I say it to people I know will find it comforting and not to people who won't. I don't see the point in telling someone who has had bad experiences with religion that I am praying for them since it won't comfort them. My BIL is an atheist with a negative history with religion. He would not have appreciated me telling him I was praying for him when he had cancer, so I didn't, even though I did pray for him. He specifically did not tell many people about his illness because he did not want everyone's expressions of sympathy. I sometimes feel the same way about not wanting a lot of expressions of sympathy.
If someone thought they were trying to nice and said "Wow, I'm sorry. Sucks to be you" you wouldn't think that was nice even though the intention wasn't to be ass. Same thing for me with people telling me about any praying they're doing for me. Intention doesn't matter to me, it's the words I find bothersome.
"Sucks to be you" is never a nice thing to say. It's laughable that you would argue otherwise. And no, it's not the same thing as saying "you're in my prayers" regardless of intent. Are you serious with this? Or are you just digging your heels in for the fight?
Of course it isn't. "Would you rather someone say it sucks to be you" was a ridiculous comment, so it got a ridiculous response.
I wouldn't say offended is the right word, as I realize most people aren't trying to be offensive. (I have gotten it as an insult though). I just would greatly prefer that people not tell me that they're praying for me. Don't drag me into your religious practices, kwim? Especially when I'm hurting, don't make me spend additional energy dealing with your beliefs. I don't mind "I'll be thinking of you" nearly as much, although I don't particularly care for it.
When my grandmother passed away and the group card at work was over 80% messages about prayer, it made me feel alienated and different and alone, like people couldn't be bothered to look past themselves and think about what I wanted (or even realize that not everyone has the same religious beliefs they do.) Of course, at my office the response to "I don't celebrate Easter" was "Are you Jewish?", and the response to the black cat Halloween beanie baby on my desk in October was "Do you worship Satan?", so I don't work with the most sensitive people anyway.
Do you work with idiots? Because this seems like a pretty big stretch even for Christians.
I can understand why the card made you feel alienated. But when you say people coudln't be bothered to think about what you wanted, what do you want? You say that you particularly care for "I'll be thinking of you" either - would you prefer people not say anything?
This is exactly my MIL and a LOT of DH's family. They are adamantly, staunchly against anything that can even in a remote way be related to what they'd call "pagan" because pagan=devil. My MIL is against incense. I'm not kidding. She even sent me a page from the site www.gotquestions.org/Christian-incense.html after she saw the incense in our house. And you can forget Halloween decorations. I truly envy people who don't have any wack jobs that they have to deal with on a regular basis. We have to do a cleanse of our house before inlaws come over, lol.
It's harder to not let family get under your skin, but co-workers and just random people? Take it as a compliment and move on. No need to be offended because really in most cases, people don't mean it to be anything other than good intentions.
This is exactly my MIL and a LOT of DH's family. They are adamantly, staunchly against anything that can even in a remote way be related to what they'd call "pagan" because pagan=devil. My MIL is against incense. I'm not kidding. She even sent me a page from the site www.gotquestions.org/Christian-incense.html after she saw the incense in our house. And you can forget Halloween decorations. I truly envy people who don't have any wack jobs that they have to deal with on a regular basis. We have to do a cleanse of our house before inlaws come over, lol.
My parents are like this too. They won't say "bless you" when someone sneezes. They don't clink glasses and/or make toasts. They don't use the phrase "good luck." It's all pagan and therefore evil.
I forgot about the glasses clinking! DH warned me before our wedding that MIL would be freaking out over people doing that so I was supposed to pass it around that they shouldn't. :? uh no.
Before they come over, I have to put away my candles that look like they could be new age-y, incense, my Anglican prayer beads, any fall type Halloween decorations, at Christmas the dining room table yule log, hide the alcohol in the garage under a tarp. Let me tell you. Fun times with those inlaws, lol.
My parents are like this too. They won't say "bless you" when someone sneezes. They don't clink glasses and/or make toasts. They don't use the phrase "good luck." It's all pagan and therefore evil.
I forgot about the glasses clinking! DH warned me before our wedding that MIL would be freaking out over people doing that so I was supposed to pass it around that they shouldn't. :? uh no.
Before they come over, I have to put away my candles that look like they could be new age-y, incense, my Anglican prayer beads, any fall type Halloween decorations, at Christmas the dining room table yule log, hide the alcohol in the garage under a tarp. Let me tell you. Fun times with those inlaws, lol.
Good grief. Would it cause WWIII if you didn't? I mean, your house, your domain to do with what you please. If they're not comfortable, then they can have you over. What does your H think about this?
My parents are like this too. They won't say "bless you" when someone sneezes. They don't clink glasses and/or make toasts. They don't use the phrase "good luck." It's all pagan and therefore evil.
I forgot about the glasses clinking! DH warned me before our wedding that MIL would be freaking out over people doing that so I was supposed to pass it around that they shouldn't. :? uh no.
Before they come over, I have to put away my candles that look like they could be new age-y, incense, my Anglican prayer beads, any fall type Halloween decorations, at Christmas the dining room table yule log, hide the alcohol in the garage under a tarp. Let me tell you. Fun times with those inlaws, lol.
