BRB BURNING MY HOUSE DOWN

[styme46]

Sept 8, 2014 21:59:01 GMT -5 speckledfrog said:

Sept 8, 2014 21:57:47 GMT -5 lilybug said:

IT'S GONE.

**heavens open and angels sing**

Now I just have to acquire some selective amnesia.

Yay!  Now we can start laughing about how your dad probably shit his pants when he saw it in there.

I'm trying to play out different scenarios in my head. I wish I knew what went through his head when it saw it there still.

Wait, it, no I don't.

[silva]

Dh just asked where the flashlight was.....

I had visions....

Turns out he needed it to see if puppy was peeing outside.

[05heel]

Your BF needs to pat him down every time he comes over. And get a sextoy-sniffing dog for good measure.

[lilybug]

Sept 8, 2014 22:04:06 GMT -5 05heel said:

Your BF needs to pat him down every time he comes over. And get a sextoy-sniffing dog for good measure.

Oh man. I wish my dog wasn't so old and lazy. I should have snuck her down the hallway and tried to get her to grab it for me.

[05heel]

Sept 8, 2014 22:05:39 GMT -5 lilybug said:

Sept 8, 2014 22:04:06 GMT -5 05heel said:

Your BF needs to pat him down every time he comes over. And get a sextoy-sniffing dog for good measure.

Oh man. I wish my dog wasn't so old and lazy. I should have snuck her down the hallway and tried to get her to grab it for me.

She could have dropped it at his feet like today's newspaper!

[Ohhmm(bligo)]

Sept 8, 2014 22:05:39 GMT -5 lilybug said:

Sept 8, 2014 22:04:06 GMT -5 05heel said:

Your BF needs to pat him down every time he comes over. And get a sextoy-sniffing dog for good measure.

Oh man. I wish my dog wasn't so old and lazy. I should have snuck her down the hallway and tried to get her to grab it for me.

Hot dog down a hallway.  I hate everything about tonight.

[lilybug]

I'm not sure I will ever have sex again. Oh no, doc, we don't need to discuss birth control after baby, I'm actually celibate thanks to finding my dad's fleshlight.

[lulu13]

I'm only on page 4 but you have to leave it where you found it!!! He can never know that you saw it or touched it. I'm so squirmy over this . You have to pretend you never saw it.

[JayhawkGirl]

DO NOT LET HIM DRIVE CARPOOL TOMORROW!!!

I feel awful for you but this has been one of the funniest threads in a while. Have any lysol? Just lysol bomb the bathroom tonight after everyone has gone to bed.

[Yankees21]

Omg! I'm sorry Lily to get so much pleasure from your pain but this thread is gold. I had to read it to my H because I kept cackling.

[Muddled]

Sept 8, 2014 22:11:17 GMT -5 lilybug said:

I'm not sure I will ever have sex again. Oh no, doc, we don't need to discuss birth control after baby, I'm actually celibate thanks to finding my dad's fleshlight.

Well, we know how your dad handles a night of celibacy.

It's not with his hands.

[sewf]

Sept 8, 2014 22:18:28 GMT -5 mofongo said:

Sept 8, 2014 22:15:31 GMT -5 peachy said:

Chin up. My FI has one and my vagina is fantastic!

It just gives me a break every once in a while, but again, mine is a mouth!

If my H didn't have one, I'd be sore all the time. Or annoyed because he has a WAY higher sex drive than me and will pester me.

[elleblue]

Sept 8, 2014 21:27:07 GMT -5 bab said:

Sept 8, 2014 21:19:09 GMT -5 Jermys said:

My H didn't know what a fleshlight was. L. M. A. O.

I didn't either...I figured it was some light used to check for lice or something.  Why the fuck is it called that?  "Fleshlight?"  That's a dumb name for a pretend cooch.  

That's because when it first came out, it was all about it being in disguise. It had (has?) a cap so it could be mistaken for a flashlight - or at least that was the idea, lol. 

And the only reason I know so much about them was because they were a big joke among the guys at my high school. Guys were always ribbing (no pun intended) each other about taking a fleshlight camping, etc. 

[meganew]

This is my favorite thread I've ever read on here. Thank you for this.

[aussiecrush]

This trumps finding out my dad cross dresses. At least that wasn't in my house. Maybe your dad will spring for movers?

[elleblue]

Sept 8, 2014 21:31:39 GMT -5 nahoku said:

HEY GUYZ.

Omg. I think this is even better* than the sparkly Twilight dildo you can stick in the freezer. 

*worse

[meganew]

Also, I'm posting from bed, literally a foot away from my H's flesh light.

[Deleted]

OMG! I'm dying for you, but this is the funniest thread I've read in a long time!

[shostakovich]

Sept 8, 2014 21:57:47 GMT -5 lilybug said:

IT'S GONE.

**heavens open and angels sing**

Now I just have to acquire some selective amnesia.

Alright, I think this calls for a local MLer to come hit you over over the head with a tube sock full of oranges. Maybe someone sciencey, who knows how to aim for the short-term memory lobe?

[mudslide]

Best thread ever.

[lilybug]

I can't decide whether or not to tell my bf.

He will notice the lack of eye contact eventually... but I also don't want to burden anyone else with this information.

[lilybug]

Sept 8, 2014 22:43:02 GMT -5 nicbreeful said:

Sept 8, 2014 22:34:18 GMT -5 lilybug said:

I can't decide whether or not to tell my bf.

He will notice the lack of eye contact eventually... but I also don't want to burden anyone else with this information.

After telling the 20,000 people that visit this forum.. What's one more gonna hurt?

Well, you guys will never have to shake his hand.

[FrozenSunshine]

My mom has been in a terrible mood over needing knee surgery. I called my mom to read her this to get her to laugh and started the call saying "I don't want to know if dad has one and this is your warning that if he does have this or any other things to please leave your toybox at home when you visit."

She was dying laughing and spit out her soda. I'm sorry for your trauma tonight, but please know you helped an old lady laugh.

[speckledfrog]

You have to tell him. Share the burden. Share it!

[overture]

NO.  You can't say anything.


This never happened.

[bohemianmango]

I found this on yahoo answers. There are ways to make a fleshlight less conspicuous. Maybe tell your dad to buy some Pringles?




How can i make a makeshift FLESHLIGHT case by myself?

i bought a fleshlight sleeve and forgot to include the actual case..... would an empty pringles can work? or what

[nursewife]

I'm dying at this thread! I would never be able to make eye contact again.

[styme46]

I asked my h if he knew what it was and he said "a flashlight?" Uh, no, honey. So then he said "one of those lights a doctor puts next to your finger to see through it?" Nope, wrong again babe. So then I had to show him and tell him why I wanted to know. He died laughing.

I'm oddly relieved he doesn't know what it is.

[elleblue]

Sept 8, 2014 23:16:57 GMT -5 nicbreeful said:

This totally reminds me.. Who was the nestie whose FIL stayed the night and ordered two PPV pornos on their dime and didn't mention it? And they didn't know until the bill came and it was 30 bucks more than usual. Who was that?

I'm pretty sure that was killercupcake. 

[silva]

The base of one looks like a camera lens.