me, it's the words I find bothersome.
Post by delawarejen on Aug 13, 2014 10:57:12 GMT -5
I wouldn't say offended is the right word, as I realize most people aren't trying to be offensive. (I have gotten it as an insult though). I just would greatly prefer that people not tell me that they're praying for me. Don't drag me into your religious practices, kwim? Especially when I'm hurting, don't make me spend additional energy dealing with your beliefs. I don't mind "I'll be thinking of you" nearly as much, although I don't particularly care for it.
When my grandmother passed away and the group card at work was over 80% messages about prayer, it made me feel alienated and different and alone, like people couldn't be bothered to look past themselves and think about what I wanted (or even realize that not everyone has the same religious beliefs they do.) Of course, at my office the response to "I don't celebrate Easter" was "Are you Jewish?", and the response to the black cat Halloween beanie baby on my desk in October was "Do you worship Satan?", so I don't work with the most sensitive people anyway.
I wouldn't say offended is the right word, as I realize most people aren't trying to be offensive. (I have gotten it as an insult though). I just would greatly prefer that people not tell me that they're praying for me. Don't drag me into your religious practices, kwim? Especially when I'm hurting, don't make me spend additional energy dealing with your beliefs. I don't mind "I'll be thinking of you" nearly as much, although I don't particularly care for it.
When my grandmother passed away and the group card at work was over 80% messages about prayer, it made me feel alienated and different and alone, like people couldn't be bothered to look past themselves and think about what I wanted (or even realize that not everyone has the same religious beliefs they do.) Of course, at my office the response to "I don't celebrate Easter" was "Are you Jewish?", and the response to the black cat Halloween beanie baby on my desk in October was "Do you worship Satan?", so I don't work with the most sensitive people anyway.
Do you work with idiots? Because this seems like a pretty big stretch even for Christians.
I can understand why the card made you feel alienated. But when you say people coudln't be bothered to think about what you wanted, what do you want? You say that you particularly care for "I'll be thinking of you" either - would you prefer people not say anything?
Yes, I work with people who are idiots regarding religion. Like the one who put up a Christmas card, crossed out Jesus and wrote in "Christ Emmanuel, his real name" and then left the card up year-round in the hallway. She was in a doomsday cult the last we saw of her, before she took early retirement.
I would actually prefer that people not say anything, but I'm okay with "I'll be thinking of you" - it just seems odd, unless I'm quite close to the person and I know that they really will be thinking of me as they go about their life.