Cold day in hell that I'd be doing that. To me that's so disrespectful to you because what if you were of that belief, you're supposed to respect theirs but they can't respect yours? Girl at this point I'd keep it all out maybe they won't come to visit ever again or learn to... you know suck it up buttercup
I forgot about the glasses clinking! DH warned me before our wedding that MIL would be freaking out over people doing that so I was supposed to pass it around that they shouldn't. :? uh no.
Before they come over, I have to put away my candles that look like they could be new age-y, incense, my Anglican prayer beads, any fall type Halloween decorations, at Christmas the dining room table yule log, hide the alcohol in the garage under a tarp. Let me tell you. Fun times with those inlaws, lol.
Wait, what?? But they're coming over to *your* house.
I do it for my DH because really after 14 years of marriage, I'm over it. But to him it's easier to spend a few minutes hiding stuff rather than listen to MIL go on about how we are letting evil into our house. They already had a shit fit when we became Episcopalians years ago. Because it's too much like Catholic and Catholics are going to hell for idol worship. I have a rosary given to me by my grandmother that MIL would freak out over if she knew about. It's easy to ignore crazy when it comes from acquaintances or co-workers but it can really be offensive coming from family. If my MIL saw the "pagan" things, she'd definitely let us know she was praying for us and not in a nice way but because she thinks our souls are damned.
DH would never admit it but he's terrified of his mother. He says he just doesn't want to hear her shit, but I think it's more than that. He's afraid of her wrath. Think the mom from the movie Carrie. Seriously she's that bad. She will Fire and Brimstone your ass up and down if there is anything that she deems as evil. This includes all Harry Potter books. Something else we have to hide.
Believe me I know it's nuts. I do it for him because if it was anyone on my side, fuck em.
But for the OP, really I do think that aside from a few fringe nutjobs like my MIL, most people mean I'll pray for you in a sincerely nice way.
Wait, what?? But they're coming over to *your* house.
I do it for my DH because really after 14 years of marriage, I'm over it. But to him it's easier to spend a few minutes hiding stuff rather than listen to MIL go on about how we are letting evil into our house. They already had a shit fit when we became Episcopalians years ago. Because it's too much like Catholic and Catholics are going to hell for idol worship. I have a rosary given to me by my grandmother that MIL would freak out over if she knew about. It's easy to ignore crazy when it comes from acquaintances or co-workers but it can really be offensive coming from family. If my MIL saw the "pagan" things, she'd definitely let us know she was praying for us and not in a nice way but because she thinks our souls are damned.
DH would never admit it but he's terrified of his mother. He says he just doesn't want to hear her shit, but I think it's more than that. He's afraid of her wrath. Think the mom from the movie Carrie. Seriously she's that bad. She will Fire and Brimstone your ass up and down if there is anything that she deems as evil. This includes all Harry Potter books. Something else we have to hide.
Believe me I know it's nuts. I do it for him because if it was anyone on my side, fuck em.
But for the OP, really I do think that aside from a few fringe nutjobs like my MIL, most people mean I'll pray for you in a sincerely nice way.
If she's that bad, then I'd minimize any time with them and do it either at their house or a neutral location. Fuck that hiding bullshit. She sounds toxic. You shouldn't have to hide shit from your mom when you're a god damn adult. Cutting those apron strings is long overdue.
I totally agree. I can honestly say that she has been the cause of a good 75% of arguments I've had with DH in the past 16 years we've been together. Thankfully they are only here maybe 3 times a year so at least I don't have to hide our life too often. It's nuts.
You're in my thoughts is my secret code for I'm praying for you.
This is why I don't really understand why people are offended by "You're in my prayers/I'm praying for you" (aside from the rude ones with poor intentions, praying for your evil soul).
If you aren't religious/spiritual/believe in prayer/God, then prayer is meaningless anyway, right? So, really the person is just thinking about you, and maybe saying it aloud or writing it in a prayer journal. At that point, isn't it all the same anyway to the non-believer? It's not projecting a religion onto anyone or done to make anyone (or the vast majority) feel better about themselves, it's simply saying that the person is thinking of you. Some people choose to share those thoughts with a god who they feel hears them, others just think it and leave it at that.
Post by EllieArroway on Aug 16, 2014 0:16:54 GMT -5
There is only one person who grates on my nerves when she says that, and it is because when she found out that I didn't believe in god she threw this big fit that ended with her saying she would pray for my soul, and since that day she CONSTANTLY tells me that she's praying for me. Like, she'll comment on a picture of my kids with "you are so blessed. Keeping your family in our prayers!" Before the topic of my religious beliefs came up she was never like that, so I know she is doing it because she knows I don't believe. Maybe she truly thinks it will change my mind or save me or something. Regardless, it's obnoxious. She is family so I just ignore her. It's annoying but not worth losing my relationship with her kids over.
But in general it does not bother me at all. Most people are genuinely trying to help and I appreciate that. I am thankful for the love and good thoughts even if I don't necessarily believe that they will help. Just knowing that someone cares means a lot.
Not really, I guess I prefer " you're in my thoughts".
You're in my thoughts is my secret code for I'm praying for you.
huh? no it's not. I am not religious and this is what I say. I mean it. I am thinking of the person. I do not pray. eta: i didn't read past this before I responded, sorry!